The tone in Kyle’s voice over his voicemails recently tugged at my heart because I know that I have a weak spot for him, always have. I park the car and slowly got out. Kyle had already gotten out of his car when he saw me coming down the street. He moved over to my door. His eyes sparkling as he smiles at me.
“Hi … Kate.” I smile nervously and move my hair behind my ears.
“Hi, what are you doing here?” I hadn’t meant for my tone to come off harsh, but I know it had.
“I just wanted to see you, Kate, and wish you a Merry Christmas.”
I hold my breath and nervously look down at my feet. I’m finding it hard to be strong in front of him. My heart is constricting as I raise my eyes and look at him.
“Have you heard from your Mom?”
I suck in a deep breath of air and fiddle with the car keys. “No, but she is in California now at a clinic.” I start to move towards the trunk more to change the subject than anything.
“I’m sorry about that. You want to talk about it?” He raises his eyebrows and looks at me intently.
I shoot him a look that lets him know not a chance in hell. He smirks and lets out a muffled laugh. As I’m about to grab my purchases from the trunk Daniel and a couple of his friends come running out of the garage with a football in hand. Daniel says hi to Kyle and throws the football to him. For a moment I forget about all the pain I associate with Kyle as I watch him playing with my brother and his friends in the front yard. He always was good with Daniel.
He jogs back over to me as I’m about to head in the house. I sigh as I look at him. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I missed him still after all this time. Smiling he says, “So can we hang out?”
“Now?” I give him a confused look.
“Not now, but how about the day after Christmas? A bunch of us from my class and your class are meeting to go bowling. I could pick you up at 6.”
I bite down on the bottom corner of my lip and glance towards the window my Dad is looking out.
“Kate, it’s just bowling and it will be with your friends too.” He reaches for my hand and I let him hold it. “Plus, we used to be friends too, ya know?”
“Ok, I’ll go, but I’ll meet you there.”
Chapter 13
It’s the day after Christmas and everything turned out really nice. Nice is such a blah word, but it really was nice. Dinner was delicious and Nana complemented me numerous times on the ham I made. Dad outdid himself with our gifts and making sure our Christmas morning was special without Mom. It didn’t slip past me though that at certain moments throughout the day I could see the sadness in his eyes. I caught glimpses of Nana affectionately patting him on the shoulder and reassuring him what a wonderful job he had done decorating. Although it was the elephant in the room, no one made any mention of Mom.
I stretch out in bed and grab my laptop before I go out for a run. I see a message from Reed and smile.
Picture? (Breathe Katherine I’m just kidding) Btw I never knew your full name was Katherine. Hmmm, I think I like that.
I hope I get to see those barely there tan lines on the courts. What day will you be back up at school?
I know I must have a huge goofy grin on my face as I read this. Everything I filled out for school has my full name, including my email address. I’d love to ask him something more personal about how he has been spending his break and if he has a girlfriend. Instead I settle for a simple reply.
I should be back sometime on Saturday. Want to play some tennis? I could get there after 3.
I quickly reply to my other emails from the girls and Marco. Marco tells me that he’ll try to call me later tonight. I assure myself that I shouldn’t feel guilty about what is or isn’t going on with Marco, Reed, and now … Kyle. On that note, I change into my running clothes and grab my iPod. Wonderwall by Oasis is blaring in my ears as I jog out the door.
******
I’m up in my room getting ready to meet Kyle and the others at the bowling alley. There’s a light knock on my door and my Dad says, “Katherine, it’s me Dad. Can I come in?” I tell him to come in and can tell by his furrowed brows that he has something more serious to say. I’m hoping it isn’t about Mom.
“Are you going out with Kyle tonight?” He asks me bluntly.
“Yea, I guess a bunch of people from high school are going to the bowling alley.”
“Is he coming here to pick you up?”
“No, I am going to meet him there. Dad, don’t worry, ok?”
“Sweetie, you know I’ll worry. I’m not sure how I feel about you spending time with him, but you are not a little girl anymore so I can’t tell you what to do. I don’t want him pushing you around into doing something you don’t want to do. You’ve changed and I think it’s for the better. You seem happy, strong … it reminds me of …”
“Dad,” I stop him before he can continue. “You’re right. I am different. I’ve moved on in a lot of ways.” This is true, but I don’t tell him that there is still a weakness in me when it comes to Kyle.
He moves back towards the doorway as I sit on my bed to put my shoes on. I think for a moment about how things were after Kyle had left me. It changed me; I had lost my confidence in making decisions. I became withdrawn and overcome with sadness. I’m sure the possibility of this worries my dad, especially with the state that my mom is in.
I look up and smile at my Dad and he smiles right back at me. I assure him that I am fine. He gives me a hug and tells me to have a good time.
Before I head to go out, I check my email and am happy to see a response from Reed. It’s short and to the point.
Katherine, I’ll be there at 3.
No one ever refers to me as Katherine except my dad. I think I like it. This makes me smile.
******
As I’m walking into the bowling alley I see a couple of girls from my class. We say hello and give each other brief hugs in the brisk air of the parking lot. As we are catching up on college life, one of Kyle’s good friends, Johnny, from the basketball team sneaks up behind me and twirls me around. Once he sets me down on my feet I turn to face him with a giggle. He tells me that I look different and even better since high school. I laugh it off as he wraps his arm over my shoulders and we continue to walk down towards the others.
I see Kyle instantly and my heart patters a little faster. He looks attractive like I’ve always thought. His eyes are intense and I see his jaw tighten at the sight of Johnny’s arm around me. Then he smiles and moves quickly over to me.
“Hey dude, give Kate some space.” He literally helps Johnny remove his arm from around me. This reminds me of a time we were at a party together and some guy was flirting with me. I tried to move away before Kyle would see because I knew it could set him off. Unfortunately, it was too late. That guy ended up with a black eye and I left in tears. I didn’t talk to Kyle for three days after that.
“Sorry I can’t help myself, look at her. Even better than she looked in high school,” Johnny says with a laugh. He gives Kyle a little shove on his bicep. Then he moves to say hello to some of the others.
Kyle smiles at me and then gives me a hug. His mouth moves into my hair a little and I can feel him breathing. Then he whispers in my ear, “I’m glad you made it, Kate.”
“Thanks, how’d you get that?” I point to the beer in his other hand.
“Steve lets me have his I.D. if he’s not going out that night, which is rare these days.” His brother is only a couple years older and they look so much alike. He reaches for my hand and pulls me towards one of the lanes. “Come on, let’s play a game… I’ve been warming up; maybe you won’t beat me tonight!”
We start bowling with four others on our lane. I’m slow to start, but Kyle knows that I can be competitive and starts teasing me. In between our turn we talk casually about classes. Then he asks if I’ve been drunk yet. I tell him that I never did drink during high school, but now I have. He smiles and chuckles, “I’d like to see that.”
/> “What?” I sneer at him.
“You, drinking. Drunk.” He raises his eyebrows and then heads up the steps to the bar behind us. He comes back with two beers and tries to hand me one. I shake my head no at him.
“No way, I drove remember. You know I’m not that much of a risk taker.”
“See you should have let me pick you up.” I give him a “are you kidding me” look. “Ok, well then how about I stop now. I’ve only had one and I’ll make sure I drive you around the rest of the night.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kyle.”
“Kate, come on, let loose once in a while. I’ll make sure you don’t drive and I can take you back here tomorrow to get your car. Plus, then I can see you again.” This is the Kyle I know. He is always trying to push me into things that I might not be comfortable with.
I don’t answer him as I head up to bowl my turn. Strike. Take that, Kyle. He moves up for his turn and as I walk by he runs his hand across my hip and backside. He gets a spare and heads to where I am leaning against the shelves with the bowling balls.
“So, what did you decide?” He looks at me with a smile that brightens his green eyes.
“Not tonight, but thanks.” I look him in the eyes and I can see something like disappointment, but without hesitation he starts to chug one of the beers.
I lost the first game by a hair, so we continue on to a second game. Kyle has finished the two beers and is heading up to the bar for a fourth. I’m talking to a couple of the girls and hear my cell phone ringing from in my purse. I fish around for it and look at the screen to see it’s Marco. I’m debating on answering it when I hear from right behind me, “Who’s Marco?”
I hit the ignore button and put the phone back in my purse. He’s so close behind me that his chest is against my back and I can smell the beer coming off his mouth. Thinking about how I answer this so as not to give him any necessary information I say, “Someone from school.”
“Hmmm, a friend or a boyfriend?” I turn to face him shaking my head and then head to grab my ball. I bowl my turn and pick up a spare. He heads towards me to take his turn, but doesn’t look me in the eyes.
I head into the bathroom and hear two girls talking through the stalls. I notice their voices and they are from Kyle’s class. I’m just waiting for one of the stall doors to open and then I hear one of the girls say, “Did you see Kate and Kyle?”
“Yea, I heard he wants her back bad. He crushed her when he broke up with her though. Think she’ll take him back?”
“You know Kyle’s such a smooth talker, God knows he can get almost any girl…”
Not wanting to hear any more, I quietly exit the restroom. I don’t want to hear about what they think of me, but most of all I don’t want to hear about Kyle’s reputation. I really shouldn’t even care, but of course I do. I really shouldn’t be thinking about him in those ways, but of course a small part of me does. Lastly, I really shouldn’t be hanging out with him, but of course, here I am. I head back over to where everyone is gathered and decide I should head out.
I can feel Kyle’s eyes following me. He smiles at me before he takes another sip of beer. I smile back, but don’t let it touch my eyes. He moves around the group towards me.
“So, some of us are going to go over to Johnny’s to hang out. I want you to come.” He hesitates before he says, “Please Kate… don’t make me beg. Plus, I really don’t want you to call Marco back.” His tone is firm when he says that he doesn’t want me calling Marco back. This is the alcohol talking, but of course he has me contemplating going. I bite on my bottom corner of my lip and turn to look away from him.
“You know you want to hang out with me,” he urges.
“Kyle, stop, I was going to head home. I had fun, but I probably should go.” He moves down to look at me eye level and puts his hands on my shoulders. Then he puts his bottom lip out as if he is pouting. This is typical of Kyle, once again trying to push me into something that I might not want to do. “Wait, are you going to drive?”
“Not if you’ll come with. Plus there isn’t room for me with the others going. I’ll leave my car here.”
“Fine.”
“Kate, don’t be mad … I want to spend more time with you. I’ve missed you.” Yep, he is a smooth talker. “God, you are so pretty especially when you’re mad.” I try to suppress a giggle from coming up, but fail.
“You’ve definitely had too many. Let’s go.” I say goodbye to the others and start heading out. Kyle is walking alongside of me and grabs hold of my hand. I don’t pull it away.
Chapter 14
Once at Johnny’s we all head to the basement and I see the pool table in the back. I tell Kyle that I’ve played pool recently and didn’t do too bad. He grabs my hand, just like he did when we were dating, and takes me over to the pool table. I break and he looks semi-impressed that I’m able to. He jokes that I may beat him at bowling, but never at pool. He’s right, I’m not even a close competition. The next game he tries to teach me some moves. This involves body contact and him leaning behind me. Part of me loathes myself for letting him rattle my heart so easily. Sigh.
After we play a couple games, we all hang out around the TV watching one of the Jackass videos. It’s after midnight and I suppress a yawn, but my eyes are glassy. Kyle is sitting on the end of the brown leather sectional and I am on the arm next to him. He looks up at me and smiles. My pulse quickens as I smile back. I turn back to look at the TV, but I’m not really watching. I bite at the corner of my bottom lower lip nervously. My mind is racing as I feel an ache in my chest. Being close to Kyle like this has me remembering good times. But I also remember things that were tough and of course how he left me. I blink my eyes as I feel some moisture in them. Confusion is what I feel right now.
Kyle moves his hand to my thigh and says, “Hey, what are you nervous about? You always bite your lip when you’re thinking or nervous.”
“Nothing,” I mumble because I really don’t want to talk about it. Mainly because I don’t know what my feelings are about things with Kyle (or Marco or Reed for that matter).
He snickers and pulls me down onto his lap. I’m surprised by how familiar and comfortable this feels. He brushes my hair off of my face and behind my ears. We are staring at each other and I have almost forgotten that we are surrounded by all the others who are laughing loudly. He moves forward as if he might kiss me, but I turn my head reminding him that we are in a crowded room. I’ve kissed in a crowded room before, but this is different because I don’t want rumors of Kyle and I started.
It’s after midnight now and I’m ready to head home. “I better get going. Do you want me to drive you to your car or just drop you off at home?”
“I think I’m fine to drive now.” I hop off his lap and he follows me up. We start to say goodbye to the others. Johnny moves his way over and pulls me into a big hug telling me how good I look, and that if I want to hang out I know where to find him. He is saying this all while giving Kyle a smirk to egg him on.
“Not a chance, Johnny, back off,” Kyle states flatly. Geez.
We head out to my car and he opens my driver side door for me. As we start to drive he reaches over and grabs my hand. It distracts me and my pulse quickens again. Shit.
We pull into the empty lot of the bowling alley and I drive up next to his white beamer. I put the car in park because I know he is going to try to engage me in a conversation. He turns to stare at me and I slowly turn to face him.
“Kate,” he moves his hand to my face and cups my cheek, “I really want to kiss you.”
God, I almost hate myself for wanting him to kiss me. I don’t think I can fight the urge. My emotions are all over the place. I don’t answer him because I think it’s obvious that I’ll let him. He knows me so well or at least he used to. He moves his other hand to the other side of my face so that both hands are cupped around my cheeks. His green eyes flicker with hazel specks that are intense as they bore into mine. As his hands slide a
round through my hair to the nape of my neck his lips graze over my lips barely touching them. Then they move to open mine and I willingly let his tongue slide over mine. The kiss is slow at first and then becomes passionate, heated and desirous. Yep, I have butterflies in my stomach. I’m getting caught up in the moment and feel a longing to be closer to him. He pulls back slightly moving his lips to my ear and whispers, “God, Kate, I’ve missed you and want you so bad.” A shiver of goose bumps move up my spine and I quiver ever so lightly. He tries to unzip my coat as he kisses up my throat and along my jawline. Once he has it unzipped he moves his hands to the hem of my shirt and the cold on my bare stomach makes me shiver. Kissing me more forcefully I try to set a slower pace as his hands rest just under my shirt. I’m battling with what my body wants and my mind urging me to stop. As his hand starts to move upwards I pull back and gently move his hands from under my shirt.
“Kyle, I can’t do this…,” my breathing is heavy as I speak. I move myself back against the car door, but still face him. I have such mixed feelings as I stare into those green eyes that used to mean the world to me. I can’t make sense of the conflicting feelings … love, hurt, desire, and betrayal.
“Shit.” His hands move to his face and run up through his hair. I can’t tell if I see anger or guilt. “Kate, I just want another chance.”
“I don’t know if I can do this with you. I’ve moved on and changed. I’m not the same girl that you dated in high school.” I take in a deep breath and hold it as I brace myself for his response. I’m torn about wanting to try this with Kyle again because I’ve always known that I really never completely let him go since he left me.
“What do you mean you’ve moved on? Do you have a boyfriend? God, tell me you haven’t slept with anyone else.” I can see the look in his eyes that remind me of when he would get jealous or territorial. Did I really have to answer these questions? He reaches to grab one of my hands as I’m contemplating how I want to answer him. Something my mom would always say rings through my ears about honesty always being the best policy. She always said the more honest and direct you are the less likely you are to have communication issues. I sit up straighter and look Kyle in the eyes trying desperately to look confident.
The Perfect Distraction (Volume 1) Page 7