‘But you fell ill?’
‘Yes, and Hannah went to live with James. I don’t think she really understood why I wouldn’t keep her. She told me that she’d help look after me, but I didn’t want to make her into my carer. She deserved more than that.’
The frank approval in his eyes meant a lot more than it should. Chloe had wanted his understanding, craved his warmth, and now that she had it, it was too much to bear. She looked away, staring at Hannah and Amy.
‘Hannah was almost sixteen when she ran away. I couldn’t help look for her, I could hardly manage to get out of the house. It was James who found her and brought her back, and he was the one who looked after her when she realised that she was pregnant.’
‘And you think you let Hannah down?’ His tone suggested that Jon thought quite the opposite, but Chloe begged to differ.
‘I think that Hannah and Amy need me right now. And that I’m going to be there for both of them.’ It was too late to save Hannah from the turbulence of her teenage years, but she would find a way to put things right now. Because this time it wasn’t only a matter of saving Hannah, it was a matter of saving Amy, too.
CHAPTER THREE
IT HAD BEEN a restless night, sleeping in the folding bed next to Amy’s cot, and so far the morning hadn’t been much easier. Chloe hadn’t seen Jon when she’d returned home to talk to Hannah and James, and she’d assumed that he’d escaped over to his place when his shift had ended this morning.
But when she got back to the hospital he was there, sitting in the chair next to Amy’s cot with Amy on his lap, talking to her and gently stopping her from grabbing at the bandage on her arm that covered the cannula.
‘She’s a lot better this morning.’ One of the nurses had stopped at Chloe’s side, and Chloe dragged her gaze away from Jon. Each time she saw him with Amy it was impossible not to notice that someone so strong could be so gentle.
‘Does he usually check up on his patients like this?’
The nurse grinned. ‘He’s no stranger up here, he often pops in to see how the children he’s had admitted are doing. He seems to have taken a bit of a shine to Amy, though.’
It seemed that he had. And Amy had clearly taken a bit of a shine to Jon, looking up at him, her hand reaching to touch his face.
But Chloe was here now. And she could cope. Thanking the nurse, she walked into the ward.
‘Good morning.’ Jon had been so bound up with Amy that he’d failed to register Chloe’s approach until she’d spoken.
He made to deliver Amy into her arms, and the little girl started to cry, clinging on to him. Jon pulled an embarrassed face, which didn’t quite conceal his pleasure at Amy being so determined not to let him go, and Chloe motioned for him to stay as he was.
‘How are things?’ He took a moment out from Amy to ask the question.
‘We’re getting there. I think...’ Chloe took her jacket off and sat down. ‘James is taking Hannah back down to Cornwall with him, and I’m going to look after Amy for a while.’
His attention was suddenly all hers. ‘She doesn’t want to stay here?’
‘She’s...’ Chloe shrugged. ‘She’s got it into her head that I can look after Amy better than she can. Maybe that’s true for the moment. Hannah definitely needs a break so she can think things through.’
‘And when she has?’ Concern was etched deep into his face.
‘When she has, she’ll see that she’s a great mother and that James and I are both here for her to give her all the support she needs to make a good life for herself and for Amy.’
‘Sounds good to me.’
‘You don’t seem very convinced.’ He obviously knew as well as Chloe did that things probably weren’t going to be as easy as that.
He shrugged. ‘I’m...not really the one to ask about families.’
‘You mean the kids are a lot less complicated?’
‘Now you mention it...’ Amy grabbed at his nose and he gave her a look of exaggerated shock. Then he pinched her nose, putting his thumb between his fingers as he pulled his hand away and showing it to Amy.
‘Mine...!’ Amy reached for his hand.
‘That’s your nose, is it?’ Jon wiggled his thumb and Amy nodded.
It was almost painful to watch. All the support and love that anyone could want, and which Chloe couldn’t bring herself to trust in. But Jon had just said it himself. Something had persuaded him that families weren’t his strong point, and for him it was all about the children.
He was busy replacing Amy’s nose and threading an imaginary needle to stitch it back on again while Amy held it in place. ‘How’s that, then? Let Auntie Chloe have a look, see if I’ve got it straight.’
‘It’s straight...’ Suddenly the game seemed too good to end it here. Chloe clapped her hand theatrically over her mouth. ‘Call yourself a doctor? Amy...he’s put your nose back on upside down!’
Amy pulled at her nose, inspecting her empty hand, and Jon laughed.
‘Look, this is the way you do it... Perhaps Auntie Chloe can do a better job putting it back on again.’ A flash of his blue eyes, full of intoxicating fun. ‘She’s obviously the expert around here.’
The make-believe needle and thread was handed over to Chloe, and she pulled her chair a little closer. Amy held her nose on, giggling, while Chloe pretended to sew it back, her knees almost touching Jon’s. When he leaned over to gently untangle the drip attached to Amy’s arm, his fingers brushed hers, making her shiver.
‘Perfect.’ Jon inspected her handiwork, then dropped a kiss onto his finger, planting it on Amy’s nose then lifting the little girl onto Chloe’s lap.
‘Are you okay here?’ He pulled his chair back, as if he knew that suddenly he’d got altogether too close. ‘What about Amy’s things?’
‘James is dealing with that. He’s taking Hannah back to her place to pack and then he’ll drop Amy’s things back at my place and take Hannah on down to Cornwall.’
Jon nodded. ‘I guess Cornwall’s not so far. If Hannah needs to come back.’
‘Yes.’ Chloe sighed. ‘I hate them being apart but... Hannah seems to need some time at the moment. And some sleep as well.’
‘Yeah. I can identify with that.’ He rubbed one hand across his face, seeming suddenly drawn.
‘Why don’t you go home and get some rest? James and Hannah will be gone by now and I’ll give them a call and tell them not to wake you up when they get back with Amy’s things.’
‘You want anything before I go? Something to eat?’
‘No, I’ve eaten. Go.’
Amy seemed to have run out of energy too, and Chloe felt her snuggle against her, refusing to wake up and wave goodbye to Jon. He grinned, brushing Amy’s cheek with his finger, and Chloe watched his back as he walked away.
He turned for one final wave through the window from the lobby outside. Even distance, even the glass couldn’t dim the bright blue of his tired eyes and Chloe wished that he wasn’t leaving her behind.
It was the first step on a long and slippery slope. A look, a shared smile that would catapult her into neediness and leave her in a tangled heap on the floor when Jon went his own way. However much she liked his smile, it just wasn’t worth it.
Amy started to fret in her arms and Chloe leaned down to comfort her. ‘It’s going to be okay, Amy. Everything’s going to be okay, you’ll see.’
* * *
Jon hadn’t thought that a battered teddy bear and a bar of chocolate could possibly be such controversial items. He’d selected the teddy bear from the bag of toys that James had left in the hall while he’d slept, reckoning that the most worn was probably the most loved. And the chocolate was the same seventy per cent cocoa blend that he’d found stashed away at the back of one of the kitchen cabinets.
But
when he’d gone to the children’s ward that evening, Chloe had looked at them both as if they were poisoned. She propped the teddy bear up in Amy’s cot, leaving the chocolate untouched on the locker.
‘Isn’t your shift about to start?’ It was a clear invitation for him to go, even if he’d only just arrived. He probably should go, but something stopped him. Maybe the fact that no one in their right mind refused a visitor when they were in hospital, and that Chloe’s attitude betrayed some other worry.
‘Not for another hour.’ He drew up a chair and sat down. He could probably find somewhere else to be, but sleep had rearranged his muddled thoughts, and on waking the decision had seemed obvious. Chloe needed help, and he was there to give it.
She hesitated. She looked different tonight, softer, dressed in a pair of casual trousers with a top that he reckoned was supposed to slide from one shoulder to reveal the strap of a cotton vest underneath. The warmth in here had touched her cheeks with pink, and her hair curled loosely around her face in what seemed like an invitation to touch.
Clearly that invitation wasn’t extended to him. And even if it had been, Jon had no intention of taking it up. The decision on that point had been clear, too. Help out, but don’t touch.
‘You don’t need to do this.’ She pressed her lips together, and they too became a little pinker. Jon wondered whether they tasted pink, and dismissed the thought with no more than a moment’s regret.
‘Do what?’
‘You know...’ A small, delicious frown indicated that Chloe understood quite well that he was going to make her explain. ‘We all really appreciate what you did yesterday, Jon. But you don’t have to feel responsible for us, just because... You have other things to be getting on with.’
For a moment he couldn’t imagine what those other things might be. Chloe and Amy seemed more important than anything.
‘My house, you mean?’
‘Yes. And your job.’
‘I imagine the builders will be quite pleased to find that I haven’t been interfering with things over the weekend. And my job doesn’t require twenty-four-hour input.’
‘All the same...’ She shrugged. ‘Amy and I are fine, really. We’re not your problem.’
He was beginning to feel that they were—which was a problem in itself. But Jon could handle it.
‘I can help, can’t I? It’s never easy, taking responsibility for a sick child.’
‘No, but I can manage. You don’t need to keep popping in to see if we’re all right.’
Leaning forward, he picked up the chocolate, unwrapping one end and breaking off a piece. ‘Okay. I get it. You’re managing.’
The look on her face, when he started to eat, was a classic. Clearly she had reckoned on saving the chocolate and eating it when he was safely out of the way. He hesitated for a moment before he popped a second piece into his mouth and she broke suddenly.
‘You’re eating my chocolate.’
Jon grinned, as innocently as he could manage. ‘Yeah. Since you’re managing so well, I thought you wouldn’t want it.’
She seemed on the cusp of either smiling or sulking. Chloe went for the smile. ‘That’s different. Don’t you know that some people have a special relationship with chocolate?’
That was exactly what he’d been banking on. Jon handed her the bar and she broke a piece off. ‘So I’m allowed to bring you chocolate, then?’
She twisted her mouth, obviously willing to accept that she was beaten. ‘Yes. You’re allowed to bring me chocolate.’
‘And Amy her bear?’ He glanced over to where Amy was subjecting the bear to her own version of nursing care, shoving it under the blanket of her cot.
‘Yes, that was a kind thought. Papa Bear’s her favourite.’ She smiled at Amy, who ignored her, in favour of banging Papa Bear on the nose, presumably in an attempt to make him go to sleep.
‘She seems much better.’
‘Yes, she is. She’s stopped clinging to me and wanting to be held. They should be letting her go on Monday when the tests come back.’
Chloe turned her gaze back onto Jon. ‘Look, I’m sorry if I seemed ungrateful. When I was ill... You get to understand who you can really rely on at times like that.’
‘Yourself?’ It wasn’t a universal experience. Many—most—people were comforted by the support of those around them when they became gravely ill.
‘Yes, myself. James did the best he could, but he had Carol and the kids and Hannah to worry about.’
‘So you told him that you were fine and that you didn’t need anything.’ Which was exactly what Chloe was telling him now. Jon’s determination to take that with a pinch of salt strengthened.
She shrugged. ‘I might have intimated something of the sort.’
‘And since you’re a doctor, and James probably wouldn’t have heard of Guillain-Barré syndrome, he’d have just taken your word for it.’
‘Well, he looked it up on the internet. But the internet can be wrong sometimes.’ Chloe fixed Jon with a glare. ‘And you’re not telling him any different now.’
‘What you choose to tell anyone about your illness is none of my business.’ James would be horrified if he knew what Jon suspected, that Chloe had been incapacitated and coping alone for a long time after she’d been released from hospital. But there was no point in telling him that now.
‘Thank you.’
It was obvious why Chloe had been reluctant to rely on her brother, but it was rather more of a puzzle why she’d applied the same principle to everyone. And why she seemed so intent on applying it again now. But that wasn’t his business either. As long as she accepted that she could at least tell him if she needed something, they’d get along just fine. He took the small lint bandage that he’d found in the kitchen drawer out of his pocket.
‘Hey, Amy.’ The little girl turned to look at him. ‘Is Papa Bear ill?’
‘Yes.’ Amy nodded gravely.
‘Right. Shall we see if we can make him better?’ It wasn’t unusual for children to transfer what was going on in their heads onto their toys, and making the battered bear better would help Amy too.
Chloe caught onto the idea and grinned. ‘Do you think he needs a bandage?’ She leaned over, lifting Amy out of the cot and onto her lap, and Jon reached for the bear.
‘Poor Papa Bear. Make him better.’ Amy turned her trusting eyes on him.
‘All right, Nurse Amy. You hold him, and I’ll just put this bandage on his arm.’ Jon nodded to the dressing on Amy’s arm, which protected the cannula. ‘Just like yours.’
Amy nodded, and Chloe kissed the top of her niece’s head. ‘See Amy. Doctor Jon’s going to make him better.’
It was a start, at least. If Chloe didn’t trust him enough to take anything for herself, she was much more comfortable with taking all she could get for Amy. And Jon was sure of his ground. He’d be in and then out again, a clean operation, carried out with all the precision that his medical training had taught him to apply. It was perfectly possible to help the sister of a good friend out without doing anything stupid like falling in love with her.
CHAPTER FOUR
CHLOE WASN’T ABOUT to admit that she’d overreacted. It might have looked that way to Jon, but he clearly hadn’t learned yet that even the best of friends would choose their own agenda when it came to the crunch.
That actually wasn’t the problem. The problem was that every time she saw him she wanted to hold onto him, to make him stay. Wanted him to prove that Jake had been mistaken.
Not that she cared all that much about what Jake thought, or did, any more. He’d left her because he’d been unable to see past her illness, and wouldn’t believe that she could make a full recovery, and she’d shown that he was wrong on that score. But she was human, and wanting to be touched by a man was natural. Want
ing to show herself that her body could be a source of pleasure and not pain...that was natural enough, too.
But Jon wasn’t the one to prove that point with. If she touched him, and let him touch her, she wouldn’t want to let him go.
What he said made sense, though. Chloe was dreading talking to her supervisor on Monday and telling him that she had a sick baby to look after. He’d been so understanding over the Guillain-Barré, taking her back in her old job and letting her work part time for as long as she’d needed to. Everyone’s patience ran out sooner or later, and hopefully this wasn’t going to be the last straw. If it turned out that she would have to look after Amy for longer than the next two weeks, she was going to need all the help she could get.
A restless night did little to quell her worries, but a new arrival in the ward early on Sunday morning put them into perspective—a little boy of around three, a breathing mask over his face, who lay surrounded by monitoring equipment.
‘What’s the matter with him?’ she whispered to the nurse who was with him.
‘Smoke inhalation.’ The nurses all knew that Chloe was a doctor, and were more frank with her than with the other parents on the ward.
‘Where are his parents?’
‘Dad’s on the burns unit. I think Mum’s still down in A and E.’
‘Shall I go down and see if I can find her? She must be worried sick.’
‘I think... Yeah, I think that’s her now.’ The nurse grinned. ‘With Amy’s favourite doctor.’
There was no question about who that was. Chloe looked up and saw Jon pushing a woman in a wheelchair into the lobby. She was wearing a hospital gown and a nasal cannula indicated that there was probably an oxygen cylinder tucked under the blanket over her knees. Chloe left the nurse with the boy and went outside to meet them.
Saving Baby Amy Page 3