She couldn’t be around him. She couldn’t be around anyone. She needed to get out of there.
She shook her hand free. “Yes, I do. I need to go.”
She quickly finished dressing while Dante picked up his clothes and followed suit. She couldn’t let him stop her or follow her.
She seized her car keys from his bedside table and took off down the stairs. Dante wasn’t far behind, but she had one thing in her favor that evening.
She stepped outside into the setting sun, knowing Dante couldn’t follow her. Racing for her car, she heard Dante yell her name as she hit her key fob and hurried into her vehicle.
She put it in drive and hit the gas. She drove home and prayed no one would be there for a little while at least.
When she arrived, several cars were in the driveway, but thankfully, no one was in the bunkhouse. Phoenix grabbed some workout clothes and went to the bathroom to turn on the shower. It might seem weird to bathe before she headed downstairs to work off some of her feelings, but she needed to be clean.
She needed to wash Dante’s scent from her body and his seed from between her legs. She didn’t need either as a reminder.
Once she was done scrubbing her body until it was raw, Phoenix grabbed her iPod, put in her earbuds, selected her hard rock playlist, and cranked her music as Tool filled the silence. She headed for the basement and got on the treadmill, cranking the speed up and hitting Start.
Exercising helped her focus a little. So, she’d been dealt a horrible blow. She really wasn’t any worse off than she had been a month ago. Now, she realized the level of hope she’d had that her future would change, but that was neither here nor there. She had to face the fact—like really and truly face it—that she would most likely never have children.
It seemed so much more real now than it had before, but that was probably only because she hadn’t realized how much hope she’d had stored away until it was taken away from her.
But she could get over this. She would have to get over this. Life was a fickle bitch, but there was nothing she could do about it.
After the treadmill, Phoenix lifted weights and then did some yoga. She knew she was trying to work herself into exhaustion, so she could fall into a dreamless sleep and forget all about her failed heat. It was going to be pretty hard to do when she’d just slept for twelve fricking hours.
And, now, she was getting upset all over again.
Just as she used the bottom of her shirt to wipe the sweat from her forehead, there was a tap on her shoulder, and Phoenix jumped. She pulled out her earbuds and pivoted to see Tegan standing there.
“Sorry. I called your name, but you didn’t hear me.”
Seether blasted from Phoenix’s earbuds as they hung from her hand. “Yeah, I had my music loud. What’d ya need?” Hopefully, something fast because she still didn’t feel like talking to anyone.
Tegan hesitated, and Phoenix guessed that she had picked up on her volatile mood.
“Um…Dante’s here.”
Phoenix shook her head. No way. “Tell him I’m not here.”
“I already did because I didn’t realize you were home at first, but he saw your car. He’s upstairs, and he refuses to leave until you come back.”
Phoenix was suddenly mad at Dante for coming there, and it felt good to have someone to turn her frustrations on. She turned off her iPod and tossed it on the workout bench before pounding up the stairs.
She marched toward Dante, who was sitting and talking to Saxon.
When he spotted her, he stood and told Saxon, “Excuse me,” before striding toward her. He looked determined and not the least bit intimidated by her anger.
Dante gripped her hand, not bothering to say anything to her, and dragged her outside. He walked her away from the house before he dropped her upper limb and faced her. “What the fuck is up with you leaving like that?”
“What do you mean? I told you, it’s over. My heat is gone.”
“Yeah, but we’re not over.”
Phoenix didn’t say anything, just stared at Dante, not letting any emotion cross her face. She couldn’t let him know how much it hurt to be with him now. It would be a stupid reminder of everything she couldn’t have.
Dante huffed. “Oh, I see. When you said it was over, you meant, more than just your heat. You meant us, too.”
Phoenix shrugged, as if it were no big deal.
Dante dropped his arms. “So, now that you didn’t get pregnant, you’re going to build that big, bad wall you had around yourself back up, huh?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, I don’t, do I? I know I’ve been trying to rip it down for a while now, and I thought I had succeeded. You know, you don’t have to do this alone, Phoenix. I’m here for you. We can try again in six months.”
She snorted. Yeah, right. She was not going to go through this again. “I don’t think so.”
Dante laughed, but she knew he didn’t think the situation was funny. “So, you’re just going to give up?”
Phoenix raised her chin. “It’s not giving up. It’s facing reality.”
Dante shook his head. “You know, I’m disappointed in you, Phoenix. I thought you were stronger than this.”
She growled at him. “I am strong, you asshole.” That was why she was doing what she was doing.
“You’re not acting like it, Red.”
“Don’t call me that.” She was saying things to hurt him, and she felt bad. She really did.
But, if she gave Dante any sign that she cared, he would pounce on it.
Dante just shook his head again, unfazed by her bitchiness. “I see how it is. I’ll tell you what. I’m going to give you some time to deal with what happened today. I understand you’re hurt and devastated and that now is not the time to try to reason with you. But know this; I will be back.”
She crossed her arms across her chest and snorted. “Is that a threat?”
Dante stepped closer to her, wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her close. He pushed his lips against hers. It was a closed-mouthed kiss but was still full of passion. “No, Red, it’s a promise,” he said as he let her go. He turned his back to her and went to his SUV. He climbed in and drove away without looking back at Phoenix once.
She knew this because she watched him the whole time.
Furious with everything, she ripped off her clothes right there for anyone to see and shifted into her cat. Since working out hadn’t helped, she ran toward the woods, hoping to hide.
Hide from what exactly, she didn’t know. Her human side, Dante, reality, or the emptiness that had settled in her heart. Maybe all of it. It was certainly easier that way.
LEXINE SAT AT the corner of the kitchen island, relaxing with her feet up, eating strawberries, and watching Sterling. He sat at the kitchen table, reading over some document, in a white T-shirt, jeans, and bare feet.
When had bare feet become so sexy? How had Lexine lived with someone for years and never realized how gorgeous the man and his feet were?
She shoved a strawberry in her mouth and wondered if Sterling felt the same thing about her. Did he even know she was looking at him?
“Hey, Lexine. Hey, Sterling,” Lennox said from behind her.
She looked over her shoulder and watched her brother walk into the room. “Hey,” she said back.
“Hey,” Sterling said without looking up from his paperwork.
Her brother went to the fridge, opened it, and shut the door. “Where are my strawberries?” he said as he turned around.
Lexine had just taken another bite and tried to swallow it before he noticed. It wasn’t completely chewed and hurt a little going down. She tried to hide her bowl and fork under the counter, but Lennox saw her.
“You little snot,” he said as he tried to swipe her food.
Lexine jerked away, laughing, until she moved too far and winced as she pulled the muscles of her aching vajayjay. At the same time, she dropped several piec
es of fruit on her lap.
Lennox frowned. “What’s wrong?”
Lexine reached down to put her food back in the bowl as she said, “Nothing. I’m just sore.” She whipped her head up. “From working out,” she quickly added.
Sterling didn’t lift his head, but she saw the cocky smirk on his face.
Figures. It was his fault she was like this.
Sterling hadn’t bothered to leave when Phoenix was in heat. Instead, he’d tied Lexine to his bed and fucked her all night. At the time, she’d loved it. Loved it so much she hadn’t thought about Dante and the cat-shifter all night, but now, her fricking vagina was practically on fire. She didn’t know how shifters did the whole heat thing. She’d only experienced it for a night. Rumor had it, shifters were in heat for days.
Lennox was still scowling at her, so she put the bowl on the counter.
“Grab a fork. I’ll share.”
“No, I’ll share because they were mine in the first place.”
“Ah, but I’m the one who cleaned and cut them up.”
Her brother didn’t respond, but he got his fork and didn’t try to take the strawberries away from her.
“Sterling, you’re not saying much, man,” Lennox said.
Sterling looked up for the first time. “Sorry. Just looking over some stuff.”
“That’s a lot less fun than the night before.”
“What do you mean?” Lexine asked.
“Rumor has it, Dante wasn’t the only one getting it on all night.”
“Let it go,” Sterling said as he looked back down, dismissing the conversation.
Her brother wasn’t going to be deterred. “I don’t think so. Apparently, the female was a real screamer.”
Lexine willed her body not to show any reaction, but her face began to heat despite her restraint. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, Morgan said she heard them all night.” Lennox furrowed his brows. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear them. You didn’t go out last night, did you?”
Stick as close to the truth as possible. “No, I was here, but I didn’t hear anything.” It was sort of accurate. She hadn’t known she was a screamer and hadn’t heard herself.
“What was it like?” Lennox prodded.
Sterling sighed and set the papers down, obviously seeing that her brother wasn’t going to go away. “Like right after you go through conversion times ten, okay?”
“Holy shit,” Lennox said. “I was a damn hornball after my conversion. No wonder your lady friend was screaming.”
Sterling’s mouth was set in a grim line. He obviously didn’t like her brother talking about her like that even though he had no idea it was her.
Lennox didn’t seem to realize that Sterling was getting pissed. “Wow.”
“What’s wow?” Hunter said as he joined them in the kitchen.
“Lennox,” Sterling warned.
But Lennox just talked right over him, “Were you here last night? Apparently, Sterling here got it on with some girl who was of the vocal variety. Did you hear them?”
Hunter shook his head. “No, but I wasn’t here all night.”
“Did you have to go out and find a piece?”
“What?” Hunter said at the same time Lexine said, “Lennox, come on, a little tact. We’re not pieces of ass.”
In his true fashion, Lennox ignored her and answered Hunter’s question, “Dante’s female shifter. She was in heat. Didn’t you feel the effects of it like Sterling did? He said he’d never been so horny in his life.”
Sterling held up a finger. “That isn’t what I said exactly.”
Lennox waved him off. “It’s what you meant,” her brother said as he turned back to Hunter, who was frowning. “So, is that what it was like for you?”
Hunter looked uncomfortable. “Uh…”
“Lennox, leave him alone,” Lexine said.
Her brother rolled his eyes. “I just want to know what it’s like. Can’t blame a guy.”
“Um, yes, I can,” she retorted.
Giving her the finger, Lennox walked over to Sterling and nudged his shoulder with his hand. “Who is she? Maybe you’d like to share, or does she have friends?”
Lexine made a gagging noise. “Gross,” she whispered under her breath.
Sterling looked up at Lennox. “I said, let it go. She’s none of your business, and I’m not sharing her with anyone.”
Lexine got a little tingle inside her belly, but that only lasted for a second before Lennox leaned over and read Sterling’s paper.
“Transfer papers? To California?” Lennox straightened. “What the hell, man? Are you leaving us?”
The little tingle inside Lexine’s belly turned to a rock.
Hunter looked surprised. “You’re moving? But it won’t be the same. The king and queen are here.”
Sterling glanced at her but then quickly turned his eyes back to her brother and Hunter. “There are rogue vampires everywhere that need policing. Besides, I’m just exploring my options. Nothing is definite yet.”
She didn’t understand why he would do this.
The garage door opened, and Dante walked into the kitchen. Everyone turned to look at him, forgetting about Sterling’s situation for the moment. He looked distraught and stressed out, but Lexine found that she didn’t care.
That wasn’t right. It wasn’t that she didn’t care; she did. She just cared like a friend would, but she didn’t care like she would have a month ago.
Sterling stood. “You okay, boss?” His voice was full of concern.
And, with everything else, why was it that all she could think about was how Sterling had ordered her around in bed last night? He had definitely been in charge there, but you wouldn’t know it now by his submission to Dante.
Dante went over to the liquor cabinet, grabbed a drink, and leaned back against the counter. “Honestly, I don’t know.” Dante rarely drank, always saying he should be a good example.
Lennox tilted his head. “Wait a minute. What were you doing out? I thought that whole heat thing lasted for days.”
Dante took a sip of his drink. “It’s supposed to. Apparently, something happened, and it only lasted about half a day.”
“Ooh, is your female okay?” Lennox asked.
Dante took another drink. “Nope. And I really don’t think she’s my female.”
“What happened?” Hunter asked.
Dante didn’t answer. He just took one last swig of his drink, downing it all. He put his glass in the dishwasher and turned back to them. “What are all of you doing here? Shouldn’t you be working?”
Lexine and Sterling were supposed to be out in the field, but there didn’t seem to be a point when they had a plan to go after Lucas in a few days. But they couldn’t tell Dante that.
“Yeah, Sterling and I were just getting ready to go.”
“What about you guys?” Dante asked Hunter and her brother.
“It’s my night off,” Hunter said. He cleared his throat. “I was going to go out, but if you need me—”
Dante waved him off. “No, go. Have fun. Someone should.”
“I was going to head out in a few,” Lennox said. “I have to meet up with Reid.” He raised his brow. “Do you want to come with? Reid’s cool.”
Reid was the tech guy for the cat-shifter sentinels.
“No, thanks. I should probably catch up on paperwork.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen, I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. I know I’ve been preoccupied, and you haven’t seen me much when I’m not working. I apologize.”
“That’s okay, Dante,” Lexine said. “We understand.”
Everyone but Dante stared at her like she’d grown horns.
“What? Was I lying?”
Hunter looked away first. “No, Dante, Lexine is right. We understand, and if we really need you, we know you’d be there.”
Dante headed to the hallway and slapped Hunter on the back. “Thanks.”
Once their leader w
as gone, silence filled the room.
“Well, I’d better go,” Hunter said. “Later.”
“Later,” the three of them answered.
Lexine stood slowly so as to take care of her tender bits. “Listen, I have to go talk to Dante for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” her brother said. “I’ll probably be gone when you get back. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay,” she said.
Then, she glanced over at Sterling. His mouth was set in a hard line again.
“I’ll be back,” she told him.
She went down the hall to Dante’s office and knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
Several minutes later, she left the office and walked back to the kitchen. Sterling had put on his boots and was sitting with his transfer papers, but this time, he had a pen in his hand. He wasn’t writing, but it wasn’t a good sign.
He looked up when she entered.
“Do you want to get out of here?” she asked.
Sterling stood and glared at her. “Everything okay?”
She didn’t know what he meant. “Yeah.”
Sterling stared at her, as if he thought she was going to say more, but she didn’t know what else to say.
He nodded, as if he’d given up on something. “All right, let’s go then.”
“After you,” she said.
Sterling headed for the garage. As soon as the door opened and Sterling was out of eyesight, she grabbed his paperwork and threw it in the garbage.
HUNTER PARKED IN the hotel lot and walked inside to the front desk. After registering and getting his key, he meandered his way over to the bar. He looked around and saw it wasn’t busy, and Quentin wasn’t there yet. He took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink.
He’d taken the first swallow when he felt Quentin’s warm hand on his back. He smiled as he turned to look at the shifter. There was a moment when he thought Quentin might kiss him but instead took a seat next to him. Hunter was relieved and then ashamed for his relief. He knew he shouldn’t care what others thought, and he mostly didn’t. He just couldn’t get past worrying about what might happen if the Vampire Council found out.
Forbidden Addiction (Forbidden, Book #4) Page 19