by Donna Alward
“For Moose,” he parroted softly, and he leaned the rest of the way in.
His body touched her at hips, breast and mouth—all places that came alive at the mere brush of cotton and denim. Frozen to the spot, her lashes fluttered closed as he toyed with her lips, teasing, tantalizing. He’d always been the most marvelous kisser—time hadn’t diluted that talent in the least. He braced his hands on the car behind her as he pressed lightly against her, inviting rather than forcing. Luring her in rather than demanding.
“Chris,” she began, taking the opportunity to protest—weakly—when they came up for air.
“Mmm, I’ve wanted to do that ever since I dropped you off the other night.”
“You have?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Way more than I should.”
Any reply she might have made evaporated as he pressed against her, more firmly this time, and slid his tongue over her lips.
It certainly felt like starting something up. And the very idea frightened her to death. She was right back where she started, wasn’t she? Nothing had changed. She was still unsure of what the future held, undecided about what she wanted to do, still afraid for him. And Chris could be terribly persuasive. Especially when he licked just under her ear like that…
She gathered up every ounce of willpower and pushed against his chest with her palms. Chris knew all her favourite pleasure points, and he wasn’t above using them, was he? And all he was doing now was muddying the waters. The shelter had been the only thing she’d ever truly been good at. Now it was time for her to apply that decisiveness to the rest of her life.
He staggered back, surprised.
“I’ve got to go. I’m going to be late.”
“We should talk about this,” he said, beginning to move forward, but she took the opportunity to slide behind the wheel. He had his hands on the top of the door so she could hardly shut it, could she?
“No, we shouldn’t. I have enough to worry about right now.”
“And I’m an added worry?”
She wished he’d move his damned hands. “To be honest, yes, you are. I need to think clearly, and you’re not helping. And right now I need to be helping sell cupcakes and apple pie and Mabel VanOord’s Cinnamon Raisin Bread. So let me go, Chris. Please.”
She looked through the windshield and saw that Moose had dug a hole near Chris’s garage during their little interlude. “Moose is digging. You should go.”
He took his hands off the window as he turned to look and Ally took the opportunity to pull the door closed.
She couldn’t come back here again. Both times she had, she’d fallen into his arms without any fight at all.
She hadn’t really stopped caring about him, had she? Not just the sexual chemistry part. But liking him. That was the whole problem. It would be better if they just kept their polite distance. But that had changed the moment he’d put his arm around her waist, stopping her from going back inside as her dream burned to the ground.
She put the keys in the ignition and turned it over. Nothing.
“Come on,” she whispered, her heart leaping around in her chest. Of all the times for her car to conk out… Why couldn’t a girl have one dramatic exit when she needed it?
She tried it again, heaving a sigh of relief when the engine roared to life. She faked a smile at Chris and began backing out of the driveway.
At the bottom, she looked up and saw Chris holding on to Moose’s collar. There was a pause as she shifted from reverse to drive in which she considered not leaving. Considered seeing where this would go. A curiosity about what it would be like to make love with him, and a certainty that it would be as good as she remembered.
It was only the knowledge that nothing had really changed from that day until now that kept her going. And the stark realization that something had to change somehow, because she couldn’t go on this way, stuck in the past and repeating the same patterns.
Chapter Four
The last thing Chris wanted to do was go up and knock on the Gallants’ door. Ally’s parents had been very supportive of them as a couple when they’d gotten engaged, and he didn’t quite know what Ally had told them after the wedding was called off only a few months after he’d proposed. But he knew Ernie Gallant gave him the stink-eye around town and that Judy wasn’t much better, except she gave him this baleful, sad look that made him feel about two inches tall.
Ally wouldn’t have put the blame on him. He was certain of that. She was the one who’d changed her mind and she was the most honest woman he knew. She would have told them that she broke it off.
But that didn’t mean her parents didn’t blame him somehow anyway.
And now he was standing on their front step, his hand poised to knock, nervous as hell about facing them and about the news he had for Ally.
Funny. He’d prefer suiting up and walking into a burning building ahead of stepping across the Gallants’ threshold.
He squared his shoulders and knocked. Might as well get this over with.
Judy answered the door. “Oh, my. Chris. What a surprise.” Her hand fluttered to her hair and back down again and she looked at him uncertainly.
“Hi, Mrs. Gallant. Is Ally in?”
“Let me check.” She gave him a watery smile, reminding him of a stunned bird who’d run into a glass door. He’d always thought her a little flighty and wondered if she were a nervous sort. It had been a rhetorical question, after all. Ally’s car was in the driveway.
She came back to the door and opened it wider. “Won’t you come in? Ally will be right out.”
He ran a finger around the collar of his work shirt. God, this was worse than showing up for a date in high school. He should be glad that Ernie didn’t appear to be home. The last thing he needed was a father grilling him on…whatever. He already felt about sixteen.
“Chris?”
Ally stepped carefully into the kitchen. She looked beautiful tonight. She was wearing a skirt that came just above her knee and black boots to match, sexy as hell. The shirt she wore had see-through sleeves, and came to a suggestive dip in the front, the pattern a mix of red and black and charcoal. It was classy and sexy and he suddenly realized he’d been standing there staring for far too long.
“Wow. You look…wow.”
Her cheeks colored prettily. “I have an appointment with a career counsellor this evening. I was hoping to make a good impression.”
“Mission accomplished.” He smiled, pleased the words came out clearly when he felt like he might swallow his tongue. “I don’t want to make you late, but I have some news. Want to step outside?”
“Let me get a coat.”
She retrieved a hip-length wool jacket from a closet and followed him outside, shoving her arms in the sleeves. It was dark already and they stood in the circle of the porch light. “I didn’t want to tell you in front of your mom,” he said quietly. “But the official word is that the fire was arson.”
She gasped, her fingers going to her lips. “But who would do something like that?” Her face paled. “They don’t think that I…” She couldn’t even finish the thought, and he put a hand on her arm.
“No, no, of course not. People know you. I know you didn’t do it. And the evidence will show it too. But it has turned into an official investigation, and I would expect you’ll be asked a few questions.”
“We’re a charity, for Pete’s sake.” Her lips thinned. “Accidental was bad enough. But to think someone set that fire, knowing there were people inside. That the animals were there…”
“It’s sick,” he confirmed. “Anyway, it’ll be news tomorrow, but I thought you should know.”
“I’m glad you told me. I’ll help the investigation any way I can.”
“Have you given any more thought to re-opening?”
She shrugged. “I want to. I’m still trying to think of ways to make it work. Not having much success.”
“Don’t give up yet. You’ll find a way.”
/> “You sound awfully sure of that.”
He grinned. “You did it once. You can do it again.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence. But this whole thing has made me see that I need to move forward. I need to support myself, Chris. And here I am going to a career counsellor to see if I can find something I want. It’s like I’m right back to where I started. Like I’ve been standing in place for the last three years. I don’t like what that says about me.”
He put his hands in his pockets. Why was it clear to everyone but her? “You should be doing something with animals. That’s where your heart is. You were always saying how you wanted a cat or a dog. Even if you don’t want to become a vet, you could be a vet tech, or become a groomer, open your own pet store or start a kennel to board pets when their owners are away. I’ve heard some even have a day care so their dogs aren’t home alone. You’d be fantastic at any of those things.”
Her eyes were shining at him and she looked like she might cry. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
He was starting to understand what had prompted her to run when he’d pressed for marriage. She didn’t believe in herself the way he believed in her. She didn’t see her strengths, only her weaknesses. He’d never cared that she’d dropped out of university, because it wasn’t for everyone. But she clearly saw it as a failure. And when she hadn’t known what she wanted, she saw that as a failure too. He’d always been sure, and he’d never before considered that his certainty and confidence might have undermined what little bit she had.
“You keep saying you don’t know what you want or what you’ll be good at, but you already found it. You should do what you love. And if that’s working with animals, do what will make you happy. And screw everything else.”
She laughed, but it was an emotion-filled sound. He smiled back, feeling the connection between them deepen.
“I missed you,” he murmured. “I tried not to. Didn’t really realize how much until this past week.”
“I missed you too,” she admitted. “I used to see you around and be envious. You have it all together, and I’ve barely started figuring it out.”
“You’re not on anyone’s schedule,” he replied.
“But I felt like I was. What you asked the other day…why I gave you back your ring. I felt like I had to be on your schedule and I wasn’t ready.”
That surprised him. “I really pressured you that much?”
“You had us all figured out, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to settle down yet. I felt like…like I still had things to figure out first. I loved you, but once I said yes I panicked every night. I tried to explain but it came out wrong. I just needed you to be patient with me, to hear me.”
“And I was too proud and only heard that you were turning me away.”
She nodded.
“So what about us? What about now?”
Her face was partly in shadow from the porch light. “I really don’t know. We’re still a long way from being anything, aren’t we? And I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“You’re shutting the door on us again?” He frowned. After all that had happened, after the proof that not only were they still sexually compatible, but that they were, more importantly, friends… Did he really want to start over? All the signs were pointing to yes. He hadn’t ever thought he’d put himself in the position to let her hurt him again, but here he was. In it up to his neck.
“I’m not doing anything,” she replied, sticking her hands in her coat pockets. “Why is it always all or nothing with you?”
Because I’m afraid you’ll slip away, he thought, but he kept it to himself. He was always so sure about everything, but he was never sure about her. And that made him feel weak.
“It’s not,” he answered carefully. Did he really want to go down this path? Maybe it would be better if he just walked away. Just stayed away. Trouble was, he’d been doing just that and it hadn’t worked. “Let’s just say I want to keep the door open. No pressure.”
“I think I can handle that,” she whispered, and smiled shyly.
Their eyes clung for a few seconds, that in-between space in time when they weren’t quite sure what to do next. “I need to get going, and you probably should too if you’re not going to be late. Any chance of a kiss before I go?”
“Maybe.”
She was playing coy now and he loved it. Maybe he had pushed too hard. Maybe he needed to take it slow and not have all the answers. It wasn’t his usual style but it didn’t mean it was wrong. They could start off with a kiss goodnight and see where it led. The last thing he wanted to do was mess this up for a second time.
He took his hand out of his jacket pocket and looped it around her waist, placing it on the small of her back and drawing her close. Her heeled boots added to her height, so she only had to tilt her head slightly and her glossy lips were there waiting, slightly parted, her breath making thin clouds in the late autumn evening. He shifted them slightly so they were out of the circle of the light. Then he placed his lips on hers.
Her gloss tasted like vanilla and berries. She wound her arms around his neck, pressing herself close to him as they kissed. It was more sweet than passionate. Even though they were out of the light, they were still in her front yard after all. It didn’t stop the surge of desire at the taste and feel of her. He wanted to take her home, make love to her properly in his big bed. His memories of her only added fuel to the fire. Something had been resurrected the night he’d pleasured her on his sofa, and when she was close to him this way he was sure he wanted to finish what they’d started.
But not here, and not now, so he braced his feet and prepared himself to make do with kissing and the feel of her in his arms.
There was the sound of someone clearing their throat and then a quiet, “Allison?”
She froze in his arms.
“You’re going to be late.” Then there was just a condemning closing of the door again.
Ally pushed back and put her hands in her coat pockets again. “She’s right. It wouldn’t look good for me to be late.”
“What’s your mother got against me, anyway?”
“I have no idea. She always thought I was rather stupid to give you up in the first place.”
There was that word again. Stupid. She seemed to use that an awful lot in reference to herself. He didn’t like it.
“You probably should go. And maybe reapply your lipstick before you leave.” He ran a thumb over her lips. They looked plump and deliciously kissed. “Let me know how you make out. And come see Moose sometime. He’s fetching now and bringing it back without prompting. Of course, he’s figured out that he gets a treat and sticks his nose in my pocket.”
“I’d like that. I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
He didn’t want to leave but she had to get on the road. “You sure your car will start?”
She grinned. “I gave it a tune-up. Changed the oil, plugs, everything. She’s got to get me through the winter, you know.”
“You did that?”
She nodded. “I can do some things on my own,” she replied.
“You,” he said, touching her nose with a finger, “are constantly full of surprises.”
“I hope so,” she answered. “Now get going. And thanks for stopping by.”
She slipped by him into the house and he went back to his truck. His footsteps felt lighter than they had in ages. If she wanted time, he’d give it to her. But not too much time. There were some things he was eager to get moving. Like making love to her again—properly.
Did he really want to go down this road? If he were brutally honest, he did. His pain had been real when she’d given him back the ring, but she’d explained her reasons. And he had been impatient. Maybe he could have given her more time, but he’d pushed, made it all or nothing. She wasn’t the only one to blame.
Maybe they could get it right this time.
He started the engine but
waited until she’d come back outside and started her car without incident. Only then did he put the truck in gear and head home.
Ally pulled a pair of gloves off her hands and shoved them into her jacket pockets. There’d been a frost this morning and the chill had stayed in the air long after the October sun had burned away the delicate crystals. The valley was an area rich in agriculture, and right now was the height of the harvest. Pumpkins were piled everywhere, the apple U-Picks were going full swing and there was never any parking near the corn maze, which brought families from far and wide.
It was Ally’s favourite time of year. She loved the fall colors, loved the fresh fruit and late-harvest vegetables. She loved the sunshine and the particular blue of the sky and how she got to wear cozy soft sweaters and gloves.
But she wasn’t quite enjoying it as much today. Her mother and father had insisted she join them for the annual tea and sale at the Greenwich Fire Department.
Normally she loved these sorts of community events. The food was always top-notch, the conversation predictably local and gossipy, and the good-will contagious. But not today. Today she had too much on her mind. The career counsellor had been helpful, but it had been Chris’s suggestions that had set off a chain reaction of possibilities in her head. He was right. She should work with animals and she didn’t truly know why she hadn’t thought of it before. Perhaps it had been the constant references to a real job that had held her back. A real job didn’t sound like fun. Work wasn’t supposed to be fun.
Except there was no reason why it couldn’t be. The question was figuring out exactly what she wanted to do. And how to make it happen. Tea, pumpkin pie and apple crisp were all well and good, but she’d rather be home on the computer doing research.
And then there was the fact that being ordered to go by her parents when she was twenty-five years old—well, that just chafed.
The place was hopping when they arrived just before one in the afternoon. One area was roped off and art displays by local artisans were showcased. Another area was set up for the tea, and there were no empty seats. The hall smelled of urns of strong coffee and the spicy tang of cinnamon and nutmeg. Before Ally could say anything, her mother grabbed her arm and led her through the throng.