by Jayne, S. L.
Ava left the room to call Ryan with an update and Matt hopped up on the bed beside me, wrapping his arms around me, cradling me against his chest. I breathe in his scent and relax in his arms.
“You scared the shit out of me when you blacked out, baby,” he said, stroking my hair.
“I’m sorry…” I breathed.
The hour passed quickly, I know I had drifted off to sleep at some point because the nurse returning startled me. I eyed her curiously as she asked me if it’s okay to talk in front of Ava.
Stomach meet floor.
Nodding my head quickly to let her know that it’s okay to talk in front of Ava, I glance at Matt, who is giving the nurse a death stare.
“Your results have come back, Rylee, everything is normal and we’ve found the reason for your recent bout of fatigue,” she smiled.
Well that’s a relief. Maybe now Matt and Ava can calm down on the fretting and I can get some tablets if it returns.
“Do I have a low iron level?” I asked with a smile as I looked over at Ava. “That was her diagnosis,” I chuckled.
Shaking her head, smiling, the nurse looks at Matt and then back at me. “No, dear, you’re pregnant.”
All train of thought stops dead in its tracks. Shit. I can’t be.
“What? Say… say that again…” Matt stuttered.
I glance at Ava; she looks how I’m feeling. Her jaw is slack and her eyes are wide. My hand covers my stomach, my mind still spinning.
“I’m guessing this wasn’t a planned pregnancy, but it’s a pregnancy without a doubt. We can get an ultrasound machine in here if you’d like to find out how far along you are?”
Wrapping my head around the news she has slammed us with, I nod my head, but inside I feel numb. How can I be pregnant? I mean, I know how… but Matt and I haven’t been together all that long and we don’t even live together. Aren’t you supposed to wait until you’ve done those things before you start a family? Granted, I wasn’t born in wedlock, nor was I bought up with any knowledge of my father, so I know it’s not the most important thing. But it’s scaring the shit out of me nonetheless. I’m twenty three… I can just about take care of myself, and I’ve not long learned to let other people in. Can I do this? This little person growing inside of me is going to need me and depend on me. Their whole life will be in my hands.
“Princess, are you okay?” Matt said as he slid his arm around me, holding me tight.
“When did we forget to use protection, Matt?” I sighed.
“It has to be when we first had sex in the shower, that’s the only time I can think of… I’m so fucking sorry, baby, but we can do this, please don’t shut down on me… I can feel you closing down,” he pleaded.
He’s right, I can feel my walls closing and I’m trying so hard not to shut him out. He’s my everything.
“I think I’m in shock. I never imagined this happening; I don’t want to lose you, Matt… I’m scared,” I said, lowering my eyes as I reach up and grasp my pendant between my thumb and finger.
Before Matt could say anything, Ava returned after slipping out to call Ryan, followed closely by the nurse who is ready to do the scan. Walking backward into the room, dragging a machine in with her, she turned and gave me a reassuring smile.
“Let’s see this baby, shall we?” She looked at me, her eyes telling me she knows I’m all kinds of scared, but it feels like she’s trying to pass me some courage through her smile.
I nodded my head. Feeling Matt’s hand rubbing in circles on the small of my back, I start to relax a little bit.
“Lie down for me, sweetie. I need to get to your lower abdomen. The gel will be a little cold,” she warned.
Ava and Matt both stood at the bedside, watching intently as I lifted my shirt and the nurse spread the gel across my bare skin. Holding my breath as she plays with the machine in front of her while pressing the wand to my stomach. I stare at the screen tilting my head, looking at the grainy picture, trying to focus on finding a baby in the midst.
“I don’t see anything,” Ava whispered.
Turning to face her, I shrugged my shoulders. Matt’s eyes are concentrating on the machine with a furrowed brow. I don’t see anything either.
“Here we go,” the nurse said, pointing to the screen. “The measurements I have done have calculated that you’re around the thirteen week mark, the baby is about the size of a peapod at the moment.”
I hear a sigh of happiness slip from Ava and a see a smile break out across Matt’s face.
“A peapod. That’s tiny…” Matt said softly as he set himself down on the edge of the bed beside me.
Turning to him, I see him engrossed on the screen in front of us, he’s fascinated. He doesn’t seem freaked out or scared like I am, maybe he’s just doing a better job at hiding it than I am.
***
We finished up with the ultrasound and the nurse gave us a picture to take home, which I will no doubt stare at for hours on end while the reality of it all sinks in. The journey home went by in a blur, one minute I’m leaving the hospital and then next, I’m being told we’re home. Ava left to meet Ryan, but made me promise that I’ll call her if I creep into panic mode.
I need to tell my mom and Max, I’m not sure calling and telling her over the phone is the best option, but it’s late and I don’t want to panic her by asking if she can come here to talk.
Holding my cell to my ear, waiting for her to answer, I give Matt a knowing, fake smile.
“Hey mom,” I said as she answered.
Her cheery voice on the other end of the line, asking if I’m okay, relaxed me a bit.
“I’m fine, Mom… I have something to tell you.”
She paused for a moment before asking me what it is.
“I’m… I’m pregnant, Mom,” I whispered. A single tear rolled down my cheek, saying it aloud is so surreal.
Her gasp down the speaker made me hold my breath as I waited for her to say something.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so excited for you… but why don’t you sound happy about it?” She said with a soft tone.
Letting out the breath I was holding, I shake my head gently, knowing she would ask me that. “I’m getting my head around it, Mom. I am happy, it’s a part of Matt and I, how I could I not be… it’s just going to take some getting used to.”
We continued to talk for a while longer; she said she would tell Max when he got home as he was out picking up some dinner for them. Connor wasn’t there either, but mom said she would tell him. We both know he will probably just say “awesome”.
“Time to get some rest, Princess. I’m taking your ass to bed,” Matt whispers, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me, nuzzling my neck.
“Best offer I’ve had all day,” I smiled.
Turning around to face him, I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck, looking into his dark eyes.
“Stop… I know you’re overthinking in that cute little head of yours, baby, but I promise you it’ll be okay. I love you so fucking much… I will always be your strength when you feel weak, and I know you’re strong enough for this,” he breathed, cupping my face in his hands. “We will do this… we can do this. Together we’re stronger, remember, baby?”
We are stronger together and he’s always been my strength, even before I knew he was. I nod my head, knowing he’s right.
“I remember,” I whispered, leaning up and pressing my lips against his.
Chapter Twenty Three
Life throws the unexpected at you to test you, to see if you’re either strong enough or to make you stronger. Either way, you have to decide of you will sink or swim. But sometimes, even if you can’t swim, sinking isn’t an option, so I made my decision… to swim.
So many times I have surprised myself with what I can actually handle, how strong I am when I have no choice but to be, and this is no different. It isn’t just about me anymore; this baby nestled inside of me is what matters. Matt is an amazing man, his strength and lov
e consumes me every day, and I know that together we can do this.
Lying in bed with my eyes still closed, I feel Matt’s breath on my stomach. I open my eyes fully and look down at him; he’s already dressed so I guess it’s almost time for work. A small smile spreads across my lips as I hear his soft whisper.
“How’s my pip this morning?” he said, placing a gentle kiss below my belly button.
This man melts my heart. The small chuckle that escaped me shook my stomach and caught his attention. He looks up at me with a huge grin.
“You named our baby pip?” I asked, smiling at him.
He nodded his head and shifted his body so he is face to face with me, leaning in and lightly kissing my nose. “Pip… because it’s the size of a peapod, baby, it stands for peas in a pod.”
Shaking my head gently, I reach out and softly stroke my hand down Matt’s cheek.
“It’s the cutest name I’ve ever heard,” I said before pulling him to me and kissing his lips.
“I don’t want to leave you both, but I have to work and so do you.”
Hearing him say both is going to take some getting used to, but it makes my heart swell, nonetheless.
“Ok, get ready and go, but don’t forget to call your dad as soon as you get there…” I stopped mid-sentence, remembering the tickets Max had bought. “Oh my god, the tickets! I’m not sure about flying while being pregnant, but we can talk to the doctor,” I said, climbing out of bed and lifting Bella into my arms to carry her through to the living room.
“Don’t start stressing about things. You can’t get all wound up now, you have to relax,” Matt said as he followed me down the hallway. “And for the love of all that is holy, drive fucking carefully to work.”
I begin laughing uncontrollably, looking at Matt and shaking my head. Why the hell I didn’t see it coming I’ll never know, of course he’s going to be extra protective now.
“Don’t you worry yourself, bad boy, I’ll drive at the speed limit and use all my mirrors correctly,” I said, sarcastically.
Matt quirked his brow and smirked. “Such a smart ass… but I fucking love you,” he said, taking two long strides to reach me and wrap his arms around me.
“I love you too, my overprotective bad boy,” I said, leaning up to kiss him.
Kissing me back, he grins at me. “Don’t get me started, I have to go. Love you, Princess,” he called out over his shoulder as he left.
***
We are sitting in a booth in Starbucks, Ava and Ryan met us here after their house viewing. I needed coffee and Matt said he would go wherever I needed, just to avoid me getting hormonal. He said on the way here that that is the part he is dreading. I don’t think I’ll be a monster-momma, but I do need my coffee, and this baby craves Verde Blondes.
“We’re taking it, it’s perfect and Ava is in love with it.” I hear Ryan say.
Looking over at him, I realize I have missed part of the conversation. Ava is beaming at me, nodding her head.
“That’s great! I’m so happy for you, and I can’t wait to see it,” I said, smiling at them both.
“The offer still stands, Ry, you can come move in with me,” Ava chuckled as she eyed Matt, knowing she will get a reaction.
He looked at Ava, his eyebrow raised and an ‘I think you’ve gone crazy’ look on his face. Bingo.
“The hell she is. Sorry, Ava, but the only place her ass is moving is with me,” he grinned.
“Her ass was mine first.”
“Her ass is and always has been mine since the day we met.”
“I know which ice-cream makes her smile,” Ava laughed.
“I know how to make her smile without ice-cream,” Matt retorted
Ryan and I are just laughing at their exchange, shaking our heads.
“Too much information, Winks, you win,” Ava said as she raised her hands, gesturing surrender.
I love how the four of us get on so well, I couldn’t imagine us being with anyone who didn’t like or understand either of us.
Ryan decided a subject change was needed, which I’m grateful for as Matt and I haven’t talked about living together yet, but I guess that conversation will have to happen sooner rather than later.
“What names you got in mind, Bear?” Ryan asked.
“Dude, don’t get her started on names, I know we’re going to end up with a whole damn book! Do you know what she’s like once she gets going?” he said, edging away from me, avoiding a slap.
“Ignore him, Ryan, we haven’t even discussed names yet,” I said.
“What about Liam for a boy?” he suggested.
I shook my head. “We know a Liam.”
“Okay, what about Logan? Logan Morgan… hmm,” Ava interrupted. “Or Piper for a girl?”
“I like Piper, but don’t like Logan, it doesn’t suit the surname” Matt said, with a frown.
I sit back, drinking my coffee, happy to just listen to their conversation; I know we’ll work a name out, eventually.
“What about Ryder…” Ryan said.
With a mouth full of coffee, I start coughing and laughing all at the same time, causing the drink to go all over the table in front of us.
“Fuck, Princess, are you okay?” Matt asks, jumping up and patting my back gently.
I nod and look at Ava, who is staring at me with wide eyes and pursed lips.
“I’m okay, it just went down the wrong pipe,” I said quickly, holding in the bout of laughter that is threatening to escape if I take another look at Ava.
We swiftly turn the subject back to Ava and Ryan’s new house, talking about when it will happen and the guys gave me a stern look when I said I would help with packing up the house. I shook my head and chuckled at them, I should have known I would be wrapped in a cotton roll and made to spectate. We finished our drinks and Ryan stood up, grabbing his jacket before turning to us.
“Back to work for me,” he said, leaning over the table to kiss my cheek, which threw me because he’s never done that before. I guess he really is in a happy mood today.
“You’re not the only one. Later, man,” Matt said, fist bumping him.
We all said our goodbye’s, Matt gave me a kiss before telling me he would meet me at my apartment after work as we need to talk about our living situation, and Ava and I headed back to Ashby’s.
“So you’re really okay now?” Ava asked as we stepped into the elevator, making our way up to our offices.
“I am, honestly. And thank you so much for listening to me freak out over the baby… I guess I just needed to process it and think about how strong Matt and I are. I know we can do this,” I smiled at her.
“Good… we’re all here for you both, don’t ever forget that. You’re not alone, you never will be, Ry,” she said, giving me a warm smile back.
***
“Pizza or Chinese take-out?” Matt’s voice emanated from my hands free.
“I’m thirty seconds from home now, babe, we can go out and decide together if you want to?” I asked as I pulled into the street.
My mouth is telling me to choose Chinese, but my stomach is screaming at me for a double pepperoni pizza. Matt’s voice pulls me from my food thoughts.
“As much as I would love you to come with me…” his voice trails off into a light chuckle at the double meaning. “I’m already out and have left you a surprise in the bathroom, baby… now choose, pizza or Chinese?”
Wondering what is waiting for me in the bathroom, I quickly respond telling him I want pizza. I hang up the phone after telling him I love him too and jump out of the car, rushing into the apartment and heading straight for the bathroom. Not even stopping for a minute to greet Bella. The sweet smell of roses fills my nose as I crack open the door, I step inside the dimly lit room and see what Matt has done for me. There are lit candles scattered around the room and the tub is filled with water, a soft sigh escapes my mouth as I walk over and see rose petals floating on the top. Turning away, I walk to the mirror to take the pins f
rom my hair and undress.
Looking up, I see a folded piece of paper taped to the glass. Taking it off, I unfold it and read:
My baby,
You are truly my everything, you deserve to be spoiled and treated like the princess you are. Get your cute ass in the tub and relax with pip. I will be back real soon to join you both and wrap my arms around you, holding you both tight. I can’t breathe without you.
Your bad boy x
I start grinning like an idiot and strip out of my clothes as soon as I put the note down on the basin. Not bothering to take the pins out of my hair, I leave it in the messy bun and press play on my ballads playlist that I have set up on my cell before stepping into the tub. Lowering myself down into the warm water, I cover my stomach with both hands and lean back, sinking further down and feeling my body relax as the warmth of the water radiates through me. Tilting my head back, I close my eyes and softly sing along to the music.
Four songs later, I sit up and glance at my cell to check the time. Thinking to myself, It’s been a while now that Matt has been gone.
Rubbing my hand over my tummy, I softly whisper. “Hey little one… I love your daddy more than I can express into words, but I’m going to kick his ass if he’s eating my pizza,” I laugh lightly, feeling half crazy for talking to my stomach.
I’m not sure when I’ll feel movements or even when I’ll start showing, but I know he or she is in there and can possibly hear me.
“Did you have to ruin the moment by cursing to our child?” Matt’s voice startles me.
I turn to the door and see him leaning against the frame with a smirk on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
Relief washes over me, I’m not sure what I was exactly thinking when I thought about how long he had taken, but seeing him here and knowing he’s okay makes me feel a whole lot better.
“You took your sweet time,” I said, beaming at him.
“Sorry, Princess, these flowers were meant to have been ready for when I got there, but I had to wait,” he explained as he walked over to me, bending down to kiss my lips before passing me the flowers.
I look at them and smile. There are red roses and deep red, almost black calla lilies, they are beautiful.