by Kimi Flores
Laying my head on his hand, I began to cry. I prayed I wouldn’t have to make this choice, not now, not ever.
⁂
Dani
Zachary had asked me to go home and sleep, but I couldn’t stay away very long. The only reason I’d left was to gather enough strength to tell him what needed to be said. Once Joel was intubated last night, I knew I was going to have to have this talk with Zachary.
I tiptoed into the room a few hours after I’d left and placed my purse on a side table. Zachary was in a chair, his face buried in his father’s side. At first I thought he was asleep, then I heard his soft pleas. The sound of my shoe squeaking on the linoleum floor called his attention.
He wiped his eyes as he came over to me and pulled me against him. “I’m so glad you’re back.” His words were muffled in my hair. “I don’t know what to do, Dani. We never talked about this.” He sounded so broken which killed me to hear.
Running my hands up and down his back, I said, “I know.” I paused, peeking over at the manila envelope that stuck out of my purse and tried to come up with the right words. Ones that would comfort and reassure him at the same time. “He didn’t want to talk to you about this kind of stuff. He knew how it would affect you.”
He pulled back, looking confused. “How do you know that?” His eyes and cheeks were still damp with his tears.
I gulped. He wasn’t going to like this next part. “Because he talked to me about it,” I admitted softly. “He didn’t want to be hooked up to machines. He said when he stopped breathing not to resuscitate him.”
Stumbling back, Zachary almost tripped on the chair behind. With shock in his eyes, he spit out, “What’re you talking about? He never said that.”
I reached out for him, needing the contact before he completely pushed me away. “One of the few times he allowed me to take him to the doctor, they discussed a DNR. He’s the one who brought it up,” I insisted. “Just in case, he said. He didn’t want you to have to make that choice for him, and he made me promise not to say anything until it was necessary.” I’d felt guilty about keeping this from him even though I knew I’d done the right thing. “Last night, I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything but this,” I pointed to the ventilator, “isn’t what he wanted.”
Both rage and confusion filled in his eyes as he righted himself and stepped forward. “No, I’ll tell you what he wouldn’t want. He wouldn’t want to be stuck in a fucking hospital bed while everyone came by to gawk at him.” He shook his head, fighting off the tears pooling in his eyes. “This is not how he would’ve wanted it all to end. He’s got to get better. I’m not taking him off life support.”
I placed a tender hand on his chest. “Zachary, I’ve already betrayed his wishes by letting them hook him up. But I wanted to give you the extra time you needed to accept where this was headed—” I was on the verge of breaking, but I barely managed to hold it together to say, “But it’s time now.”
He hesitated a moment before lowering his head. His shallow breaths tore my heart to shreds as he tried to regain some sort of control.
Filled with emotions, I bit my lip to keep it from trembling when he walked over to his dad and gently rubbed the hair away from his forehead. “I can’t do it,” he whispered brokenly.
I placed my hand between Zachary's shoulders to reassure him. “In lucid moments, he said he knew where he was headed. He was at peace knowing when he took his last breath, he’d had a good life.” Rubbing his back, I tried to soothe him as he took in my words. “He never wanted to burden you by talking about his death, but he was proud of the man you’d become. The man who would give him the last selfless gift he could ever receive.”
“I’m not as strong as you thought I was, Dad.” He continued to stare down at his father before turning back to hold me.
“That’s why I’m here,” I whispered. “We can get through this together.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, but I could see the pain even with them closed. “Do you think he can hear us right now? Does he know we’re hurting, watching him leave?”
I blinked back my own tears. “Hon, he’s already in a better place, just waiting for us to fully set him free. He’s looking down at us and knows he’ll live forever in our hearts.”
Zachary, nodded in understanding but still looked broken. “We need to let everyone know, but I want to say goodbye first.”
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my voice even. “I’ll take care of the calls while you say goodbye.”
He shook his head and pulled me alongside him. Clasping both my hand and Joel’s, he took in a labored breath and leaned his head back as if praying for the courage to do this.
“Dad, Dani explained to me what you wanted to happen.” He gritted his teeth before he continued. “I wished we hadn’t tried to protect each other so much so we could’ve done this all together but I thank God you had Dani with you.” He exhaled. “I know you’re tired and are ready for the next journey that’s waiting for you.”
Sobs began to rise from his throat, and I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, trying to keep my tears to a minimum and failing.
“It’s okay, Dad.” His voice shook. “I won’t be alone here. I have the staff at the vineyard, family and friends and best of all, Dani. I love her and feel so blessed that she has agreed to stick with me. You knew all along she was the one for me, and I wished I had listened to all the times you’d said I was too stubborn for my own good.” He paused a moment, looking like he was finding more strength. “I’ve got this. I’ll carry on just as you taught me. No more fearing life or thinking I can do it all by myself. Thank you for being my father. You were the answer to my prayers, and I love you so much.”
He looked up at me and nodded his head slightly. Although exhausted, he looked at peace for the first time in a while. “I’m ready for you to go make the calls now. Thank you, Dani. I would’ve never known what to do if you hadn’t been here to help us.”
I pulled his head toward me and kissed his forehead, like he’d done to me so many times, and moved over to the other side of the bed. Leaning down, I kissed Joel’s wrinkled cheek and whispered in his ear, “I promise I’ll make him happy and care for him just as you would’ve wanted. Rest now, sweet man. I love you and thank you for everything you gave me, especially your son.”
I moved back to Zachary as he continued to hold both his father’s and my hands. “I’ll be right back, take your time, hon.”
Gripping even tighter, Zachary raised our joined hands to his lips before I let go and headed out. In the doorway, I turned and just looked at the man I loved speaking softly to his father. It made my heart ache, but there was an underlying peace and a future joy hidden in there as well.
“It’s time to let you go in peace, Dad. We’ll miss you, but I know you’ll be watching us and that you’ll be taking care of my little girl. Goodbye, Dad.”
I grabbed the manila folder out of my purse and gripped it to my chest as those last words came out of his mouth. I knew how difficult it was for him to vocalize anything that had to do with Bethany.
Although I had gone against Joel’s original wishes, I didn’t regret it. Not only had Zachary been given the opportunity to say goodbye, but he finally seemed to be at peace with his baby girl’s passing.
I took a step toward the hall to make the necessary calls and find the doctor, confident we were about to give Joel the chance to be with his granddaughter once again.
And I would be here to take care of his son.
Epilogue
Dani
My back muscles were stiff by the time Leah and I exited the plane, along with the herd of people we’d just traveled with. It was spring in L.A., but with so many bodies shuffling through the stuffy, confined transfer tunnel at the same time, the thick air felt like it was already the middle of summer.
The strap to my heavy purse dug into my shoulder as my carry-on suitcase wobbled along behind me. I glanced at my sister’s face and could see her an
xiety building with each step. The last week had been difficult for her to be without her husband and daughter, but she’d needed our getaway as much as I had.
Although I knew she would feel much better once she saw her family, I had to make sure she was doing okay. “Estas bien?”
She nodded as her chin began to wobble. My sister couldn’t hide much from me, but she still attempted to mask her emotions. The second she laid eyes on Stefen and Isabella, I knew she was going to lose it.
I was so thankful Stefen and Zachary had teamed up, insisting Leah and I take the much needed trip to our father’s homeland.
Looping my free arm through hers, we continued our slow path, weaving through the herd of people. As we walked, I thought about the past week. We’d mostly spent it hanging out by the pool with our cousins, swimming in the warm ocean, and having nightly get-togethers where we’d reminisced about our childhood vacations.
Although the trip was nostalgic for us, and we’d gotten some much needed rest, traveling to Papi’s childhood home as adults had filled a void I hadn’t even realized was there.
The second we made it through the open glass doors and into the airport, I sighed in relief as the cool air conditioning hit me. Before I had a chance to search the faces, Leah took off running, her rolling case teetering and trying to keep up with her.
Stefen had a devilish grin as he watched his wife racing toward him and their daughter. Isabella spotted Leah and cried out with joy, stretching her little arms out. I hadn’t even realized that I had stopped in front of the departing crowd until a large man bumped into me and barked in Spanish for me to get out of the way.
Pendejo.
Stepping off to the side so I didn’t piss anyone else off, I continued to watch them, wishing Zachary had been able to get away from work today. I understood why he couldn’t. Before my departure, the vineyard had still been transitioning from its stand still. When Joel passed, he’d taken a piece of it with him and a part of its heartbeat would be gone forever.
It had taken a little time for Zachary to step out from the haze he’d been in. Thankfully, he had a competent staff who helped him run the business.
The last week, my favorite part of the day was when I got to video chat with him. I still couldn’t believe he’d taken it upon himself to look for Jonata.
He’d gotten ahold of her niece and seemed so sad when he’d told me Jonata had never married either, and hadn’t gotten over Joel. No matter how much her niece had encouraged her to, Jonata had refused to look for him, fearing he’d moved on without her. While Joel had been mentally stuck in their past, she’d died in a nursing home just five hours north, in San Francisco.
“Dani!” I snapped my head up when Leah called my name and motioned for me to come over to them.
Leaning in, I gave Stefen a hug and kiss on the cheek, then I stole my niece from Leah’s arms to give her several loud kisses on her chubby cheeks.
Now that Leah had her reunion, I was even more excited to have mine with Zachary. “Let’s grab our luggage and head home.”
Stefen pulled my purse off my shoulder while Leah moved my rolling suitcase out of the way and snatched Isabella back. “Okay, but there’s something you’ve got to see first,” she said as they both stared at me, guilt all over their faces.
They stepped aside, confusing me for a second.
And then I saw it—him.
Zachary stepped closer. In one hand he held a bouquet of flowers that looked like they’d come from his garden. In the other hand there was a box of my favorite chocolates.
My hands flew to my mouth and my eyes were glossy with tears. The second he was close enough, I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight. “You remembered my story.”
He chuckled in my ear. “I remember everything you’ve told me.”
I moved my head back and planted a kiss on his soft lips. “Thank you for coming to get me.”
“Oh, I’m here for more than that, sweetheart.” He handed me the flowers and candy.
Clutching the gifts to my chest, I looked around to see if anyone was watching him. I spotted Stefen as he wrapped his arm around my sister who was trying to get Isabella to watch her Auntie Dani. By the time my mind registered what this could mean, Zachary was on one knee in front of me.
Oh my God, this isn’t happening.
Oh my God, it is!
Oh my God—
His smile was nervous, but there was no mistaking the love in his eyes. “You’ve held my heart since the moment I first laid eyes on you. I let fears from my past overrule the things I want in life. Things I want with you. But those fears no longer have any power over our happiness. I can’t promise I won’t be freaked out a little when something remotely scary happens, but—” He held up a simple, antique platinum and diamond wedding ring. “I want forever with you. Marriage, kids, all of it.”
I blinked a few times, overcome with shock. My mouth opened but nothing came out and I imagined I looked like a fish gasping for air. Staring up at me, he asked the question I’d dreamed of hearing ever since I was a little girl. “Dani, will you please marry me?”
Beaming, I bit my lip and closed my eyes, allowing the tears to stream down as I nodded. “Yes.” I whispered as he slipped the ring on my finger, “I’ll marry you.”
Jumping to his feet, he grabbed me and twirled me around a couple of times. I heard whistling and clapping all around us and had to laugh as I thought about the movie, Pretty Woman. Now I knew what Vivian felt like when the man of her dreams pushed his fears aside and climbed up her tower in order to claim her heart.
Peeking over my shoulder, I saw Stefen whistling while Isabella slapped her little hands together, completely unaware of why everyone else was clapping. Leah’s eyes were filled with just as many tears as mine.
Clearing his throat, Zachary took the flowers and candy away from me, setting them down on a nearby ledge. “One more thing.”
I blinked rapidly, turning my face to wipe my eyes on my arm.
He held me once more and whispered in my ear, “Dance with me.”
“Here?” I looked around. There was an even larger crowd now, and several people were recording us on their cell phones.
The smile in his eyes mirrored the one on his lips. “Here and anywhere else you want. I plan to show you how much I love you, for the rest of our lives.”
Before I had time to answer or react, Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take my Eyes Off You” began to play on someone’s phone as Zachary swept me off my feet, singing along while we swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the music.
He held me tight and kissed me slowly as we danced in the middle of the airport.
I couldn’t remember ever being happier than I was at this very moment. For as long as we lived—I’d never forget this day, ever.
Intertwined Hearts Series Epilogue
Madison Anne
‘Pomp and Circumstance’ blared through the large speakers and I leaned to the side, taking in the sea of green gowns on the graduating students still ahead of me. Normally, because my last name starts with the letter H, I would’ve been closer to the front of the line. Unfortunate for me, this year the principal decided to start with the Z last names and go backwards from there.
The blazing sun beat down on my neck as I stood behind Ian Hughes, hoping I didn’t step on the front of my gown and fall on him. He was the most beautiful boy I knew, and I’d had a secret crush on him for as long as I could remember. Standing this close to him, I got a whiff of his stinky old cologne that had seen better days.
Gag. When did he start wearing that?
He looked up into the stadium bleachers, spotted who I guessed was his mom, and waved to her. Stink aside, he was the sweetest guy. But when he waved that arm, the dusty smell slapped me across the face. I tried to mask my cough, but it was no use.
Making a face, he whispered over his shoulder, “Hey, sorry about the cologne. It was my dad’s, and I knew it would make my mom happy if I wore it.
”
Well, now I felt like a turd. I smiled to mask my grimace. “Don’t worry about it.” I remembered when we were in elementary school and his father had died overseas in the military. We’d had a time of silence for him, but Ian hadn’t been in school that day.
He pointed. “Hey, there’s your family.”
I’d scanned the crowd earlier and saw my entire crazy family had somehow snagged the front row, not too far from the stage.
Lifting my hand to shade my eyes from the sun, I squinted to get a better look. Everyone was here to cheer me on today, my high school graduation day. Between my parents, grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins, there were just under twenty people up there, hooting and hollering.
It was a little embarrassing, but I wasn't going to lie and say I hated it. I had the best family a girl could ever ask for.
“Your brothers are hysterical.” Ian said, chuckling.
Max and Miles were probably the worst ones up there, wearing shiny party hats, blowing noise makers, and doing that dorky dance they always did with their hands in their armpits, making fart sounds. Max would be in junior high next year, and I couldn’t wait to show him what it was like to be embarrassed by his older sister. They were sitting next to my mom and dad, who were rolling their eyes and shaking their heads, knowing it was no use trying to get them to sit down.
My Grams sat beside Dad, wiping her eyes with a tissue, then placing her hand on the heart necklace my grandfather had given her before he passed away five years ago. I knew her mind would be on him today, wishing he’d been able to watch me graduate.
The traditional graduation anthem continued to play and I had to wonder if the school band members were sick of the song. Not only did they have to play it over and over when they’d rehearsed it but now they had it on a continuous loop until all five-hundred and fifty-one of us got our diplomas and took our seats.