by Shana Norris
I didn’t want to talk to my dad. I couldn’t talk to him. Not right now.
#
I padded back to the guest room where I was staying. It didn’t feel like “my” room yet, but a lot of times the bedroom I had at home didn’t feel like mine either. Mom had decorated it when we’d moved in. She had made a big show of asking what colors I wanted and even let me look through the catalog to pick out fabrics and wallpaper. I had chosen a beautiful red wallpaper with white fleur-de-lis. The bedding would be white, with red piping, and the curtains red silk.
And then, one day I came home from school to find that Mom had had the room finished while I was gone. All of the red and white I had chosen had been replaced by baby blue and cream. Mom’s colors, not mine.
This room, with its plain white walls, was almost a relief. It didn’t belong to anyone. I didn’t have to live in a room that showed obvious signs of someone else every day.
My cell phone on the bedside table flashed to signal a message. I pressed the button and saw a text from Natalie.
Hey, girl! Living it up N Paris?? How hot R the guys? I hope UR up & not gone to bed already. Can’t remember how many hours ahead U R.
I had never told Natalie that I changed my mind about going to Paris with my mom and decided to hide out in Asheville instead. Despite how much time I spent with her, I never really trusted Natalie completely. I couldn’t make the mistake of fully trusting someone again.
The thing was, I’d had a best friend once. Avery James, the girl I had grown up living across the street from. The girl I once told everything to.
But the summer we were twelve, I had told her about my crush on our other friend, Elliott. Avery went behind my back and kissed Elliott. I didn’t know why, and it didn’t really matter anymore, except that from that day forward, I knew the truth. You could never trust anyone with all your secrets. There were some things you had to keep hidden to protect yourself. That incident was one of the things that Mark liked to talk about most during our sessions. “You never forgave Avery,” he always said. “And you’ve never forgiven yourself for trusting her.”
I had learned my lesson. Don’t let anyone get too close and they won’t have anything they can use to hurt you.
I bent over the phone and typed out a reply.
Paris is great! Hot French guys everywhere. Going out tonight with guy named Pierre. Hope to learn the proper way to French kiss. ;) Au revoir!
CHAPTER SEVEN
The only way I was going to learn how to get around Asheville was to go out and explore it for myself. I couldn’t rely on Aunt Lydia or Ashton for rides everywhere. I didn’t want to end up like I had the night before: stuck someplace I couldn’t get away from and waiting to be rescued. I hated feeling like a damsel in distress. Jude had already helped me out twice and despite the fact that I wasn’t supposed to follow the rules this summer, I still felt like I was indebted to him in a way. That would not happen again.
So, armed with the GPS app on my phone, I set out in my car to figure out how to get around Aunt Lydia’s neighborhood. That seemed like an easy enough first exploration, and the most obvious. I needed to know what street led to what, and how to get in and out of the area.
Once again, I was struck by how similar the homes looked and how much it reminded me of that old neighborhood where I used to live across the street from Avery and next door to Elliott. The three of us had lived there since we were born and had played in each other’s backyards too many times to remember. In the summer, we’d spend every afternoon riding our bikes in front of our houses or pretending to camp under the big tree in Elliott’s backyard. My room had been my own, the walls covered with my drawings and notes from Avery and Elliott.
Then my dad’s bank went national and everything changed.
I caught sight of a shirt hanging from the same tree on the corner again and I slowed to a stop on the empty street to study it. It could have been just a shirt that was hung there and forgotten, maybe leftover from a yard sale. But I could have sworn that the shirt I’d seen before was red plaid. Today, a blue button up shirt hung from the tree branch, the sleeves flapping back and forth in the wind.
My gaze focused just beyond the tree and I saw a familiar dusty gray truck parked in the driveway of the house. The hood was up and as I watched, a figure emerged from the other side of the truck, wiping his hands on a dirty rag.
Jude Westmore. Shirtless.
He obviously didn’t spend his spare time laying around on the couch watching TV. Lightly muscled arms led up to a pair of broad shoulders that met a chiseled chest and abs. He had the kind of tan you got from working outside in the sun. The tattoo on his arm was a band, some kind of tribal design that wrapped around a nicely shaped bicep.
I leaned forward, my hands gripping the steering wheel until my fingers started to tingle.
BEEP!
I jumped back, slamming the back of my head against my seat and held my hands up away from the steering wheel. My gaze darted back toward the gray truck, hoping by some miracle he hadn’t heard me accidentally blare my car horn at him.
But no such luck. Jude straightened, shielding his eyes with one hand as he looked directly at me. Would I look too much like a stalker if I sped away? Did he remember that this was my car?
I lifted one hand and gave a small wave. I didn’t know what else to do.
Jude stuck the rag into his back pocket and walked across the dry grass toward me. I pressed the button to roll down the window. I felt even more light-headed as he neared me. It took everything in me not to focus on the lines of his abs.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
I gestured at my steering wheel. “Just out for a drive.”
“Doesn’t that require actually driving and not parking?”
“I stopped for a minute.”
“In front of my house,” he said.
His chest gleamed with a light sheen of sweat. Don’t look at his chest, I told myself. Don’t look at his chest. “Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t know it was your house. I was looking at the shirt.” I pointed at the tree.
Jude didn’t look at the tree, but kept his eyes on me. “You keep showing up everywhere,” he said. “If I didn’t know better, I might think you were stalking me.”
I snorted. “I have better things to do with my time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a city to explore.”
Jude didn’t lift his hands from the doorframe. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m sure I’ll find something to look at. You guys have lots of tourist traps here, right? Maybe I’ll go get lost at Biltmore.”
“You ever been to Biltmore?” he asked.
“I’ve never been to Asheville before,” I told him. “This isn’t exactly at the top of my family’s vacation destinations.”
“If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up lost in the mountains,” he said. “Some of the country is a little more rugged than others.”
“Well, I don’t exactly have a tour guide on hand.”
He shrugged. “Maybe I could do it.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You want to go tour around Asheville with me?”
“Are you inviting me?”
We stared at each other for a long moment. A car drove by, slowing down as it passed so the driver could look at us before he moved on. I thought about what my mom would say, that Jude looked like an unemployed miscreant and I should stay far away. I thought about what my dad would say, that I owed Jude repayment for changing my tire and giving me a ride home.
But it was what Mark would say that made up my mind: Do whatever you think you wouldn’t do.
“You need to change if you’re going with me,” I said, wrinkling my nose at his greasy jeans. “I don’t want oil all over my seat. And put on a shirt.” Before I go crazy trying not to look at you, I added silently.
I expected Jude to back out and tell me to go on without him. But he nodded and then turned
back toward the house. I sat in my car, tapping the steering wheel as I waited. What was I doing? Was he really going to tour Asheville with me?
Just when I was thinking that it was all a joke and I should drive off, the door opened again and Jude emerged, this time wearing nice dark jeans and a clean white T-shirt. He had brushed his hair and pulled it back into a neat ponytail.
I raised an eyebrow.
“What?” he asked once he was settled into the passenger seat.
“We’re really going to do this?” I asked. “Go to Biltmore Estate. Together.”
Jude shrugged. “I don’t have anything else to do.”
“Weren’t you working on your truck?”
“I’m always working on my truck,” he said. “It’s a work in progress.”
Still, I didn’t put the car into drive.
“If you don’t want me to go, I won’t go.” Jude put his hand on the door handle.
“No,” I said quickly. “You can go.”
“Only if you want me to.”
“You can go.”
He opened the door just a crack, his eyes locked on me. “Do you want me to go?”
“If you want to go, then go,” I told him.
He shook his head and opened the door wider. “That’s not an answer.” He put one brown booted foot outside on the asphalt.
“I want you to go!” I exclaimed. “Are you happy now?”
Jude settled back into the seat and shut the door. “If you wanted me to go, all you had to do was say so.”
I scowled at him as I shifted the gear into drive. “Do you love being difficult?” I asked.
“My mom says it’s my specialty,” he said with a grin.
#
“The house was completed in 1895 by George Vanderbilt,” the tour guide said. “It boasts two hundred and fifty rooms.”
“Plenty of space to get lost in,” Jude whispered to me.
We had slipped into the back of one of the guided tours, even though I’d only paid our admission for the self-guided one. I felt kind of like a rebel, doing something against the rules, even if it was something as lame as a guided tour.
I had, however, insisted on paying for Jude’s ticket. Now we were completely even for the flat tire.
The house itself was impressive, an American castle nestled in the green mountains. The rooms were decorated with items that were priceless. The tour group moved onto the next room, but Jude and I hung back so he could marvel at the ornate ceiling one more time.
“I think my whole house fits into this room,” he said, craning his neck to look up at the ceiling. “Can you imagine living here? You wouldn’t even have to see anyone else in your family if you didn’t want to. You could hide out in just one side of the house and pretend you’re all alone.”
“Sounds lonely,” I said. The house reminded me of my own home. Not that my house was anywhere near as big as Biltmore Estate, much to my mother’s dismay. And we’d never own the antique furniture or portraits displayed here. But the house had a quiet, frozen feeling to it that I knew well. It was a house waiting to be lived in, a house where the people inside couldn’t quite fill the space enough to make it cozy. The air in the house was cold, even though it was over ninety degrees outside.
“Let’s go outside,” I told Jude.
We followed a hall back toward the doors and then found our way to the south terrace. A few people sat on the steps or wandered around looking at the statues situated around the terrace. There were a lot of statues, figures frozen in time, unaware of the demands of life around them. I eyed a statue of a man playing a flute, his sightless eyes staring at nothing as he played on forever. Must be nice to not have to see how empty and dead a giant house like this really is inside, I thought as I smirked up at him.
I walked over to the stone wall that bordered the side of the house and leaned against it, looking out at the blue mountains that stretched as far as I could see until they blended into the sky. I sucked in a deep breath, holding it in as long as I could before letting it out.
“You okay?” Jude asked. He sat down on the wall next to me, stretching his legs in front of him.
“I’m fine,” I said through clenched teeth. I hadn’t expected to feel this way about a house I had never seen before. It was a tourist museum, not a real home, not anymore. I wondered about the people who had once lived here and whether they had found happiness hidden away in their impressive castle. Or had they realized that everything they’d built had all been just a mask for what really lay underneath? No matter how well you held things together on the outside, your life could be crumbling away bit by bit on the inside. It still had the power to destroy you. Big walls and expensive things couldn’t keep it out.
“When I was a kid,” Jude said softly, “we used to have a yearly pass to Biltmore. My mom loved coming here and pretending we lived in this giant house. My brother, Liam, used to try to scare me with those big lion statues out front. He told me that they came to life at night and ate anyone who was still in the house when they weren’t supposed to be. I was six and terrified. I nearly peed my pants whenever I passed the lions. If it started to get late in the day and we weren’t on our way out, I’d pester my parents to go until I’d start crying.”
I looked at him from the corner of my eye. He didn’t look at me, he just stared straight ahead at the statues. I wanted to ask him about his brother, but I couldn’t.
“So when did you stop coming here?” I asked.
“When I was nine,” Jude said. “My dad walked out on us, and my mom couldn’t afford the yearly pass anymore. This is the first time I’ve been since then.”
I turned around and sat on the wall next to him. We were quiet for a long time as families and couples moved around us. The wind whipped my hair all around my head.
“What about you?” Jude asked. “What’s your family situation?”
I pressed my fingernails into the stone wall. “It’s just me and my parents.”
“And they didn’t come on vacation with you?” he asked.
“They’re…on their own vacations this year.” I left it at that, hoping Jude wouldn’t press further.
He didn’t. He seemed to know when to step away from a topic. “Hey, you want to see my favorite place in the whole state?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Something even better than Biltmore Estate? I don’t believe it.”
He smiled. “Come on. This is something nature made all on her own.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
I stood in the parking lot of Chimney Rock State Park, my head craned back so I could stare up at the rock itself. It was a tower of huge rock, with what looked like another flatter rock sitting on top of it.
Trails of stairs and rocky paths led up the side of the mountain to the top of Chimney Rock. Stairs on which people were actually climbing willingly.
“You have to see the view,” Jude told me.
He started toward the entrance, but I stayed behind. After a few steps, he realized I wasn’t with him and looked back at me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I gulped and shook my head. “I’m not climbing that.”
“Why, are you afraid of heights?”
When I didn’t say anything, his eyes widened. “Oh,” he said slowly. “You’re afraid of heights.”
“I’m not afraid of heights,” I said. “I’m afraid of falling from heights.”
“It’s safe. There are rails everywhere. The stairs across the gap are supported—”
“Stairs across a gap?” I crossed my arms firmly. “No way. I’m staying here.”
Jude frowned as he looked back up at the rock towering over us. I could see people up there, tiny people who roamed around the top of the rock as if it were no big deal that they were hundreds of feet in the air.
“There’s a cafe up top,” Jude said. “We could get something to eat after we climb up. And there’s even a waterfall if we tak
e the path up the mountain.”
But I shook my head. “No mountain. No cafe in the sky. My feet are staying here.”
“Is that one of the rules?”
I glared at him. “No, but it should be.”
“How about if we just go a little way up the stairs?” Jude asked. “We won’t go all the way to the top, and we’ll stop when you can’t go on anymore.”
He looked like he really wanted to go up. I felt bad about ruining the big reveal of his most favorite place.
Don’t hold yourself back, Hannah, Mark’s voice filled my head. Do what you think you can’t do.
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll go up one flight of stairs. But that’s it.”
Jude’s face broke into a wide grin. “Come on.”
Kids raced by me, giggling as they ran up the stairs while their weary parents followed behind. The first set of steps was fine and I followed Jude up a second set. He cast a look at me, then continued when I didn’t object.
My muscles burned, but I was able to make it a little farther before a wave of dizziness washed over me. I didn’t even want to look back at how far up we were.
“Let’s sit down for a while,” Jude said, perching himself on a large rock along the trail. He patted the space next to him.
I managed to situate myself on the rock, our hips pressed close. He didn’t say anything about going on and he didn’t ask if I wanted to, but I had a feeling that he had stopped only because of me.
“I’m not afraid of many things,” I said after a moment. “I can talk in front of crowds. I’ve never been afraid of the dark. But heights get me. They always have.” I rubbed my palms over my khaki skirt. “One time, my friends Avery and Elliott wanted to have a treehouse. So Elliott’s dad built one for us in this big tree in their backyard. And on the first night after it was finished, we were going to sleep out there. We all got our sleeping bags and pillows and Elliott climbed up first so we could throw everything up to him. Then Avery went up. And then it was my turn. I got two feet off the ground and couldn’t move any farther. Avery and Elliott were yelling at me to climb up and that it was easy. But I was stuck there, until I started crying. Elliott had to jump out of the treehouse to help me down.”