‘Do you want to come over for dinner?’ Meg asked Tabitha on Saturday afternoon. The tea rooms had closed, and they’d just finished cleaning up for the day. Lucy and Bonnie stood by the door, already lost in their phones, thumbs flying over the screens as they waited to leave.
‘Thanks, but I think I’m going to have an early night.’
This probably wasn’t true as she likely wouldn’t be able to sleep any better than she had the past two nights, but she didn’t feel as if she’d be very good company this evening. As much as she adored Meg and Lawson, being around a couple so in love wasn’t going to be any better for her mental health than hanging out alone. And also, she didn’t trust herself not to pester Ned with questions about Fergus.
What had he been like at school on Friday? Had he acted any differently?
Even though it was only two days since they’d parted ways, it felt much longer. Life, she’d discovered, continued as normal after heartbreak. The sun still rose and set, her rooster still crowed at dawn, her chickens still laid eggs and she went about business as usual, but everything felt different.
She hadn’t heard a peep from him—not even a text message telling her how the cricket team had gone this morning—and this only rammed home how little he thought of her. Surely a decent person would have tried to call her, or at least sent a message to check she was okay? Then again, a decent person wouldn’t turn his back on his family when they were sick and in need, so maybe he really had done her and her baby a favour. Yet no matter how much she told herself that they’d be better off without him, it still hurt like hell. No matter how much she told herself he was a jerk, there’d been times she’d seen otherwise.
During the day as she’d been waiting tables, she’d kept an ear out for any mention of him, but all that was on anyone’s minds was the upcoming show. They’d been quiet today because many of the residents of Walsh were at the showgrounds helping with the busy bee or at home putting the final touches on their competition entries. The only information she’d overheard that vaguely related to him had arrived on the grapevine with Mrs Walker as she’d stopped in for a takeaway coffee on her way to visit her sister in Kojonup. News just in was that Carline’s treatment appeared to be working and it looked as if she’d be fine to come back to school next year. Tab guessed that meant that even if Ferg didn’t get one of the jobs he’d applied for up north, he’d be moving on.
While she was happy for Carline and Terry, she felt annoyingly conflicted about this. Her brain was happy not to have to worry about running into him, but her heart didn’t like the fact that once he was gone, she’d likely never see him again.
‘You sure?’ Meg asked, staring intently at her.
‘What?’ Lost in her own thoughts, Tab had no idea what her sister-in-law was talking about.
Meg gave her an endearing smile. ‘If you’re not up to coming to the farm for dinner, maybe I could come back here once I’ve dropped off the girls. We could have an old-fashioned slumber party?’
‘I’m fine.’ Tab forced a smile. As sweet as the idea was, if she couldn’t be with Fergus she’d really rather be alone. Or at least alone with Eliza, who understood heartache better than most and wouldn’t insist on conversation.
‘Okay then. Well, call me if you change your mind,’ Meg said, grabbing her bag from underneath the bench and gesturing to Lucy and Bonnie that she was ready to go.
‘I will,’ Tab promised as she ushered the three of them out the front door and locked up behind them.
She went upstairs and had a long soak in the bath, while listening to an audio book to distract her mind from unhelpful thoughts. Afterwards, she went downstairs and reheated some leftover pasta, which she ate for an early dinner. Although part of her just wanted to curl up in bed, pull the covers over her head and shut out reality, she doubted she’d be able to succumb to rest. Even though she’d washed her sheets, trying to rid the scent of Fergus, the memories of him being in her bed were too strong and it no longer felt like the refuge it once had.
For this reason, she turned her hand to making a few more batches of ice-cream. It never hurt to be over-prepared; better to have too much than to run out on the day. She already had way more in storage than she could carry in the van, but they’d decided that if they got low, Lawson could sneak back to the tea rooms with their transportable freezer and restock.
Tab had just placed a big batch of caramel-chunk into the storage freezer when she heard a car door slam outside. She glanced at the clock on the microwave to see it was almost 7 pm and a shiver of unease swept over her skin. She rarely had any unexpected visitors out here, and definitely not at this time of night on a Saturday. Could it be Fergus? Perhaps he’d had a change of heart. Her own traitorous heart leapt at the thought and she hurried to the front of the tea rooms so she could peer out the window.
All her hopes vanished as she registered the man who was swaggering around the front of a very flash-looking black sedan. She didn’t know much about cars, but she could tell this wasn’t your average run-of-the-mill hire car. And she wouldn’t expect anything less from Ryder O’Connell. He wore dark sunglasses, despite the fact the sun had all but set, and faded jeans (likely expensive and bought that way) hugged his hips as he gazed up and down the street.
The sunglasses made her snort—did he think he might get mobbed by fans? And what the hell was he doing here anyway? Not only in Rose Hill, but back in WA so early? The show wasn’t until next weekend and she’d assumed he’d arrive the night before at the earliest. She’d expected to feel a lot more anxious about seeing him again, but all she felt was disappointment that he wasn’t Fergus.
She could easily drop the curtain back into place, retreat and pretend not to be here. Tab was still contemplating this possibility when Ryder turned towards the building and his eyes connected with hers. Dammit, she thought, as his face lit up with a smile and he started towards the front door.
Oh well, she was bound to run into him sooner or later. She may as well get the meeting over and done with.
As she let the curtain fall, her thoughts went briefly to her appearance but the most she did was wipe her brow with the back of her hand—what did she care what he thought of how she looked? And then with a quick breath, she went to open the door.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ferg couldn’t concentrate on the cricket game any more than he’d been able to concentrate on sleep the last couple of nights. Tabitha’s words kept playing over in his head like a broken record.
I love you. Cancer can be fatal.
Cancer can be fatal. I love you.
Cancer. You. Love. Fatal.
After a while, anger and hurt started to make way for other feelings. What if Tabitha was right? How would he feel if Jools was wrong and Eider didn’t go into remission? What if she died? Could he live with himself then?
At this thought an overwhelming heaviness descended upon his chest. He struggled to breathe; it felt as if he were lying on the ground and an elephant had him pinned.
‘Mr McDuck? Mr McDuck? Coach?!’
The chorus of voices snapped him out of his reverie. He blinked at the crowd of little faces and the parents gathered around him. Victoria and Milly’s mum stepped forward and put her hand on his arm. ‘Are you okay, Fergus? You look like you’re about to have a heart attack.’
‘I’m …’ Thinking about the possibility of his sister dying was not something he wanted to share right now. ‘Fine. Sorry.’ He blinked and summoned a smile as he addressed the kids. ‘Well done, guys.’
‘Well done?’ Lisl spat, her disgust scrawled across her face. ‘We just won our second game; don’t you think that deserves more than a “well done”?’
She was right, it did, but truth be told, he hadn’t been paying attention.
He couldn’t go on like this, so distracted that he couldn’t focus on any task. It was no way to live and definitely no way to teach. The kids deserved better.
As the parents chatted and the c
hildren crammed oranges and end-of-game lolly snacks into their mouths, Ferg made his decision. He would go see Eider. Didn’t mean he was going to forgive her but maybe just seeing her and making sure she was indeed on her way to recovery would at least get that niggle out of his head and also get Jools off his back.
So many times during the two and a half hour journey he almost turned back, but something kept his foot on the pedal and his eye on the road as he got closer and closer to Perth. It had only been seven weeks since he’d left, but in some ways it felt like years.
As he hit the outskirts of the city, he was reminded of the differences between country and city driving. In Walsh, his commute to work was a mere ten minutes and everything he needed—coffee, beer, cat food—was within walking distance of his classroom. He found he didn’t miss the impatient drivers or the traffic lights that had him stopping what felt like every five seconds.
These thoughts distracted him from the reason for his journey, but the car seemed to know where they were going, so he’d all but arrived before he realised how close he was. As he turned into the street lined with beige and red-brick houses built in the eighties, bottlebrush trees and other Aussie natives filling the gardens, his stomach churned.
It was only the thought of Tabitha that had him parking on the cracked cement driveway, climbing out and heading to the front door. Besides, he’d come all this way; it would be cowardly and a waste of good petrol to turn back. Never before had he knocked on the door before entering this house, but even if Eider still kept a spare key under a gnome in the garden, it wouldn’t feel right to use it now. What if he walked in on her and Jools in a compromising position?
He shuddered at the thought as he pushed the doorbell and held his breath as its musical tune echoed through the house. Less than thirty seconds later, the door peeled back and Jools gasped as her hand rushed to her chest.
‘Hello, Julia,’ he said, not even trying to eliminate the coolness from his tone. ‘Is Eider home?’
Jools took a moment to recover and then nodded. ‘She’s watching TV. I … I can’t believe you came.’ Then her expression grew hard. ‘You’re not here to upset her, are you? She couldn’t handle more aggro right now.’
Ferg’s jaw tensed but he managed to reign in his own anger. ‘You wanted me to come. Well, here I am, so if you don’t mind?’ He gestured inside, but Jools didn’t budge.
‘Okay, you can see her, but first I need you to go wash up. There’s hospital-grade soap and disinfectant in the bathroom. You haven’t been sick lately, have you? What about the kids in your class? We can’t afford for Eider to catch anything while she’s in the middle of chemo as it weakens her immune system.’
She’d pretty much begged him to come, and now he was here it felt as if she was trying to find a reason to get rid of him again.
‘I’m perfectly healthy,’ Ferg said, striding past her and towards the bathroom. The whole house smelt of Glen 20, and as he scrubbed his arms from his hands right up to his elbows, he heard the volume being lowered on the television and hushed voices coming from the lounge room. He dried his hands with a clean towel from the cupboard and then strode out to face the music before he could change his mind and flee.
‘Fergus!’ Eider cried from her position on the couch.
Her appearance stopped him in his stride. He almost didn’t recognise her and feared he failed in his effort to keep the horror from his face. Perhaps deep in his mind he’d hoped the cancer was some kind of elaborate scheme to get him to come visit, but one look at Eider told him that wasn’t the case.
His eyes grew hot as he stared at her. She was all but bald. She’d always had such thick, healthy dark hair—the last time he’d seen her it was almost halfway down her back—but now there was only the odd, barely visible patch of stubble. And she looked gaunt and tired. Her clothes swam on her and her cheeks were sunken into her face. Her eyes were bloodshot, carrying dark bags beneath them.
Something clicked inside him and instinctively he stepped towards her as the last remnants of his anger crumbled. All he wanted to do was hug her and take away her suffering. If he could take her cancer into his body, he would.
‘Oh, sis,’ he said as he sank down onto the couch and drew her into his side. Eider leaned into his chest and cried big heaving sobs that shook her whole body.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered after a while, worried the exertion would exhaust her.
She pulled back and looked at him with tear-soaked eyes. ‘You’re sorry? I’m the one who should be saying sorry, but I know that no matter how many times I say it, it won’t change things. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you, but I love you both. I can’t choose between you and Jools.’
‘You don’t have to,’ he said, the fight having completely left his body. Suddenly his actions seemed so petty. How could he ever have let anything come between them? Blood was thicker than water. He glanced up at Jools standing only a few feet away, biting her nails in the manic way she did when anything was stressing her, and he felt nothing. No longer love, but not hate either. If the love had faded so fast, was it ever really as strong as he’d thought?
He wasn’t sure, but he did know that the bond he and Eider shared was stronger than anything he’d ever had with Jools. The pain he’d suffered the last few months was more because he missed his sister and because Jools had hurt his pride than anything else. He’d be a fool to let one mistake ruin what they had, and he only hoped the chemo did its trick and Eider recovered enough for them to have many, many more years together.
‘Can I get you something to drink?’ Jools asked when he and Eider finally broke apart. ‘Coffee? A cup of tea? Juice? Coke?’
He could tell she was nervous, but if he wanted to maintain his relationship with his sister, he was going to have to try to create a new kind of one with Jools. So he spoke kindly, trying to put her at ease. ‘A cup of coffee would be great, thanks. Do you want some help?’
She shook her head and offered a small smile. ‘I think I can manage. You stay with Eider.’
While Jools went into the kitchen, Ferg took Eider’s hand and held it gently in his lap.
‘I’m so glad you’re here, Fergie,’ she said, calling him by the nickname she’d had for him as a child. If anyone else had ever dared call him that, he’d have decked them, but Eider had always been able to get away with murder where he was concerned.
‘I’m sorry it took me so long,’ he replied, unsure he’d ever forgive himself for his stupid pride.
She half-laughed. ‘Anyone listening to us would think we were having a competition about who could say sorry the most. How about we agree to stop apologising and look to the future? I want to hear about what you’ve been up to. What’s it like living in Woop Woop?’
‘Walsh is hardly Woop Woop,’ he said, wondering what she’d think when he told her he was going even further afield next year. ‘But country living is definitely different to city living. Everyone knows everyone else, half the town seem to be related, and it runs a lot on volunteers.’
He was in the middle of telling her about his farmhouse, how the owner who lived in the nursing home went missing and how he’d been involved in the search, when Jools walked in with two mugs of steaming coffee and a plate of Tim Tams.
‘You not having a drink?’ he asked when she placed the mugs down on the coffee table in front of him and Eider.
‘I’ve got to go to the supermarket and get some groceries. Maybe I’ll see you when I get back?’
He nodded. Jools was obviously making herself scarce and for that he was grateful. He wanted to spend some time alone with his sister, but also wasn’t sure he was quite ready for the feelings his sister and ex-fiancée had for each other to be paraded in front of him.
When she left, he picked up the plate of biscuits and offered it to Eider. She shook her head.
‘What’s wrong with you? I’ve never known my sister to turn down chocolate before.’
‘Cancer.’ The way she sp
oke so matter-of-factly reminded him a little of Tabitha. ‘Sadly, a few days or so after chemo, I feel so nauseous that almost nothing tastes good.’
His heart hurt at her confession—the reality of her situation slamming down on him—and he put the plate back on the table. ‘How long have you been having it? How often? How else does it affect you?’
‘I’ve had three treatments so far, every two weeks. It’s not a walk in the park, but I’m doing okay. Work’s been great allowing me to have time off, and Jools has been working from home a lot. Aside from the nausea and the tiredness, I’m drinking bucketloads of water, but every time I feel like complaining, I remind myself it’s all for the greater good.’
Again, he thought of Tabitha—Eider’s attitude reminded him so much of her and he knew they’d hit it off immediately if they ever met. Not that they would.
‘Don’t look so glum, big brother. I’m going to beat this thing.’
‘I know.’ He squeezed her hand and managed a smile. ‘And I’m going to support you through it as best I can. I know I’m not just around the corner anymore, but I’ll call every day and visit every weekend.’
Eider laughed. ‘I’ll hold you to the phone calls, but as much as I love seeing you, I don’t want you to feel like you have to spend all your non-teaching time coming to see me. Maybe when I’m better, I could come visit you?’
‘That would be good, but,’ he sighed, ‘I should probably tell you that as of next year I’ll be even further away. I’ve accepted a job up near Newman at a remote community school.’
‘Newman?’ Eider made a face. ‘Where on earth is that?’
Ferg chuckled—geography had never been her strong point. ‘It’s up north, inland, on the edge of the Great Sandy Desert. About a fourteen-hour drive or just under two hours by plane.’ As Eider’s eyes widened, he said, ‘But if you need me to be closer, I’ll tell them I can’t take it.’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t be silly. Your skills will be so well-received up there and I’ll be finished chemo and in remission by then.’
Something to Talk About (Rose Hill, #2) Page 27