Talking Fast
like a bumblebee avoiding rain, is a girl named Mariah. What’s your name? Couldn’t hear in the bathroom… Her name’s Shanequa, says Aaliyah. She stands here, two inches taller since last we talked.
Mariah Says
I gotta cousin name Shanequa, half-cousin. Aaliyah says, Leave her alone, Mariah. Huh? You all up in her face! Let her breathe fresh air. My breath stinks? Yes! My breath don’t stink! Everybody laughs. Aaliyah in charge here. Yo, y’all, Shanequa my homie. Her daddy hood famous! We fam, you feel me? She gives me a wink. Don’t be ’fraid, a’ight? Nobody gonna mess with you.
Aaliyah Is Almost
six feet tall. If she wanted, she could model, but that’s not her thing, ’less she’s modeling with basketballs, which could happen. Her daddy Hill Street Crew. Miss Mary and Grandma talk on him, call him George. Daddy call him Boogie-G. He was taller than Aaliyah. LeBron James big, James Harden beard.
I Remember
some summer days, Aaliyah’s dad would buy the ice cream truck man out. Treat everybody in the hood. He threw the illest block parties every Memorial and Labor Day. Bounce castles, DJ, hot dogs, soda, Huggy-drinks, and burgers! All night long! Until somebody called the cops!
Miss Esther
my social worker— she Jamaican/Haitian?— is trying small talk. Do you like Bidwell Academy? Your grades are pretty high. When I go home? Hearing is tomorrow, 9am. Grandma be there? Miss Esther got my school records. She know my family history. How long you’ve been drinking? You do drugs?
Court Date
I’m wearing my own clothing and handcuffs to court. Court’s a big, carpeted room with long table and chairs. Grandma waiting. Pastor Gorham, Mr. Lawyer, too. Handcuffs off, hugging Grandma. I apologize in person. Judge Conklin listens to the lawyer. Miss Esther talks good grades, private school, privileged girls, broken family.
Shanequa Ain’t a Bad Girl
Grandma says. Pastor Gorham talks choir, youth group. Judge talks underage drinking, breath and pee tests positive for alcohol. Assault and underage drinking have consequences. Recommending secure youth detention, thirty days. Mr. Lawyer requests mercy, first offense. Talks personal, emotional, family trauma.
Mr. Lawyer Asks
for community service. Tells judge, Teenage misunderstanding… Judge reveals pictures— Ashley’s broken nose. No deals. Lawyer asks, Electric ankle monitor? Lock me up at home. Judge says no. Miss Esther says Ashley used the N-word. Grandma gasp. Judge says, More self-control needed. Quotes sticks and stones. Says, Anger therapy requested. Return in two weeks. So I stay in Detention.
Mr. Lawyer Says
That went well. Grandma says, How staying in jail for two weeks well? And to me, Why you ain’t tell me Ashley call you out your name? My face gets hot. Eyes wanna cry. Feel them well up. Grandma, Esther, Lawyer raising voices. Pastor Gorham takes hands for prayer. Police walk in, collect me.
Regular School Day in Detention
Miss Barbara brings me to classes. Pink-faced and skinny lady teacher, Miss Leonard, starts us off science and math. Most these girls way behind. Some don’t know they don’t know. Hard believing in yourself if you don’t know what you can do.
Hello Again
After five-minute bathroom break, see the English teacher—Miss Precious! Excited, then embarrassed. Like, what I’m doing here? She’s cool. She don’t flinch, don’t stutter. Good morning, ladies. Sorry I see so many familiar faces. We’ll start class free-writing in journals. Shanequa, hello again. She remembers me? Please pass out these journals.
Please pass out these journals.
What You Mean Free Write?
Aaliyah yells out, like on the playground. Miss Precious says, Write words in your mind. Making sense is not necessary. Write till I say stop.
I Don't Get It
Aaliyah says, pushes on her journal. Can’t think’a nothin’. Miss Precious walks closer. Looks Aaliyah in the eye. Pushes her journal toward her. What do you love? Basketball. Write five lines describing a basketball memory. Aaliyah writes, I dream about basketball all day, every day. Pop loved b-ball. We watch TV, LeBron, or KD. I’m his only child, so he coached me. Gave me knowledge. I was thirsty. Running builds endurance, shooting builds skills.
Christine Is
the cell pacer. Like zoo tigers. Trying to un-puzzle their capture. Miss Leonard couldn’t get Christine to work. Don’t think Miss Precious will either. Christine don’t talk. Except for yelling in her cell. Last night, heard Christine crying. She’s who you stay away from. A nothing-to-lose girl. Her journal stay closed.
Shanequa Is
numb, feels no thing, is away, is gone, is invisible. Shanequa is on view. Looking at who? Shanequa is gone, is not here, is invisible, is spirit, is air, no longer exists. Shanequa is smoke. Shanequa is fog. Shanequa is wind. No one understands who or why I am.
Poetry Assignment
Miss Precious says, Some of you will be out tomorrow. Some of you will be out next week. Some of you will be out next month. For some of you, that’s good. This poetry prompt, “Where I’m From,” helps you define who, what, and where you want to be. We’ll write, then we’ll share.
Where I’m From
by Shanequa O. Stephens
I’m from the East Side, where cigarette wrappers and crushed beer cans roll down the street. I’m from Michael and Lisa and Grandma Cora. I’m from music and shouting in church. Where a choir of sleepy kids would rather be in front of a PlayStation. I’m from food stamps, smoked greens, smothered chicken, rice, and gravy. Where we shop the dollar store the first of the month. I’m from Don’t cry over spilt milk. Where we make lemons into lemonade. I’m from guilty with cause. Where we waste wishes waiting on reversing time where Daddy didn’t shoot that gun. I’m from When is mama coming home, and where is she? I’m from Oni means big sister. Where I make sure LaKecia does homework and says prayers. I’m from crying myself to sleep, trying to understand. I’m from embarrassment, shame. Where water mixes with baby formula, where crack is cocaine. I’m from where everyone wants to leave. Where we have to stay. I’m from scratch, scrape, scream. Where you study getting ahead. I’m from where anger is afraid of truth. Where dreams aren’t remembered. Where secrets aren’t spoken. I’m from Toughen up, don’t cry. Where you pray and sing out loud.
Gym Free Play
Aaliyah call basketball! We count fouls, squad up. Me, Mariah, Aaliyah versus Jada, Lisette, Diamante. Christine’s odd out, so Miss Denise squad with Jada. We got Christine.
Winner’s first to 12. Jada and Miss Denise got game. We down 2 points. Aaliyah strategy: After layup, tells Christine to foul Jada. Saying, She can’t shoot a free. Miss Barbara calls Christine’s foul. Jada throws a brick. Aaliyah pass to me, I pass to Christine. SWISH!
Jada Need the Nurse
Her wrist swelling. Aaliyah tryna punk her, Christine get you like that? Jada’s face show offense. Ooh, she mad! Look, she mad! Miss Denise on alert. Alright everybody, let’s line up. Aaliyah, enough.
Christine Fouled Jada Hard
I saw. Now, Christine smiling. Jada see, she ain’t having it. Says, Tryna play me? Miss Barbara and Miss Denise cross between all of us, a reminder of where we are. Alright ladies, squashing this. Line up. Miss Barbara takes Jada to nurse. Us line up, hands behind our backs.
Group with Miss Esther
Miss Esther asks, Why do you think you’re here? Diamante says her mom and boyfriend smoke crack in their house. Cops find a weed plant inside Diamante’s room. Me and sisters go foster care. Cuts class, algebra. Don’t do math good. She and her BFF hang in park until science class, next period. Had gold sharpie, You know, like I’m drawing on the bench. Police pick her up. Graffiti and truancy charges. Plus, I had some weed on me.
My Turn
Shanequa Oni, my given name. Not what Ashley hissed before her face slammed my fist. Flipping emotional switch. Shading hate. Cracking whips. Growing whispers inside my head. Filled with anger. Filled with dread. Fighting word
s starting battles. Fighting words creating pain. Fighting words making scars. Making you less a human being.
Samantha’s Turn
We CHINS. Child in Need of Supervision. Samantha been inside before. Mother always trying to control me. Forever fighting and calling police. Samantha high on meth, waving butcher knife. What Mom expects? My mind wasn’t right. She was gonna stab her. Jealous about my “boyfriends.” She always broke. Samantha street-money-making. Mom takes my cash. Name-calling, slut-shaming. Out like trash. Fight again, run away. Walking streets, no place to stay. Sleep, cold, and hunger take her places I never want to go.
Christine’s Turn
Two months ago, Christine was 12. Her birthday was last week, here in the pod. The cake was good, she said. Saw my mom killed. Got foster mom. She was okay. Was old, got sick. Another foster home, they weren’t okay. Christine ran away. Fought, took cash, credit cards. They called police. Now detention home today.
Lisette’s Turn
Lisette’s mom an RN. She fix people. Stepdad’s a mechanic. He fix cars. My dad’s invisible. He breaks my heart. When Lisette get mad, she break stuff up. Lisette’s mad a lot, never has enough. Had a fight, got suspended. Mom took her stuff. Thought she could end it. A screwdriver, a hammer, a drill on the door. Broke down the closet, didn’t think anymore. Lisette’s mom got home said, ENOUGH! Volume got loud, fighting got tough. Couldn’t hold her down. Couldn’t make her stop. “Ring-ring” cops. Lisette in handcuffs.
Jada’s Turn
Jada mama don’t allow no disrespect. Nah, nobody, yo. Ma find somebody play or whup me, SHE gonna whup my behind again. Know what I’m sayin’? Jada got another hard knock life. Talking hands, patting chest. That’s foundation. Like bargain basement ish, there. Like what holds up buildin’s. Like yo’ feet, yo. Keep them joints sturdy yo. Know what I’m sayin’? Jada, not like these other girls out here. Jada “un-play-wit-able.”
Back in the Pod
Need time to think. Need time to write. These girls got troubles in their life. Thought mine was whack. Thought I was poor. Grateful for Grandma, all she provided for.
Aaliyah, Me, Mariah
Goofing. Aaliyah spits a rhyme. Always trying to foul me out. Always brickin’, your shot is blocked. Always all up in my face. She stuck, so I freestyle. Always walking a baller’s race. Oh! Always trying, misunderstood. Always tomorrow in the ’hood. Woah! Always running, this ain’t home. Mariah shut it down. Always Mariah. I’m a rock-hard stone. Ho! That was hot!
Visiting Hours
Pastor Gorham and LaKecia visiting. Where’s Grandma? Pastor says, She doesn’t want to see you in here. Want me punished? You disappointed her. You disappointed all of us. She’ll always love you. Family always gives us second chances. LaKecia gives me two letters.
Daddy’s Letter
Dear Shanequa Oni, Sorry I’m not with you. Haven’t given you the best life. Made some bad choices. Don’t follow my path. Tried teaching y’all. Tried protecting my family. My biggest crime. DON’T follow our footsteps. You gotta build strong boots with rubber soles. You gotta jump high and bounce. Love, Daddy
Mama’s Letter
Dear Baby-girl, Apologizing. You deserve better. I shoulda put my children first. You loved me no matter what. You’re perfect. Always smiling, happy, laughing. I’m ashamed I took your sparks away. Didn’t know how to be without your daddy. Was afraid to get help. I love you. Hope you can forgive me. I love you, Mama
You’ll Be Home Soon
LaKecia says. Shanequa, I feel it. Grandma and Sheena are BFFs now. Taught her some tricks. I say, Tell Grandma I miss her. I’m gonna write a poem just for her. Will you read it to her? You know it! Why you crying? I said I’d read it. Pastor says, LaKecia, she loves you. True? You crying ’cause you love me?
I'm Not Like No Other
I’m writing. Hear hollering. Know what I’m sayin’? Not soft, yo. Won’t take it. Christine can’t play Jada. Know what I’m sayin’? Girly, lil girl. See Jada tryna get up in Christine’s face. Huh, what? You sayin’ something? Huh, what? Miss Barbara call for Miss Denise on the walkie-talkie. Jada eat a Christine before breakfast. All day every day, yo! Miss Barbara tryna get between them. Christine don’t say nothin’, Jada gettin’ louder. Christine a Jada snack. What? Disrespect me? What? Is you sick, girl? Not take your vitamins? Jada un-play-wit-able! Christine’s got Jada in chokehold. Jada making animal sounds. Kicking and scratching whoever’s close.
Lockdown
Girls chant. Miss Barbara yells, Lockdown! Alarms go off. Lights flash. We’re locked in cells. YDWs march in, geared up.
Miss Esther Group Session, Pt. 2
Lisette gone home. Diamante to placement. Samantha gone to treatment. Christine and Jada in isolation until further notice. Aaliyah say Jada started. Mariah said Christine ended. Miss Esther ask what I think
I’m Emotional
Talk about words revealing shame for my parents. For myself. I’m being straight up. I played Ashley, then I got played. My parents are human beings. Human beings make mistakes. That’s how we learn. Like you, you know, like me, like everybody.
Aaliyah Disagrees
Later, Aaliyah says, Was me, ’stead a you? She call me outta name like that? Shoot, be a murder bid. I say, She was not worth that! I hear you. Some words got real strong meanings, especially you change tones. Put history up in there… Words speak to kill, right? Word.
Set Up
But Aaliyah, check this out. It’s all a setup. How you mean? I played myself over somebody else’s words. I’m a writer. Spoken word. Just breath, invisible. Temporary. Poof-gone. Ashley’s breathin’ fresh air and I’m here. Instead’a kicking it with LaKecia. Writing songs on the keyboards. Pride and shame. Revolving-door, old-school game!
My Letter
Dear Judge, Wanted to be liked. Wanted to belong. Felt deprived, seeing what others owned. Know I’m human. Know I’m great. But so much history, fear, and shame made me fake. Sunrise a new life. Every day wear the mask. Drink wine and pretend because I’m really mad. Believing dreams. Believe truth’s name. Shanequa Oni Stephens, shining through rain. Stop wasting time. Stop speaking lies— I’ve grown. Gotta revolution in mind. I’m ready to go home.
Miss Precious Says
You want to help your family, friends? Yourself? Share feelings, thoughts, and dreams! Dream, make, do. Tell your truth. How you feel— that’s truth. You’re gifted, Shanequa. Share that greatness and continue being great! I have applications for Alternative Performing Arts High, a music and art school. Take one!
Hearing Day
Grandma sitting with Pastor and Mama. Mama wearing the twin-zee church dress. Gained weight. Grandma did her hair. Full, natural, springy, rusty brown shiny coils frame her face. Mr. Lawyer presents proof of Mama’s treatment. She, Grandma, LaKecia in family therapy. Grandma taking literacy classes. Getting her GED! Miss Esther talks about group therapy progress.
Court Ruling
Miss Precious’s letter says: Dear Judge Conklin, Shanequa Oni Stephens has shown an outstanding ability to create. Shanequa’s poems have meaning, strength, and power. Writing honestly about the painfully difficult is her gift. Judge gives an honor speech. I go home today!
Really Home
Grandma gets out of her new-to-her car. Touching my hair. Flipping through Instagram hairstyles we’ll try. (After I work off her stolen wig.) Sheena learning to roll over and begging. Pastor Gorham took Mama to the treatment facility. She has a curfew until she’s finished. Mama got a facility job. It’s good being home.
Really Home
An Alt Arts student now. Aaliyah, yeah, she in my crew. We squad-writing lyrics. Got some lit beats too. Had some hard knocks. Had some trouble, made mistakes. But look at me now, I’m a writer rhyming great. I’mma tell y’all the truth. I’mma spill all the tea. Believe in yourself, cause that’s who you GOTTA be. My daddy told me, girl, when life beats you down, gotta pick yourself up. Gotta lift off the ground. Gotta build strong boots. Be the brand t
hat you trust. Yo, tie them laces tight. You can bounce straight up!!
HELP WANTED
My heart pounds like I’ve spotted a deer. Breathe in, smell pizza. Breathe out, phones are ringing. Will that be for pickup or delivery? Breathe in, What would you like on that? Breathe out, try not to be invisible. Say: Hey, I saw your sign outside. You guys hiring
Dreams on Fire Page 4