“Wow.” It was all I could manage.
“You like it? I mean, it’s good, right?” He smiled wide, a smile that was a clear indication we were related somehow… the same smile as our dad.
“You can tell your friend he gave you great advice. I love it.” I twisted the cap off, but before I broke the seal I said, “Come on. Follow me upstairs.” I took him to my little studio or the ‘love nest’ as Trish liked to call it.
I knew he was impressed when he said, “This place is the shit. Do you and Cole sleep here or in the bedroom downstairs?”
I looked at the neatly made bed and easel. Even though the room had sparse décor, it still looked more lived in than any other room in the house.
“This is totally different than the painting downstairs.” He observed.
“Rage. Well, Rage Against the Machine.”
“Huh?”
I explained. “When I have a memory or an anxiety attack, painting is kind of like my therapy… although I’m going to therapy now too. But music helps get me in the head space I need to reach that emotion. I hit repeat, blast the music and just paint. This is what came out of me.” Since the CD was still in the player, I cued it up and centered him in front of the painting. I hit play and told him, “Watch.”
I turned if off when the first song was finished.
“Evil Empire. Great album.”
“Yeah. It is.” I was having all sorts of conflicting emotions, and half expected him to acknowledge my process more. It had nothing to do with ego; I just wanted to have this magical connection with my long lost brother.
“I like your process. It’s cool.” Thank God.
“Thanks. Pick a song or an album that means something to you… I’ll use this paint and create something with it. It’ll be your Christmas present.”
“You’d do that?” He turned his head and shock was written all over his face. His eyes wide with disbelief.
“I have a brother.” I simply said. Hoping that would convey all that I meant it to.
“You don’t think of me as a half or a step?”
I shook my head no.
“So, you think we could hang out sometime?” He asked.
“I hope so. I mean, unless you need some time to get used to the idea.” I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice.
He smiled again, but this time it was a shit eating grin if I ever did see one. “I have years of being an annoying little brother to make up for.”
“You’re on.”
Cole 19
Cole
I watched Anika and her brother ease into their roles as brother and sister. Being an only child, I understood that want of having a sibling, and for both of them having that dream be realized was amazing to watch.
After a couple of hours of drinking and eating, we exchanged gifts. Aimes and Gus gave Anika and me the ugliest Christmas sweaters I’d ever seen. A his and hers, red and green with what Anika explained were googly eyes on the snowmen and candy cane buttons on the shoulders. They were hideous and we vowed to wear them every Christmas as long as we lived. My mom and dad basically said to tell them what we wanted. Anything at all, they would get it. I said we’d get back to them. John and his wife had recently been to Spain and brought us casked wine from vines they’d helped plant when they honeymooned there. It was a beautiful gift actually. David gave Anika paint, that was apparently very expensive. She also suspected he was battling his own demons. I told her she’d come into his life at just the right time then.
After dinner, drinks, dessert, and coffee were being displayed on the dining table. I decided to tell Anika for the millionth time that day that I loved her. Just as she set a chocolate cream pie down and sprinkled the top with shavings, I moved her hair to the side and brushed her neck with my lips. “Know what I’m thinking about?”`
“Does it have anything to do with you and me and ribbon and this table?” She snickered.
“How about when everyone leaves I take a little bit of each dessert and use you as a plate?” A plan began to form in my head. A delicious plan.
“Is it rude to ask people to leave before dessert?”
“We’ll give them twenty minutes… tops.” I promised. For a second, maybe two, it was as if we were the only people in the room.
It didn’t last long.
“Cole?” Interesting how my dad can make a question or request sound like a statement. Final. Direct. No argument to be made.
“Yes.” I said on a sigh.
“Would you and the other men like to join me outside? I brought Cubans.”
“Really?” Anika said. “Did they all drive their retro 1950’s cars?”
“That’s a joke, Anika?” My dad asked impassively. She grinned.
“I was gonna ask if Uncle Fidel was joining us. I should’ve gone with that one.”
“Next time.” He said with a tiny hint of amusement.
“Go on, baby,” she said with a wink only meant for me. “You boys go have your man meeting and smoke your fat stogies without inhaling… just like Clinton.”
That time my dad did chuckle. “That was amusing, Anika.”
“Thank you Richard.”
“And I believe there was a cigar connection in that joke, too. Clever girl. Gentlemen? Shall we?”
***
We convened outside, as far from the house as we could. I assumed this was so the cigar smoke wouldn’t bother the women. I was wrong. My mother appeared by my father’s side. “Will you gentlemen, excuse us? Richard and I need to discuss wedding things with Cole.”
I had a bad feeling about this.
“Let me light up these stogies, Patricia, and we’ll have a word.” My dad snipped, lit and handed cigars all around, the smell strong, but a scent I always associated with my very early childhood which made it comforting. It was a stark contrast to what I thought was looming.
As Dad sipped his scotch, I watched as John, Gus and even David looked around. I’d seen David sipping from a rocks glass and finally asked, “What are you drinking?”
“My parents let me drink on occasion, but I’ve never really been one of those party kids. I enjoy wine, but tonight I’m just drinking soda. I have rehearsals in the morning so I need to be on my game.”
“Rehearsals for what exactly?” I asked him, but he hesitated a moment before answering. “I play piano.” He said on a sigh.
This was Anika’s brother, half or not, I knew better than to push, so I changed the subject.
“Do you surf?” I asked.
“Do I look like I surf?” He retorted. I could not figure out if he was pissed at the world, feeling awkward about this new family dynamic we were all in, or if he was just a moody asshole.
The answer was no. He wore fitted black pants and black dress boots. A charcoal blazer and a fitted black tee. He had style, but exactly what that style was I couldn’t pin point.
“You have Anika’s fair skin. She isn’t a fan of the ocean. I can teach you. I’m pretty good.”
“I have no interest in becoming part of the food chain.” He stated evenly.
I threw my head back and laughed. “You aren’t going to believe this, but that is exactly what Anika said when I made the same offer to her.”
“Really? I didn’t mean to be rude or anything.”
“I know you didn’t. It’s strange, even though you and Anika didn’t grow up together, I can tell you’re related.”
“Cool.” He smiled at me which was a great thing to see. I decided his attitude was not personal. Anika was right, this guy had something else going on.
“Right.” My dad’s voice cut through all other conversation. “Patricia?”
I followed my parent’s having no idea what this was about. They hadn’t been acting strange or anything, no more than usual. So, when she began to explain, I thought they’d handled everything really well.
“They found Marla Redding, Cole.”
A few things happened when I tried to speak, but my mother put h
er hand up in a stop motion. “Now, when I say they found her, I mean they found what’s left of her. She’s been dead for a while.” She was careful with her tone and that’s how I knew there was more to come.
“What else, Mom?”
“Joe and Serena are missing.”
“Cole?” Anika’s voice coming toward us made me nervous as fuck. As she got closer, it was as if she knew what we were discussing away from everyone else, so when I opened my mouth and lied to her, I knew she would forgive me.
“Wedding crap, baby. You do not want to know.” I smiled and gave her a light chuckle. She pulled me down for a small kiss, turned and went back to the house closing the slider behind her.
“When did you find out about Joe and Serena and why am I finding out about it now….Dad ?” I was pissed that my dad had decided what I needed to know. As much as he was determined to let me live my life without his input and control, he was having a hard time doing just that apparently.
“Cole…” my mother said taking my hand, “this was not your father’s decision. This was mine and mine alone. With everything you and Anika have endured, I wanted to spare you any more drama. That said, you should know that since the day Anika was back in your arms, we have had you both under protection. It’s discreet. I’m only telling you for your peace of mind.”
“Are they watching the house, Mom? Because I got to tell you, you of all people know that Anika and I don’t limit our… activities to just the bedroom and I really don’t like the idea of some fuckin’ guy watching my fiancé…”
“Cole.” My dad commanded. He didn’t yell, he didn’t even raise his voice, but it was a tone that demanded my silence. “These people are professionals and they are the best of the best. Stop thinking like that and understand this is for her safety and yours.”
“Fine.” I bit out, knowing that we had an audience of men not far away and none of them stupid. I had to control my temper, both emotionally and physically. “What happens now?”
I knew my parents had reconciled for the most part, but when my dad set his drink on the railing and dropped his Cuban in the amber liquid, it caught me off guard when he wrapped my mother in his arms. It was an intimacy not often, or ever, displayed by my dad.
“Cole,” my mother started, “The Dragos were meant to hear from Serena exactly two weeks after they left here. Joe is intelligent and Serena knew when she left with him, she would have to play a very convincing role in order to carry out her plan. She was determined to act alone and after what he put her through I don’t blame her, but her father wanted to do things differently. She never made contact and you and I both know it’s not because she’s been harboring a secret love for her cousin who molested her when she was a little girl.”
“Fuck, Mom… what happens now?” I said this through a fake smile and waning patience.
“Have you always said fuck this much, dear?”
“Mom,” I said in a warning tone. “Yes, I have always said ‘fuck’ this much. Now tell me what’s next. I need to get back inside and be a good host.”
My meaning was not lost on either one of my parents. My mother had perfected the art of the faux happy person and the faux happy marriage over the years and it was all a show until now. Just then, my dad stepped in.
“They have a lead on Joe, but not Serena. The family fears the worst, but this has nothing to do with you, Anika or even Serena. If he figured it out, seeing as he’s already unstable, his anger will be aimed at his family, not ours. They lied about the business to keep him out and away from Serena. He’ll feel betrayed by them.”
“What now, Dad? I mean… what are you doing? I know you, I know what you said to me and to Anika on Thanksgiving… so what happens now?” I was calm, I was in control, just barely, but I hated the uncertainty of what was happening.
“I’ll reiterate; as soon as she sets foot outside the doors of this house, Anika is safe and so are you, son.”
My mother left my dad’s arms and gave my hand a squeeze before she left the two of us alone. “We’ll fix this Cole. You and Anika will not be touched by this, but I wanted you to know and more importantly, if you found out, I wanted you to know it wasn’t your dad that kept it from you, it was me. I’ll round up the others and lead them inside for dessert. Don’t be too long. Anika’s not stupid either.”
She was only a foot away from me when I caught her, “Mom?”
“Yes dear?” She said softly.
“She can’t know… Anika, she can’t know. She asked me, she said whatever happens, she didn’t want to know. You’re right, she’s not stupid, she knew when she looked at me I was lying and her kiss was her way of thanking me for it.”
“I understand, dear.” Her face morphed from a look of sincere understanding and love to party fake and went to the men and their cigars.
I stood there with my dad and tried to take a deep cleansing breath. It didn’t help. “If he felt anything close to what I feel for Anika, for Serena… this is not over, Dad. It’s Christmas Eve and we’re standing here talking about this. Fuck.”
“Cole…” He tried to interrupt, but I continued.
“I’d want to die. I wouldn’t want to go on. It would be like walking around blind and one day waking up to see a blue sky and clouds and this ocean… to lose it, then live every day with the goal of finding it again just to learn it was all a lie… everything you dreamed about was a lie.”
“Cole…” He tried again.
“Maybe it’s wrong, to try to put myself in his shoes, but I would hope if I couldn’t have the love of my life, someone would just put me out of my fucking misery.”
“You’re a better man than I am, Cole.” He quickly interjected.
“How do you figure that?” I asked surprised by his remark
Looking at the water, I watched his eyes take in the scenery even though there wasn’t much to see at night. “Look at that, Cole.”
“Where are you looking?” I scanned the water in front of me, but only saw the blue light of a small fishing boat.
“That night, the night we all waited, I watched you. I watched you prepare for the possibility she might not be returned and I knew, if we lost her, we lost you. I couldn’t risk that happening twice. But I learned two things that night. One, if Serena was my daughter, niece, sister, aunt or cousin, I would have killed Joe with my own hands. Two, I went to the Gillies when they were setting up. I knew you made a purchase and I was determined to find a way back to you and your mother. I stared at that painting, men moving around me, I felt her pain Cole. Don’t ask me how, I did not know her, I did not know her personal history, nor did I know what had happened between the two of you, but I felt it.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. Again, my dad and I had come a long way in a short while and Anika had a great deal to do with that, but I was getting to know someone that was a complete stranger to me for thirty years.
“Cole… they’re close to finding him. Don’t waste another second, life is short. I wasted so much time with the woman who holds my heart like it was the rarest gem wrapped in the purest gold. I didn’t appreciate it and I almost lost it. That love is a gift so few get to experience, let alone keep it.”
With that he turned and left me alone, looking out at the black water… speechless.
Cole 20
Anika
My dad, brother, and Gus returned to the living room and made a beeline for the array of desserts around the large table. I knew something had happened outside and that something had to do with either my mom, Joe, or both. I also knew Cole had lied to me, but it was a lie I asked him to make, and I was grateful he did. Whatever happened, I wanted him here by my side, not out with his dad.
I saw that everyone else was busy, mingling and eating, so I made my way out to Cole again. I didn’t want him to worry, I didn’t want to watch him tear himself apart over whatever it was Trish and Richard had told him. Just as I closed the slider behind me, Richard looked down to me and said, “Merry
Christmas, Anika,” and went into the house.
Cole’s hands gripped the railing, white knuckled, pensive. I approached quietly and slid my small hand over one of his and wrapped my other hand over his shoulder. “Baby…” I whispered. “Thank you.”
I didn’t need to say anything else, he understood. It was finished and I knew this for sure when his hand moved up and laced his fingers with mine on his shoulder. “Merry Christmas, Anika.” He said and kissed my fingertips.
I pulled my other arm around his waist, “Merry Christmas, Cole. You think they’ll miss us if we go for a walk?”
“Maybe, but they’ll understand.” He smiled. It wasn’t huge, there was sadness behind it, worry, I assumed, but I chose not to focus on that. I needed to give him the support and confidence that everything was going to be okay, just as he’d always done for me.
“Cole?”
“Yeah, baby?” He answered on a sigh.
“I know it weighs heavy on you, the worry, but it’s our first Christmas and in six short days we’ll be married and in seven short days… a week from today… we’ll be in your cabin as husband and wife. Just you and me. So, let’s go inside with our family and friends, drink some strong cocktails, and after they leave you can use me as your very own dessert platter. We’ve had enough drama to last a lifetime.”
He pulled me close, looked down at me, no expression at all and burst out laughing, “Thank you, Anika. I was not expecting that at all. You’re right and actually, please don’t worry. Okay?”
“Okay.” I said softly.
***
About an hour later, my brother and I sat close to each other on the dining chairs I had lined up against the back windows. The pool and deck behind us, the tree and family in front of us, a fire burning, Christmas lights twinkling, and I had no idea what to talk to him about. Luckily, he decided to break the silence first.
Cole (The Leaves) Page 15