“Cole dear, we’re running late. We’ll talk to you later… bye!” Her enthusiasm and my fiancé were whisked out the door and replaced by Olaf.
“Holy shit. I brought you an Americano.” He handed me a cup with a giant squid on the front. He removed the lid from his latte and took a sip. “I will never understand why a café would use a squid as their logo. I see it, I think fish… not the best damn coffee I have ever had.”
I laughed as he followed behind me and pulled out a seat at the dining table. “We missed you Christmas Eve.” I said knowingly.
“Have you ever heard the expression, breaking my balls? Cole, she is not only breaking them, they are broken. I am less one for your nuptials. If I have to breathe her perfume, see her fucking fake tan or listen to her high, shrill voice… I may need a lawyer. And not just any lawyer… a good lawyer, because the things I imagine doing to her are beyond what the average imagination can produce. Do you know what she did?”
I chuckled at the idea of Olaf murdering anyone. “What did she do, Olaf?”
“I cannot believe your mother didn’t tell you. She not only opened your wedding invitation after getting drunk and spending the night, after I specifically told her I did not want her to spend the night, then she filled in the reply card with her name and a little note at the bottom which said,” he cleared his throat, “My fiancé and I would love to attend.”
“Olaf, you’ve been dating for six months. That’s a long relationship for you. She knows you. She probably just assumed. I assumed.”
“I was very clear, Cole. The woman who wears my ring and wakes in my bed is a woman of Anika’s caliber… not Josephine.”
“You almost sound like a snob. That’s not like you, Olaf.”
He set his cup down purposefully and said, “Cole. We, meaning you and I, have money. A great deal of money. You do not care about that lifestyle and I respect that. However, I choose the public life. I like the parties, I enjoy the pussy that seems to throw itself at me, but what I do not like and will not abide is to be played. You have been played before; you know exactly what I’m talking about. She appeared to be the best of both worlds, hating the people but perfect walking amongst them.” He picked up his cup and took another sip. “If I see that fucking cunt at your wedding, I will drive a fork into her skull.”
“Olaf…” I asked cautiously. “What exactly did Josephine do?”
“Nothing specific aside from the fiancé stunt, but she’s just one in a long line of manipulative women.” I watched his face morph into something gentle, as if he was remembering something… or someone.
I smirked, tapping the tips of my fingers together in a prayer pose. “Who is she?”
He smiled. “No one. No one yet, anyway.”
“Okay, if you don’t want to tell me. Now be a pal and cheer the fuck up. Let’s go.”
I watched my friend, watched him thinking of her. Olaf… in love. That was going to be very interesting.
Cole 24
Anika
Trish and Aimes sat across from each other, both enjoying a tiny tray of sandwiches. More accurately, Aimes was devouring everything in sight.
“You got a little somethin’…” I teased, wiping cream cheese from the side of Aimes’ mouth.
“Shut the fuck up. Sorry, Trish.” She apologized.
“Oh, don’t mind me dear. It’s the smoked salmon and brie, isn’t it?” Trish took a delicate bite of another teeny tiny sandwich.
“How did you know? And please, please don’t tell Gus.”
“Come now, Amelia… you must know me better than that. There was a woman on the board for one of the charities I’m involved with who was pregnant. She went on and on about something called Listeria. Any time a menu was planned or we had a lunch meeting, she made a big announcement about not being able to eat soft cheese, cured meat, sushi… very dangerous, you know.” She laughed. “I swear the meeting notes must’ve have been about her complaining more than anything else. I never drank or smoked when I was pregnant with Cole, but I ate soft cheese and I could not get enough beef jerky.”
While they were having their moment, a thought occurred to me, I hadn’t had a period in a while. A long while. Cole and I had talked about it. Trish had made it clear she would be overjoyed at becoming a grandma. I glanced at Aimes and her belly, seeing how happy she was (even though Gus was keeping a close watch on her diet). I looked down at my own belly, careful not to give anything away. Really, I needed to start doing some math. So, I got the implant thingy before Gerry… October. Aimes and I went to that Halloween party. She hooked up with the guy dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow (not so hot without the dreads, hat, and eyeliner the next morning). I did shots in the kitchen with a guy dressed like a Jack in the Box who never took off his head. Sidetracked. Okay, so October…
“Ms. Redding, are you ready?” Rachel, the nice tattooed manager approached.
“Sorry, yeah, lots on my mind.” I smiled and popped up, grabbing the shoe bag as I went. “See you ladies in all my finery.” I gave a wave to Aimes and Trish who were beginning to move closer to the dressing room. Aimes reluctantly leaving food of any kind.
When the door closed behind us, Rachel took the bag from me and held out her arms, palms up, gesturing for my hands to see my fingernails. I did as she silently asked and watched her face explode in a smile. “Perfect.” I nodded, but couldn’t speak just in case I became a sobbing mess.
I was already wearing the lingerie I would be wearing on the day. “You came prepared. Well done.” She said unzipping the giant garment bag. “Now, step into the hoop.” She held my hands while I put each foot through the poufy skirt. The tulle was arranged and fanned out, then she carefully removed the dress.
The first part went on which was the main dress, and then the train/bustle was last. I felt her hooking each little button… until she got toward the top. “Can you suck it in a little for me? Too much Christmas cheer?” She joked.
“Oh. My. God.” I whispered.
“What? What’s wrong?” Rachel was full of concern. “Here.” She lifted all the layers so my lace clad butt was sitting on a bench. Obviously, not the first time she’d had to do it.
“Okay, so… October. Three years… now it’s December… oh… my… god.” I said in a panicked voice as teeny tiny as those damn finger sandwiches. “Oh my God.”
“Honey? What’s going on? I am the sole of discretion.” She knelt down in front of me and held my hands.
“Three years. I have one of those implant things. I should’ve been using a backup method since October. Oh my god! I got really, really drunk on Christmas Eve! Oh my god! My dress doesn’t fit!”
“It fits just fine. You only have a few more days, it’ll be just fine.” She squeezed my fingers. “How do you feel… otherwise?”
“I cry. I just want to cry all the fucking time… sorry.” I looked right at her apologetically, “Potty mouth.”
“Me too, I just keep it all inside when I’m at work. When I get in the car I let out a long drawn out ‘fuck’.”
“Thanks.” I was starting to breathe heavily.
“Talk to me, honey.” I think she could see my freak out before I knew it was happening.
“Can you get Trish… distract my friend Aimes with her maid of honor dress… or food.” I laughed awkwardly. “… and hurry.”
“Back in a jiff.”
The door was opened, closed and re-opened in seconds. I had never had a panic attack that wasn’t induced by my mother or Joe but here I was, totally freaking out.
“Anika, what is it?” Poor Trish, I was with it enough to see she was devastated. She probably thought I was getting cold feet.
“I’m not my mother, I know I’m gonna be great, really, but it’s too soon. Don’t you think it’s too soon?” I looked up at her, feeling like the dress was physically swallowing me.
“Too soon?” She looked confused.
“I mean, we’ve only been together for a few months but real
ly, Trish, that day in the bar… I knew. I knew right then and there he was it. Cole was it. Then…” why I kept talking, I couldn’t even begin to explain, but I did, “I went to the beach with Evan and we got high and I never get high and we were totally having sex, like right there on the beach which isn’t unusual for me,” and I kept talking, “and then he was telling me to say something and I didn’t know what he meant, but that was because he was remembering something that Lisa always said to him and you know, they had been sleeping together for a while… and then when I had an orgasm, I totally called out Cole’s name. Cole’s!”
I was panting, trying to catch my breath after my diarrhea mouth episode with the mother of the man I was going to marry.
“And he is wonderful; he will be such a good dad, Trish. He has so much love. I was so scared in the beginning and I worried that even with all he had to give, it wouldn’t be enough to beat all we had working against us, but it did, he did, he just wraps me up in his heart so tight, the demons have no choice but to give up. There’s just no room for them.”
I was having a conversation with myself, but I was pretty sure Trish knew this.
“And he tells me I saved him. How on earth I could save him. He saved me!” I put my hand to my forehead. “And I never knew this feeling; I never knew what real love was. I didn’t. I thought I did and it’s so scary because you think, fuck, this is huge, so huge and what would happen if you lost it? How would you go on? But it’s like air, I need it, I need him. And it’s not just sex and you should know, the sex… it’s incredible.” She smiled patiently. “But it’s waking up next to him, and hearing him breathe and knowing he would slay a dragon if he had to for me… if dragons were real, that is. But it’s quick, yeah? Is it quick?”
I was starting to break into a sweat from the heavy breathing.
“Calm down, Anika. Just breathe. I want you to close your eyes for me. Now, I want you to imagine you’re lying in bed next to Cole. The sheets are wrapped around you both. You’re just waking up. Breathe. Slow, that’s it. Now keep your eyes closed. We’re going to stand up now.” I let her guide me, the weight of the dress was disorienting. “Now, Anika. I want to tell you something important, so listen and just breathe. You said it’s scary, how huge this love is. Well, imagine what you and Cole have and multiply it times a million. Unimaginable. That is the love I feel for my child and when my husband held him for the first time and looked in my eyes; that love we shared, if you can believe it, grew even bigger. Now, open your eyes.”
Oh, wow.
“What I see, is a young woman with a heart worthy of the love my son has to give. And you will be a wonderful mother and it’s not too soon. The two of you, it’s a real love story, Anika. Now, let’s get you into those Manolos and have a final look. And then we’re going to that coffee shop on the corner because there’s a pharmacy next door. Then you’ll know for sure.”
“Are you happy, Trish?”
“Anika. I don’t think I ever knew happy before you came into our lives and that is the absolute truth.”
I looked down and moved the skirt to see the silvery toes of my shoes when something caught my eye, a folded piece of paper with my name written in Cole’s distinct penmanship. I carefully crouched down and picked it up. I didn’t want to open it straight away. Instead, I decided to take in every detail, disappointed in myself that the thought hadn’t occurred to me before. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and went through the same motions I did the night of the Gillies exhibit. I could still feel the butterflies in my stomach as I raised my head and opened my eyes to see my painting displayed there. I could feel the sensation of Cole’s presence behind me, his smooth voice reaching out to me before he took my hand and led me to my future.
So there I stood, holding the folded paper, feeling so beautiful encased in this gown, the shoes, and the headpiece; picturing myself walking toward Cole in his three piece suit… I opened it and looked down. As soon as I began to read, my eyes, as usual, welled up with tears:
My Darling Girl,
All my dreams, all my love… all you.
Cole
***
Maybe it was wrong to keep my impending pregnancy from Aimes, but I wanted to not only be sure, I wanted to tell Cole before anyone else. I knew Trish would keep my secret and I was grateful. She really was like the mother I never had.
“You wanted gum, bobby pins and Advil for your bridal bag… it’s all there.” Trish handed it to me and I put the white bag with the red and blue logo into my purse. Aimes was having pie. Not just any pie, pumpkin pie. I really wanted pie, but I really had to pee on a stick.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t eat my pie while I’m gone, Aimes.” I teased. Poor thing. She actually lost her appetite when she started getting morning sickness. For six weeks she hardly ate and didn’t gain a pound. She was making up for it.
I closed the stall, ripped open the box and the wrapper like I was disarming a bomb about to blow and peed.
I looked at the time on my phone.
Then I looked at the stick.
Then I looked at my phone.
Then I looked at the stick.
Then the phone rang and I dropped the stick, which flew under the stall and into the next cubicle.
“Fuck! Hello?” I said trying to reach under the stall with my jeans around my ankles.
“Sugar plum fairy? Is that any way to talk to your favorite gay?”
I laughed. “I am so sorry, Abe. I just dropped… something and I’m in the toilet at Rozz’s.”
“Well, I’ll let you get back to business… just wanted to say, that Anthony… I think you picked a winner.”
“How was the date?” I set up the two single gay people I knew, my good friend and gallery manager, Abe and Cole’s assistant, the baby faced Anthony. I wasn’t sure at first because Abe was 37 and I assumed Anthony was really young but it turned out, he was 31. Abe explained it was different with ‘the gays’ since there wasn’t the whole biological clock issue. I didn’t know about that really, but I was happy there was chemistry.
“Can I call you back Anthony?”
“Nah doll, I just wanted to say, relax and I’ll see you on the big day! Such a catch you lucky bitch!”
He was laughing as I hung up.
I suppose if I had been thinking more clearly, I would have pulled up my pants and opened the door to retrieve the stick. I didn’t. I dropped to the floor of the stall and began to slide like a commando under the partition, elbows pulling me along, so my hands didn’t touch the floor. It was a nice place, clean, but it was still the floor of a public bathroom. Just as I realized the stick was farther than I thought, I heard the door open. The last stall opened and two white tennis shoes with tan hose entered and sat down.
My arms were almost within reach of my little stick, but there was no way I was going to get it now. I realized how stupid I was to crawl under the wall. I began to move back when I heard, “Uh, you’re either out of paper and couldn’t get some from another stall, or this little pregnancy test at my feet belongs to you?”
She was older, I assumed one of the waitresses. “The second one.” I replied, but didn’t move, completely embarrassed.
“Do you want me to hand it to you, or give you the news?” The tell-tale sounds of peeing had stopped.
“Um…..tell me.” I felt like fate had done this. I was kind of happy white shoed, tanned hose, waitress was giving me the news.
“What are we hoping for?”
“I’m getting married on New Year’s Eve so I guess either way is fine.” Honestly though, since the idea had planted itself in my head, I had my mind made up.
“Well, brace yourself babe.”
“Okay.” The toilet flushed and the door opened to her stall. “I got really drunk the other night.” I admitted for no reason whatsoever.
“Well, I had an entire bottle of red wine when I was about six weeks with my first and she’s just fine.” She paused, maybe for dramatic effect,
but it was killing me.
“You’re killing me here.”
She laughed, “Well, you don’t need to worry about protection on your wedding night, babe.”
I shimmied back to my stall, planted my butt back on the seat, wiped, pulled up my jeans and gathered my belongings. When I opened the door, she was holding the test with a piece of toilet paper. “You should put the cap on and give the entire thing to your future husband.”
“Thank you.” I caught my reflection in the mirror and I was beaming with happiness. It was written all over me.
“This is good news?” She asked, already knowing the answer.
“The best.” And it was the truth. Something I never even knew I wanted.
Cole 25
Cole
Even if my dad had said this was a bad idea, I still would’ve gone through with it. I made this business decision on my terms, but having his approval admittedly felt great and I never thought that was even a remote possibility. I had only dipped into my trust a handful of times but this… this was huge. Of course, I needed to get my mom on board, my lawyer, and the mayor who I swore to secrecy. Now I was sitting with my most trusted friend, key members of the city council, five lawyers, my mom, who had just finished with the girls and rushed here, and my dad’s best friend, the mayor.
“Gentlemen.” Handshakes all around, “and lady.” Tom Grissom kissed my mother on the cheek and I was pretty sure she blushed. “So, I think we have some papers to sign.” He said gesturing for me to have a seat.
“I am going to do everything I can to stop this Frank.” Greg Longfellow said, barging into the room. This man was a hot-head and because of that people let him have his way to avoid his temper.
Cole (The Leaves) Page 19