by Una LaMarche
Emma watched the boys ransack the cabin. She didn’t really care if they took their suitcases; probably they’d just stack them in a pile on the basketball court or something obnoxious like that. What she did care about was why Adam wasn’t with them. It was pretty clear he was purposefully avoiding her.
“Is Adam with you guys?” she asked Zeke as he grabbed her bag of toiletries from the windowsill. He ignored her.
“Hey,” she said, a little louder, “where’s Adam?”
“Who cares?” Jo shouted, still focused on her shouting match with Matt. “He’s probably sleeping off a hangover—or hooking up with someone random.” She shot Skylar a quick look—but not quick enough for Emma not to notice. And she had known Skylar for too long to miss the guilt written all over her face. Emma could still see the boys stomping around, but for all intents and purposes, the cabin went silent. Blood rushed to her head along with a wave of white noise.
“Why did you just look at her?” Emma heard herself ask, in a much louder voice than she intended.
“What?” Skylar and Jo asked simultaneously.
“Ohhhhhh, snap,” Matt said gleefully, covering his mouth with one hand.
“I thought you said you were going to tell her,” Jo sputtered.
Skylar looked at Emma nervously. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said to Jo.
“No one looked at anyone,” Maddie said. “Let’s just all calm down, get these jerks off our property, and go back to sleep.”
“No,” Emma said sharply, staring at Skylar, who fidgeted under her sheet. “Why would she look at you, Sky? Tell me what? Why would you know anything about Adam hooking up with anyone?” Jo wasn’t the kind of person who misspoke. For her to connect Adam and Skylar in that way at four in the morning, there had to be a reason. And if there was one . . . Emma couldn’t finish the thought. Nothing had happened. They wouldn’t do that to her.
“Can we please not talk about this with them here?” Skylar begged. Bowen shined his flashlight in her face and she winced.
“Wait, you’re not denying it?” Emma heard her voice rising even more; she could barely control it. “You hooked up with him?” Skylar looked down at the floor. “LOOK AT ME!” Emma screamed, and reached out to yank Skylar’s sheet.
“Em, please,” Skylar whispered. “I’m in my underwear.”
“You didn’t care about being in your underwear last night in the lake!”
“Does anyone have any popcorn? This is better than Girls Gone Wild!” Matt laughed, and Jo lunged at him again.
Emma’s mind raced through the past three years, through all the e-mails and texts Skylar had sent from camp, complaining of her boredom and recounting funny stories of her escapades with the other counselors, barely mentioning Adam. Whenever Emma would try to subtly work him into correspondence, Skylar would just say that Adam was Adam. The same. Annoying, yet lovable. And Adam, G-chatting her late at night, referring vaguely to his girl problems, had never once indicated that the girl in question might be the friend Emma had trusted most in the world.
“Get out!” Emma screamed. She wasn’t sure who exactly she was talking to, but as far as she was concerned, they all could leave.
“Calm down,” Zeke said. “Everyone knows Skylar gets around. Is this really news?”
Skylar looked like she’d been slapped. Even though Emma didn’t want to speak to her—maybe ever again—she also wanted to dropkick Zeke in the balls and send him flying into another state. Luckily, Jo was on top of that. She shoved him, hard, and the boys finally got the message. They filed out noisily, and Sunny and her friends followed, sneaking peeks at Emma as they left, like they were slowing down on the highway to rubberneck at a car crash.
“Just say it,” Emma said, looking Skylar in the eyes. “I want to hear it from you.”
“Yes,” Skylar said softly. “We hooked up. But it’s over. And I never meant—”
“When was it over?”
Skylar sat down on Jo’s bed. “Thursday night.”
Emma let out an involuntary sound that fell somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “Great,” she said. “This is very educational. And when did it start?”
“Emma, please,” Skylar whispered. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“When. Did. It. Start?” Emma said, slowly and patiently, like she was speaking to a mentally disabled person. She wanted the words to hurt.
“The last night of camp,” Skylar said quietly.
“What, last summer?”
Skylar paused, and just like that, Emma knew.
“No. The year you left.”
Emma had only ever fainted once—after staying up all night to finish a final paper on feminist symbolism in Moby Dick—and she remembered feeling at first like she was being drawn back in space, seeing her computer screen through a pinhole that swiftly got smaller and smaller against an ocean of black. The same effect was happening now. Skylar, Maddie, and Jo suddenly seemed far away. Emma flashed back to the moment she’d turned away from Adam on the rock. She’d spent that night crying into her pillow while Jo and Maddie tried to cheer her up with junk food and card games, but the person she’d needed had been Skylar. She’d been so worried when she didn’t come back to the cabin. Knowing now where she’d been that night changed everything. It rewrote history. Emma could barely wrap her brain around it.
“How could you do that to me?” Emma yelled. “That night, out on the shore, you told me to go for it. You knew how much I liked him. You knew.” Skylar kept her eyes down. “And then . . . you just took him? That same night? You could have had anyone. What is wrong with you?”
“I know,” Skylar said softly.
“And then you tell her first?” Emma asked, pointing at Jo.
“I only found out today,” Jo said, walking over to the window on the far side of the cabin. Skylar and Maddie still stood frozen in their places, like onlookers in one of those naked hallway dreams that still tormented Emma the night before each new school year.
“Still, you could have said something. You could have warned me!” Emma knew she was lashing out, but she didn’t care. It felt like Jo and Skylar had conspired behind her back to keep the secret, which was almost worse than Skylar and Adam.
“I know you’re upset, but this isn’t about me,” Jo said.
“No, it’s about a friend who does the most hurtful thing one girl can do to another girl,” Maddie said, turning on Skylar. “I can’t believe you just sat there while I talked about Charlie and Christina, and you didn’t even flinch!”
“We’re talking about Adam,” Emma said testily, “not Charlie.”
“I’m sticking up for you!” Maddie cried.
“She’s right, let’s just focus on one love triangle at a time,” Jo muttered.
“Sorry I’m so annoying.” Maddie stalked off to stand by herself near Aileen and Kerry’s bunk.
“Don’t be a drama queen,” Jo groaned. “We all listened to you yesterday, and it’s time to listen to Emma right now.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m one of your campers,” Maddie said.
“Then don’t act like one!”
“Stop it!” Emma shouted. “This isn’t about either of you. This is between me and Skylar. You guys should just leave.”
“So we have to watch the entire I’m-In-Love-With-Adam series for five years but we get booted from the live finale?” Maddie snapped. “That’s fair.”
“I want them here,” Skylar spoke up. “At least Jo.” Emma ignored her and turned to Maddie.
“I didn’t say I was in love with him,” Emma cried. “And why are you being such a bitch all of a sudden?”
“I’ve been exactly where you are,” Maddie said. “Exactly. But you don’t care. It’s only a big deal when it happens to you.”
“Excuse me for being more involved
in my own life than yours,” Emma sighed. “It’s called subjectivity. Plus, we only found out about Charlie yesterday!”
“Jo knew.”
“Well, apparently Jo knows everything!” Emma said, putting her hands on her hips.
“Are you kidding?” Jo cried. “No one tells me anything, and when they do it’s only because they don’t have anyone else to talk to. Skylar only latched on to me because you didn’t make it as a CIT.”
“Latched on?” Skylar repeated angrily. Then, to Emma: “You applied? You told me you decided it wouldn’t look good on your resume.”
Jo shot Emma a nasty look. Over the course of the last few minutes, they’d all shifted position so that each girl occupied one corner of the cabin, like a human map of continental drift.
“Do not talk to me,” Emma snapped.
“You can’t just shut me out,” Skylar said.
Emma wished she could literally turn her back, but the top bunk frame directly lined up with her chin. So instead she sat on her bed and looked out the door, away from Skylar. Sunny and Co. were lined up on the grass a few feet away, listening intently. Everyone on the girls’ side could probably hear them.
“Did you sleep with him?” Skylar asked.
“Wow, that’s really none of your business,” Emma said. She instantly wished she had just said nothing. She wanted Skylar to think she had done it.
“Please tell me you didn’t,” Jo said.
“We can’t all be celibate,” Maddie sneered. “Who cares if she did? Good for her. Don’t be so repressed.”
“I am not repressed!” Jo cried.
“Please, you live in a fantasy world. Everything’s about your precious camp; you don’t give a shit what’s going on outside of it. You’re like Peter Pan—you even have the haircut! No wonder you’re a virgin!”
Jo gasped. “Take that back!”
“No,” Maddie said. “It’s true.”
“Nothing you say is true and you know it,” Jo said.
“What?”
“I can’t believe anything you say. You’re my best friend and I don’t even know who you are.”
“You’re insane.”
“What is she talking about?” Skylar asked Maddie.
“Don’t talk to me, either,” Maddie said. “This whole weekend you’ve been acting like everything was normal! This,” she gestured to the entire room, “is your fault.”
“You can’t just blame her,” Jo said. “What about Adam?”
“Adam wasn’t part of the pact,” Maddie snapped.
They all got quiet. Emma looked down at the watermelon backpack, which had been kicked halfway under the bed in the fray.
“Best friends don’t keep secrets,” she said. “Best friends treat each other with respect.” She looked up at Skylar. “Best friends never talk behind each other’s backs.” She got up and reached for the framed photo, which was sitting on the windowsill between their bunks. “So much for friendship.”
“I said I was sorry,” Skylar said.
“Actually, you didn’t,” Emma snapped.
“I’m sorry, Emma,” Skylar said, wiping tears away with the corner of her sheet. “You have to believe me. I’m so, so sorry.”
“That’s not good enough!” Emma yelled. “Tell me why. Did you just want to hurt me?” Her voice was getting hoarse. “Did you just not care? Are you really so insecure that if one guy breaks up with you, you have to steal someone else’s?”
“You didn’t want him!” Skylar cried. “All you did was talk about him for years and then you didn’t even want him.”
“You don’t know what I wanted!”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Skylar said. “No matter what I say happened, you’re not going to forgive me.”
“Why should I?” Emma said, her eyes flashing. “You lied to me! You lied to me for three years!”
“Try eight,” Jo said, glancing at Maddie.
“Do you have something to say to me, Johannah?” Maddie asked.
“Never mind,” Jo mumbled.
“No, please, I’m all ears.”
“I know, okay?” Jo sighed. “I know you lie about your family.”
Maddie’s face went white. “Did he tell you?” she asked quietly.
“No,” Jo said. “I found the letter. And some other stuff, in your file.” She shifted uncomfortably.
“And you decided not to say anything?”
“What was I supposed to say?” Jo said. “Sorry you’re poor? Sorry your mom’s in jail?”
“It’s not jail!” Maddie cried through tears that were pooling on her bottom lashes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. “It’s court-ordered rehab! And you have no right to talk about her! You don’t know her!”
“Maybe I would if you gave me a chance!”
“Wait, I thought your mom was a consultant,” Emma said, confused.
“Her dad’s not a doctor, either,” Jo said.
“What is going on?” Skylar asked helplessly.
“You are so entitled,” Maddie spat at Jo. “You have no idea what it’s like not to have everything handed to you.”
“You don’t even pay to come here!” Jo cried. “My dad basically has you on welfare.”
Skylar turned to Jo. “Are you listening to yourself? That’s your friend!”
“You have some convenient double standards,” Emma spat.
“I would have been there for you,” Jo yelled at Maddie, “if you’d let me.”
“Oh, really?” Maddie said. “’Cause it sounds like you just pity me. Which is pretty ironic coming from someone who still acts like she’s twelve.”
“I do not.”
“Oh, please,” Maddie groaned. “Yes, you do. You know, everyone makes fun of you. Everyone.”
“Yeah, I do know,” Jo said. “I also know that if I wasn’t my dad’s daughter, you guys wouldn’t be able to do half the things you do. I pull so many strings for you, you have no idea.” She turned to Skylar. “Why do you think you never got busted for drinking? Why do you think no one called the police when Emma and Adam didn’t come back from the island? I do so much and nobody ever thanks me.”
Emma had been so busy trying to follow the verbal volley, she’d almost forgotten what had happened with Adam before she found out about him and Skylar. Fresh pain flooded her chest and forced its way up her throat and out her mouth, like a water main bursting.
“Thank you,” she shouted bitterly. “In fact, thank you all for being such good friends.” She turned to Skylar. “And thank you especially, Sky, for taking Adam for the team. I’m so glad you had my best interests at heart.”
“Look,” Skylar said, “I know you like to feel like the victim, but it’s not like you were always such a great friend to me. Ever since we were twelve it’s been all about Adam. I was just your consolation prize whenever he didn’t have time for you.”
Emma gasped. “That is not true! Just because I talked about him sometimes . . .” She held up the photo and shook it at Skylar. “You were my best friend.”
“It wasn’t just sometimes,” Jo said quietly. “It was all the time.”
“Stay out of it,” Maddie snapped. “You don’t understand anything about what it means to like someone that much.”
“I was a good friend!” Skylar said. “You wouldn’t even have tried to go for Adam if I hadn’t helped you.”
“So you’re saying I owed you?” Emma screamed. “I owed you him?”
“Oh my God, get over yourself! I didn’t do it to punish you!” Skylar yelled. “Some things aren’t about you!”
Emma froze. If it wasn’t about her—if it wasn’t some effort on either of their parts to feel closer to her—then it was just about Adam and Skylar falling for each other. And that was even worse. “Well, it wasn’t just a coincidence,” s
he said stonily. “You chose him. On purpose.”
“Maybe he chose me!” Skylar said indignantly. Emma couldn’t control herself any longer. In a burst of anger she hurled the photo at the far wall of the cabin, where it smashed and shattered, raining glass onto the floor.
“Whoa,” Jo said, holding up her hands. “Calm down. I think we all need a time-out.”
“It’s too late for time-out,” Maddie said.
“I have to get out of here,” Skylar said, grabbing a dress off the floor and pulling it over her head. She ran for the door in her bare feet.
“Are you going to find Adam?” Emma called after her. “Tell him I say ‘screw you.’ But not you literally. Because he’s already done that.” Skylar paused in the doorway and looked back, her eyes filled with hurt. Emma felt a mixture of satisfaction and self-loathing. What had happened to her? What had happened to all of them?
She sat back down on her bed and surveyed the damage, noticing for the first time since the raid started that the floor was littered with paper airplanes, like the wreckage from some horrible accident. Jo crouched down and started to clean up wordlessly, but Emma couldn’t do anything but lie down and close her eyes. She was too exhausted to pick up the pieces.
When she finally fell asleep again, just as the sun rose over the pines, she dreamed again about the storm on the lake, with the lightning touching down all around her in the black water. But this time, she was in the boat alone.
Jo
Reunion: Day 3
CAPTURE THE FLAG DAY HAD ALWAYS BEEN, historically, Jo’s favorite day at camp, and for reunion she had been excited to really do it up. If the reunion was the Super Bowl, capture the flag was its halftime show. She’d bought a tin of eye black, like football players used to cut down on glare, and had been planning to put it on before sunup, “kidnap” the girls, and lead them in an authentic army training boot camp workout that doubled as an inspirational pep talk, like the one near the end of her dad’s favorite movie, Hoosiers. But when she’d opened her eyes and looked blearily at her watch, it had already been almost nine. And then the early morning’s terrible fight had come flooding back. And for the first time in her life, Jo had found herself wishing that capture the flag didn’t even exist.