He didn't, and suddenly he wanted to change that. "Maybe you can tell me sometime," he said.
She turned and looked at him, studying his face and his eyes. Slowly she nodded, the frosty glare fading from her eyes. "Sometime I will."
She turned to look for Cassie just as the child came bounding up the stairs. "Look. Mr. Farrell, it's the woman on the black horse's turn. Will you watch her with me?"
Grady patted the seat next to him, grasping the opportunity to focus his attention away from Becca. His mind swirled with emotions he wasn't sure he was ready to acknowledge. Just because he and Becca had managed to talk without anger didn't mean that all their problems were solved, he reminded himself. There was too much between them to allow for an easy, happy ending. And somehow that thought made him more unhappy than ever.
Pushing it out of his mind, he turned to the child next to him. "Okay, Cassie, she's ready to go," he said, watching the ring in front of him. "Let's see how long it takes her to race around the barrels."
They watched Shea McAllister fly through the course as she clung to her horse. When she raced past the finish line, he glanced at the clock and saw that her time was the fastest so far. "She's in first place," he told Cassie, and watched as the child nodded with satisfaction.
"She was fast," Cassie said.
"Let's see if anyone can beat her," he answered.
No one could, and Cassie stood up and cheered as the woman rode into the ring as the winner. Then she turned to him, her face glowing. "I want to do that," she said.
"That's up to your mother," he replied. "But I'll teach you how to ride a horse."
The child turned to Becca. "Can I race the barrels, Mom? Can I?"
"You can't be a barrel racer until you're older, and first you have to learn to ride, anyway. Why don't we take it one step at a time?"
Grady looked for the disapproval he expected to see in Becca's eyes, but all he saw was a weary resignation. He turned to Cassie. "Your mom's right, cowgirl. One thing at a time. Let's teach you to ride a horse before we start talking barrel racing."
Cassie nodded her head vigorously. "Okay. But do you think Pete would make a good barrel-racing horse?"
Grady looked over and found Becca smiling in spite of herself, and he found his mouth curling up in a reluctant answering smile. Becca had been telling him nothing less than the truth when she said that Cassie's determination and single-mindedness were his traits. He thought about similar conversations he'd had with his father, but his smile faded as he remembered the outcome of those talks.
"Pete's too young to think about training him as a barrel racer, Cassie. He needs to learn the basics first." But someday he would be perfect for barrel racing, Grady knew, picturing the paint pony in his mind.
Cassie nodded, satisfied with the answer, and turned back to watch the rodeo in front of her. His gaze lingered on her for a moment, this small replica of himself, and a profound sadness swept over him. Would he be around to see her debut as a barrel racer? Did he want to commit himself to a role in her life?
His heart answered yes, but his mind shied away from the question. He wasn't going to be any good as a father. He didn't know the first thing about the subject. And did Becca want him around as part of Cassie's life? She had done a great job so far without him. Anyone could see that. As he watched his daughter, a bleak coldness filled his chest. Cassie would be better off without him. He had no doubts that he'd do nothing but screw up her life.
* * *
Shadows lengthened in front of them as morning turned to afternoon. Becca sneaked a glance at the man walking on the other side of Cassie. Grady had stayed with them all day, and even watched all of the rodeo events with them. She had watched his mouth tighten and his body tense as the bull riders had competed, one after the other, but he'd answered Cassie's questions patiently and never given the child a hint of the pain she knew he'd been suffering.
Her heart had ached for him. She couldn't possibly guess how difficult it had been to sit and watch the rodeo, knowing that he wouldn't be competing in one ever again. She knew Grady well enough to understand that his passion for the rodeo hadn't dimmed. Instead, she guessed, he'd buried it so deeply that he could pretend it didn't exist.
Except when he was forced to sit through several hours of rodeo events.
She never should have asked him to accompany them to the fair, she told herself for the hundredth time. She, of all people, should have known how painful it would be for him.
"Mom," Cassie's voice interrupted her thoughts, "can I be a mutton buster next year?"
"I think maybe you're too big for mutton busting," she said, ruffling her daughter's bangs. She thought about the event for young children and smiled. The little ones rode on sheep, trying to hold on for eight seconds just like the adults on the broncs and the bulls. It definitely got the title of cutest of all the rodeo events.
"Then I'll ride the calves," Cassie said, as if the issue was settled. Older children had ridden calves in an event similar to the mutton busting.
"Next year is a long way off," Grady said mildly. "There's a lot of time left before the next rodeo here in Cameron."
"I'll have lots of time to practice, then."
Becca tried to hide a smile as she watched Grady try to deal with this younger version of himself.
"I thought you wanted to learn to ride a horse," he said, raising his eyebrows at Cassie.
"I do," she answered fervently.
"Maybe we should concentrate on one thing at a time." Cassie appeared to consider this for a while, then she nodded. "After I learn to ride Pete, then I'll learn to ride the calves."
Becca almost laughed as she watched Cassie run up to Laura and her children. "Welcome to Parenting 101. Cassie makes it a real challenge to stay one step ahead of her."
Grady shook his head. "Was I really like that?"
"You were worse," Becca answered lightly.
She watched Cassie chattering with Laura, then Cassie came racing back to her. "Can I go on the Ferris wheel with Jenny and Todd? Laura doesn't want them to go alone, and she said I could watch them." Her voice was filled with pride.
"Sure, honey." Becca reached for her wallet for money, but Grady handed her some bills first.
"Why don't you all have an ice-cream cone after the Ferris wheel?" he said.
Becca's first, instinctive reaction was to tell him no, tell him that she could afford to pay for her daughter's entertainment. But she closed her mouth slowly as Cassie nodded, her eyes glowing, and raced away to join Laura and her children.
Grady turned to look at her, a challenge in his eyes. "Aren't you going to chew me out for giving her the money?"
"I thought about it," she admitted. "But I guess I have to get used to sharing her."
Grady's mouth twisted into a scowl. "I haven't said anything about being a regular part of her life."
"You're going to give her riding lessons," she reminded him. "I would imagine that would happen on a fairly regular basis."
"Damn it, Becca, that's not what I meant and you know it. I'm still not sure I want her to know that I'm her father. I don't know if there's anything good I can give her."
"You can give her a father," she said, watching him carefully. "That's far more important than riding lessons and money for ice-cream cones."
"You know what the issues are," he muttered. "I need time to think them through."
"Fine. You can have all the time you need."
She stepped away from him and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. In spite of the warnings she'd been giving herself all day, she was still far too aware of Grady Farrell. Her body hummed whenever she got too close to him. And her hands ached to reach out and pull him even closer.
She was sorry she'd agreed that Cassie could ride the Ferris wheel, then have ice cream with Laura and her children. That left her alone with Grady for too long. And as the day deepened into night, the darkness would feel too intimate, too private, even with the c
rowds of people around.
Grady touched her arm lightly, sending ripples of awareness jolting through her. "Who are those people with your friend Laura?"
"They just arrived in Cameron. I ran into them the other night." After Becca had rechecked the cow that had been sick, she and Cassie had gone to dinner at the town restaurant. Devlin had introduced her to the couple, but Becca hadn't needed an introduction. She remembered Damien Kane.
Becca watched as the tall, dark-haired man and the slender woman with the chestnut hair stopped in front of Laura Weston. The two little girls with them, obviously twins, clung to the woman's hands. "That's Damien Kane. And the woman's name is Abby. I think the girls are her nieces."
The woman bent over and spoke to Cassie, and Becca watched as Cassie's face lit up. "Abby obviously likes children."
Grady watched the group, his eyes narrowed. "Weren't you telling me about them? Didn't you tell me Devlin said there was some problem with them?"
Becca glanced over at him. "He didn't spell it out, but I got the impression that something was wrong." She hesitated, then added, "It must be serious, to bring Damien back here. I never thought I'd see him in Cameron again, after what happened to his family. And I never imagined he'd spend time with children again, either."
"What happened to his family?"
Before Becca could answer, Laura and Damien and Abby and the five children turned and headed toward the Ferris wheel. One of the twins took Cassie's hand, and Cassie smiled happily down at her.
Grady said gruffly, "Cassie's good with those little kids."
"Yes, she is." Becca smiled at the group at the same moment that Abby turned around. The other woman gave her a hesitant smile and a small wave, and Becca waved back.
"They look like they're going to be busy for a while. Are you going to hover here until they're finished?" Grady turned to face her and her pulse skittered.
"Of course not." She swallowed hard. Hovering close to the carnival ride, surrounded by crowds of people, was exactly what she wanted to do. But she would never admit that to Grady. It would tell him too much about how she felt. The last thing she wanted him to know was how his presence affected her.
"Then why don't we walk around? You haven't had much chance to see the fair. You've been too busy doing what Cassie wanted to do."
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Not a thing," he answered easily. "But since she's going to be busy for a while, you might as well relax and enjoy yourself."
Relaxing was the last thing she'd be able to do with Grady standing so close to her, but she nodded stiffly and let him lead her away. But before long she realized that Grady's idea of seeing the fair and hers were very different.
As they walked past the deserted bleachers set up for the rodeo and headed behind the darkened ring to the chutes, Becca slowed. "What are we doing here? I don't think there's much to see back there in the dark."
"I wanted to talk to you, and I thought it would be best if it was someplace where we couldn't be overheard."
"What did you want to discuss that couldn't wait?" She turned to face him. Shadows from the boards that made up the rodeo ring hid his face, and she moved closer so she could see his eyes.
He went still, and she felt the sudden tension that swept over him. "What's the matter?" she asked.
Slowly he reached out and curled his hands around her shoulders. For a moment he didn't move, and she wasn't sure if he was trying to push her away or urge her closer. Finally, with a groan, he pulled her into his arms and crushed her mouth beneath his.
Her heart leaped in her chest, and her first, instinctive response was to fold herself closer and give herself up to his embrace. She melted against him, molding her body to his and opening her mouth to murmur his name. Her eyes fluttered closed, and everything but Grady ceased to exist. She was lost in the taste of him, the feel of him, the magic of being in his arms once again.
He groaned and shifted so that she stood between his legs, every inch of their bodies touching. The thin material of her sundress was no barrier to the heat that pulsed from Grady. And when he wrapped his leg around hers, the coarse denim of his jeans rubbing against her bare leg sent exquisite showers of sensation coursing through her.
"I swore I wouldn't do this again," he muttered against her mouth as his lips lingered on hers. "I want to have a rational discussion with you."
"What do you want to discuss?" Tentatively she ran her tongue along his lower lip, savoring the heady male taste of him.
She felt his hands tremble as they tightened on her back. "The situation." His voice sounded ragged and unsteady as he kissed his way to her ear.
"What about the situation?" She shuddered when he tugged gently on her earlobe. Without thinking, she pressed herself against him, crushing her breasts against his chest.
"We need to discuss it." He trailed kisses down her neck, leaving a trail of fire behind. When he smoothed his tongue along the hollow above her collarbone, she arched against him.
"I know." She barely recognized her voice, breathy and trembling. Then Grady captured her mouth again, and she found it impossible to think at all.
Need crashed through her, obliterating everything but Grady from her mind. His arms tightened around her, and he slid one of his hands lower to cup her hip. Desire throbbed and hummed in her abdomen and pounded through her veins.
Grady groaned into her mouth and moved suddenly, and she felt something hard pressing into her back. One small part of her brain recognized the boards of the rodeo ring, and suddenly she was aware of her surroundings. Cassie, the rodeo, the crowds of people only steps away flooded into her mind, and she unwrapped her arms from Grady's back and tried to lean away from him.
She opened her eyes to look up at Grady, and when she saw the passion and raw need on his face, she wanted to crawl back into his arms. But he wouldn't thank her if someone found them back here and gossip spread like wildfire through Cameron, so she said gently, "Grady, stop."
He opened his eyes to stare down at her. As she watched him gather his composure, suddenly two hands came between them and thrust them roughly apart. Grady reeled away, off balance, and she looked up in shock to see Sy Ames standing in front of her.
* * *
Chapter 12
«^»
"What are you doing?" she cried, edging closer to Grady. Sy planted himself between them, flexing his hands into fists and staring from one of them to the other. "I heard you telling him to stop."
When he turned to gaze at Grady, his eyes were full of wild hatred.
"Were you watching us?" she asked Sy sharply as she moved to stand next to Grady.
Grady stepped in front of her before Sy could answer. "What the hell are you doing here, Ames?"
"This is a public fair," he sneered. "I have as much right to be here as you do."
"You have no right to harass Dr. Johnson," Grady answered, his voice cold and hard. "I suggest you get lost."
"I wasn't the one bothering her." Sy took a step closer, and Becca could feel Grady tense. "It looked to me like you were doing the harassing."
"What was going on between us is none of your goddamn business. Now get out of here."
Sy turned to Becca. "Stay away from Farrell, Rebecca. He's nothing but trouble."
Becca saw the hatred and hot anger flare in Sy's eyes again. Grady set her gently aside and took another step toward Sy. The other man stumbled backward, then with one more look of haired he turned and ran, melting into the shadows.
"Everything all right back here?" a male voice called.
Ben Jackson, one of the sheriff's deputies, stepped out of the shadows. Becca wanted to crawl into a hole, but Grady put a hand on her arm.
"It is now," Grady said.
"That was Sy Ames, wasn't it?" Jackson said.
Ben was reserved and difficult to read, and no one in town knew him well. But Becca had enormous respect for him. She'd always thought him the most intelligent and observant of De
vlin's deputies.
"Yes," Becca said. "I didn't know he was still around, but he's gone now."
Ben watched her for a moment, then slowly nodded. "I'll keep my eyes open."
Becca's fear eased. She knew that Ben would be watching for Sy, and if he found him, Sy would have some explaining to do. The thought cheered her, and she smiled at the deputy. "Thanks, Ben. I appreciate you taking the time to check on us."
"My pleasure."
Out of the corner of her eye, Becca saw a figure hurrying away to their left. Before the woman disappeared around a corner, Becca realized it was Jane Murphy, the owner of the town's diner. Ben clearly saw her, too. For just an instant he tensed, then he deliberately relaxed. Touching his hat, Ben said, "Stay away from these dark areas back here. They invite trouble."
He glanced back in the direction Janie had gone, almost as if he couldn't help himself, then turned and deliberately walked in the opposite direction. Becca watched until he disappeared, too, then turned to Grady.
"Maybe Ben is right," she said in a low voice. "These dark areas back here do invite trouble."
She didn't mean trouble with Sy, and she knew Grady understood. He nodded once. "It's time to find Cassie," he said, and despite the casual words, his low voice caressed her in the intimacy of the darkness. "The fireworks are going to start any minute."
So they weren't going to talk about what had flared between them just moments ago. It was probably just as well, she told herself. After all, what could be said? They had serious problems to solve, but they were acting like hormone-driven teenagers. Maybe it was best if they both pretended that the kiss in the dark had never happened.
They found Cassie finishing an ice-cream cone with Laura and her children and Damien, Abby and the twins. As Becca introduced Grady and they chatted with Abby and Damien, she couldn't help notice the way Damien's gaze swept the crowd almost continuously. Becca stirred uneasily. Was something truly wrong in her beloved town? After Damien, Abby and the twins said their goodbyes and left, she wondered what had put the haunted look in Abby Markham's eyes.
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