by Jenni James
We were out back and walking on the small stone path that led to a canopied swing before either of us spoke again. “Thanks for talking to me,” Tony all but whispered.
I didn’t know what to say, so I settled on, “That’s okay.”
As we reached the swing, he stepped aside and allowed me to sit down. I thought he would automatically join me, but instead he asked, “Do you mind if I sit with you? I know I don’t deserve to, so I totally understand if you say no, it’s just—”
“Yes.” I scooted over. “Sit down.” I patted the seat next to me for emphasis. The swing rocked and jerked a bit as he joined me.
“Um, so I need to explain a few things first.” He glanced over at me and then nervously began to rock the swing.
I matched his rhythm. It was comforting to be sitting next to him, even after the day I’d had. “Okay.” I was all ears.
Tony took a deep breath. “Let’s start with today and that kiss.”
I blushed and looked away, not sure I wanted to hear what he had to say.
“No, wait. I’m going to start before that—way before that, like two years ago, when I first vowed I wouldn’t kiss a girl until, well, until . . .” His voice trailed off.
Until . . . ? Instantly, I was reminded of what Nora had said earlier about him not kissing a girl until he could—I was too embarrassed to even think it.
When he found his voice again, he was staring right at me. “Until I thought I could love her.”
Oh my gosh! He actually said it!
“Well, I guess what I’m trying to say—and failing miserably—is that you’re the first person I’ve felt that possibility with, you know?”
I was confused—baffled, actually—and I found myself wanting a straight answer. “But why me? I don’t get it.”
Tony must’ve seen I was serious because he shook his head and answered truthfully. “I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve asked myself that a lot. Why now? And why a girl who doesn’t even live here? That’s the hardest part for me.” He straightened up a bit and turned to face me. “I think it’s just because you’re you. You’re steady, and like today, just now, when everyone else was around me, you stood back and waited. You’re—I don’t know—security for me, or something. Look, ever since this whole band thing happened—which I promise to get to in a bit—my life has changed, really changed. Everything around me was hard to control, and people were everywhere, always around and laughing and excited and, well, they wanted me because of who I was, not because of me. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
“Then you came along, and you didn’t even care about me, or think about me, or—or anything. And I don’t know, it was nice. You were nice and spunky and funny and tough, and I just found myself drawn to you. I wanted to talk to you and be by you. And anyway, it surprised me when you told me you’d kissed that Jaden guy. It surprised me big time, because all at once I was jealous. That’s when it hit me that I wanted to kiss you—and I would’ve then, not impulsively, either. I decided long ago that if I ever met a girl I wanted to kiss, and the opportunity presented itself, I was going to take it. I just hadn’t found you, and then the opportunity wasn’t really there, I guess, until today.”
I knew my face was beet red. I lowered my eyes and focused on the grass. “But what about Nora? Why doesn’t she want you to kiss me? Did I make her mad or something?”
“Nora? No way. She likes you. Really.”
She has a funny way of showing it.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “She’s just worried about me—about the band. Look, I uh—kind of risked a lot by coming here. And she knows it. She thinks it’s stupid, and maybe she’s right. I mean, that’s why I came, because for the first time, I could see it from her point of view, and it is stupid.”
“What, the contract you guys were talking about?”
“Yeah, that. Actually, it isn’t legal or anything—it has to do with my mom and dad. Back when the band was first starting out, we were attracting the notice of a lot of people—so much so, my mom and dad freaked.” Tony leaned back in the swing, and the rocking motion slowed almost to a stop. “They promised to let me do this—become a sort-of rock star—if I promised not to get a big head about it. They had seen so many celebs lose their cool and go crazy, and they were worried about me, because I was so young.”
I’d be worried, too. Who could ignore the tragic stories of the different teen/young adult celebrities in the pages of gossip magazines?
“Anyway, I had to promise not to tell anyone who I was—well, that and keep my grades up.” He grinned. “The thing is, when I was on stage, I could be me, but when I wasn’t performing, I had to keep a real low profile. It was the only way they’d let me do it. I haven’t even seen much of the money, either. It’s all wrapped up in a bank account for college, or life or whatever.”
“Are you kidding? Does that bother you?”
“The money?” He shrugged. “No. It’s not like they’re hoarding it or anything. It’s my account. Their names aren’t even on it. I just don’t get to spend it on sports cars and stuff.”
I had never heard of anything like that before. “So, what happens if you do, or if you broke this contract with them?”
“Yeah, that.” He cleared his throat. “See now, that’s a bit harder. They’ve always threatened to pull the plug on the band if I told anyone about it—”
“Wait! But you’ve told me, right? And all those neighbors, and—”
“Actually, I haven’t told you—I’ve shown you, and I’m thinking you put the pieces together. But it won’t count anyway. My mom and dad are going to be ticked. They would definitely consider singing under your window in front of everyone to be showing off.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. “I’m seventeen. I’m a minor. They can very easily step in and pull me out of the band for a couple of years.”
“So is your name really Jackson Russolini?”
“It’s Anthony Jackson Russo—they just added the ‘lini’ part to make it sound cooler.”
I pushed him in the arm. “So, why’d you come here? I didn’t need to know! Sheesh. You’re in the top ten, for crying out loud!”
“Top three, actually. I just got the text today.”
“Really? You’ve made it to the top three? Holy cow!”
“I know.” He smiled. “It’s kind of crazy cool, huh?”
“Tony!” I shoved him again. “Why would you ruin your whole career to come here and see me? What about the other band members?”
“You know why?” He turned to fully face me. “Because for the first time in my life, I found something I love more than playing—and I was losing her. That’s why.”
Twenty-one
Love Bites
Oh my gosh! My heart stopped beating, and my breathing was replaced by short, silent gasps.
“Claire, I was an idiot today. I deserved to have you walk away—actually, I wouldn’t have respected you if you’d stayed. I was the biggest, stupidest idiot that has ever existed. When I turned around and you were gone, I freaked. I totally lost it. I knew then that losing you to my stupidity would’ve been the biggest mistake of my life. All at once, playing the guitar or being in some band didn’t matter if I couldn’t have the one real thing in my life.”
He grabbed my hands and held them between his. “You don’t know what a heart attack you gave me when I couldn’t find you and you wouldn’t answer your phone. I was running up and down that mall until your text came through. And boy, did everything really sink in then. I knew I was a loser—I knew it—especially if you were willing to ride home with someone else.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Just tell me you went home with the werewolf, okay? Tell me you didn’t hitch a ride with some stranger. I couldn’t bear it if I thought you’d gone off with just anyone—”
“It was Jaden. Don’t worry.” I grinned. How cute is he?
<
br /> Tony heaved a big sigh of relief and opened his eyes. “I stopped in at Old Navy once the idea came into my head that you might’ve taken off with him, and thankfully the manager said Jaden left around the same time you did. And why’d you turn off your phone, anyway? Wait! Don’t answer that—I have a more important question. Not that it matters, but I’d just like to know anyway. Did the guy try to kiss you again?”
I giggled. “What? After I’d kicked his butt earlier? He wouldn’t dare.”
Tony shook his head and laughed. “What did you do to that guy, anyway? I’d never seen anyone that big look so scared of a girl before.”
“Nope.” I grinned. “I’m not telling. A lady doesn’t reveal her secrets.”
Tony smiled, shaking his head in amazement. “Man, I love you.” His eyes seared into mine a moment before he looked away.
Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I’d forgotten how to breathe again.
When he locked his eyes with mine once more, he surprised me by saying, “Yeah, I’m having a hard time breathing myself. I know what you mean.”
My jaw dropped.
“And that’s another reason why I can’t seem to stay away from you—I mean, why you’re so addicting. I can read you like a book. It’s like—I don’t know—it’s like we’re connected somehow.”
So that explains it. I nodded my head in agreement. I decided not to point out that the connection only worked one way, and that it sort of freaked me out. Instead, I grinned and looked down at my fingers as they twisted into the T-shirt I had thrown on after my bubble bath.
Bubble bath! Oh my gosh! I’m not even dressed cute! My hand flew to my head. My hair was still in its messy bun. I didn’t even know what my face looked like, since the last time I remembered being fully awake, I was crying. You’ve got to be kidding me! I probably look like a monster.
Tony chuckled and leaned closer to me. “You’re beautiful.”
I nervously glanced away. “Okay, now I know you’re crazy.”
“Claire.”
I braved a peep at him. He was smiling this totally hot smile. My insides exploded into a gazillion butterflies. This guy loves me. Me. I can’t believe he loves me.
“Why can’t you believe it?”
I didn’t freak out this time. It was like I was getting used to him being able to read me. “I don’t know. It’s like a dream or something, like you can’t be real.”
He laughed. “I’m real. Didn’t today teach you that? Believe me, I’m just as much of a jerk as the next guy.” He scrunched his eyes as if remembering.
“No, you’re not.” I leaned forward and cradled his head in my hands, softly touching his eyelids with my thumbs. The lines erased as his face relaxed. Slowly, my thumbs took on a mind of their own as they explored his eyebrows and the fine hairs of his eyelashes. They were so long. Guys shouldn’t be allowed to have such long eyelashes. It isn’t fair.
“That tickles.” Tony grinned, his eyes still closed.
“Sorry,” I whispered. I would’ve removed my hands, but they wouldn’t leave. Instead, my fingers straightened his hair back across his forehead. When I felt how silky soft his hair was, I couldn’t help myself. I never wanted to stop touching it. All at once, my fingers were twisting and twirling and dancing in his locks—testing multiple hairstyles on the poor guy. My hands combed and styled and then fluffed it up to start all over again. I had almost forgotten he was there, until—
“That feels so good.”
Shocked to hear his voice, I looked down. His eyes twinkled up at me. It looked as if he had been watching me for a little while. My hands stilled in his hair. I grinned and tried to think rationally, but I couldn’t. I was caught playing in his hair, for crying out loud. Like I couldn’t stand to be apart from him. Like I was just trying to stall before I got up the guts to kiss him. Like I . . . kiss him? Where did that come from?
My gaze flew to his mouth and then back up to his eyes again. Nervously, I licked my lips. Do I have the guts to kiss him? Technically, I’d never kissed a guy before—they had both kissed me. Are girls supposed to make the first move? I wish Cass was here to tell me what to do—no, wait! Erase that thought. I do not want her here right now.
It didn’t matter. All of my internal rambling didn’t matter, because Tony obviously got tired of waiting. Before I knew what was happening, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me himself.
I thought I was going to burst.
“Claire! Tony!”
We jerked apart.
Cassidy ran up to us. “You’ve got to check it out! You’re on the news!”
“What?” I gasped. Oh, no.
“Are you kidding?” Tony exclaimed. “You are kidding, right? Tell me you’re kidding.”
She laughed. “Nope. It’s awesome. You’ve gotta check it out—come on. It looks like someone managed to record you on their camera. Hurry! It’s coming up after the next commercial break.” With that, she turned and ran back up to the house.
Tony moaned. “This is worse than I thought. I’m on the news? Already? My parents are really gonna freak.”
“How much time do we have?” I asked.
He shrugged. “They have a lot of friends. Someone is bound to recognize me. I’m thinking no more than five minutes after it airs, tops.”
Oh my gosh! “What are you going to do?”
Tony paused and looked out into the yard, his gaze far away. With a small shake of his head, he answered, “Quit the band. There’s not much else I can do now. I was hoping I might be able to convince them that you guys were family, but—but if it’s on the news, then they’re gonna be . . . it’s gonna be bad.”
“You can’t quit the band. I won’t let you. You have to fight for it—”
“Claire, it’s not what you think with my parents. They didn’t want me to do this to begin with, but they were nice and caved. If they think it’s going to hurt me . . . no way. I’m more important to them than my dreams.”
“What about Nora? She’d fight for you, wouldn’t she?”
“Nora? Oh yeah, she’s been arguing about this since it first happened. She’s always thought it was dumb to keep it a secret, and she’ll still think so. But to my parents, she’s just a kid, like me. Don’t get me wrong—I totally get where they’re coming from. I mean, if this gets out, I won’t be able to go anywhere. Seriously, so much for hangin’ with my friends. Our band is big. Well, it’s huge, bigger than I ever wanted. We’re scheduled to go on tour the second I graduate, but already our fans on MySpace and Friendster and Facebook are hounding us to visit them. So far, it’s been easy to stay low, because most people near where I live have known me forever, and since they’ve never seen me play or anything, they don’t expect me to be the lead singer of a band. Sure, I may look like him but I’m not him, you know what I mean?”
It made sense. I still didn’t like it. “So this news report . . . what will happen now?”
Tony stood up and held out his hand for me. When I put mine in his, he pulled me out of the swing and slowly up the path, almost like he was hoping to miss the news report altogether.
Denial. It’s a beautiful thing.
He sighed. “Our publicist warned us when we first started out that if any media got wind that we were just a group of high school guys, they were going to be all over that. We were going to have a massive media circus on our hands, like paparazzi and everything.”
“That’s annoying.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Fans like you. They’re not out to see if they can catch you doing something stupid, not like the paparazzi, who are always trying to find some story or angle somewhere.”
“Well, come on, maybe the news thing won’t be that big of a deal,” I said. “The image is probably all blurry anyway. Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.”
It was worse. Way worse.
“Listen up, all you native Seattleites, have we got a surprise for you. Apparently the elusive Jackson Russolini—front man and lead sing
er for the popular new band Northanger Alibi—has been spotted in Queen Anne Hill, serenading a girl who looks to be his new girlfriend.” Video footage of Tony singing to me flashed across the screen. It looked like it’d been shot from one of the upper windows across the street.
“How do we know this is Jackson Russolini, you ask?”
Another video footage tape popped up, and you could see Tony waving goodbye, grabbing my hand, and escaping into the house with me. The camera switched to Cassidy. She was screaming and jumping up and down, shouting, “Jackson! Jackson! We love you! Northanger Alibi rocks!”
Cassidy groaned and buried her head into an accent pillow on the couch as the screen flipped back to the newscaster.
“And that isn’t all—just remember, you heard it first here at King5—it seems that Jackson not only lives among us, and has his whole life, but some of you may know him. His alias is—”
The screen flipped to show Roger. He was beaming proudly into the small camera phone. “Yeah, I know him. My wife and I are good friends with his parents, Ilene and Jonathan. His name is Tony Russo.”
No!
“There you have it, folks. Our own Ilene and Jonathan Russo, owners and directors of Northwest Academy, have a rock star for a son. Who knew Jackson lived so close? We certainly didn’t! And in other star-studded news, it looks as though—”
I didn’t have to hear any more. Tony was standing so stiffly, I wondered if he’d gone into shock. This is not good.
Because of his reaction to the news, no one said anything. In fact, after Roger turned down the volume on the TV with the remote, he just nervously sat there. Darlene was curled up next to him, fingering the fringe on the pillow in her lap.
My sister was the only one brave enough to say something. “Sorry, Tony,” she said quietly.
He didn’t move, just stared ahead, watching the muted screen.
After a couple of seconds, Cassidy mouthed and asked if he was upset.