by Ward, Alice
“Thanks so much for coming out today,” I said as I climbed out of the ATV.
“Thank you for giving me the jobs,” Stan replied with a smile. “I’ll get the barn plans drawn up first. We can turn our attention to the house once the expansion is underway.”
“Sounds good to me,” I agreed. We shook hands and Stan climbed in his truck. I walked straight into the barn, hoping in vain that James would leave me alone.
I was greeted with a bark and looked down to see Frost waiting in his kennel. I walked over, dropped to my knees, and unlocked the gate. My sweet puppy jumped into my arms and covered my face with kisses.
“Did you have fun with Dallas today?” I baby talked. “Are you learning to be a big bad dog?” He wagged his tail and licked my face again. I laughed and rocked back onto the floor.
“Willow… you can’t avoid me.”
I looked up and saw James standing in the doorway. His face was pale and his temples were beaded with sweat. He looked like a man who’d just been given a life sentence. I narrowed my eyes at him and then turned my attention back to Frost.
“Ignoring this won’t make it go away,” James continued. “Katelyn told me she saw you… which means you saw her.”
“I saw both of them,” I corrected him, still looking down at the puppy. “I guess I should congratulate you. Is that why you called Stan about building your own house?” I swallowed, feeling the knot of worry clog my throat. “Please tell me you’re not going to move Katelyn and the baby on to the ranch.” I tried to keep myself together, but tears welled in my eyes.
“I’m not moving anyone on to the ranch,” he said, his tone defensive. He moved in front of me and sat down in the dirt, forcing me to look at him. “Yes, I called Stan and said I wanted to talk to him about building a house. But honestly…” he hesitated and ran his fingers through Frost’s silky hair. He took a deep breath and continued. “Honestly, I’ve been assuming that you and I would be building one house, together. I had a few ideas for our house, and I wanted to see if they were realistic. I swear Willow. I didn’t know Katelyn was pregnant until she showed up here.” He put a hand under my chin and lifted my eyes to his. I looked past him, unsuccessfully blinking back my tears.
“It doesn’t matter when you found out,” I said. I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest of my thought out loud. I shook my head and pulled out of his reach. I rose to my feet, walked to the battered table, and sank down in a chair. Frost followed me and I pulled him into my lap as James crossed the dirt floor. He pulled out the chair across from me, sat down, and held his head in his hands.
“It doesn’t matter when you found out,” I said again. “You’re having a baby with someone else.” My tears flowed freely and my body was racked with sobs.
“Oh, baby,” James said, jumping up from his seat. He squatted in front of me and wrapped me in his arms. Part of me didn’t want his comfort. It was his fault I was hurting in the first place. But I couldn’t push him away. I needed to know that he still loved me, that there was some hope we’d get over this new obstacle.
“How could you do this?” I sobbed into his shoulder.
James pulled away and brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. “I didn’t do anything, I swear.” I narrowed my eyes, giving him my best skeptical look. He blushed and looked down at the dirt.
“I mean… yes… we slept together,” he stammered, then his jaw grew tight. “But there’s no way that’s my kid. Katelyn and I were only together once and it was months ago… weeks before you and I even met.”
“It’s been a few years since I’ve had biology, but I’m pretty sure once is all it takes,” I blubbered, pulling away from his embrace. I stood up again and leaned against the counter, Frost dancing at my feet.
“I used protection, Willow,” he insisted. He ran his hands over his head, pulling at his hair in frustration. “Katelyn herself admits there’s only a tiny chance this baby is mine. That’s why she came out today. She’s not sure who the dad is and she wanted me to take a DNA test.”
Maybe it’s not his baby. Please God, don’t let it be his baby.
I studied James for a moment while he paced the floor. “Did you agree to take the test?” I finally asked.
“Of course I did,” he snapped then released a long breath. “I’m supposed to go to a clinic on Monday and have my cheek swabbed.”
“Daddy’s coming home on Monday,” I replied.
Oh God, I hadn’t even thought of Daddy and Renee. If James is the baby’s father, they’ll insist that he do the right thing. He should do the right thing. And that doesn’t involve me in the slightest.
“I’d like to keep Mom and Cole out of this until the test results come in,” he said, his voice a serious whisper.
I looked up at him, my tears finally at bay. “What are we going to do if you are the father?” I asked, nervous to hear the answer.
“There’s no reason to even think about that,” he insisted. “Katelyn was never exactly particular with who she went home with. She told me it’s between me and two other guys, but I’d bet there’s at least six of us.”
“That makes me feel much better,” I snorted. The last thing I needed was a reminder of the type of girls James used to sleep with. “If she’s such a slut, why did you ever sleep with her in the first place? Oh… that’s right. You used to be just like her. How many Katelyns have there been, James?” I asked, staring straight at him.
James’s eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched. “You knew who I was when we started this,” he reminded me. “You don’t get to throw it in my face now. I’ve never pretended to be someone I’m not.”
I knew he was right, but I was too scared and mad at him to admit it. “Maybe I should have put a little more thought into what I was getting in to.” I turned away, unable to look at the pain my words were inflicting.
“You don’t mean that,” he insisted, his voice both soft and firm. “You’re upset, and you have every right to be. But you don’t have the right to verbally assault people when you’re stressed.” He turned away and ran a hand through his hair. I could hear him blow out a breath before he turned back to me. “So I’m going to forget about what you just said. I think we both need some space. Once you’ve had some time to process all of this, I’m sure you’ll see that you’re making too big a deal out of it. All I have to do is go take the test. It’s an errand, really. The results will be in in a few weeks, and this will all be over.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and studied James’s face, wondering if I could trust him. “How far along is she? I mean, would the timing make it possible for you to be the dad?”
The color drained from his face again. “The timing makes it possible, if Katelyn’s telling the truth. But that’s it Willow, I swear.”
“And it was before we met?” I asked, needing to hear it again.
“Weeks before we met,” he assured me. “Since the day you walked in to my life, there’s been no one else.”
I nodded and let my arms fall to my sides, nearly too weak to hold them up. “You’re right, we could use some space. I’m going to sleep at home tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
James shifted his weight back and forth. “Actually…”
I sighed, wondering what else he could possibly have to tell me. “Actually what?” I asked, crossing my arms again.
He kicked at the dirt and avoided my eye. “There’s a rodeo in southern New Mexico tomorrow night. Lucas called and asked if I’d ride with him. Normally, I wouldn’t even think of going, with Cole in the hospital. But Lucas has been saving for something important and the prize money would really help him.”
“What could possibly be so important that you’d leave, with everything that’s going on?” I demanded, moving my hands to my hips.
James stared at me for a moment, seeming to consider his options. “Here’s the thing. I promised I wouldn’t say. I’ll only tell you if you swear you won’t tell Matt.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I seem to recall making a promise that I wouldn’t keep things from him anymore. You were there. You spilled our last secret.”
“This is completely different, Willow. Lucas wants to propose. I just didn’t want you to ruin the surprise.”
“He’s going to propose?” I gasped. “But they’ve only known each other a couple of months.”
“So have we, but I have no doubts about my feelings for you,” he said softly.
He cannot seriously be dropping marriage hints five minutes after talking about his potential love child.
I was overwhelmed with conflicting emotions and felt the overwhelming need to escape. I turned away from him and walked towards the door. “Go to the rodeo with Lucas. I understand. And I won’t say anything to Matt.”
“We’re leaving around nine,” James called after me. “I’d love for you to come with us.”
I turned and faced him. “You know I can’t leave the ranch right now. Good luck and I’ll see you on Sunday. Come on, Frost.”
The puppy bounded up to me and together, we walked to the house.
***
“It looks like they’re both going to be just fine,” Matt observed as the foals pranced around the round pen. It was Saturday afternoon and we were perched on top of a panel, watching the horses splash through a mud puddle.
I nodded. “Dr. Moon said that their kidney panels look great. Whatever Bradley gave them, it didn’t do any lasting damage.”
“Thank God. I’m so glad that bastard got what he deserved.”
I nodded again, staring absent mindedly into the pasture. Matt gave me a gentle nudge with his elbow. “What’s with you today? You’ve been distracted since I got here this morning. Is everything all right with your dad?”
“Daddy’s fine. He’ll be home on Monday,” I said quickly.
I promised I wouldn’t tell Daddy and Renee about Katelyn. But surely James knows I’ll tell Matt. Hell, Lucas may have already filled him in.
“I’ve been thinking about James,” I confessed. “And Katelyn.”
Matt’s brow furrowed with confusion. “Why in the world are you thinking about Katelyn?”
I took a deep breath. “Because she’s pregnant,” I said as I exhaled. “And there’s a small chance that James is the father.”
Matt grasped the fence panel to keep his balance. “What?” he asked, his eyes wide with shock.
“She showed up here yesterday, pulled up in a trashy, beat up sports car and acted like it was beneath her to talk to me. I spotted the baby when she got out of the car,” I explained, pointing at my own stomach.
“What did she say? What did James say? What are you going to do?” he asked, the questions coming out in rapid fire.
“She didn’t say much to me, I just told her how to find James. She told him that she’s not sure who the father is and asked him to take a DNA test. He’s going to her doctor’s office on Monday. As for what I’m going to do, I have no idea,” I said. I bit my lower lip, my mind racing. I hadn’t been able to get the situation off of my mind, but I still had no idea how to handle it.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Matt groaned. “Can’t we have one fucking week without a disaster?”
“I know, right?” I agreed. “To be honest with you, I’m starting to wonder if all of these disasters have been signs… signs that James and I aren’t meant to be together.”
“Oh Willow, you can’t think like that,” Matt said, rolling his eyes. “Life isn’t fair, that’s all. You and James love each other. You’ll find a way to get through this, no matter what the DNA test says.”
I shook my head. “James swears that there’s no chance he could be the father. But if it turns out that he is, I have to do the right thing. I have to let him do the right thing. There’s an innocent baby at stake, Matt… a baby that deserves a chance at a real family.”
“Willow Rose, there is nothing right about James getting tied down in a relationship he doesn’t want, especially for the sake of the baby. Kids are perceptive. By the time the kid’s two, it’ll figure out that Mommy and Daddy can’t stand each other. There’s nothing healthy about that,” he argued.
I sighed again and stared back at the foals. “I don’t know, Matt. First, there was Bradley, and then Daddy nearly died in front of us. And just when all of that started to resolve, Katelyn showed up with her bombshell. It’s like the universe has been telling us we aren’t meant to be, and we’ve been too stubborn to see it.”
“I don’t think that’s how the universe works,” Matt said. “It would certainly be easier if it was. No one would ever have to make any decisions for themselves. We wouldn’t have to take responsibility for our actions. Reality is much more complicated. But what it boils down to is that you have to decide for yourself what you want, and what you’re willing to deal with to have it.”
I smiled at him and raised one eyebrow. “How did you get so wise?” I asked.
He laughed. “Lucas has a bunch of New Age books. I flipped through a couple of them when we got rained in yesterday. I was hoping for a romantic night, but he fell asleep the minute his ass hit the couch.”
“Speaking of rain, looks like there’s some more rolling in,” I said, nodding towards the horizon. “We better get the foals in and make sure all the stalls are secure.”
“What is with this weather?” Matt pondered as we jumped down from the fence panel.
“I don’t know, but at least it’s only rain,” I said as I approached Blaze. He was used to me handling him and stood still while I attached a lead rope to his halter. Buttercup did the same for Matt and we led them into their stalls.
“Want to crash here with me tonight?” I asked as we secured the doors. “We could watch a movie and eat our way through the red meat and junk food that has to be out of here by Monday.”
“Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse,” he agreed, grinning like a maniac.
***
“Willow, they’re here,” James called out from the living room. I glanced at the oven clock.
Its five-thirty… they’re right on time.
I pulled off my apron, wiped my hands, and rushed to the front window. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone a full week without seeing my father. I was relieved to finally have him home where I could watch out for him. But I was also nervous. Daddy had always been strong and boisterous. I wasn’t sure if he’d be the same man after the heart attack.
“Willow, there’s nothing to be nervous about,” James said, as if he was reading my mind. “Let’s go outside and greet them.” He took my hand and I quickly jerked it away.
“You have to watch that,” I said. “The parents are back.” It was too complicated to keep saying “my dad and your mom” and vice versa, so James and I had evolved into calling them “the parents” for the sake of brevity.
“Sorry,” he whispered under his breath. “I guess I got used to touching you whenever I want. But I won’t do it in front of them,” he assured me as we walked to the door.
After having some time to think, I’d decided not to react to the Katelyn situation until James’s paternity test came back. He was right, I knew who he was when I got involved with him. And it wasn’t like he’d cheated on me; Katelyn got pregnant before James and I ever met. I still didn’t know if I could stay with him if the test was positive and I knew that the “what if” would haunt me until the results came in. But the “what if” wasn’t enough to scare me a way. I still loved James and I was still willing to risk almost anything to be with him.
The one thing I wasn’t willing to risk was Daddy’s health. James and I had a long talk when he came home from New Mexico and we agreed to leave things as they were, at least until Daddy was stronger and the paternity results were in. We were still together, but Matt and Lucas were the only ones who knew.
Nerves fluttered through my chest like butterflies as Renee pulled James’s truck beside mine.
What the hell is wrong with me? Even if he’s a li
ttle weak, he’s still my father. He had a heart attack, not a personality transplant.
I smoothed my pico top over my leggings and rushed out of the house to greet Daddy. To my surprise, he opened the passenger door and slid out of the truck with no assistance.
“Hey there, pumpkin,” he said with his old familiar grin. “Give your ol’ dad a hug.”
“Daddy!” I rushed up to him, but stopped short of a hug. He’d lost a little bit of weight, but he didn’t really look frail. “I don’t want to hurt you,” I explained. “I know you’re still healing.”
“You can hug me… just don’t squeeze me,” he said, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I laid my face against his chest and breathed in his scent. I expected the lingering aromas of the hospital, but I was pleasantly surprised. Daddy smelled of Old Spice, red clay, and Big Red gum, just like I’d always remembered. My emotions got the better of me, and tears started rolling down my cheeks.
“I’m so glad you’re home,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.
“Same here,” James said as he kissed Renee hello. “This place isn’t the same without you, Cole,” he added.
Daddy looked around the ranch for a few moments before replying. “I’m glad to be home. Though, it’s obvious you two had no trouble holding down the fort without me. The place looks great… muddy, but great.”
I laughed, finally releasing him. “It’s rained almost nonstop for the last week,” I explained as I gave Renee a tense hug. “I’m starting to wonder when Noah’s going to show up with his ark.”
Daddy and Renee chuckled as we walked to the house. James followed behind us, his arms laden with duffle bags and pillows.
“We just heard a report on the radio,” Daddy said as we stepped into the house. “We’re supposed to have clear skies until Friday.”