by Lush, Tamara
Stopping in front of me and standing deliciously close, Leo reached out and squeezed my upper arm with his hand. He pressed his lips into my cheek, his mouth warm and soft while my stomach fluttered fast. His touch, his nearness, nearly made me fall over.
"Hey, baby," he murmured, his accent drawing the word into several syllables, making it sound sensual and not skeevy or slick. "Where y'at?"
I grinned despite myself. His New Orleans phrases had always made me laugh, and right now, I was so overwhelmed by the sensation of his warm lips, I was rendered temporarily mute. I was also thoroughly confused, because it seemed like he'd never thrown me out of his shop last night. Instead, he treated me to an intimate, wicked smile, as if we'd spent all night together.
His eyes shifted downward to the neckline of my dress. They lingered there for a beat.
"You look gorgeous," he said.
A rush of warmth flooded my body, and my dizziness increased before embarrassment set in. I shouldn't have been enjoying this so much. But I was. It seemed liked forever since anyone had looked at me with such obvious desire. Even Jacob had never treated me with such intensity, except for that first night when he'd swept me off my feet with flattery.
Catalina broke in. "So, I understand you two already know each other." She stuck her hand out and beamed. "I'm Catalina. I didn't meet you all those years ago because I was away for winter break."
Leo tore his eyes away from me.
"Cat's my oldest friend. We've known each other since kindergarten."
"I remember you talking non-stop about Catalina," Leo said. "She went with you to your first Comic Con in Tampa your freshman year in high school."
He remembered that? Wow. My cheeks felt hot, and I took a long gulp of beer to help ease my parched mouth. I'd need to slow down on the drinking before I became a complete, nonsensical idiot.
Catalina and Leo began to make small talk, but I barely listened, distracted by my own thoughts. Leo couldn't just waltz back into my life and expect...well, I didn't know what he expected. Maybe he didn't expect anything. But his eyes sure seemed to. His kisses seemed to.
But he could've expressed that interest way better than he did last night.
Conflicting feelings swirled inside me, worsened by memories of our past and Leo's recent moments of hot and cold. From my father, to Leo, to Jacob, the men in my life had always been a disappointment. Still, I needed to find out more. The last thing I wanted was another man who played games, but maybe a second chance was in order.
Our long-ago connection wasn't something I could give up so easily. I'd never wanted to give it up in the first place.
The surf shop owner drifted over and joined the conversation. I glanced up at Leo, who was standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me. Leaving Catalina and the surf shop owner talking, the two of us stepped a few feet away, distancing ourselves from the others, while I was reminded of Catalina's previous question.
"I meant to ask you," I said to Leo casually. "Will anyone else be joining you on Palmira? Your dad or any friends or...?" I trailed off.
Awkward.
"Nope. Just me. And if you're asking if I'm single, the answer is yes."
Leo's slate blue eyes seemed to twinkle at me. I felt floaty and giggled. I was acting seventeen again. Unreal. Especially after all that had happened. Of course, Leo seemed to be acting the same way.
Quickly trying to compose myself, I found all I could muster was a "hmmm" noise, so I stepped back to Catalina and the surf guy for protection. A few more moments and I'd be capable of acting like an adult again.
"I'm going to grab a water," I said when Leo followed. "Anyone want anything?"
The others shook their heads, so I stalked away to the bar where I could regroup.
On stage was a local band from the island that played rockabilly versions of new songs, and when the singer began crooning a sexy, doo-wop version of Miley Cyrus's "We Can't Stop"—in my opinion way better than the original; I loved retro music and anything that wasn't Top 40 popular—people glided onto the dancefloor.
I stared at the couples wistfully, their faces soft and sensual in the fading sunlight, and for an all-too-brief moment, I gave up all my concerns and forgot about everything that had happened in the past year. I loved winter in Florida. Why not enjoy this party? Why not surrender to Leo's charms if he came after me? Why not let go and enjoy life?
I was twenty-two, not eighty. It seemed as if I'd aged a hundred years since Mom died.
I glanced over, and his smile burned into me like the brightest sunshine. Part of me wanted to soak up the attention. Another part stayed wary. He'd disappeared from my life once. Who was to say he wouldn't do it again? And even if I decided I wanted to sleep with him, would my body comply? Coming to my senses, I turned to the bar.
By the time I'd stood in line, paid for a water, and arrived back to Catalina and Leo, another woman had joined the group. A vaguely familiar face. Catalina quickly introduced her to me with a pointed stare. Megan was her name. She'd briefly dated Catalina's brother, and I recalled she lived in Fort Myers on the mainland. Tall and raven-haired, Megan looked a few years older than the rest of us. She was also way more glamorous, with her black cocktail dress, sleek, pointy-toed high heels, and even tan.
I got a whiff of Megan's strong perfume, something straight out of an upscale department store, and had a sudden realization. This was the kind of woman Leo should be with. Someone outgoing, someone happy, someone stunning. Someone tiny. Someone like Jacob had wanted. All my old hurts and wounds rushed back, straight into my chest, and I was having a hard time taking full breaths.
"So, Megan opened a flower shop on the island," Catalina said to the group.
"I would love to bring over flowers to your bakery that first week you're open," Megan purred at Leo, tossing her long, silky hair and shooting a blindingly white smile in his direction.
"You don't have to go to that sort of trouble," replied Leo mildly. I gulped my water, then set it on a nearby table, feeling invisible.
"It's no trouble at all. And no charge. You can repay me another way, I'm sure."
Megan's eyelashes fluttered. Cat's brother had mentioned this woman was a notorious flirt, and that certainly seemed to be the case. I was being ridiculous. Megan was probably perfectly nice. She could flirt with whoever she wanted.
Leo wasn't mine, and he could also do what he liked.
Still, it tugged at that raw place deep inside.
With my luck, he probably intended to sleep his way around the island, starting tonight. Our kiss the night before hadn't been good enough, or I'd gained too much weight, or something, and now he was moving on.
That mermaid tattoo on his bicep probably wasn't even a reminder of me; it was just art he'd inked on his arm to look cool. I'd never be good enough for someone as handsome as him. Who was I to even dare think about a relationship with Leo? I could never trust him anyway.
A deep sadness settled in my chest. I pasted on a smile. "Have a fun night, everyone. I've got a lot of guests coming in tomorrow."
Spinning on the ball of my foot, the fabric of my dress rippling behind me, I headed for the door.
But Leo spoke, his voice more commanding than I'd ever imagined it could be.
"Wait."
Chapter 14
Dance
JESSICA
I froze and looked over my shoulder.
"I wanted to dance with you at least once," Leo said, stepping forward and pressing his hand firmly on the small of my back.
Propelling me in a half circle, he steered me back to the floor before I had a chance to protest and scooped me up in his arms as the band struck up a slow, acoustic version of a Radiohead song.
The female singer's voice was ethereal, a sensual croon as Leo drew me close. Because he was so big, I felt small in his arms. I loved that about him.
God, he felt good. Too good. My stomach and everywhere below tensed into a tight coil, and I wondered again whether my body would
betray me if I tried to sleep with him. Was it worth the risk?
"Remember when we last danced, on the hotel roof?" Leo whispered.
I nodded weakly. Of course I remembered. The stars, the rustle of the palm trees, how I'd clung to him, thinking I would die if he left me. Maybe part of me had died.
My nose was a few inches from his neck. Tonight, he smelled like limes and spice with a hint of burnt sawdust, as if he spent the day in a lumberyard. It was a heady combination, and I inhaled, resisting the urge to kiss his skin.
It was as if he could read my mind. He drew me even closer, sending waves of nervous energy thrumming through my body. My lips feathered against the skin of his neck and I wondered if he could feel my out-of-control heartbeat. Then again, his heartbeat seemed pretty wild as well. I could detect his pulse in his neck near my mouth, which rested lightly on his skin. It was erratic, maybe even more so than mine.
His hands spanned my back, and shiver after shiver rippled through me. One dance. That was all I'd allow. Indecent fantasies of Leo invaded my mind as we swayed.
God. I needed to get out of here. Otherwise, I was perilously close to kissing him and would make a fool of myself in front of every business owner on Palmira.
"I love this version," Leo murmured into my ear about the Radiohead cover, and I nodded in agreement. His voice was so sexy, I could do nothing else. Somehow, my brain and her mouth were unable to form cohesive sentences, and it was tough to resist the primal urge to stroke the back of his neck. Nope, I couldn't fight it. With an errant finger, I traced his neatly trimmed hair so softly, I hoped he didn't notice.
"I saw you ride up on your motorcycle," I murmured. "What kind is it? I remember you talking about bikes five years ago. You'd always dreamed of owning one."
"A Harley," he said. "If you're good, I'll give you a ride."
Well, that made me melt all over the place. I grinned into his neck.
Leo's hands splayed firmly across my back, one finger riding my spine, the others low, just above my butt. He felt so right, I pressed harder against him, seeking more contact with his body. Shifting his head so his lips brushed my ear, he groaned a little.
So, I did affect him. Good.
The song ended and blended into a fast, bouncy tune I didn't recognize. I leaned back a few inches, captivated by Leo's slate-colored eyes and the way he was staring at me. Like he wanted me. Like he wouldn't take no for an answer.
He settled his hands on my waist, and I didn't squirm away. Couldn't. "Still wanna leave?" he asked.
I was about to answer in the negative when Megan appeared.
Chapter 15
The Journal
JESSICA
”My turn," Megan said to Leo, grabbing his arm and tugging him to the middle of the room. His eyes were wide, and he cocked his head as if in apology to me. But I didn't understand the searching looks he gave me while the two of them danced. Why didn't he just walk away?
Um, no.
I couldn't handle watching them. It was stupid and juvenile, but I gave Leo a little wave and quickly spun around and walked out of the party. Something about seeing them together conjured all the memories of my previous relationship, and it was all I could do not to cry out of frustration on the drive home. The happiness of being in his arms had evaporated.
I hated feeling envious of another woman, and the shame of jealousy stung as I stomped through the hotel and unlocked the door of my apartment on the building's first floor. I hadn't felt that green-eyed monster since Jacob. Still, seeing Megan with Leo had triggered all those old, awful feelings.
Jacob had told me he'd screwed other women because I wasn't able to please him. Would the same thing happen with Leo? Would it happen with every man I ever felt attraction to for the rest of my life?
I might as well give up now. The presence of other women would be a common scenario, I was sure. Especially if I tried to be with Leo. Obviously, others would want him, and I'd forever feel like I was competing. No, that was something I wanted to avoid. Better if another, more confident woman claimed him. That way I wouldn't get my heart broken again.
Realizing I was being pissy, I flung my purse on the kitchen counter, then fell onto the sofa. Tears pricked my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? Had Jacob left me that broken? Damn.
Leo didn't deserve my drama or her anger. He'd simply danced one dance with a woman who'd asked him. Surely I could handle that. Look at all I'd already handled. If I was interested in him, I should make my feelings known. If he wasn't interested, I'd just have to deal with rejection like an adult.
Maybe Leo's return was perfectly timed. Maybe I was ready to set aside all the old hurts, all the ancient history and my worries, both physical and emotional. Maybe I should have done what Catalina suggested: set everything aside and freefall. Just let go and see where I landed.
My mom's journal was on the coffee table, and I turned to it out of hope and a bit of boredom. Unfortunately, burying myself in the past didn't improve my mood. Mom's writing about my dad only reinforced my feelings about men.
Great.
NOV. 22: I tried calling jerk-face again tonight to see if he wants to see his daughters. No answer. What kind of man would avoid these girls? On Thanksgiving no less? Today we had a great feast, first with the hotel guests, then again with the grandparents. Nicole ate a huge piece of pumpkin pie, but Jessica only wanted the whipped cream off the chocolate cake. It was a perfect day, I just wish their dad had been around to see it.
I slammed the journal shut.
When had my mother had time to write? I searched my mind and vaguely recalled her often sitting at her desk late at night, reading glasses perched on her nose. But I thought she was doing hotel paperwork.
If only I'd paid attention or showed some interest. Had I, maybe Mom would have shared things instead of keeping everything to herself.
It wouldn't have changed anything about my life, but it might have helped me understand Mom more and maybe get a clue about my own life, why I sometimes acted so afraid and hesitant.
Chapter 16
Fast and Forever
LEO
I stood on the wide porch of The Beacon, balancing a large box of pastries in my left hand. The night's darkness was warded off by a turquoise glow from the neon of the art deco lettering on the hotel exterior, and I could hear the waves crashing on the beach across the street. A little sign indicated the front door was locked after ten and to ring the bell if needed.
And so, I rang the bell, hoping Jessica would answer.
I'd worried when she left the party abruptly. When I'd finally extricated myself from Megan's chatter, I went to look for her.
As I walked to my bike, intending to give chase, Catalina caught up with me to explain Jessica was having a difficult time because of her mother's death and a situation with her ex-boyfriend. Now, all her behavior made sense. Jessica had suffered two big losses in one year. Catalina told me the whole story, how Jacob had cheated on Jessica repeatedly, and how Jessica had been blindsided and devastated, and just when she was getting over him, her mother passed away.
Jacob must have been a real piece of work. What kind of a man would do that—to Jessica especially. If I ever met the asshole, it would be difficult not to punch him.
Waiting, I peered in through the glass panel in the hotel door. I could see the light from a lamp, then a form in silhouette. I knocked softly on the glass, and Jessica eased open the door with a surprised look.
I smiled. "You left The Iguana so quick, I didn't say goodbye. I wanted to tell you I'd be over with the pastries you asked for."
She had changed out of her sexy red dress and was wearing a bulky, fuzzy white bathrobe belted firmly at the waist. Her tawny hair was wet, and from her delicious soapy smell I guessed she had just gotten out of the shower. Barefoot, her toes sparkled with red glittery polish. Was she wearing anything underneath that robe?
I wanted to undo the tie that wrapped around her waist and find out.
"Oh. Thank you."
She stood aside and allowed me to enter the hotel's reception area, which was illuminated by a wan desk light. I set the box on the desk as I watched her worry her bottom lip between her teeth.
"Does your sister live here as well?" I asked.
"No, she's married and lives a few blocks away. Technically, we co-own the hotel, but I run the business most days."
Nodding, I opened the top of the box and explained what each pastry was. "You should try one now. Here, I'll split a chocolate croissant with you."
Jessica shook her head. "No. Thank you." She paused. "I actually wasn't sure if you were going to come through with these. You seemed so occupied at the party."
I frowned. "Occupied?"
"Yes. You and what's-her-name, Megan, seemed to be getting along well."
Oh, Lord. Jessica had misinterpreted my southern manners. Or maybe she was jealous? I hadn't been flirting with and certainly hadn't wanted to dance with that woman. I thought it was glaringly obvious I'd wanted Jessica, but she'd practically sprinted off even though I sent those imploring looks toward her, hoping she'd cut in or wait while I slipped politely away.
My mouth quirked upward. "Jess, I'm sorry. I wanted to keep dancing with you, but when she ambushed me, I couldn't be impolite."
She shot me a stony look.
Unable to help myself, I laughed. "If you think I'm interested in Megan, you're crazy. She's so not my type."
"I guess I don't know what your type is, Leo. I thought I did, once."
I couldn't help but recognize her pointed tone, but there was nothing to be done if she refused to believe me. My type was a tawny-haired girl in a fuzzy bathrobe with sparkly red toes.
Deciding to ignore her frostiness, I walked around the room, looking at the seashells and photos that lined the walls and shelves. "Am I interrupting you from something?"