Saving Baby Amy

by Annie Claydon

  * * *

  He loved watching Chloe undress, and she knew it. When she came to him, all of Jon’s resolve, every last bit of his determination to let her just sleep tonight was shattered into tiny pieces.

  This time broke the mould yet again. They’d already spent more time than they might reasonably have been expected to spare over the last three days in learning each other’s bodies. And each time they’d found some new way of giving each other pleasure.

  But when Chloe came to him, stripping off his T-shirt and boxer shorts, all he wanted to do was hold her. Be close to her in every way. Their lovemaking was tender, a reminder of good things when there were so many difficulties threatening, and it touched Jon more deeply than he’d thought possible.

  Afterwards, feeling her curled up in the curve of his body, he held her close.

  ‘Chloe...?’

  ‘Hmm?’ She snuggled up against him, winding her hand around his, kissing his fingers. It answered all of the questions he wanted to ask.

  ‘Go to sleep, sweetheart. Tomorrow’s another day.’

  * * *

  Over the next few days they did all the things that tourists might. Driving to a local chateau that was open to the public, taking a picnic out into the countryside. Chloe and Hannah spent a lot of time talking, sometimes with Jon there and sometimes on their own, and slowly Hannah was beginning to open up.

  ‘Are we going home?’ Jon lay in bed, last night’s lovemaking still tingling through his senses, watching Chloe brush her hair in the morning sunlight.

  ‘I think so. If that’s all right with you. How did you know?’

  ‘You were muttering in your sleep last night.’ Chloe had come to bed late and fallen asleep almost immediately in his arms.

  ‘Was I?’ She turned to face him. ‘What did I say?’

  ‘Just a few words. Home was one of them.’ His name had been another. He’d loved it that she’d cried out for him, even in her sleep.

  ‘Hannah’s agreed to come back with us, whenever we’re ready to go. She’s going to stay with me for a while, along with Amy.’

  ‘And you’ll see how things go?’

  Chloe shook her head. ‘No, we’re not leaving things to chance. I’m going to sort out someone for Hannah to talk to and work things through with. I’ll go along too, if there are issues that we need to work out together.’

  ‘That sounds like a good plan. So Hannah will be taking over the spare room.’

  ‘There’s always room for you. You’d have to sleep with me, though, if that’s not too onerous for you.’ She smiled at him.

  ‘I’ll put a brave face on it. And when you get tired of me, my own place has a bathroom now. The builder texted me last night.’

  There was an uncertainty about all this. They were covering it up well with jokes and smiles, but there was a slight tremor to Chloe’s tone, which matched the tremor in his heart. They knew how to make love, but neither was quite sure how they fitted into each other’s lives.

  A knock sounded on the door, along with Hannah’s voice. Jon got out of bed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, and Chloe called for her to come in.

  ‘Have you told him?’ Hannah dispensed with the usual ‘Good morning’. She was obviously looking forward to going home with Chloe, and that had to be a good thing.

  ‘I hear that you’re coming back with us. And you’ll be staying with Chloe for a while.’ Jon grinned at her.

  ‘Yes.’ Hannah’s smile was radiant, excited, as if this was a new beginning. For her, it was, and her future seemed more assured than his did right now. ‘When can we go?’

  ‘We haven’t got round to that yet,’ Chloe rebuked her gently. So much had changed between the two sisters. They voiced their own wants and needs more freely, no longer afraid to negotiate something that suited them both.

  But it was obvious that they were both looking forward to going home. ‘We could go today, if you want.’

  ‘Today?’ Hannah grinned. ‘That’s fine with me.’

  ‘Me too.’ Chloe looked at Jon. ‘Shall I see if I can book a hotel for us? About halfway?’

  Suddenly he wanted this done with. To stop worrying about what would happen between him and Chloe when they got home, and just get there. ‘Or if you can book a channel crossing for late this afternoon, we could do it in a day. It’s still early, and if we’re packed and ready to go in an hour...’

  Chloe was biting her lip. Perhaps she was as afraid of this as he was. In which case it was better to do it now, before the uncertainty began to gnaw at them both.

  ‘Yes.’ She seemed to come to the same conclusion he had. ‘We’ll do that, then.’

  * * *

  They shared the driving, eating in the car, and made the channel crossing just in time. Hitting the Friday evening traffic as they approached London slowed them down and it was late when Jon drew up outside Chloe’s house. Carrying their bags in, they dropped them in the hall.

  Chloe seemed on edge, bustling around, opening windows and doors to air the house and then closing them again when the chill evening breeze made her shiver. She switched the kettle on for tea, even though no one wanted it. And the one question that seemed to be on everyone’s mind—who was going to sleep where—needed to be answered soon because they were all tired.

  In the end, Hannah made the first move, fetching her sleeping bag from where it was tied securely to the top of her rucksack, and laying it on the sofa. ‘I’m ready to turn in.’

  ‘Why don’t you take the spare room? It’ll only take a minute for me to clear my things out, and I can sleep down here.’ Jon saw Chloe raise her eyebrows and his heart jumped suddenly. Maybe she did want him in her bed still.

  Hannah looked from Jon to Chloe and then back again. Then she rolled her eyes, grabbing her rucksack and stomping up the stairs. Jon could hear her banging around in the spare room, and when she came back downstairs she had the few clothes that he hadn’t packed and taken to France with him bundled in her arms.

  ‘Here.’ She dropped them onto the sofa and picked up her sleeping bag. ‘Work it out, people. I’m going to bed.’

  Jon heard Chloe giggle behind him. Then he felt her wrap her arms around his waist, her body pressing against his back. ‘I’m sorry. I think she gets the unsubtle streak from James.’

  Jon turned. It was the first time he’d held her today, and he hadn’t realised how much he’d missed it. It felt like a long, deep breath after hours of fighting for air. ‘Don’t knock it. It’s one of the things I like about James.’

  ‘Me too.’ She looked up at him, her gaze melting through his uncertainty. ‘Would you come to mine?’

  He kissed her forehead. ‘I’d like that very much.’

  * * *

  Coming home was so full of promise. A new start for Hannah, this time based on firmer foundations. And so full of questions where Jon was concerned. They’d made no promises and told no lies. The only plan they had was that there was no plan. But reality demanded that they make one, sooner or later.

  Not tonight, though. He led her up the stairs and she closed the door of her bedroom behind them. Jon pulled his sweater and shirt off over his head in one movement, and she remembered how much she loved his body. So strong, bulky in all the right places, and yet his eyes were so tender. His arms so warm.

  And he knew just what she needed. Tonight was no exception to that. His nakedness was somehow innocent, rather than sexual, as he slipped between the sheets, waiting for her to undress and come to bed.

  ‘What’s going to happen now?’ It felt as if everything was changing and the only thing she could cling to was him.

  ‘Go to sleep, sweetheart.’ He curled his body around hers, holding her. ‘We’ll work it out in the morning.’

  * * *

  There was no
time to work it out in the morning. A call from Jon’s builder took him off to his house to decide on what should be done about a leak in the roof that had become apparent after heavy rain a few days ago, and he didn’t return until after lunch. By that time, she and Hannah were getting ready to go to the supermarket and restock the fridge.

  ‘I’ll go.’ Hannah took her car keys out of her hand.

  ‘No, it’s okay...’ Making a big thing of this was only going to make things worse. Chloe had spent the whole morning wondering what Jon was going to do next, and she needed to calm down.

  ‘I’ll be back this time. Promise.’ Hannah kissed her on the cheek and grinned at Jon, then picked up the shopping bags, slamming the front door behind her.

  ‘How’s your roof?’

  He shrugged. ‘Not great. I spent all morning up in the loft, plugging holes. I think I’ll have to get the roofers in to renew the back elevation.’

  ‘You look very clean. Your loft obviously isn’t as dusty as mine.’

  ‘After the builder went, I tried out the new shower.’

  It seemed like one more hole in a structure that was already rapidly disintegrating. Jon was showering at his place now. Chloe told herself not to be stupid. Of course he wanted to use his new bathroom.

  ‘How was it?’

  ‘Good. Great, actually.’

  The time was now. Hannah would be gone for at least an hour and they could talk. Work out what happened next. The thought occurred to her that if neither of them cared, they could have avoided this, just letting things slide and walking away. On the other hand, if they both cared enough, that would have been obvious too, and they would have known what to do next without having to talk about it.

  ‘Let’s go and sit down.’ He walked into the sitting room and Chloe followed him, sitting down in the chair opposite his.

  ‘Jon, I...’ Now that the time had come, she didn’t know what she wanted to say.

  ‘Chloe, there’s nothing that we have to do. Nothing we can’t do.’ He’d obviously been thinking about this a little more cogently than she had. ‘But you have big changes ahead of you and so do I, for that matter.’

  ‘Does that really matter? Life never just stops.’

  ‘No, but we’ll both be busy. Maybe we should take a break and think about things. We don’t need to make any decisions or promises, just wait a bit until everything settles.’

  A glimmer of what was really going on in Jon’s head. Just a few days ago it had seemed that they could both read each other’s minds effortlessly, but now it was a guessing game. But she knew that he’d been burned like this before, he and his wife drifting apart because of schedules that never included enough time for each other.

  Suddenly, it was all very clear. The last few weeks had left them with no option. They’d been so close, not just physically but emotionally as well. They’d supported each other, worked as a team. Loved each other. There had been no need for promises, the commitment had been made.

  ‘Jon, I think I need to tell you where I stand. We’re either in a relationship or we aren’t. I want to be in a relationship with you, but if that’s not possible then I think we should just call it a day. I don’t want an on-off affair.’

  He stared at her. ‘We said—’

  ‘I don’t care what we said. That’s what I want. I love you and I think we could make a go of it. But I need you to tell me that you love me too, and that you’ll be there for me.’

  ‘I do love you, Chloe, but...’ He got to his feet and started to pace. ‘I won’t just jump in blindly when neither of us is going to have the time or the energy to really make this work. We need to think about it.’

  ‘I don’t. I can’t, Jon. I’ve been let down too many times.’

  He turned suddenly, his face dark. ‘Did I ever let you down?’

  ‘No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just telling you how I feel.’

  ‘And what about how I feel. Don’t I get a say in this?’

  ‘Yes, of course you do. You stay or you go.’ Chloe felt tears pricking at the sides of her eyes and blinked them back. All the anger and frustration that was battering them seemed to have come out of nowhere.

  ‘All or nothing, you mean. That’s crazy, Chloe, we’ve known each other three weeks.’

  ‘No, I mean something or nothing. I don’t want you to just turn up whenever you feel like a one-night stand and can’t be bothered to flip through your address book.’ Chloe bit her tongue. She hadn’t meant that...

  ‘I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, Chloe. Because if you think that’s all you’ve been to me you’re wrong.’ He didn’t give her a chance to tell him that she was sorry and that the words had come out of nowhere. Jon marched out of the room, stomping upstairs.

  * * *

  He grabbed his shaving kit from the bathroom, throwing it into the holdall that wasn’t fully unpacked yet from yesterday. Sorting through the washing basket, separating her things from his, he tried not to notice that her scent still clung to his clothes, like a bitter-sweet memory.

  The worst thing about it was that she was right. Chloe had been hurt badly, at a time when she’d most needed love and care, and it just wasn’t fair to expect her to continue a relationship without the security of knowing that he’d be there for her when she needed him.

  But Jon couldn’t do that. Not yet, and maybe not ever. The thought of building something together and then watching it disintegrate, under the pressure of time and other commitments, was too much for him to bear.

  The old feeling, that this was the way of things and that any relationship would cool given enough time, reasserted itself. His and Chloe’s may have burned a little hotter, but that just meant that it was more difficult when the flame was extinguished.

  He zipped the holdall and straightened up, stopping for a moment to make sure he’d packed everything because he knew he wouldn’t be back. Then he walked back downstairs.

  Chloe was standing in the kitchen doorway. It looked as if she’d been crying.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.’

  He stayed at the bottom of the stairs. If he went any closer he might not be able to do this.

  ‘You meant it, Chloe. And you’re absolutely right. I meant what I said, too.’

  She stood stock still. ‘And what you need from a relationship is pretty much the exact opposite of what I need.’

  ‘Yes.’ Finally they agreed, but it was the last thing he wanted to agree over. He turned for the front door.

  ‘Jon... Wait.’

  When he looked back, he saw that she had her hand over her mouth in disbelief, tears running down her cheeks. And that look in her eyes, the one he knew so well, told him all he needed to know.

  ‘I know. I love you too. That’s why I have to go.’

  He opened the front door and found Hannah standing right in front of him, searching in her bag for her keys. He gave her a nod, silently thanking the heavens above that she was back so soon, and slid past her, walking down the front path to his car.

  * * *

  ‘What the blazes...?’ Hannah left the shopping on the front doorstep and rushed forward, enveloping Chloe in a hug. ‘What did he do?’

  ‘Nothing. He didn’t do anything.’ Chloe blew her nose on a piece of kitchen roll. ‘We... It was never going to work out. We both knew that, and... It’s okay. I’m okay.’

  ‘No, you aren’t.’ Hannah marched back to the door and picked up the shopping. ‘But you will be. I’ve got the very thing.’

  She took a tub of chocolate-chip ice cream from the bag, and Chloe smiled, despite herself. ‘I don’t need that.’ At the moment she felt that she didn’t need anything, other than Jon, but that would pass.

  ‘Do me a favour, would you, and let me be the big sister for
a change.’ Hannah opened the cutlery drawer, took two spoons out and then reached up to get two glasses from the top shelf of the cabinet.

  ‘What are they for?’

  Hannah produced a bottle of red wine from the shopping bag. ‘It’s you, me and the sofa for the rest of the afternoon. We’ll put the TV on, eat ice cream and drink wine.’

  ‘And then we’ll be sick?’

  ‘No, we won’t. Moderation’s the key with this. Eat the ice cream slowly and sip the wine.’

  Chloe hugged Hannah, feeling her limbs tremble as she hung onto her sister. She and Jon had done the right thing, however much it hurt. They were never going to be able to make it work. It had been wrong from the start.

  She kissed Hannah’s cheek. ‘Okay, big sis. Let’s do it.’

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  A LOT HAD happened in the last three months. Hannah and Amy had moved in permanently with Chloe, and they’d run a whole gamut of feelings together. Crises were averted, hugs were exchanged, and new avenues and opportunities were explored. But the one thing that hadn’t happened was that she’d bumped into Jon at the hospital.

  She’d been almost relieved. She knew she couldn’t see Jon again, not yet. The idea that they could be friends, with or without benefits, after all that had happened between them was ludicrous.

  And he obviously felt the same. Chloe had kept to her side of the hospital and he’d kept to his. She’d heard a few people talk about him, and supposed he must have heard people talk about her, but she’d resisted the temptation to show any interest. His signature had been on the records for some of her patients, children who’d been referred up through A and E, and she’d even traced her finger around the loop of the J once or twice. But that was all.

  It hurt, but it had to be done. She’d get over it. It was just a matter of when.

  * * *

  Even so, the early morning call from A and E made her hesitate. But there was a patient there with a displaced ankle fracture. Before he was admitted for surgery it required a recommendation from one of the doctors from Orthopaedics, and Chloe was the one who happened to be at work early this morning.