by Lily Foster
I’m human, I did follow what was written in the press about Dylan. Even though there was no regret or longing to change what had happened, and my happiness and decision to be with Jake was unwavering, from time to time I wanted to know how Dylan was. I was happy to read that Cole Industries had come out on top in that whole labor mess and wondered if the success coupled with the timing of our break-up had driven Dylan and Gwen closer. Here in front of me, I thought, was my opportunity to find out. “How is Dylan doing?”
Melanie’s eyes opened, revealing true surprise. “You two aren’t in contact at all?” She recovered herself, “I mean, I know you broke up but I just thought—”
Mrs. Cole interjected, “He’s doing well, dear. He’s traveling almost non-stop lately, though.”
Melanie, of course, couldn’t totally go all Sally Sunshine on me; she was still a certain percentage bitch by blood. I guess she just couldn’t help herself when she threw in, “CeeCee has been traveling with him, though, so he’s managing.”
It didn’t feel quite like a kick to the gut but it did hurt—a little. I nodded my head. “I hope he’s happy and he’s doing well.” And I meant that.
Mrs. Cole looked pained. As she took Melanie’s hand to signal their departure, she looked at me warmly and said, “I’ll tell him we saw you, Kasia. I know he’ll be pleased that you’re happy and doing well also. Goodbye, sweetheart.”
Those words were as close to genuine affection as I’d ever get from Margot Cole and I was ok with that. I know that in her own way, she was fond of me. She may not have wanted me for her son but I think that deep down, she really didn’t want Cecilia Tate for Dylan either.
Was I surprised? Yes and no. I knew by choosing Cecilia he had settled on the girl that would best fit into his Cole Industries world; she was born into that lifestyle. She was also the girl that would acquiesce to his every need and desire. Dylan would never be completely happy with someone like Cecilia, though. She didn’t challenge him. After the novelty wore off he’d have a different woman at his beck and call in every city he visited for business. There was probably already a shapely young assistant who’d taken the place of the middle-aged woman I’d met in Chicago. I pitied both Dylan and Cecilia.
After seeing them I shot off a text to Anna. I felt bad that I’d never followed up on my promise to keep in touch with her and remembered that I hadn’t responded to the message she sent me a few weeks ago after a Sweet Betty Threads dress was featured in CityStyle Magazine.
Hi Anna…so glad you saw the article…how is school going so far?
I got a reply a nanosecond later:
Hi!!! Seems like SBT is blowing up-congrats! School is great. I’m loving Boston.
I was glad she sounded happy. I wrote:
Any hot freshmen?
With Anna, you never knew…she could be dating the provost. She wrote:
Actually I just ran into an old flame/friend yesterday.
I smiled to myself and when I wrote “interesting…” to her, she texted back:
I know. I miss you, K. Wish D didn’t fuck it all up-for my sake :)
Ugh. I never wanted what had happened between me and Dylan to affect the way she saw him. I wrote:
Not his fault…Plz pop in when ur in NYC.
It was inevitable that Anna and I would drift apart. If we saw each other occasionally that was one thing, but I wouldn’t pursue meeting up with her or calling her because she was a close link to Dylan. And even though it wasn’t direct contact, it still might send a message to him that I did not intend to send. Closure, to me, was a good thing. I didn’t really believe that you could be friends with an ex. You could be cordial, you could care about their well-being from afar but keeping in contact would be misleading to Dylan and disloyal to Jake. I had no intention of being either of those things.
Chapter Twelve
Kasia
Jakub, oh, Jakub. I was madly, deliriously, happily in love with Jakub. I felt happiness surge through me and guide my design sketches as I thought of him. I knew I was doing some of my best, most creative work lately and I credited him, with how he how he made me feel, for that.
The fall had been busier than ever for both of us. I was so proud of Jake the day he rolled up in front of my house in his new work truck with his company’s name and logo painted on the side. Tata took a picture of Jake and I standing in front of it and when I had it printed, it may sound corny, but I envisioned the picture hanging somewhere in our home, years from now.
Going out on his own was a huge accomplishment for Jake that was the result of hard work, meticulous attention to detail, long hours, and dedication to his customers. The fact that he parented Karolina and was working his ass off taking extra classes at night this semester to finish his degree just floored me. In my eyes, there was nothing this man couldn’t do.
My best moments each day came in the evenings when we were able to sit together and talk, holding hands. Take that back—my best moments were at the end of the day when I was able to either sneak away with him to his apartment or to my upstairs studio.
One week this past September when I had gone to Chicago with Rene to meet up with Caitlin for a few days—a business trip-slash-girls’ getaway—Jake surprised me by renovating the studio upstairs. He carried the design theme from the store throughout the space and had large work islands installed for me, better lighting put in overhead, and utilized a once-wasted nook to provide display-like storage for my numerous rolls of fabrics. It looked fantastic and was now a place I could proudly meet with potential buyers and other business contacts. The best addition, by far though, was the changes made to the small back room. It had been filled with spare garment racks, fabric rolls, and clutter. Now, it had a fresh coat of paint, well-organized, decorative storage and also had a plush futon that looked like a couch but easily unfolded into a queen-sized bed. Jake said he was contemplating putting an actual bed there but thought my father might choke him if he saw it.
I loved when he walked into the store after he finished work on the days he was at sites in Brooklyn or lower Manhattan. The sight of him in his work clothes would never get old to me. The boy was gorgeous. His jeans hung perfectly on his hips and his shirts weren’t too tight but gave just the perfect hint of the powerful muscles that lie beneath. The dust and paint on his clothes just added to my lustful fantasies and I would laugh when I noticed the similar reactions Jake elicited from the women or gay men browsing in the store. He was downright edible.
I was meeting him in the city one Friday night late in November and, as I sat on the train, thought to myself that it would the first time I’d probably see him in a suit. He had to attend a Georgetown Alumni Association function to show his support and thanks to the people who funded the scholarship which Karolina was awarded. He told me his friends, Kyle and Henry, would be there and he was excited for me to meet them.
I was late, two women came in right at closing but it was in my nature never to turn away a sale. As I finally made my way into the crowded bar I didn’t see Jakub at first but when I did see the back of a head and broad shoulders in a navy suit jacket that screamed his name to me, I stopped in my tracks. He was seated on a barstool and there was a tall, raven-haired beauty leaning into him intimately, whispering into his ear. That sick feeling I occasionally had when I was with Dylan was rising up in me; the boy had conditioned me to think the worst. I took a moment to collect myself, threw my shoulders back, took a deep breath and made my way closer—fuck this, I thought—and tapped her shoulder. When she looked up at me, I smiled, and then Jakub turned his head and smiled at me with a relieved look on his face. It wasn’t the cat-that-ate-the-canary look of a cheater but, then again, Dylan was always too smooth to actually look guilty either. “Kasia, what happened? I was getting worried.”
“I’m so sorry, there were a few last minute customers. I couldn’t leave right away.” I would have kissed him hello but this chick had scarcely backed up enough to give me room. She was too close a
nd she wasn’t moving. I didn’t care if this girl introduced herself as the modern-day Mother Teresa—I did not like her.
Jakub introduced us. “Kasia, this is Hannah Moore. Hannah, this is my girlfriend, Kasia Mazur.”
I was not that much younger than her—four years if she was the same age as Jake—so I wasn’t sure exactly why she cocked her head to the side as if she was talking to a preschooler. “Kasia, what an unusual name. It’s so nice to meet you.”
What was I supposed to say back to that, “Hannah, what a stupid palindrome you have for a name.”? And I absolutely hate saying, “nice to meet you too,” when I do not feel that way. I nodded and went with, “Oh, Hannah… Jakub’s mentioned you.” I did everything in my power not to appear jealous but damn, I was about to turn a Hulk shade of green from the combination of envy and unwarranted rage I was feeling. I had never felt this territorial about anyone before and it unnerved me. The fact that Hannah had meant something to Jake at one time just…well, for some reason made me want to cry.
When she still hadn’t moved to leave a respectable amount of distance between her body and Jake’s, Jake stood up, pressed closer to me, and kissed my cheek as he took my coat. “What do you want to drink, cranberry and soda, Kasia?”
Hannah teased, “Aren’t you legal?”
I teased back, wide-eyed, “Is eighteen legal?” I laughed then, mocking her shocked expression. “I’ll have a vodka cranberry, Jake.”
He wasn’t saying much. I think he knew he was standing between two women who were just about to bare their claws and he wasn’t familiar with this type of scenario. As he handed me my drink, he was grabbed by a guy who was probably Kyle, from the way Jake had described him. Jake urgently gestured to me to join them and as I started to move away from Hannah, she leaned in and firmly grasped my upper arm as she said, “I was his first.”
I snapped back, so that only she could hear, “And he said you fucked like a dead fish.”
What the hell? I hadn’t even had a drink yet. Never in my life had I said something so crude. I immediately regretted what I’d done. Not only had I lowered myself—embarrassed myself—I’d given her the upper hand; she now knew that I felt threatened.
She threw her head back and laughed for a moment and then she narrowed her gaze at me. “He definitely did not say that, Kasia. That, I can guarantee.”
I straightened my shoulders and looked back at her. “I think we’re done here.”
As I made my way over to Jakub I heard her say, “I’m done with you but definitely not done with him.”
I didn’t take the bait this time but I felt so deflated by that point. I just wanted to tell Jakub I had a terrible headache and hop on the next train back to Brooklyn. He grabbed my hand then and smiled as he introduced me to Kyle, his girlfriend Madeline, and Henry. They were all really nice but I had to have made a lackluster first impression; I still felt a little shell-shocked from my encounter with Hannah and didn’t make conversation as easily as I normally would have. How did I let her get to me so easily?
When I had Jake to myself for a moment, I whispered to him, “I think I’m going to go. Is that ok? I just—”
“Are you alright? Did Hannah upset you?”
“I don’t know, Jake,” I said, my tone a bit on the snarky side, “If you walked into a bar and saw Dylan whispering in my ear with his body pressed up against me, would it upset you?” Shaking my head, I knew that was a low blow and wanted to take it back. I was just making a total mess every time I opened my mouth tonight. I couldn’t stop. As I drained my second vodka cranberry I said, “She’s still very interested in you, Jake.”
He put his hand on my cheek and gently turned me to face him. “She’s nothing to me. Do you understand? She’s nothing, you’re everything.”
“I feel like a fool.”
He pressed his forehead to mine. “C’mon, you ready to go? I’ve shown my face for long enough. We can get out of here now.”
Jake and I stopped at a pub close to his apartment and I had at least three more drinks. He was sucking them back too and we were laughing about nonsense and having fun again. I texted my mother to tell her I would be staying at Jake’s because it had gotten so late. I laughed wondering how that would go over and Jake looked scared for a split second before laughing too as he said, “Oh shit, your father.”
“It’s late, Tata’s already asleep and Mama probably won’t even tell him. Anyway, my father thinks you’re his fourth son already. He’ll forgive you.” Jake’s loopy, emotional expression made me laugh and warmed my heart at the same time.
As Jake fumbled with the lock on his apartment door I wrapped my arms around him low on his hips and stroked him through his pants. “You look fucking delicious in a suit, you know that?”
“Watch your mouth, sweet Kasia, or else I’m going to have to punish you.”
“You don’t like when I say fuck, Jake?” I purred and was stroking him harder now. “What if I say I want you to fuck me, Jake? If I say I want you to fuck me, hard and fast and deep? Is it ok if I use that word then?”
The door opened then and he dragged me in and pressed me against it as it closed behind us. He looked at me with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Say it again, Kasia, and see what happens to you.”
“First I want you to fuck me right here, Jake, and later I’m going to fuck you with my mouth.”
I guess I unleashed a man possessed at that point because next thing I knew I was turned around, my dress was around my waist, my underwear was ripped off me and he was in me with such force that I was bracing against the wall and arching back to take him even deeper. He was relentless, driving into me and I was so desperate for it that I was moaning his name and begging him for more.
We woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. We were curled up together on the couch naked with no blankets on us. My head ached a little but not too bad.
“Hi, Mama, sorry I texted you so late last night.”
“I didn’t even tell Tata, ok?”
“Thank you, Mama.”
“Are you coming home soon?”
“Yes, I’ll be home in an hour.”
“Tell Jakub I’m making gulasz, to come for lunch.”
“Ok, Mama, I will.”
When I hung up, Jakub hugged me closer to him. “Gulasz is perfect hangover food. That sounds good.”
I got up and used the bathroom and then laid back down after putting on one of his t-shirts. “Jakub, I feel kind of embarrassed about last night.”
“Why? Please don’t say you’re embarrassed about what happened back here last night. I liked last night,” he said as he nudged his hips into mine.
“I don’t know. It’s like I was trying to claim you as mine. I nearly begged you to do me and we didn’t even stop to use a condom.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re still on the pill, though, right?”
“Yes,” I answered even though I hadn’t exactly been religious about taking it since we always used condoms. I’d just been so damn busy lately. With Dylan also, we’d always used condoms so I wasn’t as careful as I would have been if I’d known that was my only protection.
“I’m embarrassed that the stupid things Hannah said to me affected me so easily. I’ve never been a jealous, whiny girl and she reduced me to that in seconds.” I was full-on pouting then. “You didn’t tell me she was so pretty.”
“She’s not pretty, Kasia. Only being interested when things are looking up for a guy, running out when shit gets tough, sleeping with your best friend…believe me, that’s not pretty.” He ran his hands up underneath the t-shirt and caressed my stomach and then my breasts as he nuzzled into that space just underneath my ear. “I have to admit, Kasia—and it’s not like I’d want to see this side of you often—but seeing you jealous, knowing you want me, is kind of hot.”
I turned to face him and took the t-shirt off as I pulled my body in closer to him. “I do want you, Jakub, and I want to be the only one you want.”
; “You’re the only one I’ll ever want, Kasia, forever.”
Jake
“Why did you take off so early last night? I wanted the four of us to go someplace else for drinks after.”
“I think Kasia just needed to get out of there. Hannah said some stupid shit to her last night.”
“After you left she was asking me all about Kasia. Wanted to know what she did for a living, where she went to school, how you two met, how serious you were. She was like a goddamn investigative reporter.”
I told Kyle something along the lines of too little, too late. Even though Hannah didn’t deserve my discretion, I’d never bad-mouthed her to anyone. I’d never told anyone besides Kasia that Hannah basically dumped my ass a month after my parents died when she found out I was penniless. Before Hannah knew what kind of shit storm my father had left behind, she was still in it with me, somewhat. She could hardly mask her shock when I told her I’d taken a job working construction, and the day I told her that the house was going into foreclosure and I was looking at studio apartments for Karolina and me, then she was done—stopped returning my calls.
I’d never forgive that. I didn’t blame her for wanting out—I could understand that she hadn’t signed up for that kind of life. I couldn’t forgive the fact that Hannah just cut me off without so much as an explanation. One day she was my girlfriend and the next day I was nothing to her. I went two weeks without a word back from her before I stopped reaching out. A week after that I found out she was with my roommate, my closest friend. It was like she didn’t have a heart; she didn’t care that I was suffering. And she had no instinct to reach out to my sister. In fact, she never once asked how Kara was doing in those weeks right after my parents died. The expression “not if she was the last woman on earth” described the chances of Hannah and me ever reconnecting. The fact that she was now sniffing around, only because I was finally doing well for myself, left me with an even poorer impression of her.