When I got off the phone with Shane, I found about twenty messages from Boyd. I read them and started laughing. The first few were still asking for naked pics and were quite graphic, going as far as proposing a trade of some sort. I started laughing even harder. Why did men think a dick pic was appealing in any way? As I skimmed through the messages, I noticed the apologetic tone of the last few texts. He thought I was pissed.
Come on, Red. I didn’t mean to make you mad.
I really do miss you, and you know I don’t say this kind of stuff lightly.
Dammit, Boyd Rivers. What was I supposed to do with that piece of information? He missed me. Yes, he wasn’t the type of guy to say such loaded words to a woman, but so what? What did he want me to say? What did he want me to do?
I’m not mad. I was on a work call. Sorry, but I have to decline your generous offer. I guess when it comes to trading pictures, I’m a bit old-fashioned.
I added a winking emoticon and pressed send.
* * *
Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong.
I stopped typing on my computer. I knew only one person who would ring the bell four times. I smiled and shook my head. She was here. I hadn’t seen her for months.
I missed her.
“Hedwig! Kun je de deur open doen?” I yelled, asking her to open the door.
“Tuurlijk,” my assistant replied, getting up from her desk.
When Hedwig opened the door, I heard my friend stumbling through trying to introduce herself—it sounded like she had forgotten some of her basic Dutch skills.
I got up from my desk and went to the hallway to greet her.
“Danke je, Hedwig.”
“Ahhhh! I’m so happy to see you!” Ella squeezed me, nearly knocking the breath out of me.
“I’m happy to see you too, but you’re suffocating me with your hair!” I laughed. I meant the words as a joke, but when she released me, I really did feel out of breath and a little lightheaded. Gahhh, that’s weird.
It must have been because I hadn’t had any breakfast that morning.
I had been feeling under the weather for a few days, but that wasn’t surprising. The weather had been so moody lately, everyone around me seemed to be getting sick.
Even Hedwig hadn’t been feeling too well.
But why was my stomach still upset? I had been queasy and had already been throwing up for a couple days; I thought my stomach flu should have gone away by now.
I refused to believe I was still sick. I must have been feeling queasy because I had had too much coffee and hadn’t eaten all morning. On top of everything else, work was stressing me out. I would feel much better once I got caught up with my workload.
“Gahhh! You’re always such a brat! Can’t you just say you missed me?” Ella stepped back and put her hand on her hip, giving me a sassy look. “By the way, since when do you have an assistant?” Ella frowned.
“I told you about her. You completely forgot. I had to hire somebody. I was drowning doing everything by myself after that little stint as your manager. Plus, I can afford it.”
“That’s thanks to that fat check I cut for you.” She winked.
“Someone has gotten cock-yyy!”
“Come on! I’m just teasing! By the way, how weird is it that your assistant’s name is Hedwig? Isn’t that the name of Harry Potter’s owl?” Ella whispered.
I scowled. “Bless your heart, girl, I hate when you go all millennial on me. Hate to break it to you, but Hedwig was a name wayyy before it was Harry Potter’s owl.”
“This is the first time I’ve ever been called a millennial. Coming from you, it feels like a double insult.”
I nodded. “You’re right about that,” I fired back, dead serious.
This silly exchange was our relationship in a nutshell. We fought like sisters, but we had each other’s back at all times. We were both only children. We both had wild curly hair and were stubborn as hell.
I wondered if that was part of the reason our bond was so strong. Even though she had been gone from Amsterdam for almost a year, we still spoke daily, mostly via text and Skype. She had told me she’d be coming back for work, but I hadn’t expected her so soon.
“I didn’t expect to see you until next week—what happened?”
“Oh, you know…just bossypants Hans wanting to start on the new album early,” Ella said, referring to her high-maintenance producer.
“You’re already recording a new one? Isn’t that too soon?”
“Oh, it won’t be out until next year, but he said it’s better if we start laying the foundations for it. Those were his exact words.”
Hans Koll was her producer and the founder of Koll Music. The man was quite the legend around Amsterdam. He was a very private person, and rarely left the city. If I had to describe him, I would call him a reclusive Giorgio Moroder. As a producer, he was just as famous, but he definitely preferred to stay away from the spotlight.
He was a peculiar man, but so good at what he did. Hans Koll was part of the reason Lou ended up in Amsterdam to begin with; Lou had come so they could work together on his album. The producer and Ella hadn’t really gotten off to the best start. At first, he criticized her choices and her lack of decisiveness. They met again months later when he was teaching a class at the school Ella was attending, and after that, they ended up working together. Months later, he signed Ella as the first artist on his brand new label, Koll Music. She had been touring on and off for months, and now she was back to start work on her sophomore album.
“Are you sure it isn’t too soon? I don’t want to see you getting burned out.”
She nodded. “I know. You’re right. I thought about that, but I have a lot of songs already written. The album did pretty well, we toured quite a bit, and now it’s time to start planning for the future.”
She hardly looked like the scared young girl I’d met two years before.
“Well, look at you!” I said with a satisfied smile.
“I know, right? Aren’t you proud of me, Mom?” she joked.
“Very much.” I beamed.
“So, what are we doing? Can you get away now and go to lunch at one of our favorite places?”
“Yeah, let me just tell Hedwig I’m going out.” As we stepped out of my studio, the icky feeling in my stomach reached my throat.
Oh, no. I was going to get sick again. Stupid stomach flu.
“Oh, God.”
“What is it?” Ella asked. “Ally, you’re not looking too we—”
I moved past her and ran to the restroom without letting her finish.
She followed me.
“Get out! What are you doing here? I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Shhh,” she replied. “Be glad I’m here to hold your hair.”
I heaved again, unable to stop the gush of liquid. The acid burned my throat, and my head felt as if it was being hammered on a blacksmith’s forge. I flushed the toilet and cleaned my mouth with some toilet paper. Ella let go of my hair and stepped back.
“Ally…are you sick? We don’t have to go out to eat if you don’t feel well.” She sounded worried. I got up and looked at her: her brows were furrowed and her lips were pressed in a straight line. “Do you think you have the flu?”
“I think it’s just a stomach flu. I have no other symptoms. It’s just been going on for the last four or five days–”
“Days? Don’t you think you should go see a doctor?”
“What for? So the doctor can tell me to go buy some acid reducer? I think it might just be stress.”
“I hope you’re not working too much.”
“No, I’ve just been working on a case that’s a bit…different than the others, and I think it’s stressing me out.”
She put her hand on my forehead.
My eyes bugged out. “What are you doing?”
“Checking your temperature, obviously. You don’t have a fever. Tell me, Ms. Ferris…when was your last period?” she asked, dead serio
us as she tipped her chin up.
Ha! My period! As if! I laughed at first, tickled by her bossy demeanor and attitude. She waited for me to answer her, but I waved her off.
“Playing nurse, are we? What’s up with you today?” I joked, but as soon as the words left my lips, I started thinking about her question.
My period. When was the first day of my last period? For the life of me, I couldn’t remember. It hadn’t been a month already, had it? I had been working so much, I couldn’t be sure. I wasn’t someone who wrote the first day of her period in her planner.
I was sure it was just around the corner. It had to be.
Boyd and I had always been careful. No, there was definitely no way this could be anything but a stomach flu. Unless… No, no, it couldn’t be.
I washed my hands and avoided looking at Ella’s reflection in the mirror.
And then I started counting, whispering the numbers and looking down as I dried my hands.
“Good gosh! You’re counting! You really could be pregnant then!” nosey Ella said.
“Shut up!” I cried, closing my eyes. My period was four days late.
Four days.
It was usually three to four days early, never late. Crap.
Stress—it could just be stress.
Damn Ella for getting me so worked up. I was going to get it any time, I was sure of it. In fact, I felt some light cramping in my belly, and my back was definitely aching a little.
I was probably getting my period right that minute.
“I’m not pregnant,” I told her with a straight face.
“When was your last period?” she asked, defiant, refusing to believe my words.
“About a month ago, but I have some cramping, and my back hurts, so I’m definitely getting it soon.”
“Um, newsflash, those are also pregnancy symptoms.”
“And since when you are an ob-gyn in training?” I snarled.
“Since I had a pregnancy scare myself.”
“What? You never told me about it. When?”
“Sometime last fall. A condom broke and a few days later I had some spotting and I got paranoid. Of course, it didn’t help that my period was three days late and I always get it on time. So, yeah, I Googled everything I could find on the subject. I even took a pregnancy test. Actually, I took three. All negative. I got my period three days later. I freaked out.”
“Does Lou know?” I asked her, my mouth still bitter, the acid of the vomit still burning my esophagus.
“I only told him weeks later. I didn’t want to worry him at the time. I was traveling. When I told him, he was the sweetest, of course.”
“Of course. I would expect nothing less from him, and I’d break his legs if he didn’t man up. What did he say?”
“He said if that ever happened it would only be good news, and he can’t wait for the day we’re actually ready for it.”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrow, and a smile stretched across my face. Of course, I shouldn’t have been surprised. We were talking about Lou, after all. He was madly in love with Ella. No wonder he wouldn’t bat an eye about an unexpected pregnancy. The guy was a southern gentleman through and through.
“Well, if he’s so ready to start a family, he needs to hurry up and put a ring on it!”
“Hush!” She laughed, running a hand through her wild hair. “I’m sure it will happen…at some point. I don’t want to rush things and ruin anything. Everything is perfect the way it is. We’re good, there’s no hurry.” Her eyes had a different light when she talked about him. I missed being in love like that.
“Whatever you say…as long as you’re both on the same page.”
We walked to our favorite falafel place and had lunch. Ella said she had the day off and didn’t have to report for duty until tomorrow, so she was going to spend the rest of the day with Lieke and Helga.
She walked to my office with me and handed me a paper bag.
“What’s in it?” I peeked in the bag, unable to contain my excitement. My enthusiasm soon evaporated. “A pregnancy test? When did you even get it?”
“When I told you I had to go buy pads and you waited outside telling me to ‘go to hell.’ I think you should still check. It will give you peace of mind, trust me.”
“Dude, I’m not pregnant!”
“Then let’s do it right now so you can stop thinking about it.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about it before you said anything!”
“Well, either way…let’s check. I guess I’m the one who wants to know.”
“You’re the worst!”
“Shhhh, you know you love me. Don’t be like this.”
“Whatever!” I said, waving the paper bag in the air and feeling exasperated. “I’ll take the test. But if I’m not pregnant—which I am not—you owe me…dinner. At the ramen place! The expensive one!”
“Deal.” She folded her arms in front of her and followed me up to the townhouse.
“Hedwig, I am going upstairs for a moment. I’ll be back down in a minute, right, Ella? A minute!”
“Actually, more like three.”
I turned around and scowled at her as we climbed up the stairs.
“Who would have known a couple years ago that we’d actually be together for the first time you pee on a stick, huh?”
“Can you stop making jokes? You’ve got me all freaked out now, thanks a lot.” My stomach started churning again. It was all Ella’s fault.
I got the stick out of the box and read the instructions. I tried reading them in Dutch first, but I couldn’t focus, so I started reading the section in English.
I peed on the stick and put it down as the pamphlet said…but then I took a look.
I knew it was too soon, but either my pee traveled at the speed of light or it had super powers. The result was already showing up.
Bright and clear.
Three minutes? More like three seconds.
I was pretty sure I was about to pass out and Ella would have to lift me off the floor.
“Oh gosh, I so badly want to make another joke about this peeing-on-a-stick business,” she said, standing against the bathroom door.
“Don’t. Please don’t make any fucking jokes.” My voice was stern. I felt a rush of heat course through my body and tears pooled in my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
“WELL, NOW I FEEL HORRIBLE.” Ella twisted the spoon in her cup of ice cream.
“You mean worse than you did two days ago?” I asked, raising one eyebrow.
Two days had passed. After the shock of seeing double lines on four more pregnancy tests, I had agreed to make an appointment with my doctor. Ella felt responsible, so she came with me for moral support. As it turned out, those damn tests weren’t wrong.
I really was pregnant.
Me. Pregnant with a baby. In nine months or so I would become someone’s mother. Unless…unless I get an abortion. It was something to consider. I hadn’t planned to get knocked up at thirty-four. After a few years as a single lady, I had realized maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for me, and maybe it still shouldn’t have been. Maybe I shouldn’t become a mother.
The baby daddy and I weren’t even in a relationship, and I’d always been pro-choice. Even so, for some reason, just the thought of it made my heart race uncontrollably and made my stomach even more upset.
“I do feel worse than I did in your bathroom. I brought all this on. I should have never said anything. I should have just let you find out on your own. Now you’ll always blame me.”
“You’re right. I will blame you. If you hadn’t practically shoved a test in my face, I would have been blissfully ignorant for a few more days. Who knows, maybe even weeks.”
She took a mouthful of ice cream. Her eyes lit up, and she lifted her spoon in the air. “You could have been like one of those women on I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!”
I shook my head. “Calm down, girlie. I might have been naïve about my own uterus business, but I don’t think
I could ever reach that level of dumb. Hey, how come we always end up on my doorstep eating ice cream like two losers?”
She gave me a playful look and slapped my arm. Then, a shadow clouded her smile, and she suddenly got serious. “Do you know who the father is?”
“I might have an idea.” I sighed.
“And? Come on, are you not going to tell me who it is?” she asked with the excitement of a puppy waiting for a treat. I knew all too well what she wanted to hear.
“Do you really need to ask? Unfortunately, there’s only been one guy in the last weeks…months even.”
Ella looked excited at first, but when she saw the look in my eyes, she toned down her enthusiasm. “Well, I had a feeling you were going to avoid answering if I asked you if it was Boyd’s.” She placed the empty ice cream cup on the ground and ran a hand through her hair, as if she were as worried as I was about the recent turn of events. “What are you going to do, Ally?”
“I don’t know, Ella. I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing. I don’t even know if I want to keep it or not.”
“How did it happen? I mean, I’m sure you’re both smart enough to use protection—”
“It had to be the night before he left. We got…pretty wasted. There had to be a malfunction of some sort…but I don’t remember. I can’t confirm or deny anything that happened that night. The thing is, the thought didn’t even cross my mind the day after…or the one after that.”
“You need to tell him.” Her voice was calm and sweeter than usual.
That was all it took for me to get emotional. I swallowed a sob, and a tear escaped my right eye. I wiped it off and sniffled.
Great! Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Fantastic stuff!
“I know, but I don’t want to. God knows how he’s going to react to this. This is the opposite of no strings attached!” I cried.
“Hey! It takes two to tango! It’s just as much his fault as it is yours. Regardless of any of that, he needs to know. Soon.”
“It just sucks, though. That’s the type of phone call I’d never want to receive. ‘Hey, I’m the woman you’re occasionally seeing on the other side of the world, and by the way, I’m pregnant!’ He’s going to die of shock. Or worse…his dick is going to go into shock.”
Not About Love (This Love Book 2) Page 13