She knew I wanted her advice.
“Is that what you want?” Her tone struck at the deep question.
“I wish I knew. Part of me says yes. Life at Feast is easy, despite the mess I left. But I’m needed here. I . . .” I couldn’t say anything more. Peter’s expression flashed before me. I felt as alone as he did. I fingered the pages spread before me and heard myself say something I didn’t expect, “If I walk now, I doubt I’ll ever come back.”
“Stay.” She paused. “This is about more than a restaurant, more than cooking. Please, stay.” Tabitha’s voice sounded soft and pleading.
I chuckled lightly. “What do you know that I don’t?” As I said it, I felt my heart trip—maybe she was lying; maybe Feast was already gone.
“I feel awful about what I said about Paul. I can’t believe I even suggested it. And Feast aside, you’re my friend and I want you to be happy. I’ll keep up the fight here, and you stay and help your sister. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.”
I recognized her wisdom. “You’re a good friend, Tabs.”
“The best.”
I took a deep breath. “The best . . . I’ll ask Paul for a couple more weeks.”
“We’ll be right here when you get back.”
“You think so?”
“We’ll be ‘tweaked’ beyond recognition, but we’ll be here.” I could hear a smile in her voice.
“Send me some of the new recipes you’re using.” She didn’t answer. “I just want to see them.”
“Don’t microfreak from Seattle.”
“Is that like micromanage?”
“More futile.”
“Fine.” I tried to laugh, but it became a sigh. “Call if you need me.”
I hung up and called Paul. He picked up on the first ring too—all these people waiting to hear from me.
He didn’t say hello. “You’re on a flight home Saturday?”
“That’s what I called to talk about. My sister isn’t doing well. I need two more weeks.”
“Elizabeth, Saturday marks two weeks already.”
“I know and I’m so sorry, but I’m needed here. You pushed this trip.”
“You’re needed here too.”
“Paul . . .” I tried to form my next words.
He cut in. “How’d your cooking go?”
“I have no idea. I didn’t see Tyler, and Brian was hardly complimentary. Nick said it’s got potential for a business. He’s a hair away from selling off the idea.”
“He’s the guy who took you out Tuesday?”
“Yeah, he helped with the shopping, too, but Cecilia helped with the cooking.”
“You mention him a lot.”
“I do?”
“Come home, Elizabeth.” It was a whisper.
“I can’t yet. My family needs me. They really do.” The pause stretched. “I got the Moleskine notebooks yesterday. Thanks for sending those. That was really thoughtful.”
“You use them to develop recipes.”
“You noticed?”
“I notice everything.” He sighed and changed his tone. “Except how letting you roll vacation time was such a liability.”
“I agree.” I smiled; Paul was giving me my time. “Very poor planning. I think I’ve got twenty weeks of paid vacation ahead of me.”
“Oh no you don’t.”
I laughed, slightly forced but genuinely grateful. “I wouldn’t think of it. I want to be back as much as you want me back. Thanks for this.”
“You’re welcome and I doubt it.” He hung up.
FROM THE TOP OF THE STAIRS I COULD HEAR STERN tones and biting words. I couldn’t make them out, but I could sense that nothing good was being said. I didn’t know what to do, so I went back to my room and stayed there until I heard the door slam.
I then wandered to the kitchen and found Jane sitting on the same stool where Peter had been, staring at a glass of water.
“Are you okay?”
She didn’t look up. “Nothing is okay. This wasn’t supposed to happen.” She pressed her fists against her eyes. “I do everything right. I eat right. I exercise. I take care of my kids and my husband. I ran a small business that helped people. What more was I to do? And now, now this . . .” Tears started streaming down her face.
I rubbed her back. “This has nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do. It just happened.”
“That I can’t accept.”
“What?”
“That it just happens. It can’t ‘just happen.’ What is the point of all this? Why do anything, if nothing matters? Everything I ever worked for—it’s falling apart. What if I survive this and there’s nothing left?”
“Don’t let that happen.”
“How?” Her anger had died. She wanted to know.
“Fight with Peter, not against him. I get that it’s a fight, but you need him beside you, and Kate and Danny need to see that too. Don’t let a little lump come between you.”
“A little lump.” Jane smiled through the tears. “That would be silly, wouldn’t it?”
“Very.”
Chapter 21
NICK ARRIVED AT THE FRONT DOOR TEN MINUTES LATE. “Thank you so much for understanding about tonight. Not quite the celebratory dinner I’d planned.”
“I think an evening out with Matt will be fun.”
Nick tilted his head into Jane’s house. “You said Peter’s home? Why don’t we take Kate and Danny with us too? We’ll make a party of it, and they can have a quiet evening.”
I paused, wondering if Jane and Peter would appreciate that or want the normalcy of family. Then I thought about Danny and his radiant smile. I needed a few of those myself. “Let me go check.”
I found Jane and Danny playing a video game in the basement. He was thrilled and she equally pleased he’d get to have fun, especially since Kate was spending the night at a friend’s house.
“Where are you going?”
“To some restaurant, Stone Gardens.”
Danny grinned and glanced at his mother, who winked and replied, “You’ll love it.” She looked me up and down, appraising my comfortable pencil jeans and sweater. “You’re dressed fine too.”
“What kind of a place is it?”
“You just want to be able to move.”
Danny glared at his mom. “Come on, Aunt Elizabeth. Let’s go.”
Stone Gardens was not, in fact, a restaurant, but a huge warehouse divided into two large rooms, completely covered in fabricated rock walls full of colorful handholds, like M&M’s scattered across a chocolate cake. It was a climbing gym. The larger room reached four stories high, with ropes hung every few feet, and the other room had lower walls that bent in at odd angles, some even running parallel to the floor. I felt as if I was in Willie Wonka’s candy factory.
“Now I know why Jane was checking out my clothes. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Nick laughed and grabbed my hand. “I thought you knew.” He looked down, and I realized I was biting my lip. “Are you nervous? You’ll love it. You can rope climb or boulder. You choose.”
“And the difference is?”
He pulled me in front of him and held my shoulders, turning me to face the smaller room. “Bouldering walls aren’t as high, but there are horizontal surfaces, so it’s more like Spider-Man. No harness, just big mats to soften your fall.” He shifted me forty-five degrees. “For rope climbing, you’re hooked to a belay and you climb higher. See?” He pointed to the top where the ropes were anchored.
I watched several people going up and down—alive and laughing. “Can we do both?”
“Definitely.”
Danny and Matt opted for rope climbing first. And even though my legs are twice as long as Matt’s, he or Danny won every race. They had no fear and they didn’t think. They simply climbed and I trailed them. But I still felt like the victor, for every time I touched down, Matt was right there to hug me.
After one climb I glanced over his head, expecting Nick to be smilin
g at Matt’s joy, but instead I found a contemplative frown. It disappeared as soon as Nick noticed my gaze.
I shook it off and followed the boys to the bouldering side of the gym, where they scampered around like spider monkeys. I watched Danny first help Matt, then climb along beside him. I smiled and a sigh escaped.
“What’s that for?” Nick came beside me.
“Danny’s a good kid. I love seeing him laugh.”
“Kate’s changed a bit lately. How’s she doing?”
“She knows more, and that makes it harder. She’s also at that age where your friends mean everything and you want to fit in. Having your mother so sick makes you feel alone.”
Nick reached for my hand and squeezed it. “From experience?”
I nodded.
“I’m sorry.”
“Shall we climb?” My voice cracked. I cleared my throat to hide it and reached for the closest hand pull. Within a couple seconds I had made it five feet up, but then—as had been the case on my previous four attempts—I was stymied.
“Grab the red one right here.”
“This one’s closer.” I reached for the blue.
“You won’t—” and I fell. Nick reached down to help me up. “Are you okay?”
“Got the wind knocked out of me, and I think I bruised my ego.”
He hauled me up and leaned toward me as if to whisper something . . .
“Dad!” Matt called. “Can we go eat?”
“Give me a sec, kiddo.” He turned back to me and reached for my hands, rubbing them. “These will really hurt tomorrow. Along with a lot of other muscles you never knew existed.” Nick smiled, and I again noticed the scar that ran along his chin.
Without thinking I trailed it with a finger. “What happened?”
“A bed, a Tonka truck, and a rough landing. I was two.”
“Ouch.”
“I’m hungry, Dad. Can we go to Lockspot?” Matt pulled Nick’s shirt.
“I thought we might end up there.”
Danny pumped his fist in the air. Matt watched and quickly followed suit.
Nick turned to me. “Fish and chips good with you?” At my nod he said, “Lockspot it is then. Let’s go return our shoes, team.”
After we handed in our shoes and washed our hands, which were black from the walls with a sore red undertone, we crossed the parking lot to the restaurant.
Nick pointed slightly beyond it. “We’re on the Ballard Locks.”
“I came here with my parents once. I remember the ladders. Haven’t seen them in years—no salmon ladders in New York.”
Nick’s face lit up. “I’ll have to bring you back—” Then fell. “You won’t be here.”
“I’ve got two more weeks.”
He stopped. “I thought you were leaving tomorrow.”
“I was, but Peter’s got one more trip and he asked me to stay.”
“Two weeks, huh?”
“Two weeks.”
Nick reached for my hand. “We’ll have to find more things to celebrate.”
Lockspot was fully busy and completely fun. We got the last booth and piled in. It was dark, wood paneled, with red-and-white plastic tablecloths and vinegar in the condiment basket.
Danny laughed about school and Kate, Nick told hilarious stories of his childhood, and I shared some of my early teenage cooking disasters, like the brownies that had exploded in the oven because I’d used one cup of baking powder versus one teaspoon and then set the heat too high. We were so engrossed no one noticed Matt snuggling into my side.
“He’s asleep, Aunt Elizabeth.”
I looked down. “How is that possible?” I looked down at Matt’s angelic face and reached my arm around him to pull him closer. “What a guy.”
Nick smiled. “He is.” Then he turned to Danny and cupped his shoulder. “You are too. Thanks for being so nice to Matt tonight.”
“He’s fun. Do you think I could babysit him sometime?”
“Ah . . .” Nick’s eyes caught mine a beat before focusing back on Danny. “I guess it isn’t really fair to hire only Kate, huh? I bet you’d do a good job.”
Danny looked down at his plate, but I could see his delight.
“Tell you what, let’s ask your parents, and maybe you can come play with him when I’ve got work to do on the weekends. Could we do that?”
“Yeah.” Danny brightened, then glanced around the room.
Nick pointed to a pinball machine in the corner of the restaurant. “Do you want to go play?” He offered a couple quarters, and Danny shot from the booth.
“You just made his day. Pinball and babysitting. I think he likes to feel grown up.”
“All guys do, but we don’t admit it much.” Nick motioned to his son. “He’s not usually like that. He’s only that affectionate with my mom.” Nick studied Matt a moment. “And even then, it’s not so . . . free.”
“I love kids.” I kissed the top of Matt’s head. “They’re open and straightforward. It’s later that we don our armor and screw it all up.”
“Experience again?”
I snorted and covered my nose. “Definitely. I may be bristly, rude, and terribly self-absorbed, but at least I’m self-aware.”
“That’s something, I guess.” He laughed and I almost let it go, but I couldn’t.
“It’s okay, isn’t it? I thought I caught a look when Matt grabbed my hand earlier.”
“You did. I didn’t expect him to latch onto you like that.”
“I won’t hurt him.”
“I don’t doubt that, but you’re still leaving. I don’t know that he’ll understand when you’re gone.”
“Can’t we just lump me into Jane’s family? I really like him.” I heard the plea in my voice.
“He really likes you too.”
Chapter 22
MY MONDAY STARTED WITH CLOSETS BUT SOON ADVANCED into much more dangerous territory. I returned to the kitchen after my shower to find Jane with her head in the oven.
“You could just let the cancer get you.”
“You’re so funny.” Her sarcasm was back after a few very deflated and depressed days.
“I thought chemo gave you less energy, not more. What’s up?”
“More steroids. I took ten Decadron tablets to prep for tomorrow. Taxol requires more and earlier, I guess.” She pulled her head out. Her hands were covered in grease and soot, and her cheeks were flaming red. “I feel great.”
“Ten?”
“Welcome to Taxol.” She dove back in.
“Get out of there. I’ll do that.” I pulled her shoulder to remove her from the oven once and for all.
“Perfect. You do that and I’ll go vacuum my car.” She stood and wiped the grease from her hands onto her jeans.
“It’s raining.”
“Drizzling. Hardly anything.”
I rolled my eyes, hoping this would end soon. I’d awoken to find her cleaning closets, the kitchen already scrubbed down and the kids completely frayed—all before school. Now the ovens? Next her car?
“Did you know you can actually unhinge car seats to vacuum under them? I looked in the manual. And I watched a YouTube video and learned how to clean my mass airflow sensor, but we’ll have to take off the engine cover to get to that.”
“Forget it. You are not taking apart your car to vacuum, and we are not opening the hood for any reason.”
“We should.”
“Jane, you’re a freak.”
She opened her mouth to protest and then shut it like a fish. “You’re right. I’ll stop. Too bad Peter’s car’s not here.”
Soon her pantry distracted her, and I wandered to the basement to do laundry and then upstairs to make my bed. Finally, unable to take her manic cleaning and off-pitch singing any longer, I wandered outside. The sun was out and April was in full swing. It had been Mom’s favorite time on the West Coast—the winter and spring rains made everything come alive and grow faster than Jack’s beanstalk.
I was squatting in Jane
’s yard trying to identify anything in her overgrown jungle of an herb garden when I sensed someone standing behind me.
“I didn’t know you were here.” I stood up, wondering how much of my backside Nick had seen. I tugged at my T-shirt.
“Jane called this morning and asked if I could come over. She’s been talking a mile a minute and is now revamping her website.”
“Steroids. Lots of steroids.”
“Ah . . . How long does it last?”
“I doubt past tomorrow.”
“How was—”
“Did you—”
We spoke simultaneously.
“You first.” I clamped my hand over my mouth.
“I was asking how your weekend was.”
“Very nice. No major conflict. Jane ate and I took the kids to the park twice. Jane rested and Peter stayed close until he left yesterday morning. You?”
“Our weekend was quiet too. We went to the park once and to Costco.” He looked around as if fishing for a topic. “Do you like Jane’s garden?”
“This isn’t much of one, but I love gardens. I wish Feast had one. I don’t even have a window box at my apartment.”
“I have a garden . . .” He stalled. “I feel I owe you an apology.”
“What for?” I tried to keep my expression clear, but I knew. After our dinner at Lockspot on Friday, Nick had mentioned getting together again over the weekend, even thrown out possible plans, but then had not called or texted.
“Matt talked about you a lot this weekend.” Nick rubbed the back of his neck. “It threw me.”
“I completely get that. Just don’t punish Danny and Kate because of me.” I passed him and headed back to the house.
He reached out and grabbed my arm, immediately releasing it as I turned. “I wouldn’t do that, and I came to the conclusion this morning that I was overreacting. I can’t keep every attractive woman out of Matt’s life. Fear like that isn’t healthy, for him or me.” He pointed to Jane’s house, then looked back to me. “Some of my closest friends live in that house. It took me a moment to remember that.”
“So I’m attractive?”
“Yes. And I bet I’m not the first to tell you that.” He smiled and looked over my shoulder into Jane’s garden. “She’s not a good gardener, is she? I, on the other hand, have a great garden.” He said it like he was tempting a small child with a lollipop.
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