by Linda Warren
Her fingers touched her lips, where she could still feel Eli’s kiss. It didn’t feel wrong. It didn’t feel like a stranger’s. It felt right. She might be confused about a lot of things, but of that she was certain.
The doorbell rang and she ignored it. She didn’t want to see anyone. The ringing stopped, then she heard pounding. She got up and made her way to the door.
“Caroline, let me in,” Grace called. “I know you’re in there.”
She swung open the door. “Good morning, Grace.”
“What took you so long?” Her sister walked into the living room, impeccably dressed in a business suit and ready for work.
Caroline lifted an eyebrow. “I was in bed. It’s six o’clock in the morning.”
Grace took in the cups on the coffee table and the blanket and pillow on the sofa. “Oh. Colin is here. I’m so sorry to have intruded.”
“Colin’s not here,” Caroline said before Grace got carried away.
“But he was here last night—that’s why you didn’t want to go out?”
Caroline shook her head. “No. He wasn’t here.”
“You went out with someone, though.”
Caroline sighed in frustration. “Grace, when did you become my mother?”
“I’m just worried about you,” she retorted.
“Pull in those worry antennas. I’m fine.” Caroline sank onto the sofa, thinking if she had to say that to one more person, she was going to scream.
Grace sat beside her, staring at the cups. “Don’t you have coasters?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you use them? That’s going to leave a—”
“Grace, don’t get on my bad side this morning.”
“You’re very testy.”
“Yes, I am, so don’t push your luck.”
There was silence for a second and Caroline took a moment to gather herself, but she knew her sister. Grace wasn’t going to let this drop. Her next words proved her right.
“So who was here last night?”
Caroline didn’t even pause. “Eli.”
Grace’s eyes widened. “Ranger Coltrane.”
“Yes.”
“Did he come to discuss the case?”
“No. I took him out to dinner as a thank-you for rescuing me, and we came back here for coffee.”
Grace glanced at the blanket between them. “What’s the blanket for?”
She drew her knees up and rested her head against the back of the sofa. “If you weren’t my sister, that question would make me very angry.”
“Caroline, you’re not getting involved with him, are you?”
She raised her head. “No. I can honestly say that I’m not getting involved with Eli. I threw myself at him and he rejected me.”
“Oh, Caro.” Grace hugged her.
She brushed away a tear. “Go ahead and tell me how crazy I am—how fixated I am on him.”
“I would, but I can see how upset you are. Do you feel something more than gratitude for this man?”
“I’m not sure. I enjoy being with him and talking to him. He makes me feel like I’m important and that I matter. I’m happy when I’m with him. No man has ever made me feel that way, not even Colin.”
Grace watched her with a skeptical eye. “Why don’t you go back to work?” she suggested. “That might help you get everything into perspective.”
“I haven’t even been able to pick up my camera.”
“That’s my point,” Grace exclaimed. “You’re still dealing with the kidnapping and the impending trial. It’s not good or rational to use Ranger Coltrane to forget Colin.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Caroline…”
“Go to work, Grace.”
Grace glanced at her watch. “Oh. I’ve got to run. I have an early appointment.” She got to her feet. “Let’s have dinner tonight.”
“No. I’m getting dressed and taking my camera and walking through the city, hoping something will inspire me to take some photos. I intend to keep searching until I start taking pictures again, and I don’t want to have watch the clock. I’ll call you when I get back, so don’t worry.”
“Okay.” Grace gave her a quick hug. “But give Mom and Dad a call before you go.”
Caroline phoned her parents and talked for a few minutes because she knew they were worried about her. Everyone was. Even Eli. Last night had been a big mistake. She could see that clearly. She’d told herself that she had to put her life back together by herself. But she’d clung to Eli as she’d clung to Grace. That wasn’t progress, that was denial. Now she had to do something about her fears—alone.
She showered and dressed. Taking her camera, she walked until she was exhausted. Four hours later she was back in her apartment without snapping one shot. She was disgusted with herself, and for the first time thought her mother might be right about her needing to see a therapist.
No. She could put her life back together. Tonight would be the test. If she could go to sleep with the lights off, then she could make it. And she had to make it without Eli. She just wished she could stop thinking about him, because he was not part of her life—just a nice man she’d met along the way.
A man she would never forget.
ELI WAS AT THE HOSPITAL at eight so Dr. Stiles could run some tests on his arm. The whole thing took about two hours. Dr. Stiles said his arm was healing perfectly, but to keep up the therapy for three more weeks. Eli felt good about that. His arm was going to be fine—just a few scars to show for the day he’d rescued Caroline.
As he waited for an elevator, Caleb McCain walked up. “Morning, Eli,” Caleb said.
Eli nodded and took the stairs, running down them two at a time. On the bottom one he sank down. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he speak to his… He exhaled a deep breath and made himself say the word. His brother. Caleb, like Jake and Beau, were his brothers.
He thought about that fact. He couldn’t change it, had to accept it—some way, somehow.
He’d told Caroline that she had to face her fears. He was running from his and he wanted to laugh at the thought. He’d never run from anything in his life, but he was running now. Running scared.
There was only one thing to do. He had to face it—face the McCains. Getting to his feet, he walked into the hall and headed for the entrance. Next time he would speak to Caleb. Next time…
He stopped when he saw Tuck coming into the hospital. Tuck walked directly to him, his expression worried.
“Where have you been?” he asked. “I called and called last night and even went over to your apartment this morning, but you weren’t home. Are you okay?”
No way was he telling Tuck where’d he been. It was none of his business. “Yes, Tuck, I’m okay,” he replied. “I just had a visit with the doctor and my arm is okay, too, so you can stop worrying now.”
Tuck eyed him strangely. “Not going to tell me where you were, huh?”
“Nope. I thought you were on your way to Oklahoma.”
Tuck frowned. “Had a bit of a delay. I need a damn cup of coffee. I left the house early trying to catch you and I didn’t take time to make any.”
“Let’s go to the hospital coffee shop and I’ll buy you a cup,” Eli offered.
They got coffee and sat at a small table. Eli took a swallow, knowing they had to get something straight. “Tuck, when did you become my guardian?”
Tuck placed his hat on the table. “Since you had surgery and started talking weird.”
“I’m fine now.”
Tuck looked at him over the rim of his cup. “Are you?”
Eli couldn’t lie to Tuck for any length of time. They were too close. He told him about Caleb. “I don’t understand why I have such a hard time accepting the McCains,” he confessed.
“They say memories from childhood stay with us forever.”
“Yeah,” Eli agreed. “But Caleb had nothing to do with my childhood.”
Tuck smiled.
“W
hat?”
“That’s the first time you’ve admitted that.”
Eli realized it was. That had to be progress.
“Remember when we were kids and always getting cuts and scrapes from being boys?”
“Sure.”
“Ma used to put Band-Aids on us and I’d wear mine until it washed off—I never liked the feel of removing it from my skin. But you’d rip yours off without flinching. That’s what you have to do now—just do it, and I bet you won’t even flinch.”
“You have it all figured out, huh?”
Tuck drained his cup. “You’re making this hard when it isn’t. Let go of the past. Just rip it away and see what happens.”
Eli gave him a dark look, but knew he was right.
Tuck stood. “I’ve got to run. Don’t forget to feed the animals at the ranch. We’ll catch a baseball game when I get back. See you later.”
As Tuck walked away, Caleb came in. Eli saw them shake hands and talk for a minute. Tuck left and Caleb got coffee and sat at another table. He didn’t look Eli’s way.
Eli knew what he had to do. As in Tuck’s damn Band-Aid story, it might hurt, but… He got up and made his way over.
Caleb looked up. “Hello, Eli,” he said, as if Eli hadn’t been extremely rude earlier.
“Hello,” he answered, and shook the hand Caleb extended. It was so easy and painless.
“The arm looks great.”
“Yeah.” Eli twisted his hand. “The doc says I’m a fast healer.”
“Do you have time for a cup of coffee?” Caleb asked.
“I’d like to talk about something.”
Normally Eli would say no and go about his business. “Sure,” he replied. “I’ll get another cup and be right back.”
Within seconds he took a seat opposite Caleb and braced himself for this conversation. He’d been avoiding it for years, but after speaking to Caroline last night and Tuck this morning, he felt he was ready to talk about the past. He just had to do it—as Tuck had said.
“The FBI has basically turned over Jane Doe’s case to me,” Caleb said. “They want me to place her with her family, and that’s like finding a needle in a haystack. She doesn’t remember a thing and she won’t talk much. She reminds me of a trapped animal and I’m not sure how to help her. She’s afraid of me and everyone that comes into her room. Since she tried to help you find Ms. Whitten, I was hoping you might talk to her.”
Eli wasn’t expecting this. He’d thought Caleb would want to talk about family, and he couldn’t imagine why he was disappointed.
“Sure. I’ll talk to her.”
“I just came from her room and she’ll be having tests all day. How about tomorrow morning?”
“That’ll be fine.”
Caleb watched him. “You thought I wanted to talk about something else, didn’t you?”
Eli took a swallow of coffee. “Yeah.”
“Be patient with Jake. He just wants us all to be a family, like we should have been years ago.”
Eli looked directly at him. “But I’m not part of the McCain family.”
“Neither was I until a few years ago.”
“What do you mean?”
“When my mother left Joe McCain, she was pregnant with me. Joe said I wasn’t his. My mother was friends with Andrew Wellman, a man at our church, and Joe accused her of sleeping with him. He said I was Wellman’s bastard. Jake was ten and Joe told him those lies, and Jake wouldn’t leave with my mom and Beau. Joe continued to poison Jake’s mind and he refused to have anything to do with us. It broke my mother’s heart and I watched her yearn for her eldest son most of my life.”
Eli gripped his cup. “I didn’t know this.”
“When Jake found out he had a son of his own and might lose custody of him, he swallowed his pride and asked for Beau’s help. Ben brought us together as a family and he brought you back into our lives, too.”
Eli’s hand felt numb from gripping the cup, and he was feeling numb inside, too, because his brothers’ past was so different than he’d ever imagined. For the first time he wanted to know more.
“You said Joe never claimed you?”
“No. I was Wellman’s bastard to the day he died.”
“I know the feeling,” Eli confessed. “He always accused my mother of sleeping with other men.”
“He put my mother through that hell, too, until she found the courage to get out.”
“Didn’t your mother eventually marry Wellman?” He’d heard that somewhere, but he wasn’t sure where. He kept news of the McCains to a minimum.
“Yes,” Caleb replied. “My mother and Andrew’s relationship sort of evolved. He was always there making sure we had everything we needed. Andrew never had children of his own and when I was born, he doted on me. I couldn’t have asked for a better father, but all his love and all his caring couldn’t take away the stigma that Joe McCain denied who I was.”
“I know that feeling, too.”
Caleb nodded. “If you want to hate Joe McCain, go right ahead. I hated him for more years than I care to remember. But hate is a destructive emotion. I see it every day in my line of work, as you do. Life is too short to waste it hating. If you want to get to know us, all you have to do is ask. But it’s up to you.”
Eli stood. “I don’t see that happening. I’m sorry.” His words belied the faint glimmer of hope within him. He didn’t push it away, nor did he accept it. But for the first time he felt a kinship to his brother. Maybe…
“Don’t be. You can’t change the way you feel.” Caleb got to his feet and Eli noticed they were the same height. They had the same dark hair, too, but Eli’s eyes were blue. He had Joe McCain’s eyes.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” Caleb added.
For a minute Eli lost track of what Caleb was saying, he was so consumed with everything he was feeling. “Yes. I’ll be here tomorrow.” He strolled away, the past closing in on him so fast that he felt out of breath.
ELI DROVE TO his apartment and changed into jeans. He needed to go to the ranch to feed the animals, but he also needed to go there for himself—it had been his haven since he was thirteen years old. All the things Caleb had told him kept running through his mind. He’d had the McCains pictured as a very loving family, but it seemed things were different. All the sons had suffered because of their father. Eli was not alone in that.
Maybe that’s what had been bothering him all these years, like Caroline had said. They were a family and he was an outsider, the bastard, the one to bear the sins of Joe McCain. But it wasn’t like that at all. Jake, Beau and Caleb’s lives had been torn apart and they were now struggling to be a family. Eli had an open invitation to join them.
He went to his desk and picked up the letters from Jake. Some he’d sent back, but these he’d thrown on the desk. The only letters opened were the ones Tuck had read. Eli sat down and read through all of them. Jake told of his life and the lies fed to him by their father. He told of finding his mother again and the relationship he was building with his brothers. There were pictures of Ben, one of Katie the day she was born and several more over the years.
Eli got up and propped two of the photos on his desk. He took a long breath, staring at his nephew and niece. They were his family. He could actually admit that without the destructive emotions taking control. He had a family. Just saying the words to himself was a start. For the moment that was all he could do. It would take time for the next step.
He wanted to share this news with someone, and Caroline’s face swam before him. No. He had to leave her alone to get on with her life. He didn’t like hurting her, though, and he had this morning. He’d done the right thing in stopping, but he realized at the very least he owed her an explanation.
A few minutes later he was sitting outside her apartment debating whether to go in or not. He had to apologize. He had to explain how he felt and he wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it. Still…
CAROLINE WAS DETERMINED to take some shots today eve
n if they were of nothing. She rested for a while, then grabbed her camera bag to go out again. The doorbell rang. Damn. She didn’t want to see anyone, and if it was Grace… Standing on tiptoe, she looked through the peephole. Eli. Her pulse pounded loudly in her ears.
She swung open the door.
“Hi,” he said in a husky voice. “Can we talk?”
“Sure.” She moved aside to let him in. He walked to the sofa and sat down, placing his hat on the table. “I’m sorry about what happened this morning.”
“Yes. I got the gist of that,” she said, not able to keep the hurt out of her voice.
He watched her closely. “But you’re upset.”
“Rejection is hard for a woman to take.”
“Caroline,” he sighed. “There’s something happening between us but it’s happening too fast and for all the wrong reasons.”
She sat in the chair. “You feel something happening between us?”
“Of course. I’d be lying if I said anything else, but we have to take it slow and we have to keep things platonic.”
Why? was her first thought, but then she knew why and realized he was right. Just this morning she’d admitted to herself that she didn’t know what she was doing, and work would help get her life into perspective. That hadn’t happened, though.
“You’re a witness in a case I’m working. If anything happened between us it would be unethical for me. Please understand that.”
She brushed back her hair. “You’re right. I’m feeling adrift at the moment. This morning I went out to take pictures with the thought that work would help me.”
“And?”
“I didn’t snap one shot. I didn’t have the desire, and I blamed you for clouding my mind with other thoughts.”
“I’m sorry for that and—”
“I understand about your conflict,” she interrupted, her voice rising. “I’m a little mixed up right now, but wanting to make love with you seemed very right.”