by Kimi Flores
“Looks riveting.” I smirked, watching his gaze travel to my upturned mouth then back to my eyes.
“It is.” His lips pulled up as he returned my playful smile. He moved his leg down and scooted to one side, causing the hammock to wobble. “Here.” His arm stretched out across the top edge of the weaved netting, just above the now vacant spot beside him. “Why don’t you join me and I can read some excerpts to you.”
Snuggling up to him probably wasn’t a great idea when I was already so turned on, but I figured I’d throw caution into the wind anyway. “I’ve gotta find out what’s so fascinating about this book.” Carefully, I tried to situate myself next to him, attempting in vain to not let the gravity of the twisting hammock push me up against his body. Failing miserably, my front was plastered to his side, but he didn’t seem to mind as he pushed his glasses back down and picked up the book with one strong hand.
His other arm wrapped around my shoulders, and his fingers stroked up and down my arm as he began to read the most boring information I’d ever heard about the science of grape growing. I considered myself a well-educated woman, but I had no idea what most of those words even meant.
It didn’t matter, though. I couldn’t care less what he was saying as long as I got to stay in that same spot and listen to his deep, soothing voice.
He’d already read a few pages when he glimpsed down at me. “See? Captivating.” He chuckled as I wrinkled up my nose. Closing the book, he reached forward, placed it as well as his glasses on top of the book stack, then he grabbed his wineglass all while drawing me closer to him. Holding the wine glass toward me, he asked, “Would you like to try some?”
Instinctively, I took it from him and placed the rim against my lips before it hit me. A sip wouldn’t be a problem this early on, but I wasn’t taking any chances. Instead, I took a long sniff of the fruity blend. “Actually, as divine as it smells, I think I’ll pass this time.”
“Are you feeling okay?” he asked as I passed the glass back to him, concern painting his features.
“Yeah, but I should probably grab something to eat soon.” I automatically hid my stomach with my hand out of habit. Stupid insecurities. I couldn’t wait for that to become more of an act of wanting to touch my baby bump.
He took a sip, placed the glass down, then laid back in the hammock. “I just pulled a roast out of the oven, and I planned on making French Dip sandwiches for dinner, but let’s just relax a little longer. It’s so peaceful out here.”
We made ourselves comfortable next to each other, staring up at the sky. The blue provided the perfect backdrop as the leaves on the tree above us danced in the gentle wind. Birds chirped in the background, and the strong scent of fresh herbs from Zachary’s garden surrounded us. For right now, we were the only two people around, enjoying the calm of the afternoon.
I longed for this to mean more than it did and was so torn when we shared times like this. It was so hard forcing myself to be okay with the fact that these intimate moments wouldn’t lead anywhere.
To anyone who didn’t know us, we might look like a couple, capturing a private time alone, but that would never be the case.
I needed to redirect my thoughts before I ruined the moment. “Are you still good with everyone coming over tomorrow?” I touched the rolled up sleeve of his flannel and rubbed my index finger and thumb along the soft edge.
With a small smile on his lips, he glanced down and watched my fingers. “Yeah. Dad’s been looking forward to seeing everyone. He’s been part of these fall wine festivals since they first started, but he especially loves hosting them for friends and family.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, he told me he didn’t like it when groups of snooty yuppies showed up like it was a fad.”
Zachary snickered. “Sounds about right.” He reached down, took another sip of his wine, then said casually, “So tell me about your day.”
I was suddenly nervous and second guessed being honest about where I’d been, but I remembered what he’d said about wanting me to be happy.
I tried to push down the lump in my throat before speaking. “Do you remember when we went out to breakfast and I told you I was working on starting my family?”
His muscles became rigid. “Yes,” he said, dragging out the word.
It was important to me that he saw me as a strong woman who was sure of herself, so I moved away and sat up straight, hoping I didn’t topple over. He followed until we were both upright.
“Well, I’m getting older and want to start my family now.” I fiddled with the owl charm on my necklace. “I did a lot of research about it and—”
He stared at me uneasily, and I could tell he had no clue what I was about to say.
“—I decided to have a baby on my own.”
His brows furrowed as he scooted away a few inches. “You’re adopting?”
I shook my head and swallowed hard. “No. Well, maybe somewhere down the line, but for now, I went to a fertility clinic and had my first artificial insemination appointment today.”
He leaped off the hammock, nearly sending me flying on my ass as it swung wildly back and forth.
Standing in front of me, he scowled and blinked hard. “You did what?” he yelled, raking his fingers through his hair. “Please tell me you’re kidding.” He began to pace then turned to face me again. “Why? Why would you do that?”
I jerked my head back. Who the hell did he think he was to judge me? Once I steadied myself, I shot up and threw my shoulders back. “No, I’m not kidding. I want a child and I’m going to have one—without a man’s help. There are plenty of single moms who have done the same procedure.”
He rolled his eyes and laughed condescendingly. “Oh, you’ll have a man’s help alright, just not one you’ve ever met.”
If he was any other man, I would have slapped him across the face, but I had no idea why he was reacting like this. “What’s your problem? You’re acting like I just told you that you were the father. This baby has nothing to do with you. I just wanted you to know because I thought we were friends, and at some point it might affect how much I’ll be working.”
He looked everywhere but at me as he growled, “This isn’t how everything was supposed to work out.”
I lightly backhanded his chest, trying to get him to look at me. “Oh yeah, and how was it supposed to be?”
“Dammit, Dani, I’ve been preparing myself for the day you told me you met someone, not—this.” He sneered.
Baffled, I took a step back.
Closing his eyes, he rolled his head, seeming to need to release the pressure in his shoulders. “You know what, I hope everything works out for you, but I can’t be involved.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, feeling more hurt than angry at his reaction. “I never asked for you to be involved. You think I’m trying to trap you into something? I know how you feel Zachary. You’ve made it painfully obvious. This is for me. I need this.”
He held up his hands. “I can’t do this, Dani.” Turning, he stormed away, calling over his shoulder, “Dinner might be a little late.” The door slammed behind him, and I was left standing there hurt and completely confused by his reaction.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter Fourteen
Dani
My eyes followed the water droplets cascading down the side of my glass as the cool night sea breeze coated my skin with a salty stickiness. My sister yawned beside me as she stared out toward the water and patted her two-and-a-half-month old daughter’s behind.
I’d loved how close my condo was to the beach, but there was nothing like sitting out on my sister’s ocean-side patio.
After Zachary left me standing in his backyard, I’d called Leah to see if they were up for some company.
“Thanks for bringing dinner. I haven’t had the energy to cook and it was a nice break from inhaling a sandwich while standing over the sink.” Leah held back a second yawn and the patio chair she sat in creaked when she leaned back further.
“Stefen doesn’t cook for you?” Tipping the glass edge to my lips, I allowed the cool liquid to flow down my parched throat.
She rolled her exhausted eyes with a dramatic flair that only she could get away with. “He tries but hasn't quite mastered any dish.” Her motherly instincts had fully kicked in as she rubbed the fine, dark hair on my baby niece’s head. “I knew I wasn’t marrying a chef the first time I smelled the burnt pancakes he tried to make when he stayed at Caleb and Abby’s after their wedding.”
That wasn’t surprising since his sister, Bri, couldn’t cook worth a damn, either. Stefen, Bri, and their cousin, Caleb, had been raised in homes with full-time maids, cooks, and nannies. Before he'd married Abby, Caleb only learned how to cook out of necessity since he’d been a single father.
“Speaking of chefs, are you going to talk to Zachary when you get back?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not planning on seeing him at all tonight. Rosie is on call to help with Joel, so I’m going to sneak into the villa and just go to sleep.”
“Won't that make tomorrow awkward, with everyone there?” Leah had never been fond of feeling like she was forced to pick sides. Not like it mattered. There was no way I would ever create a scene in front of our family and friends.
I picked a piece of lint off my pants and flicked it in the air. “I’ll just stay away from him like I did at all of our other gatherings when I wasn’t talking to him before.” My chest tightened when I thought about the fact that he may ignore me before I had a chance to avoid him. I was also sick to my stomach at the thought of us being in the same spot as we had been before. It killed me when we weren’t speaking.
Leah stared at me with heavy eyes.
Although I loved coming to my sister’s house, I felt like I was intruding on her exhausted family. “I’m sorry for bugging you with all this.”
Confused, Leah frowned. “What? You’re not bugging me. I never get to see you anymore.”
I leaned over and ran a bent finger along my niece's chubby cheek. “I know you’re busy with Isabella and, no offense, but you look like you should be sleeping right now, not sitting on your patio, listening to my shit.”
She swept her long black hair off her shoulder before shaking the curls with a back and forth movement of her head. “Hey, I know I look like crap, but you don’t have to point it out,” she said grouchily, then tapped my leg. “And why wouldn’t I want to hear what’s going on? You know I love Zachary, but I don’t appreciate him being an ass to you, either.” She said the last part just as Stefen joined us on the patio.
“Hmm, that explains why he just called.” Stefen glanced at me as he wrapped a blanket around Isabella, kissed my sister’s forehead, and scooped my sleeping niece into his arms. He was so cute and tender with his girls but also protective as hell.
Before they had even started dating, I knew he and my sister would make beautiful babies one day.
Stefen and Leah were good friends with Zachary, and I really didn’t need them getting involved, but I was curious why he’d called. “What did he say?”
“Just that you left before dinner and he wanted to make sure you ate.” He swayed Isabella back and forth. I always thought it was funny how most adults did that the second a baby was in their arms. I was not immune to it, either.
“I guess he didn’t see the memo that I’m a grown ass woman, and I can decide when I’m hungry.” Mumbling, I brought the glass to my mouth, just short of touching my lips.
Leah and Stefen stared at me, then at each other before Leah gave a nod, indicating she wanted to talk to me alone. Stefen ignored her request since he’d taken on the role of big brother the second Leah had agreed to be his wife.
“Dani, you know I’m not one to get involved,” Stefen started. Leah covered her mouth in haste as she snorted with a mouthful of the drink she had just taken, and Stefen cocked an eye at her. “Hush woman, you know what I mean.” He looked back to me. “Now Dani, men can be jerks. We do and say things that seem perfectly innocent to us, but can cause a nuclear war with our women.” He gently bounced his daughter as he spoke, he paced back and forth, pleading his case like the lawyer he was.
This was too much for me to resist. I motioned for Leah to come closer. “Is this his version of baby court? Will they slam down a bottle instead of gavel? Oh I know, the loser gets the poopy diaper?”
Leah almost fell out of her chair with laughter while poor Stefen continued to stand there, forcing himself to stop each time the spontaneous bounce or rock began to take over.
Clearing his throat to get our attention, he continued, “What I was trying to say was, while our actions may be subpar, our motives are driven by our love and wanting the best for those most precious to us. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to spend some time with a girl who appreciates my wisdom.” He sulked.
As he started to pass by, Leah tugged his pant leg. “Thank you, babe, you gave wise counsel.”
“I’m going to put her down.” He brushed his lips across hers. “Oh, you still owe me, amour.” Another quick peck and Leah sighed, just like my mom used to after Papi kissed her.
He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and he and Isabella disappeared through the sliding door.
God, I would give anything for a man to look at me the way Stefen looked at my sister. I was really happy for her, but I couldn’t help feeling jealous.
As I listened to the waves crashing against the rocks, I decided to change the subject. I wanted to know what had been going on in my sister’s world other than diapers and spit-up rags. “So let’s talk about something else. How is everything going at the studio?” She’d been giving dance lessons to a group of amazing kids who had special needs ever since she’d moved up to Santa Barbara years ago. It was a huge passion of hers, and Bri and I helped out occasionally.
Leah lit up like a Christmas tree. “I have a few great girl’s working with the kids and their respite caregivers while I’m on maternity leave. They’re both working on their occupational therapy degrees. We’re thinking about keeping them on once I get back into the swing of things. The kids adore them.”
“And the flower shop?” I continued to draw designs in the condensation around my glass.
She sighed. “You know, I always thought that’s what I wanted to do with my life, but it’s just become a business now that I have Isabella.” She knotted her hair on top of her head for a brief few seconds, then let it fall back around her shoulders. “I still love doing some of the arrangements here and there, but we have a great team of creative employees who run it.
“I’m still picky about the ones that end up at weddings on the vineyard, though. But the shop isn’t part of me like it was before.” Her thumb twirled the wedding ring on her other finger. I didn’t need her to tell me that her world was inside this house now. Part of her heart would always belong to her dance kids, but being a florist no longer inspired her. “Thank God, Stefen runs the numbers part. I always hated doing that.”
Leah’s yawns had become more frequent and contagious as the night wore on, and I found myself joining in. “Well, I’m going to get out of here. You have a husband to make up to, and I want to get back before it’s too late.” I took my glass into the kitchen, placed it in the sink, and gave Leah a hug goodbye.
It felt really good to get away from the turmoil at home, but the exhaustion of the day was creeping up on me. As I climbed into my truck and took off, I thought about how the next day would play out. I had to force myself to trust that Zachary and I would work out our differences—that this was just another hurdle we’d get past.
One thing was sure. He owed me an apology.
Huge lush trees lined the mountainous area and an occasional bug splatted on my windshield. I was dreading the possibility of running into Zachary when I got home. I just wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.
To drown out my thoughts, I rolled the driver’s side window down and propped my elbow on the window sill. Turning the
music up as loud as I could stand it, I sped up the twisty asphalt on highway one-fifty-four. The wind surged into the cab, whipping my hair all around. Since there wasn’t anyone around to judge me, I sang Justin Bieber's “What Do You Mean” at the top of my lungs. Of course the song reminded me of Zachary, and my thoughts traveled right back to him.
The highway was pitch black, other than my headlights, giving the night an almost eerie feel. As I made the sharp turn closest to the Cachuma Lake recreation area, I slowed down a bit and lowered the volume on my stereo when I heard a strange noise—my truck backfiring.
“No—no—no—” I pushed the gas pedal and it made a revving sound as the check engine light began to flash right before the whole damn thing stalled.
In the middle of the dark fucking road.
I tried to veer off to the side while it was still slowly rolling, but the power steering wasn’t working anymore. The end of the bed was stuck out a bit.
“Shit!” I slammed my hands down on my steering wheel, accidently hitting the horn. Putting my hazard lights on, I immediately rolled up my window. God only knew what lived out here. I didn’t need to announce my presence.
Digging my phone out of my purse, I looked at the signal. It only had one bar, then no bars, then one again. I tried getting through to AAA a few times, but after the words ‘calling’ followed by three traveling dots finally ended in an irritating, ‘call did not go through’, I gave up. My cell’s battery was running low and, of all times, I had forgotten my damn car charger at home.
My head began to throb as I thought about my options. I could get out of my truck, walk all alone, in the dark, and see if any rangers were around the lake—but that was a horror movie in the making. Moviegoers usually screamed at the ditz in the car to just stay put. But she never does and is always the first one to be murdered.
No, that wasn’t the option.
I looked at the passenger seat and spotted the blanket I’d left there for Stella. I figured I could always use it if I got cold. I prayed she hadn’t peed on it.