by Jen Mann
Claire has also made a pledge for our family to eat healthier this year. She has started a vegetable garden and she buys only organic and locally produced food. The boys enjoy composting, and Jim built some rain barrels to help water the garden. You can find all of Claire’s healthy recipes on Pinterest. You can also find Jim’s instructions for building rain barrels there, too. The hashtag is #homesteadingishot.
Our boys continue to astound us on a daily basis. Kelton is a strapping fourth grader now and almost as tall as Claire. He has shown that he is a strong contender on the baseball field. He is on three competitive teams this year. All three teams won national championships. It was a little confusing figuring out which national championship is more important, but Kelton knows they’re all rare and amazing feats. Kelton is so busy with baseball he barely has time for homework! Please don’t get Claire started on his teacher and how much free time she must assume Kelton has to do homework. She obviously does not have children or else she’d understand how busy kids are these days. She sends such a ridiculous amount of work home we wonder what she’s actually teaching him at school!
Claire and Jim have heard from a number of coaches that Kelton has what it takes to go all the way but that he needs more time to cultivate his gift. When they took a closer look, Jim realized that only school was holding Kelton back from his full potential. Claire is seriously considering home-schooling him so that he can focus on baseball. All the information she’s found indicates that Kelton only needs three hours a day of schooling. But he’s so bright, it could probably be lowered to an hour and a half. That would free up so much of his time for training.
Kiran is the most popular boy in second grade. He receives an invitation for a birthday party, a playdate, or a get-together every weekend! Claire needs a separate schedule just to keep up with him and his social engagements. She doesn’t know anyone who has as many friends as Kiran. For example, just last weekend Kiran juggled five birthday parties in two days. He was exhausted, but he had a wonderful time. Even though it was a busy weekend, he would not have dreamed of missing out on any of those parties. He knows how much it means to his friends to have him there celebrating with them. Kiran found out this week that he has won the schoolwide award for “Kindest Eyes” and he will be featured in the yearbook and probably the local paper, too, since Jim let them know about his award.
Boys aren’t supposed to be called “beautiful,” but Kiran is stunning—inside and out. He stops traffic wherever he goes, and he has such a gentle and loving soul. After some prodding from friends and family, Claire finally hired an agent to pitch the ideas she and Kiran have developed for a television show. His acting coach thought that a series that showcased his acting and singing abilities would be the perfect fit for him. His agent is working on getting a meeting with a company that can’t be mentioned, but let’s just say it starts with a D and features a mouse. In the meantime, Jim started a YouTube channel for Kiran where you can hear him sing. Please check it out, but a word of warning: be prepared to stay awhile. Kiran has the voice of an angel. You won’t be able to leave his site!
Kalem is a loving kindergartener. Even though he is only five years old, he is showing enormous promise in art. His art teacher told Claire she should consider hiring an artist for private lessons for Kalem since his love of art cannot be satiated with just one hour a week in her studio at the school. His teacher offered her services, but she confessed to us that she thinks Kalem is beyond her abilities at this point.
You will recall from last year’s letter that Claire was considering having Korbin’s IQ tested. Well, she did it. She met with quite a bit of resistance, since Korbin was only three years old at the time. Claire was relentless, though, because she was certain Korbin was gifted. Mothers, can’t we always tell when there is something unique about our children? Claire wouldn’t back down and he was finally tested. The results were inconclusive, but only because the test wasn’t designed for a three-year-old to take. All that is known is that he didn’t fail it. Claire realized that Korbin needed to be enrolled in school as soon as possible. After careful consideration, Claire and Jim chose a rigorous French immersion program that is about thirty miles from their home. The commute isn’t ideal, but if this school is the best school for Korbin, then it’s worth it.
Even though Korbin is only three years old, he was accepted into this competitive preschool program a year early. They don’t usually accept anyone under the age of four, but Claire requested a meeting with the headmistress to help educate her as to why Korbin would be a perfect fit for her school. Once she met Korbin she was convinced her école needed him.
After only four months, Korbin has already mastered almost everything they expected him to know by May. There is talk of moving him up to the next level. Jim worries about that, though, because it will put so much more pressure on little Korbin. However, Claire feels we can’t deny our child a better education, especially when he is practically demanding it. He has proven to us that he is an exemplary student and his talents are being wasted in level un.
So many of you have complained to Claire about the pain of deciding what’s best for your remedial students, but she wouldn’t wish on you the kinds of decisions she’s had to make about Korbin. A gifted child is as difficult, if not more difficult, than a remedial or even average one. Be thankful you don’t have this kind of stress to deal with. Please pray for the family during this important time of decision making.
While Jim was away on a business trip this summer, the boys convinced Claire to bring home a dog from the shelter where she volunteers. Sparky is the sweetest yellow Lab you’ll ever meet. He’s wonderful with the boys, and he’s a great guard dog for when Jim is traveling for weeks at time. The most unusual thing about Sparky is that he only has three legs. No one is sure what exactly happened to him, since he was brought to the shelter in that condition. Claire and the boys have imagined a fantastic story (with illustrations by Kalem) about Sparky, and they published it on Amazon. It’s called The Totally True Travels of Tripod the Three-Legged Dog.
Jim continues to work tirelessly at the firm so that he can provide for the family. Claire is so grateful that he insists she stay home with the kids. She can’t imagine why any mother wouldn’t want to be home with her children. It’s such an amazing and rewarding opportunity. Jim agrees and repeatedly tells her that she has the most important job, not him. He’s been traveling so much this year that Claire teases him he has another family somewhere! So many of you are struggling with the loss of jobs and homes in foreclosure this year. When we hear these stories, our family is so thankful that Jim has always been a hard worker and has always made clear and sound financial choices for us.
Jim’s big news this year is that he won our neighborhood “Best Yard” contest three months in a row. When he does get some downtime he can usually be found at the club playing a round (or two) of golf or having fun with his new favorite app, Snapchat. He’s always talking to his friends on there!
Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
Much love,
Claire, Jim, Kelton, Kiran, Kalem, Korbin, and Baby K
As I have already confessed, I usually write a holiday letter telling everyone about the fun and interesting things we did that year. (We had a baby! We had another baby on the same day two years later! We’re working a lot! Sometimes we travel!)
For a few years when my kids were toddlers I wasn’t in the mood to write a letter. I was tired and I didn’t feel like I had much to say. We hadn’t had another baby; yeah, we were still working a lot, but our traveling had really tapered off. It seemed like pretty boring stuff.
But then once the kids got older and I had a bit more free time and they were doing things again that I could brag about, I decided I’d get back into it. Here is the honest humblebrag letter I wrote in 2011 and posted on my blog. (I’m cheap and didn’t want to pay to print the letter on cutesy holiday paper, pay for envelopes, and buy stamps, all so everyone can just throw it awa
y as soon as they’re done calling me a liar and a bragger.)
December 2011
Dear family, friends, and strangers from the Internet,
Greetings and happy holidays! Wow, I can’t believe another year has flown by! What an amazing year this has been!
The kids continue to meet their developmental milestones, and we’re real happy about that. Fingers crossed the pattern holds!
The boy is six. He can read now, and he’s become a full-fledged grade schooler. I’m not sure what happened to my sweet little boy. He barely gives me hugs and kisses anymore without the promise of a present or the threat of a beating. He continues to be a solid above-average student in all areas except math, where he excels. If you know me personally, you will understand why I am currently having DNA tests done to confirm he’s mine, as I can barely add. He’s a funny and creative kid who loves to tell jokes and write stories. I’m hoping that he’ll be able to figure out a way to parlay these talents into paying the bills, since his father and I still haven’t. He started playing soccer this year and is enjoying it immensely. I won’t say he’s a superstar, but I do think he is a decent player and I believe wholeheartedly that if he keeps at it, he could get a medium-sized scholarship to a midlevel college. Because of his lack of exceptional soccer skills, we’re still enforcing our rule that he attend school every day. He’s gotta have a backup plan in case he blows out his knee in seventh grade.
Recently Gomer has been shunning clothes. Does anyone else have this problem? The Hubs and I worry that Gomer may grow up one day and discover he’s a nudist. We’re hoping that as he gets older, he will realize that some activities are simply not appropriate for nude people. Just last week I found him buck naked on the floor of my bedroom practicing his break-dancing ninja moves. “Mom, watch me be a naked ninja break dancer! Ow. Rug burn.” That will teach him.
Oh yeah, he learned the f-word this week. I’m just glad it was the neighbor kid who taught him instead of me. Ironically, it was the neighbor kid who attends private school because his parents are worried about the evils of public school.
The girl is four. She can write her name and the alphabet now and is ready to graduate from preschool. She’s the tallest kid in her class and the tallest kid compared to most children we know. Since I am barely tall enough to drive without a booster seat, DNA tests are being run on her as well. She is bossy, opinionated, and hilarious. (I know where she gets that from: her father.) She’s a strong-willed little girl who keeps us on our toes. It’s a tough balance to keep her in line while still maintaining her high level of confidence. I’d love for her to still be this kick-ass in middle school. She is a girly girl who loves stuffed dogs, real dogs, skirts, dresses, tights, “cute” knee socks, lip gloss, and high heels. We actually have to have discussions about when it’s appropriate to wear lip gloss outside the house (high heels are never permitted). I had to invent a designated “Jeans Day” each week when she must wear jeans, since I bought so many pairs before I knew she was going to be so girly.
Adolpha’s big news this year was her broken arm. I have a new appreciation for supermodels who complain about being uncoordinated and gangly at a young age. I get it now. I’m sorry I ever judged you, Tyra Banks. Adolpha is very tall and leggy and she is the clumsiest child I know. We tried ballet last year and she looked a bit like a baby giraffe galumphing among a flock of serene cygnets. After assessing her pros and cons, we decided to enroll her in soccer. We felt her size would be an asset on the field, where she could intimidate and dominate (plus we would only have to focus on one sport between the two kids, so it would be easier for us). Except we forgot: she can’t run for shit. She’s slow and she spends too much time looking at the flashy accessories the girls on the opposing teams are wearing (wild socks and over-the-top hair bows).
Finally, at a game at the end of the season she focused and got the ball in her possession. She started dribbling the ball down the field and a huge smile spread across her face. She looked up and made eye contact with me as if to say, You’re right, Mom! This is fun! Just as our little moment passed, her enormous feet tangled with the ball and the herd of bedazzled little girls around her. I watched in slow motion as she fell over the ball and got twisted in a sea of funky socks. I watched her arm bend backward. Nooooooooo. She ended up having surgery that night, but she got the best accessory she’s ever had: a hot-pink cast.
The Hubs continues to work tirelessly. His drive amazes me. I’m exhausted watching him. He has been making miracles happen for his clients this year, and he loves every minute of it. I made the mistake last year of encouraging him to find some hobbies or fun things to do so he could take a break from work. He found a networking group that he’s been spending a lot of time with. Now I’m stuck home with the kids and he’s off having fun “networking.” Hmm…I should have thought that one through a little more. Besides his paying job, he’s always got his creative juices flowing. He’s got some great ideas and it’s only a matter of time before one takes off.
I didn’t have a baby this year, but I did give birth to a blog. There have been times it’s felt like labor, and it definitely demands my attention in the middle of the night when I have an epiphany that needs to be written down now! It’s been a great creative (and cathartic) outlet for me to get off my butt and start writing again, and it’s inspired me to start writing a book (I’m thinking this letter would make a terrific addition to it). On top of work and blogging, writing, and taking care of my family, I decided I needed more things to do this year because I was bored. So I became the co-leader of a local mothers’ organization, I joined the PTA board, and I volunteered to put together an auction for the school (if you have a donation you’d like to send my way, just let me know). Follow me on Twitter, where I tend to send out passive-aggressive tweets during the meetings: Thx for bringing up stupid pointless question abt major need for pencil sharpeners in cafeteria as we were wrapping up three-hr mtg. #PTAsux. I only lose sleep between the hours of 4:00 A.M. and 6:00 A.M. worrying about what needs to get done. I am such an idiot sometimes.
We got out of town this year! We took the kids to Disney World for the first time. It wasn’t nearly as offensive as I had expected it to be. I’d prepared myself for fifteen-dollar drinks, so when they turned out to be only twelve bucks, I was pleasantly surprised. The crowds were tolerable and I didn’t gouge out anyone’s eyes waiting on line for It’s a Small World. We stayed with my aunt, who spoiled my children rotten. I hope she realizes we can never go back again unless she plans to top herself. We didn’t do character meals or stay on the property; I figure we can try that circle of hell next time.
We’re getting excited for Christmas around here. This is the first year both kids actually want something from Santa. The boy would like a skateboard (not gonna happen unless the skateboard comes with a full-coverage insurance policy for all broken bones) and the girl would like the entire American Girl store.
I don’t know if you heard or not, but we have an Elf. He’s a real pain in the ass.
Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa, merry winter solstice, and any other PC holiday I’m forgetting!
Much love,
Jen, the Hubs, Gomer, and Adolpha
P.S. Follow me on the blog or find me on Facebook (People I Want to Punch in the Throat), Twitter, Pinterest, and Goodreads (I don’t have an Instagram account. I have a face for paper, not selfies) and then you can have a Christmas letter every day in the form of continuous status updates like “Went grocery shopping. Peas were on sale!” or “Swimming at the rec center. Cannonball!” How can you resist?
Years ago, when I first started selling real estate, I took all sorts of classes to learn how to better market myself and my brand. One of the ideas that resonated with me was “throw a party for your clients.” I like a good party, and now someone is telling me I can throw a party and call it a business expense? Done and done! A really successful real estate agent was teaching this course. He said that most Realtors th
row a Christmas party, but he thought that was a terrible idea. In his opinion the Christmas season is too jam-packed with invitations, and no one wants to give up an actual party with their friends or co-workers to hang out with their Realtor. His advice was to pick a “quirky” holiday, a holiday that no one would normally have plans for. He suggested President’s Day or Tax Day.
Say what? Is Tax Day really a holiday? I had no idea what to do for either of these days. Dress up in powdered wigs or give everyone stamps and a ride to the post office before midnight? I’d do better trying to celebrate Arbor Day. At the end of the party I could give everyone a little packet of seeds with a note attached: I’m a show-er, not a grow-er. Call me for all of your needs! Get it? I show houses, I’m not a farmer? I’ll keep at it, since this line could also work for a professional escort service, I guess.
Anyway, in the hall after the class, I stopped the Realtor who’d taught the class, hoping to pick his brain. I found out that he liked to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with his clients. He’s one-eighth Mexican or something, so he felt a connection to that holiday. He serves tacos and nachos and margaritas and has a piñata for the kids that’s full of candy and key rings for the future houses you’ll purchase with his help. Brilliant!