Ford took that in. He wanted to be angry with her ex, but he had been doing the same things she was blaming herself for. His family, that was something else to delve into. Why anyone would blame her for the failure of that marriage was ridiculous.
“I’m not sure you are to blame for everything,” he started softly. “I believe that whenever a relationship ends it’s good to look over it and see if there was something you could learn from it. I don’t know all your details but it sounds like you may be taking on too much of the blame for this. Your ex knew who he was and kept that from you and everyone else. Don’t shoulder all of it because others are blaming you.”
She was silent on that and he knew that shield was going to have to be breached. “No more heavy talk tonight unless you really want to. We’ll save if for a rainy day, yeah?”
Luna nodded and looked down at the fish that were in her lap swimming around in a tiny plastic container. He thought back to when she was so happy they weren’t in little bags. It scared her she said.
So cautious and afraid. And it wasn’t a fear of being hurt or of the unknown, that was what you were designed to be afraid of. It was as if she was afraid of failing at anything. Even in transporting some fish home.
Ford was going to have to set up opportunities for her to win. Even if he had to make a daily event to get her to see herself like he did.
Luna was leaning over the counter at Ford’s condo, her head resting in her hands as she watched Peyton and Eli swimming happily around their new tank. Ford had shown her how to make sure the water temperature was right and to test the Ph to make sure it would work for them. They rinsed all the rocks and new toys and greenery she’d got and set up their tank.
She showed them their new home and gave them some food. They seemed happy with their roomy new place. Peyton was checking out the little house while Eli kept booping against the glass as though he was looking for a way out.
After their talk in the car, Luna’s mind had been spinning. When he’d asked her who had hurt her, even she was shocked that her mind hadn’t immediately blamed Al. Instead, she answered without thinking. There was a definite sense of shame that she had let herself down. Maybe it was the therapy, maybe it was just time, but there was a part of her that was mad at herself for getting into the place that she had fallen. Sure, she could have denied her feelings and kept on as she had been. Instead, the post-divorce emotional explosion had left a crater she had to dig herself out of. If she hadn’t fallen where she did, would she be in a better place now? She wasn’t so sure of that.
Now she was at Ford’s house and her heart was racing. It had been a few years since she’d had sex. There just hadn’t been any opportunities up until now. What if she forgot how? Or how she did it was wrong? Paranoia was setting in.
Ford had excused himself after they had set up the fish tank. She wasn’t sure where he had gone. The urge to snoop around was high, so she stayed in the kitchen and talked to the fish.
She was holding back on contacting the girls. Her initial thought in the car was right. This was her decision and her call. Luna already knew what they were going to say. It would be a resounding chorus of “Go get some, girl!”
Just thinking about Ford like that made her want to wiggle. She wasn’t lying about just not thinking about it. Once that part of her brain was turned off, it was surprising how long she had just done without and not noticed.
Now that part had been turned on, literally. She was experiencing a level of horniness that was unknown to her. Even if her brain could convince her to leave, her lady parts might stage a protest.
The image of tiny picket signs flashed through her mind and she giggled.
“They already doing tricks or telling jokes?”
“Oh no, just thought of something funny.”
Ford came up behind her and pressed his body against hers. His hands resting on either side of the counter in front of her.
“Can I show you something?”
Luna nodded and he took her hand and walked her down the hallway. She knew it was his bedroom and her heart started pounding. Part of her wanted to run and the other part wanted to know what would happen once they stepped inside.
He walked her into his room. It wasn’t anything fancy. It was almost set up like hotel room, or a room that he’d picked out of a furniture shop. The bed took up most of the room and there was a small light on beside the bed.
Luna took a ragged breath and decided in that moment that she was making the choice to spend the night with Ford. She was at peace with her decision if she wasn’t a hundred percent settled on it. There was a chance she may never be totally comfortable. Still, it was a chance to make a decision on her own and to give herself the permission to move on.
“Nice, bed,” she said, her voice catching.
“It is, very comfy. But that isn’t what I wanted to show you.”
Ford moved to another door that he pushed opened. As they walked in, she noticed the lights were turned off but there was a warm glow from candles reflecting off the mirror where they were sitting on the counter.
Opposite the counter was a large deep tub that was full and steaming. A layer of frothy bubbles rested on top.
“What is this?”
“This is for you. I want you to relax in this tub. Enjoy it and don’t worry about anything. Take your time; I’ll be in the living room.”
“And when I’m done?”
“You can either call me in and I’ll help you out. Towel you off and we can see what happens next. Or you can finish, get redressed and meet in the living room. We’ll eat brownies and watch TV.”
“That’s all?”
“Why not? It’s not what I want to do, but I still get to be with you, and that’s not a bad way to end the evening in my book.”
Luna was still holding his hand from when he had led her into the bathroom. He was too nice to be real. His sweetness and consideration was not what she was used to at all. Her ex had been thoughtful, but with a different feel to it.
“Okay, thank you.”
“Thank you for what? It’s just a bath.”
“It’s not just a bath. You know that.”
Ford leaned towards her and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Relax.”
He walked out of room and left her alone in the warm dark room.
Chapter 14
Ford was sitting on the couch. It was taking everything in him to not go and check on her. He wanted to see if she was enjoying herself. Whether or not she needed anything, whether her bath was still warm.
He didn’t go; he wanted her to make the choices on her own. She had chosen to come to his house and for some that might be enough. But he knew that this was a bigger decision about herself than it was about him.
So he waited. He thought about how quickly his life could change for the better if she called for him. It would still change if she chose to come out and spend the rest of the evening on the couch with him. She might have been in there making some big choices, while Ford had been sitting there finalizing his own.
The minutes ticked by and he had started to resign himself to the fact that he might have a quiet evening in store when he heard his name called out.
For a moment he thought it might have been his mind playing tricks on him. His hope so great that he’d heard her quiet voice call out his name.
Getting up, he walked by the kitchen and saw her phone was on the counter and the screen was lit. Picking it up to bring it to her, he saw the preview of the message in the notification bar. It just said, Don’t ruin another one…
Ford didn’t know what that meant; it wasn’t any of his business. The message seemed vaguely hostile and he changed his mind about disturbing her bath. He’d ask her about it later.
He moved to his bedroom door and expected to go straight into bathroom. He stopped short when he saw Luna sitting on his bed, her hair tied into a large knot on top of her head. Instead of taking the towel he’d left for her and wrapping it aroun
d herself, she was holding it gently draped over the front of her. The hint of her shoulders and one arm that was clutching the towel. It lay over her lap leaving her legs exposed.
“Luna…” he said her name in a whisper. She was a vision that took his breath away.
“I’m here, Ford, because I want to be.”
Ford didn’t want to overthink this. He walked towards her and slowly started removing his clothing. It didn’t seem fair that she wasn’t dressed and he was.
Stripping down, he stood naked and let her look her fill. Ford was proud of his body; he was strong for his job, but he wasn’t unaware that he looked good. His body was trim, his chest was broad and flat, and his stomach rippled with lean muscle.
“Wow,” she murmured.
“It’s only fair. You look beautiful; I don’t want you to think that I don’t appreciate your gift.”
“Gift?”
“Believe me, you sitting there is like Christmas morning.”
A blush stole over her cheeks.
“That just makes you prettier.”
Ford took a step closer then sat next to her. He brushed a lock of hair that had fallen from her bun behind her ear.
She was looking up at him with a look so deep and unfathomable that he was momentarily lost in her gaze. He could spend the rest of his life looking into those blue eyes and die a happy man.
“You’re perfect,” he said to her, moving his thumb over her lower lip.
“I’m not,” she whispered back.
“You are for me.”
Ford kissed her then, slowly, but made sure she knew that he was exactly where he wanted to be. It was slow and he didn’t want to rush her. Her skin was soft and she smelled of the bath and bubbles.
He shifted so he was lying on the bed and pulled her down with him.
Chapter 15
Luna gasped as their naked bodies connected. It was something she had missed so much. That skin on skin contact was something she hadn’t realized was so important. His skin was warm and strong and with his arms around her, she felt like there wasn’t anything in the world that could get into that room. There was nothing that could get between them.
There was a little voice in her head that kept telling her that this wouldn’t last. That he’d get tired of her. That there was something inherently wrong about her that a man wouldn’t want to be with her long term.
So if she couldn’t have him forever, she’d have him for as long as she could. Ford made her heart feel better. Like some of the spaces that had cracked open a few years ago were starting to heal. Maybe even after Ford was gone, those wounds wouldn’t reopen.
She chose to let her mind slip back and give way to her body. Her skin felt like it was lighting up and coming alive.
“Luna, Luna, you are amazing,” he said into her ear.
It was almost easy to believe when he said it. She wished she could take that feeling home with her. For now, she would enjoy it.
“It’s been a while, for me. Just so you know. I may not be very good at this.”
“Oh darlin’, what makes you think that?”
“I don’t have any reason to think otherwise.”
“I’ll make you a deal, after tonight, no more talk like that. I get where you’re coming from. It would make anyone doubt themselves, but I know that you have nothing to worry about.”
Luna liked that idea. Not worrying anymore. Not having that nagging voice in her head telling her that no matter what she had accomplished it wasn’t enough.
Ford started kissing her. She hesitated for a moment and he seemed to kiss her deeper so she relaxed. If nothing else, she wanted him to feel good too. This wasn’t just about her. It was about them. For as long as there was a ‘them.’
His hands roamed over her and she wanted to try and experience all of it, every touch, every skim of his fingers, but it was overwhelming. Her body arched up to his touch without her even thinking about it. He was confident and sure of his movement.
Luna used her hands to move over his chest. His muscles were hard and she’d never felt muscles like that. Seeing them and feeling them were different. She moved her hands over his arms, feeling his biceps. She decided to be bold and skimmed her fingers over his chest.
“Luna, my Luna. How in the world did I get so lucky?”
“If anyone is lucky it’s me. I’m afraid to like you because I don’t want to miss you.”
Telling him that opened her up to all sorts of emotional danger. Luna shouldn’t have said it, but now it was out there.
“I won’t give you a chance to miss me.”
Luna didn’t know how long they had been in his bedroom. She had tried to keep up with Ford and wasn’t able to. He had her spiraling so out of control that she wasn’t even sure if she was participating anymore. All she could do was feel. And she did. It was amazing, her body was on fire. He touched her; he tormented her. His hand was between her legs, and he was teasing her so mercilessly. It was brilliant.
She was being greedy and wanted to remember everything. The truth was she would be lucky to be able to recall much of the evening.
“Ford, I don’t know if I can.”
“Of course you can. In fact, I demand it. Luna, come for me.”
Luna wasn’t sure if she could, she was holding back and she knew it. When Ford told her he was expecting it… demanding it, she felt a release of a different sort. She didn’t need to restrain herself; she didn’t need to hold it all together anymore.
The building pressure that had built inside her, the aching pleasure that had risen to a peak tumbled out of her. Luna let out a mewling cry as she clutched Ford’s arm. Luna in another life would never have come yelling and panting. Her previous experiences had been restrained and quiet, polite even. There was no politeness now. It was like a dam had broken inside her and her pleasure had her only seeing stars behind her eyelids. Her body was locked and grasping at every sharp bite of pleasure.
Normally she’d be dying of embarrassment. Not this time. It was wonderful and she couldn’t bring herself to put anything bad on it.
As her thought processes slipped back, she was going to think of some witty quip to say to bridge the awkwardness. She heard the rip of a condom wrapper then Ford was moving into her with a slow steady thrust that made her brain misfire. He wasn’t being fast or rough, it was just a claiming of body and soul that she had to catch up with.
He stopped and waited for her. She appreciated that.
“Luna, let me see your eyes.”
Luna opened her eyes and saw him over her. He was so handsome, and he was smiling down at her, and she wasn’t expecting that.
“Watch me. I’m here, with you, and no one else.”
He started to move and Luna was so caught up that she pushed what he had said to the back of her mind. She’d have to decipher it later.
Ford made love to her. It wasn’t fast and it wasn’t with the sole intent of him getting off. He took his time and made her burn.
Chapter 16
Ford lay with Luna in his arms. He knew that she was pretending to be asleep and he let her have that. He was content with her the way they were, and he was sure there was a lot going on in her mind. Every time she said something negative about herself, his first reaction was to pummel whoever it was that had put those thoughts in her head in the first place. His second response was sadness that a woman as bright and loving as she was would ever think poorly about herself.
If he could have picked out all the things he enjoyed in a lover, Luna would match every one. She was giving, she touched and kissed him, and then she enjoyed what he had to offer her. That decadent decision to let someone else please you did wonderful things for his ego. And please her he had. He made her come over and over, testing and memorizing her likes and dislikes. He wanted to learn everything there was to keep Luna happy and at his side.
He knew he had some convincing to do, but now after having her, the task of winning over Luna Kind had become immense
ly more pleasurable. Cuddling her closer, their sweaty bodies touching shoulder to toe, he let his eyes drift close and made plans on how he was going to wake her up in the morning.
Luna was waiting for Ford to go to sleep. She didn’t want to talk to him, or maybe she did. Did he want her to leave? Or stay? He was wrapped pretty tightly around her. She guessed that if he had wanted her to leave, he would have distanced himself. Rolled over and ignored her. Instead, he was holding on to her like he’d drown if he didn’t.
With her limited experience, he seemed to have enjoyed himself. She knew she did and she couldn’t wait to tell the girls. Ford talked during sex. He commented, described and kept up a constant chatter while they made love. Luna wasn’t a big talker so she hoped that he wasn’t offended when she kept her responses limited to gasps and moans. The chances of her actually forming words had been slim to none.
If she weren’t so worried about what came next she’d give herself a moment to relax and enjoy the aftermath. But she was analyzing. Her therapist would tell her that she was missing the moment.
As Scarlett O’Hara would say, tomorrow is another day. Luna did have tomorrow and she needed to be the strong woman everyone said she was and handle whatever came next, good or bad. Her heart was feeling a little tender, in a good way. She liked Ford. He was a balm to the rough edges of her heart. She was afraid of getting used to that sensation. There was no way she’d miss it when it was gone.
Settling in, she started counting her breaths, hoping she would fall asleep and not snore.
As it turned out, she didn’t snore. At least Ford didn’t mention that she had. Not that he was very talkative when they woke up. Luna was having the most delicious dream and it was full of naughty things that she and Ford could do.
Breaking Free: The Broken Hearts Club Page 7