by Kimi Flores
Just as I’d hoped, her eyes opened wide in surprise as a blush crept up her face. I’d been missing that. Now that we were officially together, she didn’t blush for me as much.
A smile hit my lips while I looked into her eyes. “You heard me.”
Tilting down to kiss her on the forehead, I took the opportunity to move on to another matter. “Now, we need to discuss something else. Today at the tree lot was awkward with Peter and—”
She interrupted. “I know, I’m so sorry. You’ve had to deal with that two times now.”
Patiently, I continued, “What I was going to say was it doesn’t have to be awkward. You need to figure out a way to work through this with him for your well-being, love.”
That idea seemed to pain her. “I don’t need to think about him, Caleb. I’m with you.”
She seemed so sure of that answer, but I wasn’t giving up. I had no interest in running into this guy all over town and having this weird cloud follow.
Moving a calming hand up and down her back, I explained, “Yes, you’re with me, but you can’t be completely happy until you forgive those that you feel have wronged you. You’re going to keep hauling that same heavy load of crap around until you get this over with.” I pulled her into a strong hug, wanting her to know I was being supportive, not attacking her.
She moved in closer and I was thankful she felt my love, not rejection.
“Have you been talking to Leah about this?” she questioned, suspicion in her eyes.
“No, but if the two people who love you see that this needs to happen, then maybe you should consider it.” Placing my nose on the top of her head, I took a sniff. Today her hair had a pine fragrance. She smelled just like Christmas.
“He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness,” she said quietly, her voice full of so much hurt.
“Maybe he doesn’t,” I said carefully. “But forgiveness isn’t given for his sake. You do it for your own. Even if he were to say he doesn’t want your forgiveness, which I’m sure he won’t say, you do it for yourself. You can leave that heavy weight at his feet and walk away, feeling so much lighter. You’ll inevitably keep running into him, this town is too small. Even if you don’t see him, you’ll see one of his family members.”
“I don’t know, I’m kind of an avoider.” She started fidgeting with her fingers. “I’d rather just stay clear of him.”
I sighed, hoping she’d see my point of view. “I know it seems easier, but trust me, you’ll feel a lot better afterward. It’s one conversation and maybe a little counseling, because I don’t think you’ve fully dealt with the death of your child, either.” That look on her face wasn’t good. Maybe I was pushing her too far today. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, but this is kind of my point. You should be able to talk about it without it upsetting you this much, and I really want you to be happy.”
She blinked a few times, her eyes glossing over. “I have to think about it, Caleb. It’s a bit much all at once.” She sat back, away from my touch, and I felt the cold air replace her warmth.
If she was going to pull away, I was going to follow her. Slowly, so I didn’t scare her off, I scooted closer and placed my hand on hers. “You can do this, Abby,” I said softly, gently. “And I’ll be behind you the entire time. Whether you want me involved when you have the conversation or just for moral support. I can also refer you to the counselor who helped me with Rene’s passing. She was fantastic.”
“A shrink?” She looked at me like I’d just grown two heads.
“No, a counselor,” I amended. “She’ll give you tools that can help you deal with everything. Like I said, I want to help you through this. Any way you need me to.”
She was silent for a long moment, but it looked like she was thinking about it. That was a good sign. She glanced down at our hands, and although she didn’t remove hers, she didn’t move closer to me either. “Let me think about it.”
“Sure. Whenever you’re ready.”
Not more than five seconds later, sounds of hopping feet came across the kitchen floor, and Madison reentered the room. “Can I have a peanut butter sandwich and hot cocoa please?”
⁂
Abby
I was dead on my feet by the time I got home from the Festival of Lights, yet another tradition my mom and I had shared while growing up, but we hadn’t gone together the last couple of years.
My mom and her husband did make it this time. I was happy Leah had decided to close her flower shop early enough to meet us. Grace and Robert also came. Our party covered a large area on the sand just outside the harbor.
Like previous years, the boats parading through the harbor were so beautifully decorated. The Christmas lights bounced off the water as they sailed by. It was breathtaking.
I had stood next to Caleb’s warm body as he held Madison in his arms, and it had given me a sense of longing. I wanted to be a part of their lives more than I needed my next breath. Caleb had been talking about marriage often, but I didn’t know if he’d decided that I was the one he wanted forever. He’d said he loved me, and I believed him, but for life? Could he love me endlessly after only knowing me such a short time? Christmas was around the corner, and I couldn’t help wondering if it was absurd to think that a ring could be under the tree for me.
At that thought, I smiled to myself and got ready for bed.
⁂
Caleb
Kindergarten school performances—this was what every parent waited for when their child entered school. It was bittersweet this year, however, since it would be Abby’s last opportunity to be with her kindergarteners. My heart broke for her and the change she would go through. But I’d made sure she knew I was here for her every step of the way.
Madison was just approaching the small bleachers on the stage, along with the other children, as Abby and her co-teacher directed them. Standing in her brown sweat suit, reindeer ears, and a light up red nose, my little girl waved at me from center stage. Since Abby had been accused of it anyway, she’d used her pull to make Madison into Rudolph. I couldn’t be upset with her for it, but knew this was her last ‘screw you’ to whoever was responsible for having her transferred out of her class.
Grace, Robert, Leah, and I looked on as the children began to sing ‘Up on the Housetop’. Laughter sounded throughout the room as the first child started to pick his nose and another began to wander off and cry. Thankfully my father-in-law had thought ahead of time and brought the video camera, so I felt free to join the crowd in amusement as I snapped along to the ‘click click click’. Though the children were attempting to snap, their tiny fingers seemed incapable of actually doing it.
It didn’t matter. This, right here, was one of the best feelings.
The song ended way too soon. Once the five-year-olds were ushered off the stage, the next troop appeared. I sat back, chatting with Leah when Abby joined us.
She smoothed the back of her skirt as she took her seat between her best friend and me. Leaning over, she whispered. “Melissa said she had the kids so I could come out here with you.”
I whispered back, “You aren’t on the clock, right?”
She coyly shook her head.
“Good.” Placing my arm around her shoulder, I pulled her close and kissed her lips. I’d noticed the women all around us before I’d even sat down. They were all watching, but I couldn’t care less about their schemes. Abby was already mine, she’d been transferred to another grade, and we no longer had anything standing in the way. Glad she followed my lead, I smiled when she finally relaxed and placed her head on my shoulder.
Chapter Eighteen
Merry Christmas, Abby
Abby
I sat in the sand, feeling the cold grains slip absently through my fingers. As the sun started to set, I watched a young girl and her mother chase each other along the shoreline, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as memories flooded my thoughts.
Every year prior to this on
e, my mom and I had prepared a picnic in this very spot. It was our annual Christmas Eve tradition. Not this year. This time I was sitting here, forgotten, while my mother was off on a cruise with my stepfather.
Darkness descended, along with the heaviness in my heart. I knew I was just feeling sorry for myself and had to snap out of this ridiculous sulking. Caleb was right. I needed to create new traditions. Hopefully ones that included him and Madison.
At first, I thought I imagined someone approaching, then a picnic basket dropped in front of me. I glanced up to see Grace standing there.
“Your mom called me. She thought you might be here,” Grace explained as she plopped down beside me on the quilt, also the same blanket we’d used every year since I was a child.
I wiped away the tears that still streaked down my cheeks.
“Awww, come here.” Grace pulled me into a hug. “You know, when my Rene was young, we used to indulge in an entire chocolate cake every Christmas Eve, and not once worried about our waistlines. It was our favorite extravagance over the holiday season. I miss her terribly, but over the years, I’ve also learned to love new traditions.” Her face was warm as she continued. “I brought along my famous mud cake. Care to join me?”
The picnic basket was well stocked, and Grace got out all the necessities. When a whopping quarter of the dessert was passed to me on a plate, along with a spoon, I instantly smelled rich chocolate and knew I was in for a treat.
“Thank you, it smells wonderful.” The layered cake exploded with flavor on my tongue, and I couldn’t help but moan in pleasure.
With both our mouths full of the baked deliciousness, we took the time to admire the beautiful scenery. Multicolored lights from restaurants along the pier reflected off the water, as well as the lights on the enormous Christmas tree proudly standing at the far end of the wooden dock. The waves had settled, and the water resembled a black mirror as far as the eye could see. Now that the sun had set, a cold breeze was making an appearance. Only a few people remained, dotting the length of the beach.
The peaceful silence was suddenly broken by an excited little voice rushing toward us. “Miss Abby, Miss Abby!”
Turning, I saw tiny legs pumping toward me, just before Madison jumped into my lap. Luckily, I’d just put my plate down a moment ago.
As bright eyes stared up at me, the loss of my mom on this particular day faded away, filling me with a new sense of happiness. The feeling was made even more complete when Caleb crouched down, wrapped his arms around us, and gave me a peck on the cheek.
“Hi, ladies.” He glanced over at Grace, who winked back at him.
I realized what was going on, but being played didn’t bother me in the slightest.
“Well, I better get going. Need to fix Robert’s dinner.” Grace conveniently timed her goodbye as she stood up and dusted herself off. “Perhaps next year Madison and you can help me bake the cake.”
Before I got a chance to reply, Madison was jumping up and down in my lap. “Can we, can we, can we?”
I smiled widely, glancing down at the enthusiasm on her face. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.”
Grace left the three of us cuddled close for warmth as the chilly night air set in. We wouldn’t be able to stay out much longer.
Caleb asked, “So, I guess you’re heading out soon? Going to see Leah?”
My face dropped, feeling confused. Is he trying to hint that he didn’t want me around tonight?
“Don’t be silly, Daddy! Miss Abby is coming for a sleepover so she can wake up with us for presents tomorrow mornin’. Aren’t you, Miss Abby?” Although Madison’s intentions were sweet and innocent, there was an awkwardness in the air.
“Actually, Leah is already with her family.” He and I had talked about me coming over on Christmas day, but when he hadn’t mentioned anything about it last night, I didn’t want to invite myself. I hid my face, unable to look at them.
A warm hand cupped my chin and Caleb turned me to face him. “You were going to spend Christmas Eve alone without telling me? I’m sorry, I just assumed you would’ve already made plans with Leah since you didn’t say anything.” His smile was resolute. “You’re spending tonight and tomorrow where you belong—with us.” His intense brown eyes looked into mine as he said softly, “Spend the night with me.”
Shivers went down my spine, causing tingles all over my body.
“Miss Abby’s cold, Daddy. It’s time to get her home.”
Madison was remarkably perceptive. We’d have to be careful about that in the future.
Caleb helped us to our feet. Leaning in with an all-knowing smirk on his face, he whispered, “You weren’t cold, were you?”
⁂
While Caleb took Madison home, I went back to my place to pack an overnight bag. The top drawer of my dresser had been open a full ten minutes as I stared back and forth between my warm comfy pink flannel pajamas and a tiny black satin number I’d recently bought and tucked into my dresser. A war was going on in my head, and I didn’t know what to pick. Where was my best friend when I needed her?
Still undecided, I picked up my home phone and pressed number two on my speed dial. I’d only recently put Caleb in the number one spot.
“Hola, chica! Merry Christmas Eve! What can I do you for?” Leah’s overly peppy voice came through the speaker. It was obvious she’d been enjoying more than a few glasses of sangria in celebration tonight.
“Well, I have this tiny problem and—” Why had I called Leah? It should’ve been obvious there would be only one choice in my book.
“Spit it out, Abby, what’s the matter?”
The black item in question now dangled from my fingertips. “I’m staying at Caleb’s house tonight,” I started hesitantly, “and I’m not sure what sleepwear to pick: cute pink flannels or the sexy satin nightie? I don’t want to seem like I’m throwing myself at him, but I don’t want to be too frumpy, either.”
Leah’s answer surprised me. “Go with the flannels. Caleb would want you to be comfortable more than anything else. Just make sure you wear something lacy underneath. I gotta run, girl. Call me with details tomorrow.” The line went dead, promptly cutting our call short.
After confirmation from my best friend, I was happy about my decision and tossed the flannel pajamas, appropriate underwear, and an outfit for tomorrow into the bag. Walking toward the front door, I reached down and picked up Madison’s present and slipped it into a sturdy carrier. Caleb and I had decided it would be a perfect gift from both of us, and I’d kept it hidden at my house for the last week. Sending a quick text to let Caleb know when to expect me, I carefully sat the sweet gift on my passenger seat.
When I pulled up to Caleb’s, he was waiting on the front porch. “Hey.” He gave me a quick kiss in greeting, then took the strap to my overnight bag off my shoulder and looked around to make sure the coast was clear. “Come inside. I made dinner. Grace called to let me know you didn’t get a chance to eat a proper meal, just cake.”
The smell of garlic drifted toward the entrance as we walked through the door.
“You didn’t have to do that.” I was grateful, though. My stomach was rumbling for some decent food.
“It’s nothing special.” He shrugged. “Just garlic pasta. I didn’t have much time after I got Madison to bed, sorry.”
“No, it’s more than fine, it sounds great.”
Once settled on his leather couch, we dug into our pasta, chatting for quite a while. At one point, Caleb’s phone rang. Looking at the number, he excused himself. When he re-entered the room some time later, he had a cat-ate-the-canary type grin on his face.
“Your call went well?” I assumed.
“Fantastic,” he replied without elaborating. “How do you feel about building a dollhouse with me before we go to sleep? It looks pretty easy.”
Instantly, thoughts of all those family Christmas movies where the father and mother stayed up late on Christmas Eve to put ‘Santa’s presents’ together came to min
d. “I would love to.” I would also love to see Madison’s face when she came down the stairs to discover the dollhouse.
After a couple of hours assembling this ‘simple’ project, a huge yawn escaped my mouth, which I covered with my hand. “Excuse me. It’s been a long day. Bed time for me, I think.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized I had no idea where I’d be sleeping. Had he even brought anyone in his room since Rene?
“Umm,” I stammered. My face felt bright red and hot.
He let out a low chuckle, though he looked a bit nervous himself. “I made up the guest bedroom for you. I don’t want you to think I invited you here for the wrong reasons.”
Grateful, I nodded and followed him over to the spare room. “Good night, Caleb,” I whispered.
Before leaving, he leaned down and placed his lips on mine, taking the time to savor our kiss. “Goodnight, beautiful.”
He left me standing there, dazed in the doorway. No matter what happened in the morning, I’d already received the best Christmas gift ever.
⁂
Sweet visions of Caleb danced behind my eyelids. I snuggled deeper into the cozy down blanket, wanting to stay asleep just a little longer. A contented sigh left my lips, but when giggles sounded beside me, my eyes fluttered open to see Madison kneeling beside the bed, looking up at me.
“Merry Christmas, Miss Abby.” My heart expanded as the little girl, who’d found a place deep within my life, lifted off her knees and kissed me on the cheek. “I love you and I’m so happy you’re here.”
I wondered if my heart could rupture from too much happiness. Tears of joy formed in the corners of my eyes. “I love you too, pumpkin.” I’d been thinking about something and wanted to use this opportunity to talk to Madison. “Hey, what do you say we only use ‘Miss Abby’ at school, and you just call me ‘Abby’ when we aren’t at school?”
Madison had the best smile, and it happened to burst free. “Yes, Miss—I mean, Abby. I’d really like that.”