by Jamie Magee
As it stared intently at me, it reached its arms out to touch Landen and Drake, its hands reaching through the blue glow as if it didn’t exist. Their faces showed the agony that they were feeling; they were frozen, unable to move. I gripped the knife in my hand and stared back into its coal eyes, fighting back a flood of tears. Darkness came from its chest and moved inside of Drake - but before I could step forward, it crossed into Landen. The evil angel grinned deceitfully at me, and I felt my body go numb when I realized that if I struck Drake and was wrong, it would have no choice but to enter Landen – and we’d all die that night.
Out of the silence, I heard beautiful laughter. As the laughter grew louder, the dark eyes I was staring into scowled. I knew the laughs; they belonged to Libby and Preston. Suddenly, an undeniable peace came to me, and the air grew warmer. In front of Landen, an image of Libby appeared, and Preston appeared before Drake. They smiled innocently up at me, unshaken by my appearance of terror. Libby looked beside me, and I slowly turned my head and saw an image of myself. I was smiling, and in my eyes I could see an adventurous sprit that I’d never seen before. The image reached for my shoulder, and memories that didn’t belong to me rushed through my mind: I felt a youth that I’d never felt before, full of curiosity and invincibility...I saw myself growing up in the Palace with Landen...our life once we reached Chara...the determination to redeem Esterious was more powerful than I’d felt in this lifetime.
The image gently released me, and I looked back at Libby. She and Preston were looking to my other side, and my eyes followed - only to find another image of myself. These eyes, they still had spirit - but they’d aged. This image reached for my shoulder, and as she touched me a flash of another life came to me: I was standing in a beautiful garden, playing with my children. My sister, Samilya, rushed to me with her children at her side, and she cried as she told me that something had taken over Oba. The memories flashed to a dining room: I was setting the food on the table when soldiers rushed in and carried me and Samilya’s children back to Oba. I knew I loved Oba, but I still grieved; Oba’s heirs would live with him, and my children would be in the care of Samilya; I told myself I was protecting them, that if the darkness returned we’d all die. I spent the rest of my life trying to find a way to defeat the darkness that took me from my children.
The image of myself released my shoulder and looked remorsefully at me. I knew then that I was Jayda’s descendant - not Landen and Drake; their descendants never knew that the children weren’t moved from their place of birth. The images of me moved before me, blocking the view of the children - and the pain the evil angel was giving to Landen and Drake. In my voice, I heard them say, “The darkness will consume the blood of Jayda and subdue their power.”
I was the blood of Jayda that would consume me; it would take over my heart. The angel knew that neither Landen nor Drake would be able to end my life. In an instant, understanding came across my face, and the images of me faded away - taking Preston and Libby with them. The darkness that was moving between Landen and Drake at the evil angel’s request was growing larger and hesitating longer. I looked in its coal-dark eyes and smiled, and my hand was steady as I raised the knife. As I turned the blade to my chest, my heartbeat slowed; I then took a deep breath and slowly, gently slid the blade into my chest. I felt the ground tremble beneath my feet and heard a horrified scream as I fell to my knees and gradually closed my eyes.
Chapter Twelve
I think everyone has heard the stories of what happens when you die: the white light, the tunnel. We’re told it’s painless, blissful. It must be different for everyone, though, because I didn’t see a light or a tunnel; I felt pain.
As my last breath moved through me, my body seemed to scream out in protest. I felt cold, disoriented, and everything I’d ever done or said moved before me. I saw and felt the laughter of childhood, the fear of my nightmares, the joy of family and friends. I felt the impatience that’s always surrounded me.
The moment I first saw Landen in the flesh came to me, and I relived every second we’d shared together, feeling my emotions, his emotions, as if for the first time. The times I was alone with Drake came to me, and the fear, anger, and sorrow I felt for him over the last few months rushed through my soul. My whole life as Willow Haywood was relived in just a few seconds.
Then my perspective changed. I saw my life through the eyes of the ones around me. I was standing in judgment, and I was the judge. As the images began with me being a little girl, I didn’t fear them because I’ve always thought that I knew exactly how I affected the people around me. I could feel their emotions - what more could there be? I was wrong; we impact those around us on a level deeper than emotions. The emotions are just the end result - but before the emotions come forth, the soul, mind, and body take in all that they’re given of the world around them; the three don’t have to agree for an emotion to come to life. Oftentimes, the mind and body are at war, and the soul plays the role of peacemaker.
I could see how in my childhood my distance to the ones around me made me seem cold. I could feel how nervous Dane and Olivia were when they tried to become my friend; through their eyes, I saw them deciding not to be afraid of me, to take a chance. I felt the worry my parents have always shielded from me; my father, it seems, had mastered concealing his fear for my life years ago...I saw my distance cut him in two...I wanted to go back – to be a little girl again. I wanted to smile, I wanted to tell my parents that I loved them and that their decisions never brought me harm; their love was all I needed to get to Landen.
The first moment I saw Libby in my mother’s arms came rushing to me. I’d forgotten the first emotion I’d felt: jealousy. It wasn’t of Libby - it was of my mother; I felt that she was now in care of what was once mine. My soul cried; I was angry that I’d forgotten that. If I’d chosen to remember, I would have discovered long ago that she once belonged to me and Landen - and I would I have saved myself from the worry of not knowing if Landen was real, as well as from the fear of not finding him.
Landen...my perfect Landen...I saw him as infant, as a child, as the man he is today. I felt a perfect love; it didn’t matter what I said or did - his love was unconditional, complete. I felt the joy he had each time we dreamed together before we met. I felt his anxiety as he searched for the beacon that would lead him to me, as well as the overwhelming relief he felt when he found me. Though he was bothered by the secrets that were kept from the both of us and the uncertainty of our past and future, he didn’t care; all he knew was that with me he was complete, invincible. The emotion we felt when we joined as one couldn’t compare to how felt from this perspective. I knew then that it didn’t matter if I had a body on earth or not; we would always be one, for all of eternity.
I lived through his family as they met me for the first time. They were overjoyed for Landen; they felt that he’d proven to them that, in this universe, love is a power that can’t be hindered.
I’ve always thought that Landen’s mother, Aubrey, was beautiful and strong, but I never realized how much she loved us until now. She wanted nothing more than to lead her son to me.
I saw Clarissa, his sister, willing to sacrifice everything to protect Landen, to send Dane to defend us; she thought that if Landen and I were ever taken from each other, soulmates throughout the world would morn and have doubt for the first time.
Brady, Landen’s brother – who was almost identical to him in every way – had always seemed brave to me. Willing to defend his baby brother at any cost, he proved to be even more loyal than I’d ever imagined. I heard conversations between him and Felicity; they’d decided to be the source of calm, balance, and protection we needed.
Ashten, a man who always seemed reserved and protective, had shielded who he truly was from both me and Landen. He was afraid, afraid that he’d not only lose Landen, but also everyone he loved. He didn’t trust any decision he made. I wanted to tell him that we loved him and that we are all imperfect, that fear only has the powe
r we give it.
Marc and Chrispin, they felt that they owed me and Landen their lives; without us, they felt that they wouldn’t have found the one they loved, that Olivia and Stella would have escaped them somehow. It was foolishness that made me angry. I knew that - no matter what - they would have found them; at that moment, I even thought they would have been better off finding them on their own.
Rose...beautiful Rose...though she was my grandmother, she saw me through the eyes of her youth. She’d spent her life waiting for my return to Chara, to watch me and Landen move the universe; my soul grieved, for that dream was dying now. I could only hope that my grandfather, Karsten, would be able to comfort her as she heard the news of my death, that Rose would somehow be able to console our family.
August, a man that had always seemed to be one step in front of me and Landen, showed me his uncertainty for the first time. I could feel how he struggled to let us make our own decisions, that Nyla had been the one who’d held him back when he wanted to tell Landen what to do and how to do it. I could only hope that she could be the source of strength he needed now.
I saw them all standing at the passage in Pelhan’s perfect world. The innocence of Preston, Libby, and little Allie called to me above the memory of the others. I wanted to know that Landen and I had led them far enough, that in a year’s time they’d be able to finish what Landen and I had started.
I got colder, it became darker, and the visions of my family started to fade. I saw Perodine come into view, and the chill around my soul seem to lessen. She wiped a tear from her eye and moved her hand across thin air as if she were trying to undo it all, to let me make choices on my own; she was trying to let me know that she should have trusted me, that a heart can’t be fooled for long. I don’t know how she did it, but she took me back to where it all really began for me.
The day at the lake, the last day I spent in Franklin with my friends played out in slow motion as I lived it through them. They were overwhelmed with a mix of emotions; some of them felt betrayed because I was leaving, some felt jealous of the perfect life they’d imagined me having - but overall, they grieved. They felt like they’d taken my presence for granted; it made them realize that everything ends, that the people in our lives today may not be there tomorrow.
I heard conversations that had escaped me before, centered on them telling each other how much they meant to one another. A pain came though my soul as I listened to my friend Monica, the one who lost her life, telling Olivia and Jessica how much she admired me, how she was going to start living her life as I had - not worrying about what others thought; she said she was going to love herself and let life take its course. I felt a resolve in her, a peace. I was so involved with my own life, leaving them, discovering a new world, that I’d never noticed this emotion. If I had, I would have told her that I was proud of her, that it didn’t matter how long your life was; it only mattered that you were happy.
The moment Drake arrived absorbed me: this time, as he stepped out of his Jeep, I felt him; it was like taking a first breath, seeing a new light. He was human for the first time. When his eyes saw mine, I felt his overwhelming relief of finding me, his faith that I wasn’t lost forever - and yes, I did feel a love from him, a beautiful, imperfect love; it was for someone that looked just like me, someone he’d always known. Drake saw Dane as a devil taking me from him. In his mind, he thought if he took my friends, Dane would be willing to trade them for me, that I was being held prisoner by a web of lies.
Our time together on the night of the blue moon came: I could feel his anxiety, his fear of rejection. He was fighting for what he thought he loved, rescuing me from a life that didn’t belong to me. I felt his desperation and his heart breaking as he showed me the dark images of the ones I loved in pain. In his mind, he was showing me that they were only temporary; his love for me was immortal.
The time I was trapped in Evelyn played out: I saw him standing in his study, Alamos telling him something was wrong, that over half of Chara was in Esterious looking for me. I felt his heart freeze; he demanded that they find out what had happened.
The scene shifted, and I saw a man in a cloak hand him a sketch of Evelyn. When he discovered that Evelyn lived in a town that was almost completely destroyed, he guided over a hundred soldiers, his mother, and Alamos there. They searched though the night, and at dawn when they found Evelyn and Stella’s name recorded at the shelter, abundant relief overcame him. I felt how anxious he was as he waited for us to be called to the place; it took everything he had to not run to me. I felt his rage when he learned that Damein had hurt me and his fear when Alamos told him that I couldn’t have picked a worse body to be trapped in.
He struggled with himself; he thought that if he told me who I was, the shock would cause the body I was in to fail. He reasoned he only had two choices: either take me back to the web of lies he thought I lived in, or win my heart – which was something he thought should only belong to him.
When Landen came for me and I left without a word, I felt it tear Drake’s soul in two. When I arrived with Landen to release the energy that Donalt had trapped, my presence took his breath away. He fought with the emotions of betrayal. He told himself that I only came back to give him a chance to show him how much he did love me, that when I saw our lives together and realized that Landen had held another, I’d melt into his arms and we’d have a fairy tale ending. When I told him that I couldn’t give him what didn’t belong to me, I all but took his will to live away. He’d stayed in his room, lost in lucid dreams, until the darkness had brought him to the palace. He awoke with me in his arms, which was the shock that gave him the power to push the darkness out him. He’d decided just moments ago that the only thing he could trust was the way he felt about me, that he’d love me even if I didn’t love him; when the darkness began to move through him, he held that thought.
I knew then that if I submitted to the cold darkness that was pulling me, my last act would be a selfish one. Yes, I’d have Landen now and always, but my family would feel as if they’d failed, the path before Libby, Preston, and Allie would be too steep, and Drake...Drake would never find her, the one who looks just like me, the one who completes him. The darkness that had tormented all of our lives would win, and hell would make itself known on earth.
It took every ounce of energy that I possessed in my soul, but I fought against the weight that I was feeling. The pain that I felt intensified, and I found myself above my body; as I looked down, I saw that I was lying in a pool of my own blood. Drake had pulled the knife from my chest and was holding my head in his lap; I felt a crushing grief from him. Landen was on his knees, and I could see the darkness moving in and out of him - torturing him.
“Don’t leave! I love you!” Drake said over and over again as he rocked me back and forth.
Something caused him to look up, to look into my soul, which was hovering over my body. A sensation of power came over him, and he laid my head gently down and reached for Landen’s hands, then put them over the wound on my heart.
A growl surfaced inside Landen’s chest, and the evil angel reached to pull him away - then I saw Landen’s body pull forward.
“You’ve lost! You can’t live in him; he loves her too much! You can’t live in me; I love her too much!” Drake screamed at Landen’s body.
Landen’s body tensed, and sweat beaded across his brow. As he forced the darkness from within himself, his jaw locked and his soul screamed. The demon scowled, then lunged its dark cloud at Landen again - but Drake instinctively shielded his energy around the three of us. Landen’s energy was so depleted, I could barely see his Aura. He took a deep breath and focused on my open wound, and a white glow hummed under his hands, then pushed through my skin. I felt like I was being pulled through a tight vacuum; my soul screamed in pain as it took full ownership of the damage that I’d brought to my body. What Landen had left, he pushed through me, and the pain was so unbearable that I tried desperately to escape the prison of my bo
dy - but my mind wouldn’t submit. I breathed in and out as slowly as I could, feeling the healing power of Landen and the hum of Drake’s touch. Somehow, I found calm and began to drift.
Somewhere, somehow, Landen’s soul appeared before me; I could feel his exhaustion, his pain. He leaned in slowly, resting his lips gently on mine, then he pulled me into him – and we joined as one, submitting to one another. It was if we’d taken this amazing feeling for granted before; we’d never acknowledged the degree of separation that death could bring. That would never happen again; this was a perfect moment, a moment that easily could have escaped us.
I felt deep concern and someone squeezing my hand, and I opened my eyes to see Beth on her knees at my side. I was lying in the center of the room between Drake and Landen. I looked slowly back and forth, assuring myself that they were only sleeping. I carefully pulled myself up and surveyed the room. Across the floor, I could see Alamos, Perodine, Marc, and Dane lying still, sleeping. I looked back at Beth, dazed and confused.
“What happened? Why was Drake holding the knife?” she asked, raising the diamond blade into my view.
I looked to my side and watched as Drake’s chest rose and fell. My eyes moved to his perfect face; I felt the burn as tears welled in my eyes.