by Zoe Chant
“No,” Hal said. “I’ll bring you back, and then I’ll stay with you until you go.”
Up till then, I had given up. I felt like I’d failed everyone— Justin, Armando, Mason, the helo crew, the Air Force, myself. But here was this stranger telling me he’d stay with me so I wouldn’t have to die alone. It was the sort of thing any airman would do for another. It made me feel like I was part of something again.
I still didn’t think I was going to make it. But I decided to keep fighting anyway.
I told him, “It’s a deal. And my name’s Shane Garrity.”
Hal carried me through some pretty rough terrain, for hours, to a doctor in the little town he’s from.
He was afraid I’d die if I passed out again, so he talked to me to keep me awake. He told me all about himself— Ellie probably told you he used to be a Navy SEAL— and about Protection, Inc. He said his team were all shifters who didn’t fit in where they’d come from, but they fit with each other. I couldn’t talk much— by the time we got to town, I was having a lot of trouble breathing— but I did manage to tell him that I was a PJ and I used to rescue guys like him. He said he was glad to have the chance to return the favor.
Hal brought me to Dr. Bedford’s office. She was a bear shifter too, a black woman with wire-rimmed glasses and hair in cornrows.
Dr. Bedford examined me. She said it looked like my body was rejecting the ultimate predator process, like I’d been given a transfusion of the wrong blood type. I’d figured that much out. She told me I had a choice. She could keep me alive as long as possible, and hope that at some point, my shifter healing would kick in and either reverse the process or help my body adapt to it. But she’d have to put me on life support, which was exactly what I didn’t want. Or Hal could take me back to the forest and stay with me until I died.
By then I felt like Hal was a friend. I couldn’t do that to him. And it didn’t feel right to just give up and die. I’d never have gotten through the Pipeline if I was the kind of person who quit when things got tough. So I asked her to go ahead and put me on a ventilator.
Once she did that, I’d have a tube down my throat and I wouldn’t be able to talk. Hal asked me if there was anyone I wanted to call first, to come stay with me. I said no. So he said he’d stay with me. I told him he’d already gone above and beyond the call, and he didn’t need to do anything more. He said I wouldn’t have left him if he’d been wounded in action, and he wasn’t going to leave me. And that was that.
Being on life support was even worse than I’d imagined. My panther hated the machines and tubes and needles, and I was too weak to keep him from taking over and too out of it to explain that everything was there to help us. I kept waking up thinking I was back at Apex, and then I’d try to tear everything out. But Hal didn’t let me do anything to hurt myself. Sometimes he had to hold me down until Dr. Bedford could give me a sedative, but sometimes he just talked to me until I calmed down.
One time I came to feeling really bad. Dr. Bedford told me later that my heart had stopped. She and Hal had traded off doing CPR for forty minutes, and they’d been about ready to give up. But all I knew then was that my chest hurt and I felt like I was dying. Dr. Bedford was giving me a shot and looking worried, and Hal was slapping my face. Not hard, but enough to wake me up.
Once I opened my eyes, Hal grabbed my hand and said, “Stay with me, Shane.”
I was so far gone, I didn’t even recognize him. I thought he was Justin and I tried to ask him why he’d dyed his hair brown. But something was stuck in my throat, and I couldn’t speak.
He said, “Don’t try to talk. Just listen. Your panther’s stronger than you are. You have to let him fight for you now. Wake him up, and tell him to fight for his life.”
My head cleared a little, and I remembered who he was. I trusted that he knew what he was talking about. And I didn’t want to be the sort of person who gave up. I never had been, before. If I gave up now, that would prove that Apex really had broken me.
Hal wasn’t giving up either. He yelled at me, “Wake up your panther, Shane! Tell him to fight!”
I looked into myself until I found my panther. He didn’t look in any better shape than I was, but I woke him up and told him he had to fight for both of us.
At first he didn’t seem to care. That scared me. He’s my survival instinct, the part of me that wants to live no matter what. If my panther didn’t care if he lived or died, I was probably too far gone to make it.
In real life, I couldn’t speak or stand. But inside my mind, I could do anything. All it took was willpower. So I dragged my panther to his feet and slapped his face until he opened his yellow eyes and snarled at me.
“Your turn,” I said. “Fight for both of us. Fight for our lives!”
That took all my strength. Once I’d done it, I passed out.
Next time I woke up, I was feeling better. I was still on an IV and oxygen and a heart monitor, but I was off the ventilator. And if that hadn’t been enough to tell me I’d turned the corner, Hal wasn’t talking to me or pinning me down. He was in a chair beside my bed, fast asleep with a book in his lap.
I’d been on life support for a week. But once I was breathing on my own, I got better fast.
I never did tell Hal the whole story of what happened to me. You know more now than he does. But I told him enough that he knew that I couldn’t go back to my old life. So he offered me a job.
I wasn’t sure about working on a team again. I wasn’t sure about anything any more. But I trusted Hal. He’d gone above and beyond for me when all he knew about me was that I was a shifter and a PJ. And he’d already been trying to rescue me when all he knew was that I was sick and I needed help. I figured his team had to be all right. Also, I had no money, and I wanted to pay back Dr. Bedford.
So I joined Protection, Inc. Rafa, Fiona, Destiny, and Nick were already on the team. Lucas joined after I did. At first I felt like the odd man out, but after a while I realized that Hal hadn’t been kidding when he’d told me all of them were odd men out. Even him. But we did all fit together. Even me.
That was a year ago. I’ve been using a fake last name, and I don’t take assignments where I could end up on the news. I figured Apex had to think I was dead, and so long as I didn’t bring myself to their attention, they’d never learn otherwise. But either I slipped up or they got lucky.
You know the rest.
Chapter Nine
Shane
When Shane had begun his story, he hadn’t even been sure he could get through it. But it was easier to tell than he’d expected, especially with Catalina’s arms around him. She never let go and she never flinched, no matter what he’d confessed. By the end of it, he was even smiling a little, remembering what a jackass he’d been to Hal and how completely Hal had ignored Shane’s attempts to get rid of him.
Catalina also seemed to be recalling the same part. “You really don’t like being the person who gets rescued, instead of being the rescuer.”
“I don’t,” Shane admitted. “But I appreciate it anyway. I’m glad Hal didn’t leave me. And now that you’re safe, I’m glad you didn’t, either.”
“I’m glad, too.” Catalina stroked his hair until he would have purred if he could. Then she said, “None of what you told me makes me feel differently about you. You did your best. If it had been me, I probably would have done basically the same things. Except that I might not have run the second time. I don’t mind risking my life, but I don’t know if I could bring myself to do something that I knew would kill me.”
“I didn’t know that about myself, either,” Shane replied. “I don’t think you can know until you actually have to make that choice.”
“I hope I never do.”
With all his heart, Shane said, “I hope so, too.”
Her hand moved downward, from his hair to his shoulder. She slipped her hand under his collar and squeezed the muscle, her strong fingers digging in until it softened under her touch. Then she moved on
to his other shoulder. He relaxed into her massage, his tension slipping away. He felt as if a weight he’d been carrying for years, like a rucksack so heavy that the straps had worn grooves into his shoulders, had been lifted off his back.
I should tell Hal the whole story, he thought. I should tell Fiona.
I should tell all of them. They’re my brothers and sisters. They’ll understand.
Catalina pressed a kiss into the nape of his neck. He could still feel it after she lifted her head, hot as the desert sun. Heat ran down his spine and through his veins, but in a slow burn rather than the searing, desperate passion of the night before.
He turned to kiss Catalina, running his fingers through her silky hair. It flowed against his skin like water, cool and smooth and scented like her. She put her hands under his shirt, tracing his ribs and then sliding up his back. It was everything he could ever want, and not nearly enough. That sweet caress reminded him of how long it had been since he’d touched anyone, except for fighting or sparring or brief necessity. He used to love touching and being touched, the simple pleasure of skin on skin.
“Last night was the first time I’d had sex in nearly three years,” Shane said.
Catalina’s hands paused briefly, then she resumed caressing him. “Really?”
“First most-of-a-year, I didn’t have a girlfriend and I was overseas a lot. Second year, I was with Apex. Third year...” He broke off, feeling himself tensing up, and concentrated on the warmth of her body against his. “I didn’t want to get close to anyone. Not even for a night. Especially not for a night. I didn’t want anyone to say, ‘Shane, what were you dreaming about?’”
Catalina kissed him, then said seriously, “Next time, would you rather I didn’t ask?”
He shook his head. “You can ask. I’ve spent too long hiding in the shadows. Feel free to drag me out.”
“Like a cat lurking under a bed,” she said with a smile. “I don’t need to drag you out— I’ll just open a can, and you’ll come running.”
Shane smiled, relaxing again. “Or open an MRE.”
“I’ve got something even more tempting for you.” Catalina settled down in his lap, rocking her hips into his.
He was already hard as a rock, but that made him ache with desire. All he wanted was to bury himself in her wet heat, and feel her tight walls gripping him until he exploded inside her. But he didn’t recklessly give in to impulses. He controlled them. They didn’t control him. First, he had to remember if there was anything else he should do, anything he should check, any chance—
“Lie down.” Catalina put her palm on his chest and pushed him down until he lay on his back and she was perched atop him. She pulled off his shirt, then ran her hands over his shoulders. Her fingers barely dented his taut muscles. “You’re so tense. What are you thinking?”
“I’m trying to figure out if this is going to distract me so much that I won’t hear if someone sneaks up on us,” he admitted.
“Shane, you’d hear someone even if you were asleep, right? I assume you wouldn’t have slept, otherwise.”
She knew him so well. He liked the intimacy of it, but it felt risky, too. “You sitting on my cock is way more distracting than being asleep.”
Catalina grinned and adjusted her seat. That was even more distracting. “Do you really think there’s any chance whatsoever that you wouldn’t hear footsteps? That you wouldn’t hear someone shoving through all those bushes to get to the cave? Or that I wouldn’t, even if someone managed to sneak up while you were busy having a three-minute orgasm?”
Shane couldn’t help chuckling. “No.”
“Then relax.” Her voice lowered to a purr. She took off her shirt and bra, exposing her plump breasts and luscious brown nipples. “Lie back and let me do the work.”
He reached up, caressing that soft flesh. Her scent, her warmth, the pressure of her mound against his cock, her throaty tones as she said, “let me do the work”— all of it made his mind reel. He stopped trying to think, let go of even the smallest part of his mind that consciously kept watch, and abandoned himself to pure sensation.
She pulled off his jeans, then wriggled out of her own. Every movement made her breasts quiver, and her hair fell across her face like black satin. Her scent was even stronger with her jeans off, tangy and sweet and womanly.
When she raised herself over him, a drop of liquid fell on to his cock, tracing a warm line down his exquisitely sensitive skin. He groaned and thrust up to meet her.
Catalina rocked back, allowing her wet folds to slide along his cock without letting him penetrate her. The sensation was shocking, ecstatic, and maddening. She rubbed herself over him, marking him with her scent, her lips curled in teasing pleasure. He heard himself gasping, his pulse thundering in his ears. He couldn’t think of anything but sinking himself inside her.
Then she leaned forward, bracing her palms on his shoulders, and slid down to surround him. An electric jolt of pleasure flashed through him, making him groan aloud. She was hot and wet and tight inside. Just being inside her was nearly enough to make him come then and there.
Catalina rode him hard, matching his thrusts, her hands clenched hard on his shoulders. She was panting, her lips parted, her skin glowing with a light mist of sweat. She’d never been more beautiful, wrapped up in her own pleasure. Shane held her wrists, keeping her steady, giving himself something to hold on to lest he be completely swept away.
He felt as well as saw her come, her walls clenching and pulsing around him as she threw back her head and gasped. Her eyes were closed, her black eyelashes fluttering, her lovely face transfigured with the intensity of her orgasm. Shane wanted to stay in that moment forever, gripped in her wet heat, seeing the pleasure he was giving her. But his body pushed him onward, thrusting harder and faster, until the last thread of his control snapped and he shattered into white-hot ecstasy.
Shane slowly returned to the world: the sound of Catalina’s breathing, her body warm beside his, her arm across his chest and her fingers clasping his, the crackle of the fire, the scent of smoke and sex. He lay still and relaxed, sensing rather than thinking, wanting nothing more than the present moment. Gradually, he began to drift into sleep.
A rustle and snap jarred Shane out of his pleasant doze. He sprang to his feet, instantly on full alert, all senses attuned for danger.
Catalina grabbed for the medical kit, opening it and yanking out a pair of tranquilizer guns.
Another rustle and snap, this one closer. Some heavy creature was approaching, crunching leaves and twigs beneath its feet. Shane took one of the guns from Catalina, crept to the entrance of the cave, and peered out.
The darkness outside had lightened to the blue dimness of pre-dawn. In that faint light, he saw an enormous grizzly bear stalking toward the cave.
“Bear,” Shane whispered. He handed the gun back to Catalina without taking his eyes off the grizzly. “It probably smelled the rabbits. I don’t think darts will stop it— I’ll scare it off.”
He stepped out of the cave, confronting the bear in his human form. He didn’t know if his fear power worked when he was a panther— the big cat was perfectly capable of terrifying humans without any special assistance— and ever since Catalina had suggested using it on animals, he’d been curious whether that would work.
The bear stopped, swinging its great head toward him. Shane found the part of him that was pure predator, that felt no fear or hesitation, that lived for nothing but the kill. Then he looked into the bear’s shiny black eyes.
The grizzly looked right back at him. Shane had wondered if it was a shifter from Apex, but there was no human intelligence in its gaz. It was a wild animal, nothing more. And it sure didn’t seem scared. If anything, he seemed to have annoyed it. The bear growled, then began approaching faster.
Bears are supposed to be scared of humans, Shane recalled from years of hiking in the woods. Any humans, not just me. Stand tall, wave your arms to make yourself look bigger, and yell. They’ll
run away.
He waved his arms and yelled. “Go away! Get lost!”
The grizzly bear growled again, and charged.
Shane shifted faster than he ever had before, leaping to the side the instant the change was complete. His panther was quick, but so was the bear. The grizzly caught him in mid-leap, bowling him over with its superior weight and sending him rolling head over tail down the hillside.
Shane scrambled to his feet, startled but unhurt. The grizzly swung around, its attention now fixed on Shane, and began to lumber toward him.
Good, Shane thought. I’ll draw it far away from my mate.
He snarled, his lips writhing away from his fangs, then began to slowly back away from the grizzly.
The bear growled and charged again. Shane dashed into the woods, taking care not to go too fast. He wanted the bear to keep thinking that he’d catch the panther at any second. He glanced back, satisfied to see that the bear was still in pursuit, and snarled tauntingly. The bear growled and ran faster.
Shane led the bear through the forest, slowing and snarling every time it looked like the bear was losing interest. The sound of the river grew louder as he traveled, but all he could see was trees and bushes.
The bear put on a sudden burst of speed, making Shane work to stay out of reach. He could smell it now, a distinctive scent of fur and musk and fish, and feel its hot breath on his hindquarters. Shane glanced back. The bear was almost on top of him. It lunged, shockingly quick, and swiped at him with a huge paw. Shane took a flying leap forward, crashing through a tall hedge of thorny bushes.
And tumbled through empty air.
He had just enough time to realize that he was falling before he landed. The impact was like hitting concrete, driving the breath from his lungs. Then he was flung forward, tossed about like a toy in rushing, freezing rapids.
Dazed by the impact, unable to breathe, Shane struggled to orient himself.
You fell off a cliff, he told himself. You’re in a river. Get your head above the water.