by S M Mala
Half of her wanted him to fly back home to France, the other half wanted to thump him really hard for leaving so abruptly.
Then she started to laugh.
She’d taken over three years to prepare herself for this event with another man.
She never planned for it to happen and with Finlay.
Sylvie knew he was broken hearted about his wife and realised there was no point being angry with him, in one way or another, she knew it might show him that screwing about wasn’t such a good idea.
Then she knew she was equally using him and in addition to the very quick screw, it made her realise her husband was truly gone forever. Sylvie had to move forward now she really didn’t have any choice.
And it hurt her as she was scared of the future.
To give the man a fighting chance, she arranged to go to meetings for the rest of the week so he didn’t have to face her. There was a good possibility he would have to overcome his shock at having sex with someone ten years older and maybe, he would forget about it.
But Sylvie couldn’t.
She kept recalling how he touched her, the kissing and the gentleness he showed. It wasn’t the same as Roo, it was different and just as nice… except for the dashing out. In a way maybe he had done something good for her by making her break a little with the past, though she occasionally felt the weight of guilt when glancing at her daughter.
He didn’t know what to do. After pulling himself together he realised he’d have to apologise to Sylvie, explain that it became too much for him. Finlay was at a loss on what to say but when the emails started coming, via Della, that Sylvie wasn’t going to be in for the rest of the week, he realised she could be really mad with him and wanted to stay out of his way.
His hand hovered over the keyboards on Thursday afternoon when he knew she might be online. There was the noise behind him of laughter in the warehouse but he didn’t know what to say.
Then he wrote it.
‘I’m sorry.’
She pinged back immediately.
‘No need to be sorry. We tried and failed but at least we now know we’re not meant to be. Don’t feel bad. You were upset and so was I. Let’s forget about it and move on.’
‘Were you upset?’ he typed back.
‘Guilty for cheating on a dead man but it’s got nothing to do with you. I’m fine now.’
He closed his eyes for a moment and realised that’s why she lay there as he rushed about.
Finlay felt sick to his stomach at his selfish behaviour.
After a long relaxing weekend with her daughter and spending time with Nalini, sharing her news, which made her friend laugh so hard she thought she was going to have a mild heart attack, she went into work on Monday morning knowing Finlay might be there.
Relieved when she got closer, his car was nowhere to be seen, she walked into the building.
‘Where you been?’ demanded Samina, wearing and red and orange salwar kameez and royal blue shoes. ‘You not work here?’
‘I met these suppliers and we’ve got new products coming through for Christmas thanks to the input of Marianne. I just have to speak to Stephen about payment and-,’ she noticed Samina frowned. ‘Anything interesting happened last week?’
‘Why you care? Stephen say you change structure. Why not ask me to be assistant? I perfect for the job.’
Sylvie’s look probably said it all as she walked away and went up the stairs.
‘I did make mistake!’ shouted out Samina following her. ‘I say I sorry again and again. Honest mistake!’
‘Let’s not talk about it,’ Sylvie said gently while turning around to see Samina looking distressed. ‘And no one should know, especially Finlay. Piers and you were trusting and we got ripped off. There’s nothing we could have done. It’s sorted.’
‘If sort, why not give me job?’
‘Because you’re better at what you do and I love your descriptions of the products. You never know, I might even use you on the website to promote an alternative view,’ she said knowing the best thing was to charm the woman.
‘I be very good. Very professional!’
‘You’d be funny,’ sniggered Sylvie and walked upstairs to her office, stepping back in shock when she saw Finlay sitting at his desk.
He turned to look at her and she didn’t know what to say but Samina was behind her so she opened the door.
‘Good morning Finlay, how are you?’ she asked brightly as Samina shut the door behind her.
‘We have contract if I star on website and need make-up artist,’ continued Samina clapping her hands excitedly. ‘Grand-children will be happy to see me on internet.’
‘Hang on a minute,’ Sylvie said turning to face her. ‘It’s just an idea.’ She pushed Samina out of the office and closed the door, bracing herself for a few moments before she turned around and saw Finlay standing, staring out of the window. ‘I told her we could feature her on the website products and she took me seriously. Might be funny.’
‘Sure,’ he replied.
‘Where’s the car?’
‘In for a service.’
There was a heavy silence as she hovered around her desk and examined the back of his head, noticing he was wearing a hooded top and jeans. When he turned, she could see he’d not shaved and looked tired.
Sylvie forced a bright smile as he just looked down before walking out of the office, taking the stairs to the ground floor. She stepped closer to see what he was doing and noticed he spoke to Dan and Krystof before heading out of the building. Then there was a tap on the glass and Toby was looking down at his brother and back to her. She opened the door and saw Toby’s strained face.
‘He’s been in a mood for most of the week,’ he quietly mumbled. ‘There’s no talking to him at the moment. Have you two argued?’
‘I don’t think so. Did he say something?’
‘A few grunts here and there, but that’s about it.’ Toby turned to look at her then frowned. ‘Where’ve you been? You’re not usually out and about.’
‘I had some meetings,’ she replied and walked to the other side of the office and saw Finlay sitting on a bench outside the swimming pool. ‘Are you sure he’s okay?’
‘Go speak to him. See if you can get any more sense out of him than I can.’
Sylvie put on her jacket and grabbed her phone before walking out. She went slowly up to him, from behind, before sitting down. Finlay did a double take and just stared for a moment.
‘I behaved abominably towards you. I’m sorry,’ he quietly said before lowering his head down. ‘I didn’t take into account how you’d feel.’
‘Don’t think about it.’
‘I need to tell you something and you might hate me but I don’t want you to,’ he said looking at her straight in the eyes. ‘You see she slept with this chef.’
‘You said.
‘And he isn’t like me and that’s maybe why I wanted you.’ He bit his lip. ‘To see what it would be like, if it was so different and it wasn’t to be honest.’ Closing his eyes for a moment she wondered what he was going to say. ‘This man is a black guy who works in the restaurant we go to regularly. He’s like muscular and big.’
Sylvie sat there and frowned for a moment before taking it all in.
She couldn’t breathe knowing what he was trying to say, realising he didn’t actually like her, for her.
It was the idea of having sex with someone nearly the same colour as his wife’s fling.
‘Oh I see,’ she said, leaning forward. ‘You couldn’t find a big black guy to sleep with so you found an old black woman instead. I’m deeply touched.’
It hurt.
His comment made her feel awful as she got up and walked away, realising to what extent he’d used her, only for him to find in the dark, it makes no difference. She felt less bad about using him to see if it was like sleeping with her husband.
‘That’s amazing,’ she mumbled, taken aback as she unplugged his laptop and put it in hi
s bag, realising she didn’t want to talk to him. ‘In the twenty first bloody century people are still so racist.’
As she left the office he was coming up the stairs.
‘Sit with Stephen, Della, anywhere but don’t you dare sit opposite me again, okay?’ she hissed shoving it into this arms and gently closed the door.
Instantly she started moving the desks around, this time putting the big one in the corner and placing the smaller one where it used to be, before sitting down and seeing her hands physically shake at the annoyance of not just being used as she was a widowed woman … but because the colour of her skin was the same as his love rival.
He’d made her feel like shit.
He made her feel worthless.
He made her feel used.
Twenty eight
Finlay knew his piece of honesty would upset her as he watched her move the desks around. Then he realised Della was watching him watch Sylvie.
‘Something happened?’ she asked quietly as he closed his eyes for a moment. ‘You two had another quarrel about something and nothing.’
‘Yeah,’ he said before focussing on the woman, knowing Sylvie could see them as they were directly in her eye line. ‘Told her something that wasn’t nice and she’s upset with me.’
‘What did you say?’
‘It was pretty horrible,’ he replied and could see Sylvie was staring at her screen and she looked more upset than angry. ‘I better apologise.’
He opened the door and walked in sitting at the other desk as he watched Della walk away.
‘If you want a more traditional fuck you’re better off with her,’ he heard Sylvie say as he felt like curling up and dying. ‘She’s white enough.’
‘I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.’
‘You meant to upset me,’ she said and he could hear her voice start to crack. ‘And what’s the best way to do that? To make me feel bad because you wanted to know what it felt like to sleep with a black woman or maybe you want to tell your wife you now have something in common.’
‘That’s really harsh and-.’
‘Why didn’t I figure it out myself? You said I was the opposite and I should have known better. Since last week I felt sorry for you but I wasn’t wrong about one thing. It was all about your revenge fuck, wasn’t it? Just go away Finlay and leave me alone. You wanted not only a revenge fuck but a racist revenge fuck. I’m too ashamed to look at you.’
She buried her face in her hands and then shook her head. He knew she was masking whatever she was feeling with an empty expression.
Then she got up and walked out of the office and into Toby’s edit suite.
‘Oh fuck!’ he groaned feeling worse than he ever felt possible as he took his laptop and left the building, swearing never to return again.
That following Friday evening Sylvie sat in Piers’s living room seeing him frown.
‘Just let them try and force it to close,’ she said defiantly, now anger fuelling her feelings on Finlay. ‘And make sure your stepson doesn’t return to annoy us.’ Sylvie sipped her tea as Piers shook his head. ‘They know nothing about the business, whereas we do.’
‘They know you run it,’ he said tiredly and sat back in his chair. ‘So what’s the point of pretending if I’m not any good at it?’
‘I need you back Piers, I need someone sane by my side.’
‘I don’t know how long that’s going to be. These blood pressure tablets make me feel sick and I’ve got a nanny keeping an eye on me.’
Sylvie turned her head to see a pretty young woman walking around in the background. She was tall and slim with blonde hair. Immediately Finlay came in to her head and he wondered if she was his next victim.
‘Why so angry?’ he asked as Sylvie forced a smile. ‘Toby said Finlay upset you on Monday.’
‘He’s a racist fucker much like your wife’s friend,’ she sniffed. ‘Did he ever screw Freya? Nothing would surprise me!’
‘Not taken in by his charm?’
‘No fuck way! I met loads of blokes like him way back. I know his type.’
‘Not like Roo?’
‘Nothing like Roo,’ she said feeling a massive wave of guilt, knowing she’d slept with a man who had no respect for her and even less for her colour. ‘He has no heart. At least Roo was an honest person with integrity. That one, well he’s a selfish pig through and through. He even makes Stephen seem like a good catch.’
‘Now that’s unfair, I’ve known Finlay since he was six and he’s really a very lovely boy,’ said Piers and she was a little agitated he was sticking up for his stepson. ‘His life is in a bit of turmoil at the moment so he’s not acting himself.’
‘You can say that again,’ she mumbled before putting her tea cup down. ‘You know his company is still looking into all our accounts. They’ve found nothing.’
‘Bet they’re still searching.’
‘And what are they going to find? Aye?’ she said standing up and turning to see the family pictures and saw one of Finlay smiling then automatically hit it so it would fall. She put it back up quickly. ‘I mean-.’
Piers was staring at her and there was that frown she knew so well when he thought he was on to something but not quite sure what.
‘He has a face you want to slap,’ sighed Sylvie, straightening the frame.
‘He’s a good man, you know.’
‘Don’t care.’
‘I think he’s like Roo.’
‘No he’s not!’ she shouted making the nanny jump up. ‘He’s nothing like my husband, so don’t ever say that again! My husband was wonderful and he wasn’t a judgemental prejudiced user of a prick like him!’
Piers smiled, before shaking his head then his mouth dropped open for a few seconds.
‘Are you having a stroke?’ she said knowing that look of mischievousness before he shook his head. ‘Heart attack?’
‘A revelation!’
Sylvie breathed in deeply knowing she’d vented enough for the time being and didn’t want to say anymore.
‘Well as long as it makes you better then I’ll be happy.’ She grabbed her handbag and leaned forward to kiss Piers only to see him grinning at her. ‘I made a mistake! You’re as batty as the others.’
He grabbed her wrist.
‘And you, my dear, have been up to something because I can tell.’
‘I have to go old man. I’m in a rush.’
Literally running out of the house, she walked towards the station wondering what Piers thought he knew then suddenly stopped realising her venting about Finlay might have given the game away.
‘What game? Nothing happened?’ she mumbled to herself and rummaged in her bag to find her travel card to swipe herself in.
‘Sylvie?’
At that moment she wished she hadn’t heard his voice but there was no mistaking the deepness and tone. She looked up and Finlay was looking down at her, then she noticed he was with a gorgeous young thin woman.
Forcing a smile she nodded.
‘This is an old family friend,’ he said introducing her to the blonde who Sylvie could just about make out was a size zero at most but with tits. ‘Krista, I’d like you to meet Sylvie.’
‘I’m ‘is cleaner,’ Sylvie replied in her mangled cockney and did a courtesy before flashing him a filthy look. ‘Just goin’ to Morrison’s in Acton to get the reduced ‘best before’ stuff, ya know what it’s like.’
‘Sylvie,’ he said his tone sharper.
‘That’s lovely. I hope you get there in time,’ the woman replied in her posh pretty voice. ‘I’m actually looking for a cleaner.’
‘‘e’ll give you me details, won’t ya Mr Chambers? He likes us darkies doin’ fings for ‘im. Just like ‘is wife does. See ya!’
She knew Krista’s mouth had dropped open as Sylvie swiped her card and ran down the stairs. Luckily there was a waiting train and she hopped on it, realising it was going to Clapham but she didn’t care.
Then when she eventuall
y got off at South Acton, she looked up at the sky and hoped her husband would forgive her for what she did to sully his memory.
Sylvie burst into tears.
Friday evening all he could do was swear in his head as they sat round the table for dinner. He mumbled incessantly while drinking scotch. It was after fifteen minutes into the main course Finlay heard his mother speak.
‘Are you alright?’ she gently asked as he looked up at her, glared then examined the steak on his plate. ‘You seem somewhat uptight.’
He heard the door open and Toby walked in, looking a little drunk.
‘You’re late,’ his mother said crossly as Toby swayed.
‘Hello everyone!’ he said happily as Finlay frowned. ‘The world is joyous. Daddio, you’ll be pleased to know we had our busiest day yet! Cheers everyone!’ Toby picked up an empty glass as his mother leaned over and filled it with water. ‘Seriously mother?’
‘Seriously!’ she replied sternly.
‘How busy are you?’ Piers asked eagerly. ‘Sylvie mentioned, when she was round here today, that things are picking up. Finlay has promised to keep away from the place so they can get on with work.’
‘She said that!’ Finlay barked before repeating what had been going through his head since seeing her. ‘Fucking, fucking, fucking bitch!’
‘Finlay!’ barked his mother. ‘Not at the table!’
‘Well she’s a fucking, spiteful, vindictive bitch!’
‘Steady on Fin, that’s a bit rotten you know. She’s lovely and I love her,’ mumbled Toby cutting up his steak. ‘Anyway, you should have heard what she called you on Monday. That was really funny.’
‘What did she say?’ Piers asked and Finlay noticed his stepfather was smiling. ‘Was it a big outburst or a little one?’
‘She went into the studio bit and turned off all the sound before ranting about Finlay. Called you names I don’t even know what they mean!’ Toby put a piece of steak in his mouth and chewed. ‘This is fabulous, mumsy.’
‘She didn’t mention anything today,’ shrugged Piers and Finlay knew he was staring hard at him.
Again Finlay started to get furious.
‘Tell me what that judgemental bitch said!’ he shouted as Toby seemed oblivious to what was being asked as he put some vegetables on his plate. ‘She’s got a massive chip on her shoulder.’