by Jayne, S. L.
Resting my hands on his shoulders and my legs around his waist as he lifts me, he turns to face the tiled wall, leaning me against it. The cold tiles against my hot skin make me gasp, I drop my head back and give him the access he wants to my neck.
“Matt, don’t wait. Take me now… please,” I begged again as he teased my entrance.
“Oh fuck, Princess, don’t beg… I want this to last,” he said, nibbling on my bottom lip.
Arching my back, I rock my hips in time with his thrusts, making us both moan simultaneously into each other’s mouths. Holding me with one arm, he runs his free hand down my body, over my breasts and stomach. I tighten around him as he gets deeper, making me scream out.
“Matt, please… yes, don’t stop… please,” I moan, riding out my orgasm.
His hand grabs at my ass as he buries his face in the crook of my neck, kissing and biting through the moans of his own release.
“So damn hot, baby... I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, breathlessly.
Chapter Twenty
My eyes sting and I hate myself for being so damn paranoid. I’ve been staring at the screen on Matt’s cell for the past ten minutes, looking at the text message that he had received from Kells. Reading over it again, taking in the words, ‘It’s driving me crazy, next week can’t come quick enough. See you then.’ I rule out the possibility that he’s cheating on me- the past four weeks have been too good for that to be an option. Couples fight and drift apart when one of them is being unfaithful, don’t they? That hasn’t happened with Matt and I; we are still the same as we’ve always been. He wouldn’t have asked me to check who his message was from if he had something serious to hide, would he?
“Who was it, baby?” Matt asked as he walked back into the bedroom after his shower.
“Kells,” I said with an icy tone, shoving his phone into hand.
I maybe shouldn’t have used that tone, but my subconscious is niggling away at me.
He looked down at his phone then back up at me, his eyebrows shot up, in surprise or worry, I’m not sure which. “I can read your mind, Princess, I know you’re thinking I’m hiding something. Talk to me,” he said, his voice tight with worry.
Lowering my head slightly, I sigh, feeling guilty for having the thought cross my mind.
“It only crossed my mind for a moment, I swear. I know you wouldn’t hurt me, Matt. I only thought it because I haven’t heard you mention this person before.”
Throwing his cell on the bed, he pulls me into him with one arm and lifts my chin up with the index finger on his free hand. “You trust me, don’t you?” he asked, his eyes searching mine. “Fuck, tell me you trust me, baby…”
Nodding my head, I smiled at him. I trust him with my life, it’s my own damn insecurities. “I do… I do trust you,” I said with conviction. I need him to believe me.
“Good because I need you to keep trusting me for a little longer,” he smiled, moving his finger up and tapping the side of my nose before kissing me.
Dropping the subject is the best thing, I don’t want to keep feeling like crap and I certainly don’t want to tarnish what Matt and I have by being that girl who has to be reassured every day that they aren’t being cheated on.
“Okay, I can do that,” I nodded, smiling as I lean up on my tip toes to kiss him.
***
Last night, Matt held me all night while we slept. My happy place is being in his arms, it has been since before we became more. Today’s work day has dragged, really dragged. I’m ready to go home already and it’s only lunchtime.
“What do you want to do for your birthday, Ry? It’s in a few days and we have nothing planned,” Ava asked, handing me my coffee as she slid into the booth opposite me.
I shrugged, I haven’t put much thought into it if I’m honest. All my other birthdays have consisted of me not doing much of anything, even when I was old enough to do what I wanted; Nate had already done damage and I didn’t want to do anything that would put me in the limelight.
“I don’t know, what do normal people do when they turn twenty three?”
“Well, we could go to Club V or maybe try somewhere else for a change?”
Thinking for a moment, I’m not sure going to a club is what I want. Things around here have been going at a mile a minute lately, and I may sound old before my time, but I really would love a night in.
“How about a night in with movies and take out? Would you be up for that? I’m sure Matt and Ryan will be okay with it, and we can ask Aimee and Walker and Kaitlyn and Liam too,” I suggested.
“Perfect,” she said, smiling over the top of her cup. “I’ll invite everyone and then the two of us can go to the spa for the day. That is if Matt won’t mind parting with you for a couple of hours.”
“Sounds fantastic, I’m sure he won’t mind,” I beamed.
We spent the remainder of our lunch hour organizing our spa day, talking about what movies choices we have and Ava making me pinky promise that I won’t tell any of the guys where her stash of chocolate cover pretzels are. When we got back to Ashby’s, Aimee was waiting outside for us, she couldn’t wait to tell us that Walker had asked her to move in with him. Ava and I congratulated her and told her she had better make sure she has a spare mirror to get ready in the mornings because Walker would take hours in the bathroom doing his own hair.
It didn’t surprise me that Walker had asked Aimee to move in with him, he’s from the same bloodline as Ryan, they are impulsive and inpatient. Well, I can’t say Ryan is inpatient as such; when he came here, he had waited until Ava was ready to talk, but as soon as she was, he proved he had wanted all of her and didn’t stop until he got it.
Matt and I are different, although everyone else has been together longer than we have, we’re enjoying the pace that our relationship is going at, and if I’m honest, I love him with every ounce of my being, but the thought of moving in together is a little daunting. We spend most of our time together now and hardly spend a night apart- it’s almost like living together, except we still have our own space.
Finishing up on an email, my cell vibrates on my desk as a new message comes through. Unlocking the screen, I see it’s from Ava.
Ava: I’m freaking out… Ryan has text me, telling me he has a house for us to look at on MONDAY!
Shaking my head at her mini panic attack, I send a quick reply.
Me: We get off work in five minutes, please hold yourself together while I grab my purse and keys.
Shutting down the computer and grabbing my things, I leave my office to meet Ava. I’m sure Max won’t mind me finishing a couple minutes early since my work for the day is all done. Knocking once before walking into her office. I almost hit her with the door; she’s ready to leave and was on her way out to meet me.
“Calm down, Ava,” I say, resting my hand on her arm.
Letting out a long breath, she nods her head at me. “I’m trying, Ry, I really am… I just didn’t think it would be so soon, you know? I mean I’m ready and I want to marry his ass, but… oh God I’m being pathetic aren’t I?”
A small chuckle slipped from my throat before I could stop it, I cover my mouth with my fingers and bite down on my lip.
“I know it isn’t funny… I didn’t mean to laugh, but come on, Ava, you know you’re ready for this and you can do it!”
Stopping in the corridor, I turn and grasp her shoulders, making her face me. The look she’s giving me right now is making me unsure if she’s going to laugh or punch me. I’m praying it’s the former.
“Repeat after me,” I smirked. “I am strong, I can do this.”
“I am strong I can do this,” she repeated.
“Okay next… I can do this because I am Ava Lawson; I’m a kickass bitch who deserves a happy ending with the man I have loved since forever.”
Her whole face broke out in a massive smile as she said the words back to me. I pulled her in for a hug and squeezed her tight.
“Ch
eck me out giving you the words of wisdom,” I laughed.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, Ry, you may not see it or realize it, but I’ve needed you just as much as you’ve needed me all these years,” she said, tightening her arms around me.
“I’m still here, Ava, I’ll always be here. You’re not moving to another state or continent, we’ll still have each other. It’s just time to take the next step in our journey, right?”
Pulling out of the hug, we both smiled at each other and nodded our heads. We both knew there would be a time when we needed to part and take the steps that are needed to ensure our happiness, and we will always hold one another up when we feel like we are falling down. It’s what we do.
“Tomorrow after work, we’re going somewhere,” she grinned. “Make sure you’re wearing your big girl panties because we’re getting the tattoos we talked about at Christmas!”
***
After work, I headed over to my mom’s to go out for the dinner we had planned last week. It felt great having some time together. We all talked and Connor had expressed his feelings on her and Max’s relationship moving onto the next stage, moving in together. I was so proud of him, he was mature about it and had spoken his mind. Tears stung my eyes when he looked at mom and said, “Mom, I’ve never seen that smile that takes over your face when you wake up the morning after Max has stayed over, or when we’ve been at his place. I’m down for moving in with him. For a dude he’s pretty awesome, he makes you happy, and he’s LeeLee’s dad. He’s gone to some great lengths to help me… and throughout my struggles, after da- him… he accepted me. I’m in.” I held my tears back, but mom didn’t, she jumped out of her seat with tears streaming down her face and pulled Connor to his feet for a hug. He has come so far and even though he still can’t bring himself to call Nate dad, that’s something that will only happen when he’s ready.
Matt was waiting for me at my apartment when I got home, he knew Ava was staying with Ryan tonight and said he didn’t want me to be alone, which I have figured out also translates to ‘I’m not leaving you on your own if you like it or not’. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it, I do. It’s nice to be alone sometimes, but it can get lonely. I spent years feeling alone in my own home when I couldn’t get out and spend time with Ava, but I haven’t felt alone since the day I moved in with Ava. I never want to feel alone again- which makes me wonder if it’s the same for Matt, he was alone for years too, never getting close to people and only having his dad he could trust.
Luckily for me, I had Ava, a best friend who never got bored of listening to my complaints and who promised to always be there and proved it every day. Matt had a best friend who screwed him over in the worst way; what kind of best friend almost gets you sent to jail. He had no one else he could count on until he met Liam. He was right, we are our own kinds of messed up, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Nestling into him as we watch the TV, I turn my head to the side to plant a soft kiss on his chin. “I love you,” I whispered.
His arm locked tighter around me and he turned me over in one swift motion. Keeping my eyes locked on his, the heat of his touch coursing over me, his face inches from mine and his warm breath bouncing off of my skin leaving tingles in its wake. I reach up and cup his cheek in my hand, gently pulling him toward me, closing the few inches between our lips. Our lips crush together, devouring each other’s taste, his hand slides down my arm stopping at my hand, his fingers lace between mine and our hands close around one another’s.
“I love you more, don’t ever forget it,” he said, breaking the kiss and looking down at me tenderly.
“So, Ava and I are getting a tattoo tomorrow…” I said, thinking now is as good a time as any to tell him about the tattoo.
“The hell you are…” he said, his voice serious and to the point.
“But-”
“No buts, Rylee, you two aren’t wandering off to some tattoo place that you know nothing about. Not. Fucking. Happening,” he let out a huff of breath. “I’ll take you both to the dude who does mine; he’s the only one I trust to ink me, and I’ll break his fucking fingers if he hurts you.” His eyes darken and his voice is firm.
He isn’t kidding and I know there is no compromise here, but I’m not going to let him order me around.
“Matt, I’m not twelve… I’m not stupid!” I spat, twisting my body slightly to get out from underneath him.
I can’t be underneath him if I’m going to stand my ground. He knows too many of my weaknesses that he can play on.
“Don’t try and move away from me, Rylee… I’m not calling you stupid. You’re smart and beautiful, but I mean it... it’s not happening.”
“Let. Me. Out. Matt. You’re not ordering me around. You don’t own me,” I said through gritted teeth.
A lump formed in my throat the instant tears pricked my eyes; it’s the first time in a long time that I’ve felt owned. He shifted his body somewhat, but still kept hold of my hand as he pulled me into him, wrapping his free arm around me firmly.
“Shhh, baby, don’t get upset,” he whispered against my hair. “I… I just can’t bear the thought of you being hurt. I’m not trying to own you, I’m loving you… there is a huge difference.”
A few silent minutes lingered between us as I considered what he had said. I guess he’s right, there is a difference, and he’s loved me all along. It’s just hard not to feel owned when you’re being ordered to do what others want; those demons are hard to fight with.
“Okay,” I said, wondering if I could still maybe push for a compromise. “I’ll go to your guy, but you don’t get to watch me have it done…”
He slowly turned his head back to face me, his brow quirked. “The hell-”
I cut him off. “Compromise, Matt… you said you’d break his fingers if he hurt me, it’s going to hurt like a bitch and if you can’t control yourself, then you’re not watching.”
Shaking his head, he let out a long breath. “You’ll be the fucking death of me, Princess.”
“Tell me you will wait outside… promise me, Matt.”
His chest rumbled as he muttered. “I don’t like this compromise shit, but okay… I promise.”
***
I’ve been a nervous ball of energy all day, thinking about the tattoo. I know it’s going to hurt and having Matt there holding my hand would take my mind off the pain; that’s what his touch does to me, it makes me feel safe, but I can’t give in now. I can do this; it’s only small so it will be over before I know it. Ava and I discussed it over lunch and we couldn’t decide exactly what we both wanted. All we know is that we want it to symbolize something important to the both of us. We changed our mind about the infinity symbol we had originally wanted; to me, that symbolizes her and Ryan’s relationship.
“You ready girls?” Ryan called over his shoulder to Ava and I sitting in the back seat of Matt’s car.
Giving Ava a sideways look and a tight smile, I nodded. “Yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be.”
“I think we should have stopped by the drug store and bought some numbing cream,” Ava laughed.
“We can do this, Ava,” I said, chuckling at her.
The twenty minute drive to the tattoo parlour felt like only a few minutes. Climbing out of the car across the street, I looked up at the building. It looks welcoming, and not at all daunting; the window panes and doors are a deep purple, and the sign saying ‘Inksanity’ is in black lettering.
Clutching Matt’s hand, we cross the street with Ava and Ryan following behind us.
“Hey, man,” the guy said, holding his hand out to greet Matt as we entered.
Looking around the place as they say their hellos, I notice a piercing section in the far left corner and a beauty treatment room sign that signals down the hall. The whole place has a tranquil atmosphere about it and it’s calmed my nerves that have tormented me all day.
“This is my girl, Rylee, and these are our friends, Ryan and Ava.” I
heard Matt say, bringing my attention back to them.
“Nice to meet you,” I smiled.
“Pleasure is all mine, sweetheart,” he winked.
I grinned and turned to look at Matt, his head is shaking and he has a smirk on his face.
“Do we need a chat, Jay?” Matt chuckled.
The guy who I now know is Jay, threw his head back laughing. “S’all good, man. I’m just fucking with you.”
“Do you need some crazy pills, Bear?” Ryan asked with a straight face.
“You’ll need some pain pills, Pretty boy, if you call me crazy again. I’ll take you over there and pin you down while you get a Prince Albert done,” Matt’s laughter echoed around the room.
“Fuck you, Bear, I ain’t having nothing done that’s gonna keep me from pleasing my girl.”
Ava and I stood silent watching the three of them laugh and joke around before she grabbed my hand and moved me towards the desk to the right of us.
“Okay, I have an idea for what I want us to have… but I need to know you’re ok with it,” she beamed.
“Tell me!” I said excitedly.
“Okay, I want us to have the Chinese symbol meaning friendship, but with believe written underneath yours in the Chinese language-”
“And promise written under yours?” I asked, cutting her off.
“Yes!” She cried. “Yes... promise is perfect.”
“I love it, Ava… I really do,” I beamed.
Chapter Twenty One
I faintly hear Matt singing softly next to me as I stir from my half asleep state.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday my princess, happy birthday to you.”
A smile breaks out across my face and I turn in his arms to face him, slipping my arms around his waist and nestling my head in his neck, I sigh in contentment. “Thank you, my gorgeous man.”
“We don’t have much snuggle time, baby, I gotta run out real quick. I’ll bring back pancakes and coffee,” he said, winking at me as I looked up at him.
I tighten my arms around him, refusing to let go for a bit. “What coffee are you bringing back for me?”