‘Your invention?’ I question.
‘Unfortunately not, but as you know, I do work with some very clever people.’ What hope did I ever have? Strangely, their absence from my wrists and ankles makes me feel disconnected, as if something meaningful is missing.
‘I’m really pleased you are starting to feel better, but it’s important that you stay in bed and rest now. There will be plenty of time to discuss all this later.’ Although his words sound gentle, I sense they are steadfastly non-negotiable. He ensures I’m snuggled in tight beneath the duvet, kisses my forehead and leaves the room in darkness once again, closing the door behind him. I am asleep in minutes.
Part VII
‘Our eyes are holden that we cannot see things that stare us in the face, until the hour arrives when the mind is ripened; then we behold them, and the time when we saw them is not like a dream.’
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
Jeremy isn’t in the room when I open my eyes again but to my great relief, the bedroom door is open. I don’t appear to have any clothes in this room, so I gather up the sheet and wrap it around my body. The light streaming through the doorway temporarily blinds me so I take a moment to allow my eyes to adjust to the brightness they have been denied for some time. Walking through the doorway makes me feel suddenly uneasy, as if I’m crossing over a threshold to another world. It then dawns on me that this room is not the same as the second room at the hotel. For some reason, I had just assumed we were back at the Hotel InterContinental and Jeremy had sensibly wanted to set up hospital in a room other than the master suite.
Startled by this realisation, I instinctively tighten the sheet around my body and tentatively step out into a whole new world.
‘Oh, you’re up. I’ve just made some green tea.’
He takes one look at me and places the cups immediately back on the bench. The look of astonishment on my face isn’t subdued by the sunglasses he quickly retrieves and hastily hooks around my ears, presumably to lessen the extraordinary intensity of light on my eyes. I stare at him, utterly speechless as I step into the expansive space, sheet trailing behind me.
The colours ambush my vision as I am assaulted by the blueness of the cloudless sky, the greenness of vast, lush forest and the complete and utter absence of any civilisation. The sheer cliffs of the mountain peaks provide a stunning backdrop for the crystal waters that sparkle beneath a shimmer of white sand. I take a few moments to blink and comprehend this vista, before continuing my silent exploration, unable to form words. My eyes cruise past an enormous deck and fall upon a sunken spa bath as if it’s embedded within the horizon. A huge modern kitchen opens into a quasi-formal dining room and lounge room, complete with ultra-modern fireplace suspended in the middle of the room which is surrounded by the largest lounge suite I have ever laid eyes on. My sea legs slowly zigzag my body across the split-level room as I try to absorb this vast, remote environment.
How? When? Where?
Everything appears round or circular — truly unique to my eyes. Jeremy remains still as he allows my continued investigation. I move further along a corridor and open up a double set of doors into what is clearly the master bedroom. The room itself is round and surrounded by glass panels and is built within the canopy of the forest. A luxurious, sophisticated treehouse. In the centre of the room is an enormous bed, also circular, with the round pillowing on its outer edges, obviously made to measure and decorated with the finest of gold thread. The décor and colours of the room blend in perfect sympathy with the environment — except for the stark contrast of a mass of deep red blooming roses, with all but a few fully opened. Just as Jeremy promised when we met. Their beauty takes my breath away. I sense the tears in my eyes as emotions swell in my heart at the enormity of everything I have experienced with him since then. I have honestly never felt like this in my life. I quietly walk around the entire room, examining the view from every aspect. Again I search for any sign of humankind. Nothing. Just us and nature. Although the beauty surrounding me is close to overwhelming; I can’t help but wonder — where on Google Earth are we?
I feel a little light-headed with this being up and about business. I sit on the edge of a gorgeously soft, sandy-coloured marshmallow lounge chair, completely overcome by this totally new environment. Jeremy enters the room with a grin on his face and walks over to me, hugging me from behind.
‘See, I said you were mine for the week.’
My words take a little while to be spoken aloud. ‘Jeremy, where are we?’
‘Avalon,’ he answers smoothly. ‘A place where we won’t be disturbed by anyone and I can look after you completely.’
‘But, where is Avalon?’
‘That, unfortunately, I am not at liberty to say, but as you can see, you won’t be going anywhere until I know you have completely recovered.’
I don’t know what to say or how I’m feeling. If I thought him taking my phone away from me left me feeling disconnected, it was a drop in the ocean compared to this!
Jeremy suggests that now I’m feeling better, we should move into this room and excuses himself to organise the transition. Utterly perplexed, I flop into the middle of the peculiar round bed, once again overwhelmed by the surreal reality in which I have landed. When he returns, he is bare-chested with a towel loosely hanging around his hips. A very encouraging sign, I think to myself as he smiles and cups my face in his hand. One look at his toned torso and I pray this isn’t a dream.
‘Why don’t you replace your sheet with this towel and join me in the hot tub?’ He hands me a towel and I wrap it under my arms. He scoops me up and carries me out through the lounge room, out through the massive glass doors and onto the balcony.
This place is unbelievable. I think I’m in shock as I just stand staring transfixed toward the magnificent views. Jeremy unravels my towel and discards his own, our naked bodies descending into the awaiting water together. It’s wonderfully warm, although I notice my butt stings slightly as it hits the water. I wince at the sensation. He notices immediately.
‘Is it bad? I feel awful that you are in pain. I can give you something for it.’
‘No, no, it’s okay. I’m fine, honestly, no drugs required.’ I allow myself to become fully submerged in the water.
‘It’s only a shock because I still haven’t quite got my head around everything that has happened, and the intensity comes flooding back as I feel it in my body or down there … which is all just too strange.’
I breathe deeply and close my eyes as the thoughts and feelings come flooding through my mind, too many, too fast. I quickly reopen them to disrupt the flow. I can’t help but wonder if it feels this intense because of my lack of vision when I went through the experiences.
‘Why, Jeremy? Why choose me? Was it just because of my blood type and female profile?’ I return his stare, wanting to question his soul, but I allow my eyes to drift away before I become lost in their depths. He remains silent for a while strokes my body very gently, carefully, as though I’m a delicate peach.
‘It could never have been anyone other than you,’ he states simply and meaningfully. I attempt to interpret the intensity behind his words.
‘But the whipping … or whatever it was …?’ I find it difficult to articulate the words out loud, but the thought alone stirs some deep carnal spring as heat rises within my core. God, what hope do I have if the mere memory does this to me?
‘You looked sensational, Alexa, I had to muster all my strength to not take you then and there.’
‘I have never been more scared in my entire life, Jeremy. I didn’t have a clue what was going on, what was coming next and god, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the whole experience was literally mind-blowing — even though I was being punished for asking questions. I mean, what was that about?’
‘It was important that you believed the consequences were real and measurable, so the fear was genuine and released the relevant hormones, without going to the extreme.’
; ‘If that wasn’t extreme … I’ve never experienced more extreme emotions, volatile emotions, unbelievable feelings …’ I feel my blood pressure rising and raw energy pulsating through my veins.
‘I had to push the boundaries with you, you know that. I knew you could take it, knew that deep down you wanted this more than you’d let yourself believe. So tell me, was the pain worth the pleasure?’
Again, just his words trigger the waves from deep within. These sensations are the most bizarre thing I’ve experienced. As if they are a trigger to immediately extinguish any regret or anger or hurt. Soft, warm, orgasmic waves penetrate through me, causing what feels like my whole body to flush with a glow of pure sexuality.
‘Oh … Alex, this is truly incredible. Clearly, I have my answer.’
He glides me through the water so I’m resting between his legs. There is no use pretending to argue with him, pretending this isn’t happening, so I close my eyes and allow the rhythms dancing within my loins to overtake me again.
‘You were wet, moist, engorged, more so each time you were struck. It was as if your body craved it. Honestly, sweetheart, you were dripping with desire. I was checking, monitoring, making sure you were physically sound every step of the way. The data we collected from a fear and pleasure perspective had a greater correlation than we’d ever imagined …’ My body’s reaction distracts him. The feeling of the memory is as instant as it is vivid. Probing fingers deep within me, never knowing when it would happen next or for how long, then desperately hoping they wouldn’t leave.
‘God, Alex, this is incredible; I can literally feel the reaction you are having as we talk about it. I can’t wait to take you through the detailed results; such unexpected insights. Having you on both sides of the experimentation process was sheer genius and I am completely in awe of how you surrendered to the process. I have so much to thank you for. I know it wasn’t an easy decision for you to make.’
It means a lot to me to hear him acknowledge this truth out loud.
‘I’m still coming to terms with it all. I had no idea that I’d take to it so much.’
‘I’m pleased you are finally getting to know the woman I love.’ How did he know this about me before I did? ‘A letter is being drafted as we speak to invite you to become an exclusive member of our core research team because of your skills and expertise. Your involvement is essential to our success, now more than ever, as our research progresses to the next phase.’
I have no idea how to respond. I agreed to be involved in this research and take an active part in the experimentation process. I have now experienced what I never thought I was capable of and survived, yet I have never been so physically debased and pleasured simultaneously. How does this work in our brains? How was I capable of experiencing such sheer, unadulterated pleasure under such extreme circumstances?
I more than survived — I loved it. Would I do it again? Under certain situations, absolutely. Do I want to learn the answers to all of these questions? More than ever! He massages my shoulders as if to rub away any potential concerns I may have and I take solace in our quiet time together. Eventually he lifts me, with such delicacy, out of the hot tub and painstakingly dries my limbs before we snuggle together on the lounges, soaking up the warmth of the sun.
‘Did you ever believe your body was capable of experiencing what it did over that forty-eight hours — even in your wildest dreams?’ The memory of multiple euphoric orgasms is still palpable and Jeremy holds me tight as the pleasure of it threatens to collapse my body, again. Thankfully, I’m already lying down. It is impossible to be anything but pleased with him when my body experiences such waves of pleasure, in perfect recollection. ‘Tell me, describe to me what is happening to you.’
I try to explain the bizarre sensation to him when my breathing has returned to its normal rhythm.
‘The memories are so strong and so unbelievably intense, it overwhelms me physically. You mention it and my body reacts, immediately.’ He waits silently, patiently for me to continue. I guess he knows everything anyway so I decide to continue. ‘I had this amazing … well … very real fantasy, I suppose you’d call it. Truly incredible. I was so in the moment, and the moment was so powerful, like I was at one with the world, and then it felt like there were tongues everywhere … I couldn’t focus …’ I’m embarrassed saying it out loud; even after all we have been through.
‘They were everywhere, penetrating, probing my inner depths. I just don’t know how to describe it fully, it was so immense, intense …’ I look at him nervously as he studies my face and analyses my words. ‘I have no visual memory of it, just the complete force and concentration of the sensations. It takes over my mind and consciousness for a moment. I don’t understand how a memory can trigger such a response, Jeremy. Is it even possible? If not, what is happening to me?’ I look toward him, seeking his answers. He pauses momentarily.
‘There was no fantasy about it, Alexa. It was all very real.’ My body aches with primal lust at his words. My blush is long and deep, as is the throbbing below. ‘Having blocked your other senses, you were only left with touch, until we eventually added sound. Your cognitive processes are connecting the intensity of your feelings to your physical being. That is, they have become neurologically linked, which is why your body and mind are reacting so strongly to that specific memory or anything that triggers the memory. This is exactly what we were hoping for, actually, more than we’d hoped for. This is the critical part of our research, our uncharted waters, so to speak. With your knowledge in psychology coupled with having experienced it personally, we will end up learning more about female sexuality than has ever been researched, let alone published.’
I am dumbfounded at his words; the conversation with Samuel and his ‘elite researchers’ comes floating back into my consciousness. No doubt he will be thrilled with the results. I become suddenly anxious at the thought.
‘Jeremy, Sam wasn’t there, was he?’
‘No, Alex, he wasn’t. I’d never do that to you. Just two of my colleagues and some people we organised for your “real fantasy”.’
‘Thank god.’ That’s a relief. My arse could only deal with being on display if it were anonymous.
‘But I have copied him in on the results and can’t wait to discuss them with him. All going to plan, we will be able to develop a drug for depression that the market has never seen before, without the sometimes horrific side effects of what is currently offered, achieving far greater success and reliability for the patient.’
‘Honestly, you’re really that much closer because of what I went through?’
‘You are fundamental to our success, my love. You are at the very heart of what we are hoping to achieve.’
‘I can’t believe we will be working together after all these years, Jeremy. Who would have thought? Tell me, what is the exact nature of the role you want me to play in the future?’
‘All of that will need to be explained later, Dr Blake. You need to have signed a multitude of documents for legal purposes first.’
As twilight descends, Jeremy lights a fire in the suspended fireplace and ensures I am nestled cosily into the lounge. He won’t let me do anything — at all — as he buzzes around getting things organised for dinner. To my surprise and delight, he delivers a perfectly chilled glass of Pouilly Fumé, my favourite French wine. I’m still awestruck by my environment and can only presume that we are somewhere in the southern hemisphere, judging by the stars which are just coming out. I don’t know how I arrived here, I don’t know the date or the time, he hasn’t mentioned my phone or its whereabouts and I haven’t bothered to ask. I sense the answers to my many questions would be deemed irrelevant by Dr Quinn, so I let them float away with the rapidly disappearing light of the day.
After a scrumptious dinner of grilled salmon with Asian greens, we snuggle together on the lounge by the light of the fire and have what becomes one of our many conversations over the course of the next few days.
The w
hole question thing still makes me hesitate but I ask nevertheless.
‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course.’ I’m relieved it is no longer an issue.
‘What would have happened if I had said no to you on Friday night?’
‘No to staying, or no to being blind?’
‘Both, I suppose.’
‘I would have persuaded you. I always have.’
‘Why can’t I ever say no to you, Jeremy?’
‘Do you wish you could?’
‘I’m honestly not sure, it’s weird. Parts of me do and parts of me don’t. I can’t help but think about my marriage, so I doubt I’ll feel great about it when I return home and reality bites, but then again, it has been years since Robert and I have been together in a sexual sense.’
‘Really? What’s going on there? I can’t manage to keep my hands off you for more than a few hours at a time.’ His previously resting hand slides smoothly up my leg towards my thigh.
‘I’m not sure … but after all of this, I’m not sure I can return to my asexual life. It never bothered me before, but now … well, let’s say I feel like a dormant volcano that has well and truly erupted due to significant seismic activity.’
‘Are you calling me seismic, Dr Blake?’ He manoeuvres himself between my legs.
‘And then some, Dr Quinn. Seriously, what do you think?’ I impede his progress.
‘It never feels wrong when we are together, Alex, no matter what the circumstances and now it’s even more important than ever.
‘Really? Please don’t tell me you can justify being here with me purely in the name of research?’
‘No, not that exactly.’ I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to continue his explanation. ‘It is just that our relationship with each other goes much further back than it does with anyone else. In reality, we have been with each other on and off for almost half our lives. It feels like I am meant to be with you, like we’ve always been connected somehow and just needed to find our way back to each other. We’ve shared so much that I don’t feel like it’s wrong or bad. It’s difficult for me to feel guilty about it because I don’t care how “society” views our relationship. And with what you have told me about Robert, he is wasting you, and I want you, very, very badly. As I said before, I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and being in it like this is just icing on the cake.’ He tweaks my nipples playfully to coincide with his last point and continues, ‘It is pure dynamite when we are together, and I’m coming to understand that I have been an idiot for allowing you to be out of my life for so long. You have your children, which you have always wanted, and not much of a marriage by the sounds of it. I have my career, which has been my focus to this point and my focus is now you. I love you, Alexandra. I always have and I’m not prepared to share you for too much longer. That is something that you will need to work out in the very near future.’
Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy Page 21