“So you carried that secret all these years?” she said. “Your dad knows—well, obviously. So that’s why your brothers come to you: You were there for them. What happened when your dad came back? You were no longer the man of the house, suddenly a son again.” She said it as if she knew what he’d lived through.
“Yeah, I was suddenly on the outside looking in.” He rubbed her shoulder as her belly poked into his side. One of her legs was tossed over his. “Go to sleep.”
She reached up and flattened her palm on his chest. “I love you, Logan, scars and all, you know?” She looked up at him.
“I know. Now go to sleep.”
He didn’t know how long they lay there together as he held her, listening to her breathing even out, thinking about that first Christmas without their dad or a full cupboard.
Chapter Four
The girls pounced onto the bed at 6:30 a.m., and Logan pried his eyes open, feeling a sudden jolt in that split second of not knowing where he was. He felt a weight on him, and he seized and gasped before realizing it was Julia’s head on his chest, her arm tossed across him and leg twisted with his. He breathed a sigh of relief, thankful she was still sound asleep.
His nightmares were nothing like they once were. It had been months since he’d drowned in one of those cold sweats, pulled into a memory of another time when he’d been under attack. The flashbacks always left him confused and reaching for anything to end his torment. For this morning, and for every morning when he woke with just a jolt and a moment of confusion before clarity sank in, he was grateful. He never wanted to put that look of fear on the twins’ faces again. They frowned as they kneeled beside him on the bed, dark hair tousled by sleep, blue eyes filled with wonder as he popped on the bedside lamp. He pressed his finger to his lips as he glanced down at Julia, sound asleep. The last thing he wanted was to wake her after the little sleep she’d been getting.
“It’s Christmas, wake up,” Trinity whispered, and she glanced over at Julia and frowned. Logan wiped his tired face, his head foggy. He wondered when he’d managed to drift back to sleep after his conversation with Julia.
“It’s a little early to be up, isn’t it?” He wanted to tease them, but he felt Julia stir against him and groan.
“What time is it?” she asked, her voice thick and groggy.
“Early, six thirty. The munchkins want to open their presents.” He slid one hand over Julia’s hip and the other over the baby, pressing his wife against him. “How do you feel this morning?”
She yawned and stretched her arms, breathing deep as she glanced over at the girls and reached out to them. “I was having a nice dream, warm and comfortable. Now my back hurts and I have to pee. Logan, can you help me up?”
“Yeah, come on. Girls, go wake your uncle Jake. Tell him to put on some coffee, and no peeking to see what Santa brought until we get there.” He had barely finished speaking before they bolted off the bed, their feet pounding the floor as they called Jake. He was pretty sure, from the giggles and Jake’s shout, that they’d landed on top of him.
Logan slid out of bed, wearing only his boxers. It took him a couple steps to work out the stiffness in his leg. He leaned down and helped Julia up, her nightgown slipping to her feet as she waddled to the bathroom. “Julia, I’ll make sure the girls don’t start opening anything until you get out there.”
“Okay,” she called out from the bathroom as Logan pulled on his jeans and a T-shirt. He walked barefoot into the hallway, over the worn carpeting that was cool on his feet. He adjusted the thermostat in the hall and listened as the furnace kicked in. Jake wandered out of the living room, bare chested, yawning, his jeans hanging loosely over his hips.
“Good morning,” Jake said. “The girls are excited to open their gifts, said I had to make coffee and better hurry.” He grabbed the empty carafe and filled it with water, rubbing his hand over his bare chest and rustling his bed hair, which was sticking up.
“Here.” Logan tossed him the bag of coffee.
Jake caught it one handed and started scooping coffee grounds out. Logan grabbed the kettle and filled it, plugging it in as he heard the squeak of the floorboards and Julia saying something to the girls. He pulled out the box of herbal tea, which Julia had been drinking since she found out she was pregnant, and put a bag in a mug.
“What time do you figure everyone is going to get here?” Jake asked.
For a minute, Logan wondered, by the edge in his brother’s voice, whether he’d really meant What time is Samuel going to arrive? “Don’t know,” he said. “Probably around lunchtime, I’m sure. You and I will have to get the turkey started this morning. I want Julia to stay off her feet. She didn’t sleep much last night.”
Jake grunted and then reached up to grab two mugs and pour out the still brewing coffee.
“Oh, that coffee smells good!” Julia wandered into the kitchen, her housecoat on.
The kettle whistled, and Logan made her tea. “Here you go, honey.”
She took the hot mug, and he leaned down and kissed her. “Thank you,” she said and started back into the living room.
Logan followed with his coffee and took in the brightly lit Christmas tree the girls had plugged in. To see the joy on Trinity and Dawn’s faces as they crouched around the Christmas tree, shaking the gifts, was wonderful. They waited excitedly for Logan to tell them it was time to open their gifts, but it was Jake who crouched down beside them, pulled on a Santa hat, and started handing out the gifts.
Logan had been the last to bed, and, with Jake’s help, he had made sure the hidden gifts from Santa were put under the tree. He had also filled the stockings Julia set out.
“High heels!” Dawn screeched. She jumped up and down and raced over to Logan and then Julia, hugging them both.
“It’s as high as you’re going to get,” Logan said as Julia leaned against him on the sofa. He could feel her happiness as they watched the paper fly everywhere, the girls chatting. For the first time since Jake had arrived, he was laughing and teasing, right in there with the girls.
“Heads up, big brother!” Jake tossed Logan a gold-wrapped gift with Julia’s name on it from under the tree.
“Merry Christmas,” Logan said, handing her the gift he hoped she’d love.
She took it, staring at the small package and then carefully ripping it open. She lifted the velvet green jewelry case and opened it to see the sterling silver heart-shaped locket Logan had chosen as a perfect gift for his woman. Her hands shook when she lifted out the delicate necklace and flipped open the locket. Logan had put a photo of him and the girls in there, and engraved on the back was With all my love—Logan. Her beautiful green eyes were damp as she gazed up at him. “Logan, it’s beautiful,” she said. She started to put it on.
“Here, let me.” He took the necklace from her and latched it around her neck, and she ran her hand over the design.
The girls were squealing as they both put on their new shoes, shiny ones with a small heel. They also held up new clothes—skirts, sweaters, and jeans they had pulled out of their boxes. Logan found himself taking a moment as Trinity walked over to him with a small gift wrapped box. “I made this for you,” she said.
“Really?” He took the box and started to shake it, and he heard something clunk. “What is it?”
“Open it.” Julia touched his arm, beaming up at him, and Dawn jumped on the sofa on the other side of him as he opened the red-and-white-wrapped gift and lifted out a mug with an odd-shaped handle. Etched in the clay was World’s best dad.
“This is great! You made this?”
Trinity beamed in front of him. She had a beautiful smile, with one missing tooth. “In art class,” she said with a nod. This misshapen clunky mug was probably the best gift he’d ever received.
“Well, I think I’m going to have to try it out,” he said, and both girls landed in his arms. He hugged them as Julia watched him with her daughters, her gaze filled with such love. He knew then that they really wer
e a family.
Chapter Five
Jake was sure he’d made the right choice, as he listened to the Christmas music in the background and scrubbed another pot in the kitchen.
“Julia’s lying down for a while,” Logan said. “I hope she sleeps until everyone gets here.”
Jake took in his brother, who was sporting a blue dress shirt and new blue jeans with the same old belt he always wore. Logan was watching him. Jake wondered if he was going to ask him about Jill again. He hoped not. He was done thinking about it even though he wanted Logan to give him some words of wisdom.
“Coffee or beer?” Logan asked when Jake put the frying pan, in which they’d cooked bacon this morning, in the dish drain.
“Beer,” Jake said. Maybe that would help calm him, since he hadn’t seen Samuel for months, not since he’d gotten serious with Jill.
“Look, are you and Samuel going to be okay together?” Logan said.
Jake dried his hands on the dishtowel before taking the beer Logan had pulled from the fridge. He popped the top and swigged down some. “We’re not twelve years old. I’m sure we can act civilized.”
“I don’t want anything started—not in front of the girls, not in front of Julia.”
Jake felt as if he was just a kid being read the riot act by his big brother. “I’m not starting anything. Maybe you should have the same talk with Samuel.” The sleeves on his green knit sweater drooped down his arms, and he pushed them back up to his elbows.
“I plan on it. So why Jill? Why not find someone your brother hasn’t been with?” Logan was leaning against the counter and looking around. He reached over to pop the light on in the oven, where a twenty-five-pound turkey was roasting.
“I didn’t go looking for her, Logan. She’s beautiful and kind and sensitive, and you can’t help who you fall in love with. I mean, what happened with you and Trish?” He remembered Logan’s first fiancée from five years earlier: redheaded, slender, and cute. Jake had thought they were perfect together.
“She couldn’t cut military life. One too many tours, gone too many months at a time, take your pick. Does it matter?”
He supposed it didn’t, but he’d always wondered what had come between them. Then the accident had happened. Jake crossed his foot in front of him and leaned on his right leg. He felt the twinge in his ACL and moved so he was standing on both feet.
When he looked up, Logan was watching him again. “Something happen to your leg?” he asked.
He could lie, say it was nothing. How could he tell him the doc had benched him until his knee heeled?
“So you’re not playing after Christmas in the big game, your team wants to trade you…what’s really going on?” Logan really could pin him down, and if he tried to brush him off, he would just keep pushing.
“ACL tear in my knee. I’m out until it heals.”
Logan lifted his can of beer and swallowed some. “Not the end of the world, Jake. How bad is it?”
“Bad enough I can’t play. One too many injuries and my team doesn’t see me as valuable, but for now I’m still tradable.” He shook his head and took in Logan, who glanced behind him and then back.
“So is that why you asked Jill to marry you, because you’re going to be traded to Arizona and you want her to go with you?” Logan was pretty good at cutting right through the bullshit and figuring things out.
“Not entirely. I’m young, in the prime of my career—or should be—but I don’t have agents knocking down my door or highball contracts coming my way. I just wanted something stable in my life, and Jill…I felt her slipping away and thought this would be—”
“What, a way to tie her down? Marrying a woman who isn’t fully committed is a bad mistake, Jake. Don’t go there.”
He really didn’t want to talk about Jill anymore. After gently pushing away the ring that had set him back twelve grand three days ago, the last thing she had told him was that she still had feelings for Samuel. He’d felt sucker punched, and she had apologized before lifting her suitcase and walking out the door. He rubbed his forehead and tried to wipe the memory away.
“Can we talk about anything else, please?” he said. “I came here to feel better, and talking to you helps, but I can’t discuss this. Please, just leave it alone.” His life was a mess filled with such uncertainty. He didn’t know what to do first.
Logan set down his beer and reached over, grabbed his shoulder, and squeezed. “I’m glad you’re here. Maybe some time with your family will help clear your head, give you some perspective. I thinks it’s your turn to check the turkey.” He winked. “Make sure it doesn’t burn before Mom gets here to finish it.”
Chapter Six
“They’re here!” Dawn shouted as she raced to the door. The girls both wore their shiny new shoes, and the heels clattered on the polished floor in the kitchen.
Christmas music filled the house. Jake was in the kitchen, putting the large roaster back in the oven. “Hope that’s Mom or Margaret. They can take over this turkey, because if I remember, your cooking skills aren’t much better than mine,” he called out.
There was chattering from the front door, and then the girls squealed, “Uncle Ben!”
Logan exchanged a glance with Jake, and they both started to the door, where Ben stood with his girlfriend, Carrie. His brother was an ex-oilman, dressed in a heavy leather coat, his short hair impeccably groomed. Carrie was very blond, short, and quiet. She stuck close to Ben. Logan had only met her once.
“Didn’t know you were coming,” Logan said. He hugged his brother as his parents followed, his dad carrying two bags of presents. Raymond was tall, and his hair had taken on a salt-and-pepper look. He had on the same glasses he’d worn for the past twenty years. Olivia was in a heavy dark coat, boots on her feet. There was a foot of snow outside, and Logan could feel the wind chill in the air.
Ben hugged him and gestured to Carrie. “Was talking to Mom and heard that both Samuel and Jake ditched them. Besides, it was a long trek back to Carrie’s dad’s, with the snow, so we decided to come here. Hope that’s okay?”
“Okay, are you kidding?” Julia called from the around the corner. She sounded so excited, but then, she had a soft spot for Ben. He was the brother who’d come when Logan called and used his resources to save Trinity from her abductor. Julia looked lovely in her dark maternity top, which had a vee neck that showed off her cleavage, the locket flashing against her pale skin. She had on dark slacks, with moccasins on her feet.
“Look at you! I thought you were going to pop last time I saw you. Man, are you sure it’s a New Year’s baby?” Ben said, and his mom squeezed past and hugged Julia first.
“Here, Logan, take my coat,” she said as she slipped it off. She was wearing one of her nice dresses, a green and black one. Her short hair was curled, and he could see the imprint of rollers she must have slept in the night before. Then Julia and his mom were walking into the living room, chatting, and Jake appeared.
“Mom!” he said in that teasing way of his, which always managed to get him out of trouble, before he hugged her.
“Carrie, good to see you,” Logan said. “Nice that you could come and bring my brother. This’ll be the first Christmas we’ve had together in years.”
Ben was helping Carrie off with her coat, and she smiled at Logan. “Of course! Ben really wanted to come” was all she said.
He could tell she felt awkward, such a shy thing. She had on a long white sweater over black leggings. Ben handed the coat to Logan, who started hanging it up in the closet. His dad was still standing there, holding the gifts. “Dad, let me take those,” he said. “Hey, Jake, come and get these gifts! Stick them under the tree.”
Jake was still wearing the Santa hat and green sweater, but he’d changed into a pair of dress pants. He took the bags and was immediately surrounded by the twins.
“Can we open them?” The girls were racing around excitedly, pumped full of sugar from all the Christmas cookies they’d been eating since
Logan pulled the container of cookies Julia had made a month ago out of the freezer that morning.
“No, wait until everyone gets here,” Logan called out.
“Wow, those girls of Julia’s are getting big,” Raymond said. “Your mom wanted to spoil them until our grandkid comes along.”
Sometimes, his dad said things that made Logan wonder what he was thinking. He stood in the doorway, and Ben took in their father with a neutral expression before frowning at Logan. Logan glanced over toward the living room, where everyone seemed to be talking. He hoped his dad would show better restraint around the girls. “Dad, Trinity and Dawn may be from Julia’s first marriage, but I’m their dad.” He didn’t know why he needed to set the record straight, since he and his father hadn’t been close for a while. He didn’t understand his dad, and maybe his dad didn’t understand him.
“Of course you are.” He patted Logan’s shoulder, but there was a distance between them still. “Since you’re taking coats…” He pulled his off and handed it to Logan.
Carrie was taking in the exchange, her arm linked with Ben’s. She was unusually quiet. Logan thought she was pretty, but he still didn’t know what Ben saw in her. She was flat chested, short, and her hair was so blond it was almost white, hanging past her shoulders. She wore only light makeup, unlike the flashy women Ben usually dated.
Raymond smiled at Carrie. “Well, let’s not all stand by the door,” he said. This time, he didn’t look at Logan as he walked into the living room. Logan noticed how he was dressed: red sweater, dark dress pants, black socks. The man had always worn jeans or heavy working pants with a plaid shirt or a T-shirt. Dressing up was something he never did. Maybe this was a Christmas thing his mom was starting. He realized that this distance that seemed to exist between him and his dad would probably always be there. Maybe he sighed a little too loudly, as Ben reached out and squeezed his shoulder.
The Reckoning, A Wilde Brothers Christmas (The Wilde Brothers Book 4) Page 3