by Jayne, S. L.
Believe
Book two in the Faith & Friendship series
By S.L. Jayne
Copyright © 2013 by S.L. Jayne
This work is registered with the UK copyright service.
All rights reserved. This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each participant. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author does not own any rights to any music and film names used in this book.
Cover Design by:
Sommer Stein at Perfect Pear Creative Covers
www.facebook.com/PPCCovers
This book is intended for age 17+ due to sexual content, violence and strong language.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Four
Chapter Twenty Five
Acknowledgements
Dedication
To my daughter.
Always believe in yourself, no matter what.
Chapter One
Standing in front of Ava with my arm stretched out in front of me- my breath is caught in my throat, my heart is crashing against my chest, my eyes are trained on hers, and neither of us have spoken a word since I held out my pinky finger and asked her to promise she wasn’t hiding something from me. I asked her to promise because I know she’s keeping something from me; she’s the world’s worst actress.
In this very moment, right here, right now, I’m imagining the worst- thinking of all the possible things that she could be keeping from me. It has to be something big, something she wouldn’t come running to tell me, so that means it has to be something bad, right?
My mind fills with all scenarios. Is she moving out? No that can’t be it, she would tell me right away if Ryan had asked her to move in with him. Oh my god, is she sick? The thought of that has made me want to throw up, I don’t want my best friend, and the only person in this entire world that I fully trust with everything I have to be sick. That’s the one thing she wouldn’t rush to tell me, she’d be worried about not being able to take care of me and I can’t put that on her- she has to know that I’ll take care of her.
Breaking the eye contact with her for the first time in what feels like hours but is in fact probably only a few minutes I close my eyes and shake my head to recompose myself and prepare to ask her if she’s sick; it’s the only logical reason I can think of for her to behave this way, not just in front of me but in front of everyone.
“Ava, are you sick? Is that what you’re keeping from me? I can help you, I promise I’ll help you through whatever it is, just like you’ve always helped me.” I say giving her a sympathetic smile, it’s important that she knows I’ll always be here for her and help her through anything.
The sound of her gasp and watching the color drain from her face confirmed my fear. Tears sting my eyes and it isn’t until Ava grips my pinky finger with hers that I realize I am frozen on the spot, not moving an inch and I still have my arm extended.
“No!” She cried, shaking her head side to side, “Ry, I’m not sick. I pinky promise you I’m not.” Her voice lowered into a whisper, she sounds hurt that I had even suggested it.
“What is it then, Ava? If you’re not sick, what else could possibly be more serious than potentially losing my best friend…?”
She mirrored my look from a few moments ago, eyes closed, slight shake of the head… She’s readying herself to tell me, she must be.
“Rylee, please don’t think you’re going to lose me, you’re not, I’m always here. I want to tell you, I really do- but your question?” I see her eyes glisten as tears welled. “This is so hard… On one hand I don’t want to be responsible for you losing faith in your mom and on the other hand I don’t want you to lose faith in me.”
Wait, where does my mom come into this? The look on Ava’s face at the table comes back to me, the look she gave my mom… She was talking about calling my work… This is too confusing and I’m starting to get frustrated now, I just want to know what the hell is going on.
“Ava, I don’t care what it is that you think you can’t tell me- just tell me, please. I can’t do this guessing game; I’m not good at gauging people’s feelings or reading their minds. Tell me!” My tone is harsh but at this point in time I don’t care, if something is being kept from me by my mom and Ava then I want to know, I deserve to know.
“Not out here, come with me,” Ava said, pulling me towards her bedroom by my finger, we still hadn’t let go- not even when it got a little intense between us.
I followed Ava to her bed and we both sat cross legged facing each other, she looks ready to throw up all over me. The expectation of what’s to come is almost too much to bear.
“Well? Spit it out, Ava, you’re killing me here.”
After a while she nodded her head and lifted her eyes to mine.
“Okay, I can’t keep it from you- I wanted to but I can’t. But you have to understand that I didn’t know what to do or say which is why I didn’t tell you straight away, it’s not something I could have just called and told you over the phone-”
“What, Ava? What couldn’t you tell me?” I cut her off in my panic.
I’m ready for the bomb she’s about to drop, whatever it is, I can handle it.
“Max is your dad!” she blurts the words out and I watch in shock as her hand flies up to cover her mouth as if she wasn’t meant to say it.
Shock is quickly replaced by humour, I throw my head back and burst out laughing. I’m positive Max is not my dad, Ava is being her usual delusional self and looking for a happy ever after in a shitty situation.
“Ava! You have had me wound up in knots over what the hell could be wrong with you and that’s all it is? You’re delusional Ava, you can’t find a happy ever after for everyone babe.” Shaking my head and still laughing I reach out to grab Ava’s hand before standing up and pulling her up to her feet.
“Rylee, I’m not kidding, I really do think he is… I mean the things I found and heard kind of adds up…”
Her serious tone made me spin around to face her. She knows more than she’s letting on or was even willing to tell me- do I even want to know what she has found? And how could she hide it from me?
“You think he is? And the things you found and heard… Ava, seriously? Don’t fuck with me this time, or give me half-truths… Tell me everything you know, I deserve that much. Please.” I stare at her hard trying to determine the look on her face; it’s a toss-up between guilt and sympathy… Or both.
“Okay, don’t freak out but I Googled your mom and Max in college, at first it didn’t show anything but then Ryan told me to Google them both at Boston College, and bam, there they were- together. I should have told you as soon as I saw your mom at Ashby’s, I know I should have. I’m so sorry Ry, I just didn’t k
now what to do. You were leaving to go back to Boston and I didn’t think you needed the stress, I knew you’d have said something to Lexi and with everything that was going on I just didn’t know when would be best to tell you. I’m so, so sorry, please don’t hate me.” A tear fell from her eye and her breaths are fast from the speed that her words were coming out, I’m trying to take it all in but I think I missed something.
I couldn’t form words and I mindlessly walk back to the bed and set myself down on the edge, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. She’s still talking, telling me something about hearing Max tell my mom he needed to know something, but I’m not paying enough attention to make sense of it. Part of me still wants to laugh it off as one of Ava’s cupid moments, but the conviction in her voice and the fact that I know she’d never lie to me makes me wonder if it could be true.
***
Ava left the room after telling me she would go and keep everyone busy while I had a few minutes to get my head together- I think I’m going to need months not minutes. I throw myself back onto the bed and stare up at the ceiling, it’s amazing how something so plain can become fascinating when you focus on it to avoid the thoughts that are consuming your mind. I can’t avoid the thoughts for long, there are too many.
Could I have been working for my dad and not know who he was all this time? Wouldn’t I just know if he was the man that helped make me? Moments and conversations over the last four months race around in my head, I need to think for a minute- if Max is in fact my dad then why hasn’t he said something? Why didn’t my mom tell me after she had met him on her first day here? Why didn’t he lose his shit right there when he laid eyes on my mom, he had to have known she was my mom- there is no mistaking it when we are together because I look so much like her. These are the things that stop me from believing it.
There has to be an explanation. Ava may have had a good reason to keep it from me, but right now I’m not really in the mood for being coddled; Nate is dead, my mom and Connor are wanting to move here, my emotions are in freaking overdrive, my brother is a ticking time bomb and now I find out my boss is potentially my father. Her words from the other night flood my memory.
“Last hurdle sweetie.” How wrong was she?
Do I want to find out the truth? I know denial is a great place to stay in, it wraps you up all nice and snug and doesn’t let reality bite you in the ass, but it also makes thinking outside the box a whole lot harder. Thinking outside the box has never been my strong point, so I settle down inside in the box, wrap the denial blanket around me, take a deep breath and plaster a smile on my face before leaving the bedroom.
Welcome to the soap opera that is rapidly turning into my life.
Chapter Two
After re-joining everyone we all pitched in to clean the kitchen after dinner and now we’re relaxing on the couch while Matt, Connor and Ryan play Xbox. Ryan had said the Xbox was for his house but it somehow ended up connected to our TV, not that I’m complaining because it’s actually quite nice listening to them shouting at each other and my mom and Ava laughing telling them to get over it it’s just a game- it almost feels like we are a normal family and nothing is lingering over us, well, over me anyway.
Do you ever wish you had small boxes in your mind where you can stuff thoughts, lock them up and not have to think about them until you’re ready to face them? That’s what I’m wishing for right now, Ava wouldn’t be happy if she knew though because she wants me to face things rather than avoid them and I am trying, I really am. Since moving here I do feel better, not only about myself but about people around me too.
If you had told me six months ago that I would be sitting here with my mom and Connor minus Nate I would have laughed at you and told you to shut up, if you had thrown in that I would also find an amazing guy who is not only the essence of gorgeous but also turns out to be everything you need in a friend I would have told you you’re as delusional as Ava. But this is real and is happening right now, I have my mom and Connor minus Nate, and I also have Matt, the most amazing guy I have ever had in my life- which reminds me I need to talk to him about Thanksgiving, which is on Thursday, only two days away.
“Matt, can I talk to you please?” I ask when I see the game come to an end.
“Sure, shorty.” He smiled as he grasped my hand pulling me up from the couch.
I take my hand out of his hand and walk in front of him leading the way to the kitchen, the reason I let go of his hand is because of how it makes me feel when he touches me; the warmth of his skin against mine, the firm grip he has on me, the type of hold that screams “I won’t let go” heightens all of my senses.
That first time I grabbed his hand in the bar that night we all sang in the karaoke evening, it was like lightening had shot through my body from my fingertips to my core- I knew then that there was something about him but I brushed it off and put it down to too much alcohol. It’s an unusual feeling with Matt, I can curl up in his lap or even be flush against his body in the gym and not feel like we’re crossing any lines, but as soon as he holds my hand or wraps his arms around me the way he does, in the way that only Matt can, it makes me nervous and confused- it’s not his fault, it’s mine, I’ve convinced myself that there can’t be anything more than friendship between us.
We both set ourselves on a stool at the breakfast bar and he’s looking at me with his deep brown eyes like he has done something wrong and I’m about to send him to the naughty corner, it’s a cute look and if he starts pouting I won’t be able to hold in the laughter that is bubbling up in my chest.
“Don’t look so worried, Matt, I just want to talk to you about Thanksgiving.” I reassure him with a grin.
Shaking his head he laughs and out comes his incredible smile. “You really do know how to make a guy nervous, Princess. You know that, right?”
I raise my eyebrow at the nickname he’s given me since Halloween when I dressed up as a dead Cinderella. When I asked him about why he continued to call me it after that night and he said, “Cinderella may be dead but my princess isn’t, and princesses need saving right?” Even now that one line puts a lump in my throat, I don’t want to be looked at like I need saving- but I can’t fault Matt for looking at me in that way, he’s fiercely protective and for a long time I thought maybe that’s all I was to him, a rescue mission. But apparently I’m wrong, Ava said he had shouted that he wanted me when we were at Club V, but I’ve never asked him about it and he’s never brought it up again.
“I’m sorry for making you nervous, I just needed to ask about the Thanksgiving plans now that my mom and Connor are here. I don’t know what to do-”
He pressed his index finger against my lips cutting me off.
“Don’t worry that pretty little head of yours, it’s nothing that two extra chairs at the table can’t fix. I want you there for Thanksgiving and I’m not giving that up, I know that your mom and Connor are your family so they are also invited along too, hell you can invite half of San Diego- I won’t see anyone else in the room but you anyway.” he smirked.
When he says things like that? I have no words, nada, zilch!
I know my cheeks are turning crimson right now and I’m biting my lip to stop a huge goofy grin forming.
“Smooth, Matt, real smooth.” I laughed. “But thank you, it means a lot to me that you’ll have them there too. And for the record, I don’t need half of San Diego, I have everything I need right here in this house.”
He nodded in agreement. I don’t know much about Matt’s personal life but the look in his eyes right now is almost like he is telling me he agrees, he either knows how I feel as he’s gotten to know far more about me than I wanted him to in the last few days, or because there is something that I don’t know about him that makes him know exactly how I feel about the people around us being everything I need.
We both smiled at each other and stood up, he draped his arm over my shoulder and placed a kiss on my temple. “Just so you know, I know somethin
g has happened with you and Ava and I’m right here waiting for you to need me,” he whispered against my hair.
I nodded letting him know that he’s right about something happening and also letting him know that I know he’s waiting for me to need him. If he knew how much I needed him sometimes, he’d probably run a mile- I know I want to run when I think of how attached I could let myself become, it’s terrifying. Like I said before, it’s bittersweet; I’d like to let myself just feel with him, get attached and just go with it, and then I remember the way he is and how he would own me, every piece of me, and that stops me. He deserves more than a girl with a rack full of issues, I want his happy to be easy, not for him to have to work for it.
***
Mom, Ava and I are sitting in comfortable silence enjoying the peace, although Elf is playing on the TV in the background, it’s a change from hearing gun shots and zombie noises. Matt and Ryan have left and Connor had gone with them, I think it’s awesome how they have taken him under their wing, granted Ryan already knew him but not properly. Connor had told me on our flight back that he couldn’t wait to get back to see them both, I had asked him how he feels about moving here after mom had told me that was what she wanted when we arrived at the house on Monday- he said he was happy to move, he would miss his friends but as long as mom promised that his best friend could come visit whenever it was possible. It was hard to be there but I had to suck it up for them and stay strong- Nate wasn’t there, he would never be there again, it was those thoughts that had got me through.
Ava caught up with me in the kitchen a little while ago and asked me if I’m okay and to double check our friendship wasn’t on thin ice, I told her it wasn’t and I was being honest; I’d never hold anything over her, especially since she was protecting my feelings, as usual. I also told her I was okay with the whole Max thing- truth is I’m not even thinking about it enough to let it affect me at the moment, but at the same time I’m not sure I want to go to work tomorrow. I’ll see how I feel in the morning about that.