Once Pined

by Blake Pierce

  “Nobody’s going to beat you, Jilly,” Riley said, her voice shaking a little with emotion. “Never again. We’re going to take good care of you. Do you understand?”

  Again, Jilly didn’t reply. Riley wished she would just say that she did understand, and that she believed what Riley was saying. Instead, Jilly changed the subject.

  “I like your car,” she said. “Can I learn to drive?”

  “When you’re older, sure,” Riley said. “Right now let’s get you settled into your new life.”

  *

  A little snow was still falling when Riley parked in front of her townhouse and she and Jilly got out of the car. Jilly’s face twitched a little as snowflakes struck her skin. She didn’t seem to like this new sensation. And she shivered all over from the cold.

  We’ve got to get her some warmer clothes right away, Riley thought.

  Halfway between the car and the front door, Jilly froze in her tracks. She stared at the house.

  “I can’t do this,” Jilly said.

  “Why not?”

  Jilly said nothing for a moment. She looked like a frightened animal. Riley suspected that the thought of living in such a nice place overwhelmed her.

  “I’ll be getting in April’s way, won’t I?” Jilly said. “I mean it’s her bathroom.”

  She seemed to be looking for excuses, grasping for reasons why this whole thing wouldn’t work.

  “You won’t get in April’s way,” Riley said. “Now come on in.”

  Riley opened the door. Waiting inside were April and Riley’s ex-husband, Ryan. Their faces were smiling and welcoming.

  April rushed toward Jilly right away and gave her a big hug.

  “I’m April,” she said. “I’m so glad you came. You’ll really like it here.”

  Riley was startled by the difference between the two girls. She’d always considered April to be rather thin and gangly. But she appeared positively robust next to Jilly, who looked skinny by comparison. Riley guessed that Jilly had gone hungry from time to time during her life.

  So many things I still don’t know, Riley thought.

  Jilly smiled nervously as Ryan introduced himself and hugged her.

  Suddenly Gabriela came rushing in from downstairs, introducing herself with a huge smile.

  “Welcome to the family!” Gabriela exclaimed, giving Jilly a hug.

  Riley noticed that the stout Guatemalan woman’s skin was only slightly darker than Jilly’s olive complexion.

  “Vente!” Gabriela said, taking Jilly by the hand. “Let’s go upstairs. I will show you your room!”

  But Jilly pulled her hand away and stood there trembling. Tears began to stream down her face. She sat down on the stairs and cried. April sat down beside her and put her arm around her shoulders.

  “Jilly, what’s wrong?” April asked.

  Jilly shook her head miserably.

  “I don’t know,” she sobbed. “It’s just … I don’t know. It’s all so much.”

  April smiled sweetly and patted her gently on the back.

  “I know, I know,” she said. “Come on upstairs. You’ll feel at home in no time.”

  Jilly obediently got up and followed April upstairs. Riley was pleased by how graciously her daughter was handling the situation. Of course, April had always said that she wanted a younger sister. But April had been through some difficult years herself, and had been severely traumatized by criminals eager to get even with Riley.

  Maybe, Riley thought hopefully, April will be able to understand Jilly better than I can.

  Gabriela gazed sympathetically after the two girls.

  “¡Pobrecita!” she said. “I hope she will be all right.”

  Gabriela went back downstairs, leaving Riley and Ryan alone. Ryan stood staring up the stairs, looking somewhat dazed.

  I hope he’s not having second thoughts, Riley thought. I’m going to need his support.

  A lot had gone on between her and Ryan. During the last years of their marriage he’d been an unfaithful husband and an absent father. They’d been separated and divorced. But Ryan had seemed like a changed man lately and they were cautiously spending more time together.

  They’d talked about the challenge of bringing Jilly into their lives. Ryan had seemed enthusiastic about the idea.

  “Are you still OK with this?” Riley asked him.

  Ryan looked at her and said, “Yeah. I can see that it’s going to be tough, though.”

  Riley nodded. Then came an awkward pause.

  “I think maybe I’d better go,” Ryan said.

  Riley felt relieved. She kissed him lightly, and he put on his coat and left. Riley fixed a drink for herself and sat down alone in the living room.

  What have I gotten us all into? she wondered.

  She hoped that her good intentions weren’t going to tear her family apart all over again.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Riley woke up the next morning with a heart full of apprehension. This was going to be the first day of Jilly’s life in her home. They had a lot to do today and Riley hoped that no trouble was in store.

  Last night she had realized that Jilly’s transition to her new life would mean hard work for all of them. But April had pitched in and helped Jilly get settled. They had picked out clothes for Jilly to wear today—not from the meager possessions she’d brought along in a grocery bag but from new things that Riley and April had bought for her.

  Jilly and April had finally gone to bed.

  Riley had too, but her sleep had been troubled and restless.

  Now she got up and dressed, and headed straight to the kitchen, where April was helping Gabriela get breakfast ready.

  “Where’s Jilly?” Riley asked.

  “She hasn’t gotten up yet,” April said.

  Riley’s worry mounted.

  She went to the base of the stairs and called out, “Jilly, it’s time to get up.”

  She heard no reply. She was seized by a wave of panic. Had Jilly run off during the night?

  “Jilly, did you hear me?” she called out. “We’ve got to register you at school this morning.”

  “I’m coming,” Jilly yelled back.

  Riley breathed a sigh of relief. Jilly’s tone was sullen, but at least she was here and being cooperative.

  In recent years, Riley had often heard that sullen tone from April. Now April seemed to have gotten past it, but she still had lapses from time to time. Riley wondered if she was really up to the job of raising another teenager.

  Just then there was a knock at the front door. When Riley answered it, her townhouse neighbor, Blaine Hildreth, was standing outside.

  Riley was surprised to see him, but hardly displeased. He was a couple of years younger than she was, a charming and attractive man who owned an upscale restaurant in town. In fact, she had felt an unmistakable mutual attraction with him that definitely confused the issue of possibly reconnecting with Ryan. Most importantly, Blaine was a wonderful neighbor and their daughters were best friends.

  “Hi, Riley,” he said. “I hope it’s not too early.”

  “Not at all,” Riley said. “What’s up?”

  Blaine shrugged with a rather sad smile.

  “I just thought I’d stop by to say goodbye,” he said.

  Riley gaped with surprise.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  He hesitated, and before he could answer, Riley saw a huge truck parked in front of his townhouse. Movers were carrying furniture from Blaine’s home into the truck.

  Riley gasped.

  “You’re moving?” she asked.

  “It seemed like a good idea,” Blaine said.

  Riley almost blurted out, “Why?”

  But it was easy to guess why. Living next door to Riley had proved to be dangerous and terrifying, both to Blaine and his daughter, Crystal. The bandage that was still on his face was a harsh reminder. Blaine had been badly injured when he’d tried to protect April from a killer’s attack.

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p; “It’s not what you probably think,” Blaine said.

  But Riley could tell by his expression—it was exactly what she thought.

  He continued, “It has turned out that this place just isn’t convenient. It’s too far away from the restaurant. I’ve found a nice place that’s much closer. I’m sure you understand.”

  Riley felt too confused and upset to reply. Memories of the whole terrible incident came flooding back to her.

  She’d been in Upstate New York working on a case when she’d learned that a brutal killer was at large. His name was Orin Rhodes. Sixteen years earlier, Riley had killed his girlfriend in a gunfight and sent him to prison. When Rhodes was finally released from Sing Sing, he was bent on revenge against Riley and everyone she loved.

  Before Riley could get home, Rhodes had invaded her home and attacked both April and Gabriela. Next door, Blaine had heard the struggle, so he came over to help. He’d probably saved April’s life. But he’d gotten badly hurt in the attempt.

  Riley had seen him twice in the hospital. The first time had been devastating. He’d been unconscious from his injuries, with an IV in each arm and an oxygen mask. Riley had blamed herself bitterly for what had happened to him.

  But the next time she’d seen him had been more heartening. He’d been alert and cheerful, and had joked a bit proudly about his foolhardiness.

  Most of all, she remembered what he’d said to her then …

  “There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you and April.”

  Clearly he’d had second thoughts. The danger of living next door to Riley had proven too much for him and now he was going away. She didn’t know whether to feel hurt or guilty. She definitely felt disappointed.

  Riley’s thoughts were interrupted by April’s voice behind her.

  “Oh my God! Blaine, are you and Crystal moving? Is Crystal still there?”

  Blaine nodded.

  “I’ve got to go over and say goodbye,” April said.

  April dashed out the door and headed next door.

  Riley was still grappling with her emotions.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “Sorry for what?” Blaine asked.

  “You know.”

  Blaine nodded. “It wasn’t your fault, Riley,” he said in a gentle voice.

  Riley and Blaine stood gazing at each other for a moment. Finally, Blaine forced a smile.

  “Hey, it’s not like we’re leaving town,” he said. “We can get together whenever we like. So can the girls. And they’ll still be in the same high school. It’ll be like nothing has changed.”

  A bitter taste rose up in Riley’s mouth.

  That’s not true, she thought. Everything has changed.

  Disappointment was starting to give way to anger. Riley knew that it was wrong to feel angry. She had no right. She didn’t even know why she felt that way. All she knew was that she couldn’t help it.

  And what were they supposed to do right now?

  Hug? Shake hands?

  She sensed that Blaine felt the same awkwardness and indecision.

  They managed to exchange terse goodbyes. Blaine went back home, and Riley went back inside. She found Jilly eating breakfast in the kitchen. Gabriela had put Riley’s own breakfast on the table, so she sat down to eat with Jilly.

  “So are you excited about today?”

  Riley’s question was out before she could realize how lame and clumsy it sounded.

  “I guess,” Jilly said, poking her pancakes with a fork. She didn’t even look up at Riley.

  *

  A while later, Riley and Jilly walked through the entrance to Brody Middle School. The building was attractive, with brightly colored locker doors lining the hallway and student artwork hanging everywhere.

  A pleasant and polite student offered her help and directed them toward the main office. Riley thanked her and continued down the hall, clutching Jilly’s registration papers in one hand and holding Jilly’s hand with the other.

  Earlier, they had gone through registration at the central school office. They’d taken along the materials that Phoenix Social Services had put together—records of vaccination, school transcripts, Jilly’s birth certificate, and a statement that Riley was Jilly’s appointed guardian. Jilly had been removed from her father’s custody, although he had threatened to challenge that decision. Riley knew that the path to finalizing and legalizing an adoption wouldn’t be quick or easy.

  Jilly squeezed Riley’s hand tightly. Riley sensed that the girl felt extremely ill at ease. It wasn’t hard to imagine why. As rough as life in Phoenix had been, it was the only place that Jilly had ever lived.

  “Why can’t I go to school with April?” Jilly asked.

  “Next year you’ll be in the same high school,” Riley said. “First you’ve got to finish eighth grade.”

  They found the main office and Riley showed the papers to the receptionist.

  “We’d like to see someone about enrolling Jilly in school,” Riley said.

  “You need to see a guidance counselor,” the receptionist said with a smile. “Come right this way.”

  Both of us could use some guidance, Riley thought.

  The counselor was a woman in her thirties with a mop of curly brown hair. Her name was Wanda Lewis, and her smile was as warm as a smile could be. Riley found herself thinking that she could be a real help. Surely a woman in a job like this had dealt with other students from rough backgrounds.

  Ms. Lewis took them on a tour of the school. The library was neat, orderly, and well stocked with both computers and books. In the gym, girls were happily playing basketball. The cafeteria was clean and sparkling. Everything looked absolutely lovely to Riley.

  All the while, Ms. Lewis cheerfully asked Jilly lots of questions about where she’d gone to school before, and about her interests. But Jilly said almost nothing in reply to Ms. Lewis’s questions and asked none of her own. Her curiosity seemed to perk up a little when she got a look at the art room. But as soon as they moved on, she became quiet and withdrawn all over again.

  Riley wondered what might be going on in the girl’s head. She knew that her recent grades had been poor, but they had been surprisingly good in earlier years. But the truth was, Riley knew almost nothing about Jilly’s past school experience.

  Maybe she even hated school.

  This new one must be daunting, where Jilly knew absolutely nobody. And of course, it wasn’t going to be easy to get caught up in her studies, with only a couple of weeks left before end of the term.

  At the end of the tour, Riley managed to coax Jilly into thanking Ms. Lewis for showing her around. They agreed that Jilly would start classes tomorrow. Then Riley and Jilly walked out into the bite of the cold January air. A thin layer of yesterday’s snow lay all around the parking lot.

  “So what do you think of your new school?” Riley asked.

  “It’s OK,” Jilly said.

  Riley couldn’t tell if Jilly was being sullen or was simply dazed by all the changes she was facing. As they approached the car, she noticed that Jilly was shivering deeply and her teeth were chattering. She was wearing a heavy jacket of April’s, but the cold was really bothering her.

  They got into the car, and Riley switched on the ignition and the heater. Even as the car got warmer, Jilly was still shivering.

  Riley kept the car parked. It was time to find out what was bothering this child in her care.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Is there something about school that upsets you?”

  “It’s not the school,” Jilly said, her voice shaking now. “It’s the cold.”

  “I guess it doesn’t get cold in Phoenix,” Riley said. “This must be strange to you.”

  Jilly’s eyes filled up with tears.

  “It does get cold sometimes,” she said. “Especially at night.”

  “Please tell me what’s wrong,” Riley said.

  Tears started to pour down Jilly’s cheeks. She spoke in a small, choked voice.
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  “The cold makes me remember …”

  Jilly fell silent. Riley waited patiently for her to gone.

  “My dad always blamed me for everything,” Jilly said. “He blamed me for my mom going away, and my brother too, and he even blamed me because he kept getting fired from whatever jobs he could get. Anything that was wrong was always my fault.”

  Jilly was sobbing quietly now.

  “Go on,” Riley said.

  “One night he told me he wanted me gone,” Jilly said. “He said I was a dead weight, that I was keeping him down, and he’d had enough of me and he was through with me. He kicked me out of the house. He locked the doors and I couldn’t get back in.”

  Jilly gulped hard at the memory.

  “I’ve never felt so cold in my life,” she said. “Not even now, in this weather. I found a big drainpipe in a ditch, and it was big enough for me to crawl into, so that was where I spent that night. It was so scary. Sometimes people were walking around near me, but I didn’t want them to find me. They didn’t sound like anybody who would help me.”

  Riley closed her eyes, picturing the girl hiding in the dark drainpipe. She whispered, “And what happened then?”

  Jilly continued, “I just scrunched down and stayed there all night. I didn’t really sleep. The next morning I went back home and knocked on the door and called for Dad and begged him to let me in. He ignored me, like I wasn’t even there. That’s when I went to the truck stop. It was warm there, and there was food. Some of the women were nice to me and I figured I’d do whatever I had to do to stay there. And that night is when you found me.”

  Jilly had grown calmer as she’d told her story. She seemed relieved to let it out. But now Riley was crying. She could hardly believe what this poor girl had gone through. She put her arm around Jilly and hugged her tight.

  “Never again,” Riley said through her sobs. “Jilly, I promise you, you’ll never feel like that ever again.”

  It was a huge promise, and Riley was feeling small, weak, and fragile herself right now. She hoped that she could keep it.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The woman kept thinking about poor Cody Woods. She was sure that he was dead by now. She’d find out for sure from the morning newspaper.