Believe (Faith & Friendship Series)

by Jayne, S. L.

  My mom’s voice broke the silence in the room. “I got a call earlier; Nate’s funeral is next week- you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I haven’t told Connor yet, I wanted to tell you first and see how you felt about coming. Take your time to think about it sweetie, but remember that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?” she smiled.

  I can’t leave my mom to deal with all of that and Connor. It’s been days since we got that dreaded visit and Connor still hasn’t expressed any emotions over it- well, not that we have seen anyway. I’m worried he is bottling it up. That can only end in disaster, right?

  I moved seats so I was next to my mom and put my arm around her. “I need to be there for you and Connor, I want to be there. It isn’t just the funeral you have to deal with, Mom, it’s the house and the finances and you can’t do that alone- you won’t be thinking straight.”

  She nodded at me and smiled over at Ava who was too busy texting to acknowledge real life right now.

  “I have an announcement about Thanksgiving.” I said loudly snapping her out of her trance.

  They both stared at me expectantly. “Well, Ava is going back to Boston with Ryan,” I said looking at my mom. “And you, Connor and I are spending it with Matt, his dad and his step mom.” I beamed at the plan.

  “What? We can’t just intrude on Matt’s Thanksgiving with his family.”

  “No, it isn’t like that, he invited us all… He invited me, and when he found out that you and Connor were staying he said you could both come too.”

  “I think it’s a great idea!” Ava interrupted. “Isn’t his dad a southern man? He’ll be welcoming and sweet and I’m sure his wife is lovely too. Not to mention Matt will more than likely give thanks to you giving birth to Rylee.” she looked at my mom and laughed.

  I shot her a look. “Ha. Ha. Ava, you really aren’t as funny as you think you are,” I smirked.

  “I really am and you know it,” she said still chuckling.

  My mom was shaking her head laughing too. “Okay girls, stop bickering. It’s very thoughtful of Matt to invite us all, I’d love to go and I’m sure Connor won’t mind spending it with Matt, he seems to be getting along great with him.”

  “I agree. I’m so happy with how everyone has gelled; it makes life a hell of a lot simpler.”

  Well, as simple as it can be right now, but I don’t say that aloud. I hear the cell beep, Ryan loaned me his old one until I get a new one. I know it’s a text message alert, picking it up from the coffee table I see Matt’s name on the screen.

  Matt: Let me know if you skip work tomorrow, we can go to the gym if you’re up for it. Goodnight Shorty. Sweet dreams. ;) x

  He knows I’m thinking about skipping work but he doesn’t know the reason, he assumed it was because of mom and Connor and I didn’t correct him. I’m not ready to tell him about Ava’s theories yet, I’ll tell him when I’m ready to face them myself.

  Me: Sure, I’ll let you know. The gym sounds good, I’m definitely up for it. Goodnight Lurch! Sweet dreams. :D x

  I laugh at my reply calling him Lurch and set my phone back down on the table. I give my mom a hug when she announces she’s going to bed, she is taking my bed tonight and I’m sharing Ava’s bed; I gave up my bed for the night so my mom can get a good night’s sleep, our couch is comfortable to sit on for a while but not to sleep on for a few solid nights.

  “That was Matt texting, I’m guessing Connor is with Ryan because he didn’t mention him,” I mention to Ava as she walks back into the room from the kitchen after cleaning the kitchen.

  “Yeah he’s spending the night there, apparently the world needs saving from zombies and they are the men for the job,” she laughed. “And you don’t need to worry so much about Connor, your mom knew he was staying with Ryan, he already text her.”

  “Oh, okay. I just get worried about him, like I’m waiting for him to breakdown, you know? He hasn’t shown any signs of grieving for Nate and that worries me.”

  Shifting in her seat turning to face me, she grabs my hands and makes me look at her. “Listen to me, babe. I understand what you’re saying and I’ve noticed too, but all we can do is wait, if and when he breaks then we’ll all be here and we’ll all deal with it together, okay?”

  “Okay,” I say as I nod my head, agreeing with her.

  Ava pulls me up off the couch and we head off to bed. It’s been a long day and I’m running on empty.

  “Get some sleep, things will look better in the morning- they always do,” Ava said through her yawn.

  “If you snore like you did when we were younger, you won’t see morning,” I joked. She has never snored but she did used to ask me every morning if she had snored the night before.

  My laugh came out more like a cackle as Ava slapped her hand across my bare thigh, that’s what I get for wearing shorts and having one leg out of the blanket.

  “I do not snore!” she shrieked.

  “Whatever you say, Ava,” I smirked even though she couldn’t see me with the lights off. “What are you getting Ryan for Christmas?” I asked.

  “I don’t know yet, what are you giving Matt?” I know she’s silently laughing, I can feel her body shaking.

  “I don’t know…” I hesitate. “Me?”

  Feeling mattress dip, I know she has sat up, more than likely with her hands on her hips. “What?! Really? Don’t mess with, Ry!”

  “Goodnight Ava.” I press my lips together to hold in my laughter, that’ll teach her for thinking she’s funny.

  Chapter Three

  “Where’s mom and Connor?” I ask Ava as I saunter into the kitchen for my morning coffee. I’ve been awake for around an hour already but decided to lie in bed for a short while and think about today and whether I should go to work and get facing Max over and done with, but I don’t think I can, yet.

  “They have gone to look at an apartment. Lexi was going to wait you for you to go too, but she has three more to look at later today, so she thought it was best to let you sleep and you can go see the other ones with them later,” she replied with a smile.

  Sipping my coffee, I nodded my head. “Okay, I hope we find one they like today, as much as I love having them here I don’t think I could go back to living with my mom full time,” I laughed.

  I love my mom and Connor but I was being honest; I couldn’t go back to living with them full time, I’ve gotten used to having freedom and independence- not that mom would take that away from me, but it still wouldn’t be the same.

  “Are you coming to work today?”

  “No, I don’t think I can face it today. I think I’ll hang with Matt at the gym, is that okay?” I asked.

  Ava smiled and rolled her eyes at me. “I’m not your boss, Ry, you can do whatever you want. I’ll tell Mr Ashby you’re not feeling up to working, your concentration level is too low, and you’re distracted by thoughts of getting sweaty with Matt… Yeah?”

  “No!” I shouted. “Don’t you dare say that to him, Ava!”

  She laughed at me as she walked out of the kitchen, she called over her shoulder as she reached the hall. “Your secret crush on Matt is safe with me, Ry.”

  Shaking my head at her childishness, I put my cup in the sink and make my way to my bedroom to get dressed before I work out how to use my new cell and text Matt to tell him I’m up for the gym.

  Forty five minutes later, I’m in Matt’s car and we’re on our way to the gym. He had only taken ten minutes to get to mine after I had texted him, I’m wondering if he was already ready and waiting because I’m positive he couldn’t have gotten ready, look this good, and got to me within that short amount of time.

  He’s wearing the same black workout clothes as he wore the first time we came here, his tattoos, tanned skin and bulging muscles are in full view. I would like to say I’m used to seeing him like this and it doesn’t affect me, but I’d be lying; it still makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have this gorgeous, generous, kind
and loving man as my friend. Maybe Ava was right, I could have a crush on him- what woman in their right mind wouldn’t have a crush on him? She’d have to be comatose to not be affected by him.

  We’re listening to the same song that he always finds on his playlist as soon as I get in the car, Justin Timberlake’s Mirrors- Matt’s singing along and I know what’s coming next, I do love the song, but I fail to hold in my laughter every time.

  He turns to face me, right on cue. He shouts the words at me from the chorus, then winks before turning back to watch the road.

  I laugh at shake my head. “You’re such a nerd, Matt. Don’t give up your day job.”

  He clutches his hand against his chest, over his heart to feign hurt. “I’m good with my hands, Princess; I don’t need to be able to sing.” I watch the smirk appear on his face.

  My cheeks instantly heat up at the thought of his hands, and how good he could be with them. I comb my fingers through the side of my hair, to try and bring it down to hide the side of my face so he can’t see my flaming red cheeks.

  “You ready to kick ass, shorty?” Matt asks, his deep voice brought me back to reality.

  “Yep, are you ready to get your ass kicked by a girl, Lurch?” I replied with a wide smile, thankful for the change of subject.

  He chuckled and shook his head. “This is why I won’t teach you how to box.”

  Walking into the gym, I see the ring that Matt boxes in. I really want to learn, it think it’d be awesome- I may be all into my skirts and heels, but I don’t mind switching attire to work out and learn. The fact he refuses to teach me makes me want to throw a fit and see if I can persuade him. I think I’ll just try pouting, see where that gets me.

  Holding in my laughter, I turn to face Matt who is talking to Liam, one of the trainers here.

  “I really want to learn how to box, Matt,” I pout and give him my best puppy eyes.

  “Put your pout away, Princess, it’s too fucking cute. You’re gonna kill me,” He winked and stalked off in the direction of the punching bags.

  I thought for sure the pout would work. I huffed and followed him, thinking that punching bags are a good idea right now. If I can show him I can throw a punch it might help change his mind. I position myself in front of a bag and push it, testing how heavy it is- I should have known it would be heavier than it looks.

  “You know what to do with one of these?” Matt asks from behind me.

  I keep my face forward so he doesn’t see my clueless expression. “Yeah, I may be blonde but I know you have to punch it. It’s not rocket science,” I laughed.

  I felt him move closer to me. He’s almost flush against my back, sliding his hand down my forearm lifting my hand up when he reaches it. That familiar feeling shoots through me, the one that leaves me holding my breath every time he grasps my hand. I steady my breathing and listen to Matt’s instructions.

  “Clench your fist and show me what you’ve got, shorty.” His voice was firm, he’s in teaching mode. It’s not a scary tone, it’s actually quite hot.

  I do as he says, pulling my arm back I strike the bag with as much force as I can. I almost scream out in pain when my nails dig into my palm. That hurts like a bitch.

  “Ouch!” I look at my palm and see the indents that my nails have left.

  “What did you do?” Matt asked, looking concerned.

  “I hurt myself, my nails dug into my palm… It hurts!” I whined.

  Matt started laughing hard. “Let’s not do any punches until you’ve filed them down. I wouldn’t want you breaking a nail,” He winked and led me across the room to the mats where we do the self-defense lessons.

  Matt has ran through a few of the moves he’s already taught me, he says it’s important to do re-runs so he knows I have remembered them. He’s also said he’s proud of me for picking it up so quickly, that made me feel great, knowing I had made him proud. We grabbed a drink from the machine and sat down to take a break.

  “Do you want to talk about it yet?” Matt asked.

  I know where this is going and I’m not ready to tell him about Max, I’m not ready to face that yet; it’ll lead to me confronting my mom and I don’t want to add to her stress levels right now. I know I can’t leave it forever, but I don’t want to think about where it will lead to, if it’s true. Should I have been angrier at Ava for sneaking around behind my back, finding it out without telling me first? Maybe, but deep down I know she did it because she was looking out for me, just like she always does. I hear Matt speak again, reminding me that I haven’t answered him.

  “Are you with me, beautiful?”

  I look up at him and quickly nod my head. “Yeah, I’m with you, sorry. I don’t want to talk about it just yet, Matt, I’m not ready. I’m okay though, Ava and I are okay,” I reassured him.

  “I don’t want to tell you what to do, shorty, but avoiding it won’t help. If you shut it away, that won’t help either, and it’ll still be there until you find a way to fix it, or at the very least, talk about it.” He reaches over and places his hand on my thigh, his grip is tight, but not too tight- it’s the same ‘I won’t let go’ grip that he has when he holds my hand. “I know all of this, because I know what it’s like to keep things locked up and it doesn’t always end well. Believe me.”

  “You know, Matt, you’re just as cryptic as I am sometimes, you don’t give much away do you?” I focus on his eyes, willing him to give me something, anything.

  All of his advice to me has come from somewhere within, I am more sure than not that something has happened to him in the past to make him angry, and I don’t think it was something as simple as not getting a new bike for Christmas.

  He shrugged. “I know, I’m sorry. We’ll get better though, right? Together we can kick this opening up thing in the ass,” He smirked.

  “Yeah, we’ll get there. Eventually.” I smiled.

  We decide to call it a day at the gym and head home, neither of us were in the mood now and after we finished talking it only left us with thirty minutes before Matt had to get to the bar, so leaving now was the best option.

  ***

  After Matt dropped me off at home, I had lunch with mom and Conner and then we left to go check out the three apartments they had to look at. It was perfect timing; it gave me something to focus on other than Matt’s mind twisting, cryptic advice. Ava was already home from work when we got back and she was now busy packing for her trip back to Boston for Thanksgiving.

  “I liked apartment number three the best, it was the perfect size and it’s close to us,” I told my mom.

  She flips through the sheets of paper, looking at each apartment’s pictures. “Connor and I preferred number three, too, so I guess that’s the one that wins,” She smiled at Connor and me.

  “Next up is job hunting, I’ve seen a few vacancies in shop windows, but I’m more of an office woman, you know? It’s all I’ve known since leaving college,” She shrugged, knowing she didn’t graduate with anything that she could use in any future jobs.

  “What about where Rylee works, there could be a job there,” Connor suggests.

  I freeze on the spot. Mom can’t ask Mr Ashby for a job, not if they aren’t even friends- and if all of this is true, there’s no way it’ll work.

  Mom looks over at me. “I’m sure she doesn’t want me working with her. I’ll find something, eventually.”

  Now I feel awful. Should I say that I’ll ask Mr Ashby? I feel obliged to say something, do something. No matter how I’m feeling about it all, I can’t let my mom feel like that.

  “We’ll work something out, Mom. We’ll talk about it soon and see what happens, okay?”

  “That’s great. I’ll make the call about the apartment,” She beamed at me.

  Chapter Four

  I can’t believe it is already Thanksgiving. Ava and Ryan have left for Boston and Matt will be here in twenty minutes. He called earlier to ask if he can come and talk to me before I meet his dad later. It’s made me nervous,
I don’t know if there are do’s and don’ts to follow, I’ve never done this before, sure I’ve met my friends parents before, but this doesn’t feel like one of those times- it feels different.

  I have three outfits to choose from, two dresses, jeans and a sweater. Right now I wish Ava was here to help me. I’ve left my hair wavy and tied back in a loose ponytail, because I struggle with the straightening irons on my own, I love my hair, but there is too much of it.

  After an internal debate over my outfit choices, I settle for jeans and a sweater, I’ll wear my boots and thick woollen cardigan, too; the weather has changed a lot and it’s cold here now, so I’ll need to wrap up warm if we go anywhere later.

  Matt knocks on the door exactly on time; I know it’s him from the way he knocks.

  “Come in,” I call out as I pass the door.

  “Hey, shorty, what’s up?” Matt asks, closing the door behind him.

  I turn to face him, and see him wearing faded jeans and a tight white tee. He looks like a freaking model, minus the make-up and props.

  “Hey, you. I’m great. Are you okay? I’m a little nervous about what you want to talk to me about.”

  I walk off in the direction of the kitchen to get us a drink, I hear Matt’s footsteps close behind me as he follows me in there.

  “No need to be nervous, babe, I just wanted to give you a heads up on today’s dinner. You know my dad is a southern man, right? He’s originally from Texas.”

  “I didn’t, until Ava mentioned he was a southern man, but I still didn’t know where in the south he was from.” I turned and smiled at him. “So, you must get your charm from him?”

  “Maybe, but I’m a city boy not a cowboy,” He smirked.

  I lifted my finger and placed it on my chin, pretending to be deep in thought. “I don’t know, I could see you in a cowboy hat and boots. I think you’d look good…”

  He closes the space between us and lifts my chin up with his index finger, bringing his mouth inches from mine.

  “Should I get a truck, Princess? To top off that fantasy you’ve got going on in that cute little head of yours.”