by Kimi Flores
I looked at the façade, wondering what Josh was seeing. This house was beautiful, there was no question about that, but I knew all too well that once the door closed and nobody was watching, it had become my living hell.
Gently wrapping his large hands around my upper arms, my father bent down a bit to look directly into my eyes. “Yeah, but I knew she could be ruthless. I just thought she saved her best ammo for me. I assumed you were her golden child. I thought she was taking good care of you. I purposely distanced myself when you two were together, thinking it was for your good. Children shouldn’t have to witness their mother demeaning their father.”
“No more secrets or keeping our distance. Deal?” I smiled warmly at my dad.
A pained look covered his face before he creased up the corner of his mouth and nodded. “Okay, princess. Let’s go in. I had dinner prepared ahead of time in case you guys were hungry.”
“Thanks, Daddy.” I looped my arm through his, resting my head on his shoulder as we turned to walk up toward the entrance.
My father extended his hand to Josh when we approached him. “You must be the young man who’s stolen my daughter’s heart. I’ve heard a lot about you over the last week or so.”
I shot Josh a tired but sweet smile. I was thankful that my family not only seemed to be accepting the man I was in love with but also embracing him.
Josh tilted his head to the side, snickering as he took my father’s hand. “That would be me, sir. I’m Josh. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Alec. Very nice to meet you too, Son.” He withdrew his hand, encouraging us to enter the house. “Please, come in.”
⁂
Josh
A little on edge, I sat at the dinner table in Bri’s childhood home, surrounded by her family as we finished our dinner. The room looked and felt like a museum, lifeless and still and the formality of it made my stomach churn.
I can’t even imagine the shit she went through under this roof. How can she even stand to be here?
I gave her hand a little squeeze under the table. She looked up, flashing me the biggest smile I’d seen her give. Then I realized—this wasn’t just a house of torment for her; it was also where she found her protection. She’d had enough pleasant memories with Caleb, Stefen, and her father in this home to cover the bad ones.
I hoped anyway.
And now, with this smile, I knew she was practicing what we’d talked about, by choosing to focus on the good. I patted her knee and grinned back. That’s my girl.
Glancing over at Stefen whose attention was on his wife, I saw what Bri meant about wanting what her brother had found. His grin was similar to Bri’s, like his world began and ended with Leah.
I swear Bri and Stefen look like twins. They even feed off each other’s emotions the way twins do.
Caleb returned to the table with a blank stare on his face, slipping his cell phone into the back pocket of his jeans. His phone had rung several times while we were eating dinner, until he finally excused himself to answer it.
As soon as Alec took one look at Caleb’s face, he pointed to Bri, Stefen, and Caleb. “I hate to break the group up, but I really need to speak privately with these three before we proceed with the evening.”
Stefen rested his elbows on the table. “Pop, anything you have to say can be said in front of everyone here.”
Caleb spoke up. “Stefen, let’s go see what he has to say. I’m sure everyone else can settle in, and we’ll join them in a bit.”
The mood in the room shifted. Something was definitely off by the way Abby and Caleb stared at each other. Leaning down, Caleb kissed her lips. When he pulled away, her expression said that she was concerned.
About what, I wondered. Settling back in my chair, I moved my attention from Abby to Bri and Stefen. They glanced at each other suspiciously, then at Caleb and Alec, who were headed out of the room.
Bri looked desperate for answers. Bringing her hand up to my lips, I kissed her knuckles. “I’ll be here.”
She stood up, scooting her chair back. Stefen offered his arm, and she took it as they walked down the hall into another room. The sound of a door clicking shut echoed through the large house.
Abby cleared her throat as Leah put her napkin on the table. “I wonder what that was about.”
“I don’t know, but I don’t like the look in Caleb’s eyes,” Abby said.
Leah and I shared a glance, then looked at Abby.
Abby cleared her throat once more. “Caleb’s dad has been trying to get ahold of him since yesterday, and he’s been avoiding his calls—Until just now.” She shook her head, eyes wide with worry. “I’ve just got a strange feeling.”
Leah frowned. “What the hell else could be going on? I still cannot believe my husband doesn’t have one little part of his heart that mourns his mother’s death. He’s relieved and I’m torn up because he hasn’t broken down and I really don’t think he will. Who leaves a legacy like that?”
I sat back and couldn’t even imagine the day my mother was no longer around. When my parents pass, I will be devastated, not thankful. They’d always been there for me, even when I was a drunk asshole wreaking havoc everywhere I went.
Tapping the tabletop with her fingertip, Leah puffed out a breath. “Did you see how laid back they were at dinner? I’ve only met Alec one other time, but I’ve never seen those three so relaxed when their parents were involved. You haven’t either, Abby. How much worse can it get?”
Surprised, I asked, “What do you mean you’ve only met him once. At your wedding?”
Rolling her eyes, Leah explained, “I wasn’t on the approved list of daughter-in-laws, so no, they did not go to my wedding. Abby’s only met her in-laws once and that was before she and Caleb got married. This is one screwed up family. I have no idea how any of them came out normal. Then again, I guess each of us has had to deal with one thing or another as a result.” She gave Abby and me meaningful looks.
Getting up from my chair, I took the seat between them, trying to infuse a little hope back into each of us. “Who knows? Maybe they’re talking about the will, or funeral arrangements.” I took another glance around at the high ceilings and pristine mahogany furniture. “To us, this is strange, but maybe this is the new beginning for them.”
I could only hope that’s exactly what it was.
⁂
Bri
“What’s going on?” I sat beside my father, anxious.
Even though he was trying hard to cover it up, I could tell Caleb was distraught about something, and I had a feeling it had to do with the call he’d just taken.
My father addressed Caleb first. “By the look on your face, I’m assuming that was your dad on the phone.”
Nodding, Caleb sat down across from us, seeming to take a backseat, letting his my dad take the reins.
“Pops?” Stefen sat beside Caleb, leaning forward as he braced himself on his bent elbows.
Huffing out a breath, our father began. “There was a time when I loved your mother and would’ve done anything for her. I even married her in an attempt to save her from my brother’s selfish ego.” He gravely shook his head. “We see how well that worked out.”
“Daddy, please. Tell us what’s going on,” I begged, fighting my panic.
Fidgeting in his seat, he rubbed his hands together. “Since you’re the three musketeers, I figured you would all want to be together when we talked about this. And Caleb, I’m sorry if I don’t praise your father as I share.”
Swallowing hard, Caleb blinked quickly, looking down like he was fighting his emotions. “Believe me, I’m the last person you need to apologize to when it comes to my father. Especially now.”
Chills broke out all over my skin as I became even more anxious.
My father narrowed his eyes at no one in particular. “As you’re aware, from what your grandmother shared before she died, your mother was in love with my brother first. They’d dated in college, but once he found out she wasn’t
from the affluent family he’d first thought, he dumped her. She had a very rough upbringing. Her mother was in jail for drug possession, and she was stuck living in a trailer with her abusive stepfather, who also sold drugs. It wasn’t until her stepfather was arrested that her mother’s half-sister stepped up to help.”
“The aunt that just died recently?” I asked, shocked.
He nodded. “Your mother was out of control at that point, so her aunt threw her in a boarding school where she had to learn how to survive in a whole new world. She became so hardhearted. When I met her in college, there was just something so intriguing about her. We started hanging out in a group but she kept her guards up. When she met my brother she fell hard and took a chance on him.”
Those words sent a chill down my spine. Like I’m doing with Josh. Wait that’s different. Stop, Bri.
He slumped his shoulders. “After everything she’d gone through, my brother let her down then married her best friend. She never got over it.”
Caleb interrupted, “I know grandmother told us that part already but as rude as they’ve always been to each other, I cannot imagine them as best friends.”
Giving a few quick nods, Dad agreed. “Yeah that’s because the night he dumped her, she went to find your mom and found her with your dad—in a compromising position.”
Rolling his eyes, Caleb huffed, “What the hell is wrong with them?”
Dad ran his fingers through his greying hair. “Anyway, I cared a lot about her, so it just felt natural for me to come behind and try to pick up the pieces. I’ve been doing that our whole lives.” He paused and cleared his throat. “I thought they were completely over, but as usual, they proved me wrong. I didn’t want to get a divorce. I wanted to make it work and thought having a child would help.” His eyes met Stefen’s glare. “It seemed like everything was going fine, but little did I know she was pretending to be the perfect family. I didn’t find out until you guys were in elementary school, but about a year after Stefen was born, my brother and my wife had an affair and she got pregnant.”
My eyed widened as my gaze bounced from Stefen’s furious glare and Caleb, who was still looking down. “What happened to the baby?”
Pursing his lips to the side, my father lowered his head, then peeked up at me. The truth was right there, written all over his face. With my mouth gaped open, I took another look around the room. Stefen was glaring back and forth between everyone, but Caleb’s eyes met mine. I’d never forget that look as long as I lived. He already knows.
My lips parted as all of the air in my lungs escaped. “I was the baby?” I whispered, feeling the room begin to spin.
Stefen shot up. “What the fuck, Dad? Why are you doing this to her? Hasn’t she suffered enough?”
My father spoke through gritted teeth. “Don’t you think I feel guilty enough? You can blame your fucking uncle for opening this can of worms. It seems he’s suddenly taking an interest in finding out if he has a daughter who he’s ignored her whole life.”
With tears in my eyes again, my voice cracked. “Wa—wait a minute. You don’t know which one of you is my dad?”
Clearly agitated, Stefen paced back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. “You seriously never took a DNA test?”
“No.” our father insisted, tears in his own eyes. “Bri’s my daughter. Who cares about a test?” Shaking his head, like the memories were crashing into him, he groaned. “I was already unhappy, but the idea of not seeing my kids everyday would’ve made me even more miserable, so I stayed.”
Caleb took a deep breath and stood up. “Calm down,” he told Stefen. “You aren’t doing Bri any good by flipping out. Would it change how you feel about her if you find out she’s both of our sister?”
Stefen’s head snapped at Caleb. “Of course not.”
“Then let’s figure this out. We’re all in shock.” Caleb encouraged him to sit back down. Thankfully, he did.
I settled further into the couch, trying to process as I wiped the few tears away. Technically my life had been a lie. But did it matter? Did it really change anything? And would it have changed anything had I known sooner?
I would’ve still had both Caleb and Stefen in my life. My mother would’ve still been my mother, and I would've had an asshole for a dad, instead of the one I grew up with. He may not have been around a lot, but he was the best daddy when he was with me.
Shifting my body toward my father’s, I reached for his hand, caressing the top. “I’m glad you didn’t find out. You’re right. You’re my father and that’s it.” I shook my head. “I don’t want a test done either. Why does he even want to know after all of this time?”
Even if he isn’t my biological father, this is one lie I can live with.
Reaching his thumb up, my father stroked the top of my hand. “I honestly think he loved your mother in his own twisted way,” he said sadly. “And if you’re his daughter, it would be his way of still having a piece of her.” With a defeated look, he reminisced. “You know, I’ve never seen her happier than when she was pregnant with you. I thought we’d finally made a turnaround in our relationship. But when you were little, it became apparent how much you and Stefen looked alike and something snapped in her. It was like the hope she had of always keeping my brother close to her faded, and her spirit died along with it. She seemed to be fine with you, whenever I was around, but man did she take it out on me.” He shook his head, as if remembering. “That’s why I tried to stay away.”
He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. “When she attacked you over the phone last week and admitted all of those awful things, I lost it. I told her she had to get out. I was done with her and couldn’t believe that went on under my roof without me knowing a damn thing.”
I was still in shock over the bomb that had just been dropped, but this was not my father’s fault. There was no need for him to feel guilty. “Daddy, please stop blaming yourself. It was her choice.” As the words came out of my mouth, I realized how true they were. Josh spoke those same words to me, and it wasn’t until this very moment that I really understood them.
Stefen interrupted, “What made her so aggressive lately? She’s always been hard to deal with, but recently she was acting completely belligerent.”
Pulling his hands away from me, Dad sat back on the couch. “Again, you can thank my brother for that. When he decided to leave your mom,” he glanced over at Caleb before looking back at Stefen, “for a girl younger than you guys, your mother flipped. I think she was still hoping he would come back and sweep her off her feet one day. This hurricane started so long ago and you guys have been victims and I’m sorry for the part I played. But I know my brother, and he’ll pursue this.”
Crossing my arms, I said defiantly, “Well, he can try all he wants. I’m not giving him any of my DNA. This is bullshit. I refuse to be a part of it. After the funeral tomorrow, Josh and I are leaving.”
All eyes were on me as I finished with, “I need to finally start my life, and I’m not letting anything get in the way.”
⁂
Although I could hear a fan blowing somewhere in the room, the air around me was still and stifling. Sitting in the first pew of the funeral home, I listened to my mother’s friends go on and on about what a giving beautiful soul she’d been.
Who the hell are these women talking about? I would never describe my mother like that.
None of the family members had taken a stance at the podium, and I wondered if any of us would. My father sat on one side of me, while Josh sat on the other. Stefen, Leah, Caleb and Abby sat directly behind us. I knew my brother didn’t sit in the front on purpose. He didn’t want anyone to think he was actually here because of our mother.
I’d been overwhelmed when I walked in and found two more of my closest friends, Dani and Zachary, already seated. Leah and Dani’s mom, Maria, were also there with her husband, Sal, as well as Madison’s maternal grandparents, Grace and Robert. They’d all flown in for the day, just to show
their support for me and the rest of my family. Glancing around at all of them, I felt my heart swelling. Despite my reason for being here, I felt lucky. So lucky.
As the speeches droned on and on, I leaned to the side, whispering in my father’s ear, “Who are these women talking about?”
He shrugged. “A woman I may have known a very long time ago.”
Resting my back on the hard pew, I didn’t feel right about this. Why did people go to funerals and say flowery things about people, who obviously didn’t contribute any good to anyone? I contemplated what I should do, and felt this was one of those now or never moments.
I don’t wanna look like a totally disrespectful bitch, but I can’t let this praise continue. Even if I regret this later, I will never have another opportunity to say my peace and get this kind of closure. I have to do this for myself.
As the last woman left the podium, her fifty-something eyes glistening with crocodile tears, I found myself getting up. I turned to Josh and whispered, “I’m standing on my own right now, but I might need you to hold me up in a minute.”
Nodding, he kissed my hand. “Whatever you need. I’m here and so is everyone else.”
My legs shook as I walked away from my comfort zone to stand up to my mother for the first and final time.
Closing and opening my eyes, I made my way up to the wooden pedestal. Turning to face the crowd, I really couldn’t believe how many people had showed up. The room was mostly filled with women I didn’t know, but there were a few of my ex-boyfriend’s mothers scattered around. The expressions on my friends’ and family’s faces were hard and determined, encouraging me on. Without a doubt, I knew they would back me up no matter what.
Blinking hard, I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. I’m not alone. My shaking voice filled the room as I spoke into the microphone. “I once read somewhere that the relationship between a mother and daughter is the most powerful bond in the world. It affects everything in the daughter’s life, from her health and self-esteem, to all her other relationships. My life at this point is proof that this statement is true.”