Chapter Nineteen
Zane woke up with a start. Disoriented, he tried to sit up, but a warm, soft body in the bed next to him kept him where he was. He smelled roses and everything that had happened a few hours earlier came back to him. He closed his eyes and tightened his arm around her waist. She snuggled back against him, her soft bottom making him start to go rigid.
He cupped her bare breast, gratified when she sighed and relaxed into him with a gentle snore. The sound brought a smile to his lips. There were so many things he wanted to know about her, but he wasn’t certain he’d get the chance. He’d had that damn dream again. The one that left him questioning his life and mortality. Did it mean that he was destined to die when Dubose came to town? Did it mean that he should leave her anyway, even after Dubose was taken care of? He didn’t know.
One thing he knew for certain was that he couldn’t disregard it. It meant something.
Knowing he wouldn’t get back to sleep after that dream, he sat up and looked down at the woman beside him. Being with her had been different than being with any other woman he’d ever known. Their joining hadn’t been only about mutual pleasure. There’d been something more. The only thing that had ever come close was his time with Christine. He didn’t like to think about her, especially not when in bed with Glory, but there she was.
He’d loved Christine. Cared about her like he’d never cared about another person, but even in their brief time together, even with his thoughts of marriage, he’d never imagined the contentment of growing old with her. Theirs had always been a relationship rooted in now. That’s the relationship he and Glory had agreed upon as well, but this morning he saw more. He saw himself waking up with her every morning for years to come. He saw himself on a front porch holding her wrinkled hand as they watched the sunset and going to sleep with her at his side. They’d agreed not to think about the future, but that’s all that he could think about now.
The tread of a boot on the roof overhead brought him back to the present, reminding him that he had more pressing concerns to think about right now. There’d be no future to consider if he couldn’t figure out Dubose’s plan. He moved to get out of bed, unwilling to wake her with his restless thoughts, but the moment he did she stirred and tightened her arm against his.
“Don’t go,” she whispered. “It’s the middle of the night.”
He hesitated. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to stay, it was more that he knew he’d never want to leave if he did.
She rolled over onto her back to look up at him in the muted light coming in through the window. Light spilled across her shoulder, one breast was partially revealed. The expression on her face cinched his decision. It was so full of hope and tenderness that he felt himself relaxing back into the bed before he’d even made the conscious decision to stay. It was wrong. There were so many reasons to go, but he wasn’t strong enough to turn away.
She went eagerly into his arms and settled against his chest. He’d planned to hold her until she went back to sleep, but she didn’t seem sleepy anymore. Her finger drew small circles on his chest. He took a deep breath, trying and failing to keep her warmth from seeping into his heart. He realized then that she was far braver than he was. She’d faced her fear, but he couldn’t. He was terrified of loving her.
“I know that you should go back to the sofa soon, but you don’t have to go yet.”
“Oh?” he asked absently more than from the fact that he had any strong objection to the suggestion. His mind was too busy racing along with his heart to think clearly.
“It makes sense, don’t you think? We don’t want Able to come early in the morning and find you here.” When he didn’t answer right away, she rolled her head to look up at him. His face must have reflected his mounting terror, because she asked, “Are you okay?” She rose up a little to see him better.
He nodded and managed to hold on to what she’d said. “Why shouldn’t he find us?”
She stared at him as if he should know the answer to that question, before a tremulous smile made her lower her head. “I don’t want to put you in danger,” she teased. “I haven’t talked to him yet. And I know you’ll think I’m a contradiction, but I don’t want people to know...to talk.”
Irrational fear moved over him like a tidal wave, latching onto the scars from his past and refusing to let go. He could recognize it for what it was, but he could no more stop it than he could stop the churning of his thoughts. This hadn’t meant to her what it meant to him. She wanted to keep them a secret. To keep him a secret. No one could know and the second they did would she turn from him?
He gave her a single nod, unable to do more at the moment.
She sat up, pulling the sheet with her to cover her breasts. “Are you certain you’re okay?”
“Fine.” His voice came out sharper than he’d intended it to, and she looked up at him a little stunned. “Why don’t we make it easy? I’ll trade with Able and take my old room back.”
“No, you misunderstand. I don’t want that.” Her voice came from behind him as he sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on his pants. The heat of her hand nearly scalded him when she placed it on his bare shoulder. It was like a siren’s call, luring him back to where he knew only pain awaited. He rose to his feet and stepped away from the bed as he worked the buttons.
“Zane, please... I didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll talk to Able tomorrow, I promise.”
“But that won’t solve the problem of people talking, will it?” He grabbed his shirt and shrugged into it without looking at her. She was silent on the bed. Despite his intention, he couldn’t leave without seeing her expression and knowing how she felt.
Her brow was furrowed in pain when he met her gaze. “Can’t we talk about this? You even agreed that the future was uncertain. I’d rather there not be talk among the staff until we know if there is even something to talk about.”
A cold knife of pain moved through his chest, nearly taking his breath. He was horrible. Here he was deriding her over this when he’d already been fighting his own demons and losing, unable to face his own fears to have a future with her. Leaving his shirt open, he sat back down on the bed. Only a few inches separated them, but it might as well have been miles. She made no move to touch him.
He owed her something, so he said, “I never told you about Christine.”
She shook her head, silently urging him on. So he told her, and it felt good to open up to her. He told her about how he’d fallen hard. About how Christine had led him to believe that she felt the same. He still thought that she’d been honest about that, but it hadn’t been enough. When her brother found out about them and beat him to within an inch of his life for daring to lay a hand on her, it hadn’t mattered.
He took a deep breath and forced himself to meet Glory’s gaze head on. It wasn’t fair of him not to explain to her. He’d never been a coward a day in his life, but here he was...afraid of her and what she did to him. “That’s why I don’t know about the future, our future. The way she hurt me... I don’t know if I’m able to open myself up to that again.”
As he spoke, her eyes welled up with tears, but they didn’t fall. “She’s why you’ve been pulling away from me. I felt it yesterday at the Jameson home and again today. It’s because of her?”
“Cas and Hunter swear that she never really loved me if she could do such a thing, but they don’t know. I saw her. I held her. I know the way she looked at me. It was love and it was real. But it didn’t matter.”
She took in a wavering breath, and the sound of it pierced his soul. “I would never allow anyone to hurt you... You must know that?”
He raised a hand but stopped short of touching her knee, instead he let it fall back to the bed. He didn’t have that right anymore. “I know that you wouldn’t. I don’t mean that you’d harm me in that way.” He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with his inability to say
what he meant. “I’m saying that love is fleeting. We embrace it when it’s convenient and discard it when it’s not.”
“So you don’t even want to try?”
He shook his head. “There’s no point.”
Her chin dropped down, but she didn’t say anything. After a moment, she pulled the sheet around her even tighter. He wanted to pull her against him and damn the inevitable pain, but he couldn’t.
Finally, she said, “Thank you for telling me.”
He hated that it had to be this way, but deep down he knew that it was for the best. Better to get out now while they were both capable of walking away. He rose, hating himself as he left.
* * *
Glory never went back to sleep. She lay there listening to the sounds of Zane in the parlor. He seemed restless, walking over to the window to stand there for a few minutes only to pace back to the front door. This went on for over an hour, until gray morning light filtered in through her window.
She wanted to cry. She had cried but only for a little while, not nearly long enough to quench the burning pain he’d left in her chest. The tears had dried up, leaving her with an emptiness that she didn’t know how to handle. She shouldn’t feel this bereft. They’d never agreed to any sort of future. In fact, he’d made it very clear before they’d even started that a future wasn’t something they could even consider.
Her brain knew that, but her heart did not. Her heart wanted him.
She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the pillow over her head when she heard her front door open. Able’s deep voice was muffled through the wall and the down of her pillow. She let out the breath she’d been holding when her door shut and Able’s heavier tread took him to her sofa. Zane was gone.
For some reason, that brought on a fresh wave of tears. She gritted her teeth in an attempt to hold them back, but a few escaped to run down her face. She hated what had happened to Zane. The truth of the matter was that she didn’t know what if felt like to give your heart to someone only to have them turn on you, but she did know a little about how he felt. Her own family had given her to Justin. Didn’t Zane see how alike they were? Didn’t he realize that if anyone could understand him it was her?
It wouldn’t matter if he did know those things. She knew it as soon as the questions had floated through her mind. He didn’t really think that she was like Christine, so he didn’t care if Glory would be able to understand. He thought that love wasn’t binding, and she didn’t know how they were going to overcome that.
He thought that when things got rough, she’d leave and go looking for greener pastures. Isn’t that exactly what he had just done to her? He’d been fine to flirt and tease, but the moment things had gone deeper...he’d fled. If he didn’t think love would last, then he wouldn’t be around long. Even if she could convince him to stay now, something would drive him away later.
She’d been right about them from the beginning. He was the wind, and she was rooted firmly in the ground. Shame on her for forgetting that.
She tossed the pillow across the room because it smelled like him. Everything smelled like him. Even her skin. Wiping any lingering tears from her eyes, she rose and grabbed her dressing gown. Somehow she’d make it through the day, God knows that she’d made it through worse. A long hot soak in the tub would help, and then she’d have to figure out how to avoid Zane for...well...forever.
A lump welled in her throat, forcing her to swallow it down. Somehow she didn’t think that her usual work ethic and diligence was going to get her through this.
She was right. The day passed in a fog. Mercifully, the sharp pain of their argument had gone to be replaced by a dull ache. It was compounded by the fact that the house itself had changed seemingly overnight. A hush had fallen over the place. Business was slow because a few of the girls had left with Sally for a short holiday. Glory had encouraged the trip knowing they’d be safer there than anywhere near Justin.
It was as if everyone was simply waiting. Able kept vigil at the front door but made frequent trips through the house every hour. Penelope polished the bar so much she’d likely rub a hole in the wood if she kept it up. And Glory paced. It was all she could do. She went from window to window, each time thinking that she might catch sight of Justin. But there was only the usual Helena traffic.
If she was honest, she was also hoping to catch a glimpse of Zane. She heard his voice once midmorning when he’d been out in the courtyard talking with his men, but she hadn’t been able to bring herself to go see him. What was there to say anyway?
He didn’t believe in them.
Finally night fell and they shut down the house. Able followed her to her room, but she couldn’t ask him if he’d switched with Zane. She couldn’t bear to hear it. Instead, she’d bade him good-night and had fallen into her bed early. She was exhausted and emotionally drained. This was one day she was happy to end.
* * *
Zane awoke with a start. For a moment he thought he might have had that damned dream again, but then he heard a voice. A man yelled something indistinct from the roof. His heart pounded as he pushed up off Glory’s sofa and ran to the window that overlooked the front of the house. Nothing was out of place. Everything looked normal.
He frowned and wondered if he’d imagined things. A quick glance toward her door confirmed that Glory hadn’t been disturbed. He tried to ignore the almost painful squeeze of his chest. He probably should’ve asked Able for his room back, but he hadn’t been able to bear the thought of not being here with her. If something happened and he wasn’t here to protect her, he knew he’d never be able to live with that. In the end he hadn’t asked, and when he’d arrived to take Able’s place the man hadn’t said anything to him, making Zane think that Glory hadn’t told him what had happened.
The faint scent of wood smoke stung his nostrils. Dubose? Another shout broke through the silence. Someone yelled, “Fire!”
Dammit. He grabbed his holster and strapped his gun around his waist as he rushed to her room. He knocked, but threw it open to see her sitting up in bed, sleepy but alarmed.
“There’s a fire. We have to go.”
She was already moving. “I heard someone yell. Do you think he’s here?”
“It’s possible.” Zane rushed to her armoire and pulled out the first garment he grabbed. Pulling it over her head, he quickly did up some of the buttons in back. “Get your shoes on.” He rushed back into the parlor and shoved his feet into his boots, not taking the time to lace them up. When he finished, she ran into the parlor. “Go downstairs. I want you outside,” he said.
“I have to make sure everyone knows!” She shouted back over her shoulder as she made for the door.
He followed her and they both pounded on every door on the third floor, shouting for people to get out. There was a window at the end of the hallway and he could see thick clouds of smoke floating past it, which spurred him to move faster. He had no idea where the fire had been started or how long they had to get out of the building.
Once every third-floor occupant had been accounted for, he followed the group of women down the stairs to the second floor. Glory tried to break from the crowd to start knocking on those doors, but he grabbed her arms to stop her.
“I have to go warn them!” she shouted.
“I’ll do it. Get the women outside and grab who you find on the first floor.”
She looked down the hallway and then back at him. Her eyes were bright with fear. He hadn’t been thinking past his next move, but he suddenly realized that he had no idea how this scenario would end. He’d been inside her only the night before, and then he’d foolishly pushed her away. Now this could very well be the last time he touched her. He pulled her close and tightened his arms around her, burying his nose in her hair one more time. The scent of roses was only barely discernible over the smell of smoke. To his amazement, she hugged him back, her small hands tight
ening in his shirt. When he pulled back, he realized smoke was coming in through the open window at the end of the hallway.
He pressed a quick kiss to her mouth. “I love you, Glory.” If he never saw her again, he wanted her to know that. “Go!”
She nodded and turned back to continue herding the women down the stairs. The night was filled with cries of panic. He ran down the hall, pounding on doors while sending up a prayer that Glory got out safely.
The next few minutes were a blur of activity. The servants who lived on the second floor were already evacuating, so he helped the last ones out and hurried down the back stairway. He wasn’t prepared for what he saw. Out of the first-floor windows that looked out over the courtyard, he saw that the boardinghouse was engulfed in a blaze. He was glad they’d had the foresight to close it down. At least everyone who lived there was safe at the Jameson ranch. Except for Able who had stayed in Zane’s old room on the second floor, but that room had been empty when he’d opened the door to warn everyone.
The kitchen area was clear of people, so he made his way through the hallway toward the front. For some reason there was smoke here and it appeared to be getting heavier. He inhaled and coughed when it burned his nose and chest. There must be a second fire somewhere, but he couldn’t seem to find it.
Chapter Twenty
After getting the women and servants who had filed out with her across the road to safety, Glory hurried around the block to the boardinghouse. A line of men were already carrying buckets of water, but it was clear that their efforts were no match for the fire. It already reached the second floor. Chaos had taken over as people screamed and fled from the surrounding buildings, fearful that the fire would spread. Glory felt helpless as she watched.
There was no doubt in her mind that someone had set the fire. No one had been in the boardinghouse to set it ablaze on accident. Who would do such an awful thing? Had it been Victoria House, she might have understood. It was no secret that many in town didn’t like the business. But the boardinghouse had only ever helped people, women and children with nowhere else to go.
An Outlaw to Protect Her Page 20