His thwarted aspirations were further sundered by a wilful pride that set his jaw to snapping. Maybe he had expected too much after all.
* * *
Finding herself alone with Miranda during the interval when Zack and Harry made themselves scarce, refusing to disgrace herself by revealing any of her emotions, Shona gave her a polite smile that was neither cool nor warm.
If Miranda noticed anything different in Shona’s demeanour, she didn’t show it, but she had an apology to make and it was long overdue. ‘I’m glad of the opportunity to speak with you alone, Shona,’ she said, her eyes filled with an odd kind of regret as they searched Shona’s. ‘I want to apologise for my outspoken remark when we met yesterday and beg your forgiveness. I hardly slept last night for thinking of the harm I might have caused between you and Zack. I really shouldn’t have mentioned Caroline Donnington.’
Momentarily confused about the social technicalities of how she ought properly to respond to an apology from a viscountess, Shona gave up worrying about protocol and did what she could to soothe her obvious unease. ‘Please don’t trouble yourself about it,’ she said with soft sincerity. ‘Zack’s association with Lady Donnington is not unknown to me—although I had no idea they had a daughter together until tonight.’
Miranda nodded, unsmiling, observing a deep sadness and forlorn look in Shona’s wide eyes, and her instinct told her she was looking at an extremely unhappy young woman. ‘That was remiss of him.’ She laid a gentle hand on Shona’s arm. ‘I can’t imagine how you must have felt, but you must have been terribly shocked. Shona, I think I know what is troubling you. But be assured that my brother-in-law will not dishonour his marriage vows with a mistress—even if that woman does happen to be the mother of his child.’
Shona felt her lower lip begin to tremble. Despairingly she turned her face away and drew in a deep breath to keep the tears from coming. ‘Oh, Miranda, she is so beautiful.’ The words were dredged from her throat, as if her fears had to be spoken out loud.
‘You are underestimating your appeal. She is not as beautiful as you are.’
After a long moment, Shona got hold of herself and looked at her. ‘Why is it,’ she said with quiet vehemence, ‘that I feel such...such resentment for Lady Donnington?’
Miranda chuckled. ‘Because you’re human, Shona, and you see your claim on your man being threatened. If you have the sense I think you do, you will fight for him.’
Shona stared at her. ‘Fight? I was just contemplating asking him for a divorce.’
‘Please don’t do that. I doubt he would grant you one if you did.’
‘Are you usually so frank and outspoken, Miranda?’
‘It’s my nature. Dear Harry scolds me about it all the time. Zack doesn’t love Caroline—and with good reason. She has a lover, don’t forget.’
Somehow this didn’t quite console Shona. ‘And now Zack has reappeared on the scene, will she cast aside her present lover in favour of Zack—the father of her child?’
‘As to that, you will have to speak to him. Caroline Donnington’s life has not always been a happy one, Shona. She is not all she seems.’
Shona glanced at her curiously. Zack had told her that Lady Donnington had married Lord Donnington against her will. She wondered how much Miranda knew about her, but she did not press her on the matter. ‘Zack loves his daughter.’
‘That’s not the same thing and, God willing, you’ll soon have a child of your own.’
Shona felt herself flushing. ‘At the moment, bearing Zack’s child seems highly unlikely.’
‘It will be while you occupy separate houses. It’s most unsatisfactory. If you carry on in this vein, you will both be dreadfully unhappy.’ She gave Shona a look of cool scepticism. ‘You do want him, don’t you?’
‘Of course I do. But what can I do? I cannot dominate him. I do not know how—and nor do I wish to.’
‘Nonsense. You’re a woman, Shona—and a woman can assert an inordinate power over a man if she can find a chink in his armour and push through.’
‘Unfortunately our relationship took a knock this evening. When he told me about Lady Donnington and his daughter, I’m afraid I was not favourably receptive to the news. Naturally Zack was angry—as well as shocked and surprised by my reaction.’
‘That is so like him. You wounded his male ego. Zack is marked with a proud arrogance and indomitable will. When their manhood is involved, men are such weak creatures. Believe me, my dear, being several years older than you and experienced enough, I know what I say.’
‘I’m sure you do. I am prepared to expend all the patience I possess on breaking down the barriers that exist between us—namely Lady Donnington.’
‘Of course you are, and if you learn to dominate him by his senses there is no reason why you cannot obtain what your heart desires most. It is just a matter of determination and application, and of careful ministering to the embers that glow within Zack. A beautiful woman can always work her will on a man and her arms are a powerful weapon when they embrace him. There comes a moment when his self-defence yields to his sensual desire,’ Miranda said softly, her eyes twinkling wickedly. ‘A clever and experienced woman can turn that into an advantage.’
Shona grimaced wryly. ‘Experienced I most certainly am not, and at this moment I have my doubts about being clever.’ She sighed.
‘Rubbish!’ Miranda exclaimed, not unkindly. ‘I do not believe that for one moment. You strike me as being an extremely clever young woman. I think you should come and stay with us until you move into your house. I’ll speak to Harry and we will arrange for you to move in tomorrow.’
Shona smiled for the first time as she shook her head. Harry must love his wife dearly. It was easy to guess what any man of discernment saw in such a generous, loving woman. ‘Thank you,’ she said simply, with gratitude for being accepted so unquestionably. ‘You have been very kind. From the time I spent at school in Hertfordshire, I know Colonists are often regarded unflatteringly as being ill-bred barbarians and I am sure you and your husband must have wondered what could have possessed Zack to marry one of them.’
‘We can see why he did, Shona, and I am so glad.’
Nothing else was said, for at that moment Zack and Harry returned to take their places for the second half of the play. As the actors came back on to the stage, Shona was determined to make a concerted effort to somehow put things right between her and Zack before the night was over. If it meant unconditional surrender on her part, then so be it. She loved Zack too much to carry on this unpleasant argument about his daughter.
The idea of being with Zack, of being a proper wife, brought a soft smile to her lips. Wife. The word had a wonderful ring to it. A glow warmed her as she remembered his refusal to seek a divorce. It was what she had hoped for, a chance to prove to Zack that he hadn’t made a terrible mistake in marrying her. Perhaps their relationship would be different now they had both accepted their marriage.
* * *
When the time came for them to leave the theatre, pleasantries were exchanged with Miranda and Harry as they waited for their carriages to draw up. When Shona was alone at last with Zack in the coach, drawing a deep breath and sinking into the upholstery, gazing across at his handsome face cast in shadow, she realised she really had fallen in love with him. That alone explained the delightful warm glow, the excited quivery feeling.
He was a dark, brooding presence in the confines of the coach, and he wore the same grim expression he had when they had been arguing over Lady Donnington and Victoria. Uncertain of his mood after their angry and extremely bitter exchange earlier, which had opened up so many painful wounds between them, she stole a surreptitious look at him.
‘Did—did you enjoy the play?’ she stammered for want of something to say to break the awkward silence. She was extremely uncomfortable with the dark way
he was regarding her, his gaze narrowed and assessing.
‘Not particularly. Did you?’
‘I—I found it difficult to concentrate,’ she admitted quietly.
‘And why was that?’
‘Because of what happened between us before that.’
‘You certainly had plenty to say. Are you sorry?’
‘Of course not.’
‘Then there’s nothing more to be said. But I won’t apologise for Victoria, Shona. She’s an important part of my life.’
‘I do accept that, Zack. I am not heartless. If I upset you, then I apologise, but I do not retract one word. During the interval I spoke to Miranda. She—she is of the opinion that I should move out of Aunt Augusta’s house and move in with you. She is bound to raise the matter with you. I—I just want you to be prepared.’
‘Harry has suggested it.’
Zack fell silent. Distracted, he raised his head and studied his wife from beneath sceptical raised brows, unable to prevent his eyes moving over her shapely form and appreciating the subtle scent of her alluring perfume, which settled over him like an invisible, unrelenting net. His gaze became riveted on her lovely face, the softness in her large eyes and the delectable curve of her soft lips.
Shona was surprised that he hadn’t more to say on the subject since, after showing her his house, he’d been voluble on his determination to have her move in with him.
‘From your reaction, you...don’t think it a good idea, do you?’ she ventured. Was it her imagination or did he stiffen?
‘Since you ask, Shona, I have it in mind to suggest that we give ourselves time to think over our relationship before actually proceeding one way or the other.’
They stared at each other for a long moment. Shona’s eyes began to flash quietly. She would not beg him to live with her. Nor would she back down. Finally she broke the tense silence. ‘I see—in which case I will go with Aunt Augusta in the morning when she leaves with Thomas to go to his parish in Berkshire.’
‘Of course, your aunt and your cousin take precedence,’ Zack replied snidely.
Shona was overwhelmed by his sarcasm. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to be calm. Lifting her gaze to the carefully hooded eyes that studied her closely in return, how, she wondered, could she tell him what she had decided, that she intended to fight for their marriage? There was a strange silence while she searched about in her mind for something to say, but he turned his head away.
‘I—I had hoped...’ she murmured in a feeble attempt to find out why he didn’t want her to live with him.
‘What?’
She sighed. ‘Nothing.’
Suddenly going to Berkshire didn’t seem such a bad idea after all. How could she have imagined he might have put behind him their bitter words of earlier! He was cold and cynical and hard, and he had a vicious, unpredictable temper. No man could make love to a woman one day, only to turn cold and hateful a day later because she disagreed with him. Didn’t he know that he meant more to her than her trip to Berkshire? Couldn’t he understand that she was desperately, hopelessly in love with him? Or had he foolishly imagined that because she had reacted badly to his disclosure about Lady Donnington and his daughter that she wanted no part of him? If he had, then he was both blind and witless! She allowed the hurt she felt and her impatience with such a notion to be conveyed with her own practicality.
‘Aunt Augusta is naturally concerned about Thomas’s decision to leave the church and how he will adjust to life without it. She has been very good to me and it is important to me that she has my support.’
Zack chafed in darkening humour. ‘Of course. You must go.’
Looking down at her hands, Shona replied with all the serenity she could muster, ‘I don’t wish to inconvenience you in any way, Zack. At least, not any more than I have already done. Please proceed as you see fit.’
‘In which case, Shona, I will spend some time with my daughter and see you when you return to London.’
Shona nodded rigidly, unable to force a verbal response through the choking misery welling up in her throat. It was a long moment before she realised she was gripping her hands with a tenseness that set her fingers aching. Looking out of the window and keeping her gaze fixed on the passing scenery, she eased her hands apart by slow degrees and managed to feign indifference even when Zack escorted her inside the house and left her without another word.
As Shona watched him go she sighed with frustration, knowing she had lost a prime opportunity to sort things out between them. With hurt and disappointment searing through her, she reproached herself severely for foolishly allowing herself to think that the softening of his attitude towards her at the theatre might mean he was prepared to put behind him their earlier differences. She now realised their minds were running along different lines, that his mind was well and truly shuttered against her.
* * *
As Shona lay in bed listening to the night sounds beyond the window, sleep evaded her. Her mind was on Zack, her heart filled with the warmth of her love. He was hurting in his efforts to do right by his daughter, whom he clearly loved and had a profound need to protect, and Shona’s heart constricted when she realised that she might have given him the impression that she didn’t want the child to have a place in their life together. Oh, what a fool he was if he thought that. She must tell him and would do that when she had told Aunt Augusta that she wouldn’t be accompanying her to Berkshire after all.
* * *
There was no sign of Harry and Miranda when Zack arrived at the house. Pouring himself a stiff brandy, he suddenly remembered that friends had invited them to a supper party after the theatre and they wouldn’t be back until later. Draining the contents of the glass, he poured himself another and settled into a chair by the fire.
Propping his feet on the fender, resting his head back and closing his eyes, he began trying to straighten out the confusing array of emotions beating at him. Suddenly he felt a heavy load of self-recrimination for the manner in which he had lashed out at Shona. The words were cruelly unjust and he knew it even as they spilled from his mouth, but it was the only way he had been able to keep the terrible thought at bay that she might not accept Victoria.
She was right. He had deceived her. And he was wrong. Why had he been so cold with her, hurting her, he knew, and she had been bewildered. He had never meant to hurt her in his desire to protect himself. They had come to know each other in some way that had nothing to do with the flesh. Nothing had been spoken between them that could be construed as an understanding of love, but their hearts had told them, their very souls had answered and her bewilderment was turning to anger, her very manner icing over.
She had taken him to task about his lack of morals—what else could he have expected? Shona’s protected upbringing had never prepared her for such a situation and he should have known it. He was a fool. Facing the truth his heart had hidden, he knew that he loved her. She was the dearest, sweetest, most magnificent woman he’d known and he loved her so much he ached with it.
How long had he loved her? he asked himself curiously. The truth was that he didn’t know. From the first moment he had seen her, probably, and he desperately wanted her love. Nothing made sense when he thought of her, in all her audaciousness, defiant and brave, her eyes blazing as she prepared to do battle with him and those same eyes docile and brimming with contentment after making love.
So what was he doing here in the house alone? She was his wife, for God’s sake! They were meant to be together, not living in separate houses and sleeping in separate beds—each of them wrapped up in hurt and anger—and alone. The whole point of showing her his house and taking her to his bed had been to cement the bond between them. He had not anticipated the effect making love to her would have on him. He was quite certain that he could not survive the bleakness he’d feel if she turned a
way from him.
Getting to his feet, he strode to the door. Unable to bear the thought of her going to Berkshire, he would go to her and persuade her to stay. Someone rang the doorbell. The butler opened the door just as he was crossing the hall. A woman stood there, a maid he recognised. She worked for Mrs Young, the woman who looked after his daughter.
Something dark began to form in his mind. He looked at her hard. Something was wrong. The suspense hovered thickly and ominously. ‘What is it? Has something happened to Victoria?’
‘Yes, sir. She—she became poorly this afternoon and is running a high fever. Mrs Young has sent for Dr Coleman. She says you should come at once.’
* * *
The following morning, with a new understanding of her own feelings and wishing she understood his, Shona lost no time in going to see Zack. She was disappointed that he was not at home but when Miranda told her the reason why, feeling the grief Zack must be going through and desperately wanting to be with him, she immediately ordered the driver to take her to Mrs Young’s house.
* * *
Mrs Young opened the door herself and ushered her inside. She was a small woman, her neatly arranged, fading dark hair crowning a smooth, intelligent face and shrewd grey eyes. Her graceful movements, calm features and soft voice disguised a formidable efficiency and energy. She smiled a warm welcome when Shona introduced herself as Lord Harcourt’s wife.
‘Lord Harcourt has been here all night. Would you like me to tell him you’re here?’
‘No—thank you. I’ll go straight in, if I may.’
In the dim light of the room Shona saw him. He had his back to her. The light shone on his strong, strikingly beautiful hands braced against the mantelpiece. He had discarded his coat, waistcoat and neckcloth and, above his breeches, his fine white linen shirt was stretched taut across his powerful shoulders. His head was bowed, his hair tousled, a heavy lock falling over his brow.
Mishap Marriage Page 21