by Sarah Morgan
One false move …
Just one false move and she’d plummet to the bottom because she’d chosen not to use the support of a rope.
It was just her and the rock-face.
A few more reaches and pulls and finally she was on top.
She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, feeling the tension ooze out of her.
It was true that there was a lack of challenging climbing in the Lake District, but despite that she loved it here and at the moment she wouldn’t swap it for the Himalayas or the Karakorum.
It felt like home.
‘You shouldn’t free climb. It’s dangerous.’ The deep, masculine voice came from directly behind her and she froze, recognizing Tom’s voice without even turning to identify the speaker.
‘What are you doing here?’
But it was a silly question.
This had been their place. Somewhere that both of them had loved. It was hardly surprising that he still came here.
‘I was looking for you.’ His tone was easy. ‘I thought I’d find you here and I was right.’
Sally gritted her teeth, wishing that she’d been less predictable.
He sat down next to her, his dark hair windblown, his jaw dark with stubble. ‘Do you remember how often we used to come here? It was our special place.’
The peace and comfort vanished in an instant and she scrambled to her feet, raking her blonde hair out of her eyes with a shaking hand.
‘Don’t get all sentimental on me, Tom,’ she said coolly. ‘I came here because it’s a fun climb. Not because I want to wallow in the past. I don’t.’
He nodded, his eyes steady on her face. ‘And you needed to relax. It’s been a tough week, Sally. Tough on both of us.’
She deliberately chose to misunderstand him. ‘Yesterday was certainly a challenge.’ She kept her tone neutral. ‘But it had a happy ending. The baby is beautiful and they’re doing fine—I called this morning to check.’
‘You were amazing.’ His voice was soft. ‘Do you realize how much you’ve changed?’
She wished he wouldn’t look at her like that, his sexy blue eyes fixed on her face as if he was seeking access to her every thought.
‘Of course I’ve changed.’ She released her blonde hair from its ponytail and shook it so that it trailed down her back and lifted in the wind. ‘We’ve all changed, Tom. It’s been seven years, and seven years is a long time.’
But not that long.
‘Seven years ago you never would have been able to do what you did yesterday.’
‘Of course not. I wasn’t an experienced midwife.’
He shook his head. ‘That’s not what I mean. You’ve developed confidence, Sally. A belief in yourself. Something you didn’t have seven years ago. Seven years ago you would have doubted your ability to deliver that baby in those circumstances. You would have been panicking.’
‘Instead of which, you were the one doing the panicking.’ She couldn’t resist teasing him slightly. ‘I’ve never seen you rattled before, Tom.’
‘That was the most nerve-racking moment of my career,’ he confessed in a rueful tone, and she looked at him, surprised to hear him admit it.
‘Well, now who’s changed?!’ She lifted an eyebrow in challenge. ‘You used to think that there was nothing you couldn’t deal with.’
He gave a wry smile. ‘There’s arrogance for you.’
She frowned slightly at his response, still unable to understand why he’d been so tense. ‘You deal with obstetric emergencies almost every day of your life.’
‘That’s right,’ he drawled, ‘in a modern, well-equipped hospital with every possible piece of machinery at my disposal, including an operating theatre. Just for the record, you probably ought to know that delivering a woman in precipitate labour on a mountain at the end of winter is not my idea of relaxation.’
Sally gave a wistful smile. ‘Actually, I think it was wonderful.’
‘Clearly. As I said, you were amazing.’ He looked at her for a moment. ‘Didn’t you once think about all the possible things that could go wrong?’
She gave a faint smile. ‘Of course. And then I dismissed those thoughts. I’m a midwife. I’m trained to believe that childbirth is a natural experience. You’re an obstetrician. You’re trained to believe that you’re there to sort out problems. If there had been problems, I would have stood aside and handed over to you.’
Tom lifted an eyebrow. ‘You think I can perform a Caesarean with a bar of chocolate and a penknife?’
She breathed in. ‘I think you would have done whatever was necessary,’ she said simply. ‘I’ve never questioned your skills as a doctor, Tom.’
‘Your faith in me is touching, especially given the fact that I left you to do all the work.’ His firm mouth curved into a self-deprecating smile and she felt her heart kick against her chest.
She’d always loved his smile.
He looked wonderfully familiar in his mountain gear and she felt her memories collide inside her.
It seemed like yesterday that they’d sat here and planned the future.
Or rather, she’d planned the future.
A twinge of disquiet shot through her. She’d always talked about babies and family and it was only now that it occurred to her that Tom had said very little.
‘You never wanted it, did you?’ Her tone was hoarse as she voiced her thoughts. ‘All those things we talked about. You never wanted the family. For you it was all about the job. Your career. Becoming the best.’
Tom was silent for a long moment, his eyes fixed on her face. ‘That was part of it,’ he admitted gruffly, ‘but I wanted a family, too. One day. With a woman who loved me.’
She flinched as though he’d struck her. ‘Are you saying that I didn’t love you?’
‘I know you thought you did. But you were young.’ Tom turned to stare across the mountains, a muscle working in his rough jaw. ‘I was the first man who’d made love to you, Sally. And you were just eighteen.’
She tried to keep her breathing steady but the memories were too powerful. ‘You’re trying to tell me that I didn’t know my own mind?’
‘You were desperate for love and a family. And I understood that. You were moved from one foster-home to another. It’s hardly surprising that you dreamed of home and hearth. We were crazy about each other, but instead of enjoying the relationship you talked about nothing but babies and living together. I was the only man you’d ever been with. I was never sure if you wanted me for myself or because you saw me as a way to fulfil the dream you’d always had.’
She stood still with shock, frozen to the spot by his interpretation of what they’d shared, the delicate atmosphere between them shattered by his honesty.
He sucked in a breath. ‘You were afraid, Sally. You didn’t think you could exist on your own. You had no confidence or self-belief. Our relationship never would have worked under those circumstances. I was working hideous hours at the hospital and my mind was never on the job. I was always worrying about you. And all you could talk about was babies.’
She swallowed. ‘I didn’t ask you to worry about me.’
‘Well, I did.’ He rose to his feet and looked at her, his gaze direct. ‘You wanted a family to replace what you’d never had, and I was supposed to provide that.’
‘That’s rubbish.’ Her voice was hoarse and her heart was thumping as she backed away from him. ‘I loved you. You’re just trying to make yourself feel better about the fact that you ended it.’
He shook his head, his mouth set in a grim line. ‘Believe me, nothing could make me feel better about ending our relationship. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But I know it was the right thing. Especially now, when I see the person you’ve grown into.’
Pain shafted through her but she lifted her chin and stared him in the eyes. ‘That is so patronizing! So am I supposed to thank you?’ Her voice shook with anger. ‘Am I supposed to be grateful that you so generously threw away what I felt for you? You are so arrogan
t, Tom Hunter! You’re just justifying the fact that your career mattered more than I did.’
She stalked away from him but he grabbed her arm, preventing her escape.
‘That isn’t true.’ His voice was rough. ‘You want the truth? Well, the truth was I was always afraid that one day you’d wake up and realize that there was a whole world out there. A world that you hadn’t seen. I didn’t want you to be with me just because I was the first and only man you’d ever been with. I didn’t want you to be trapped with a young family when you were so young yourself. I wanted you to see life first.’
Her heart was thumping so hard that she felt strange. ‘I was with you because I loved you. You were my life, Tom. My whole world. I wasn’t interested in the rest of it.’
She shook his arm away and stepped backwards.
How could he even begin to justify the decision he’d made?
She still couldn’t understand how he could have wrecked something that had seemed so perfect.
‘I didn’t expect you to leave,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I didn’t want that. All I wanted was breathing space—I wanted to be sure that it was the right thing. For both of us.’
‘You didn’t expect me to leave?’ She set her chin at a dangerous angle and her eyes flashed. ‘You thought I’d sit around and watch while you dated other women?’
He sucked in a breath. ‘I didn’t date anyone, Sally. Not in the way that you mean.’
She didn’t even want to think about it.
Spitting fire and flame, she turned on her heel but he grabbed her again.
‘Don’t walk away from this.’
‘I’m walking away for your sake because if I don’t walk away I’m going to injure you!’ Her eyes flashed into his and she struggled to steady her breathing. ‘I actually do now feel like blacking your eye, but I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the speculation that your black eye would undoubtedly receive in this small community.’
‘Well, before you walk just think about this …’ His voice was weary and his fingers bit into her arm. ‘Think about all the things you’ve done in the last seven years and then ask yourself if you’d have done any of them if we’d stayed together.’
She stared at him for a long moment, her breathing rapid, and then she tugged her arm away from him and stalked down the path, the set of her shoulders warning him not to follow her.
How dared he say those things?
He was implying that he’d done her a favour by ending their relationship.
Sally walked quickly, trying to escape from the thoughts that crowded her brain, but they rolled around inside her head, crying out for attention.
She reached her bike and swung her leg over the saddle, pausing for a moment as Tom’s words came back to her with brutal clarity.
I was never sure if you wanted me for myself or because you saw me as a way to fulfil the dream you’d always had.
Her hands tightened on the handlebars and she sucked in a breath.
Even as part of her insisted that he’d just been trying to justify his actions, another part of her questioned whether there might not have been some truth in what he’d said.
Had she just been desperate to create the family that she’d never had?
It was certainly true that Tom had been the first person in her life that she’d loved.
And it was true that all she’d ever wanted had been a family. She’d spent her entire childhood on the fringes of other people’s families and she’d dreamed about being in the centre of her own. Of mattering to someone.
And she’d mattered to Tom.
For the first time in her life, someone had taken an interest in her and loved her.
Had that love stifled him? Put pressure on him?
Disturbed by the thoughts running through her mind, Sally stirred and fastened her cycle helmet, determined not to spend any more time dwelling on the past.
It was the future that mattered, and the future meant finding somewhere to live. She still had the rest of the day in which to find a flat, and she intended to do just that.
Whatever had happened between her and Tom was in the past, and that was where it was staying.
* * *
Tom ran a hand over his face and cursed softly.
He could go after her, of course, but he knew that there was no point in trying to continue the conversation until she’d had time to calm down and think about the things he’d said.
So he watched in silence as her slender, super-fit figure disappeared into the distance, remembering the pleasure he’d derived from watching her climb after so many years.
Some climbers seemed to heave themselves upwards in a series of dramatic jerks, but when Sally climbed it was like watching a mixture of ballet and gymnastics. Her movements were smooth and measured, her body strong and athletic as she pitted herself against the rock-face.
She might not want to accept that she’d changed, but she had.
Tom gave a wry smile as he accepted the inevitable consequence of that change. She no longer needed him.
The days when she’d asked his opinion on anything and everything were obviously long gone.
This new Sally seemed to know exactly what she wanted.
And at the moment it wasn’t him.
He stared at the mountains, breathing in the air, enjoying the solitude. So much of his relationship with Sally had been forged in these mountains. They’d shared so much, understood each other’s need to climb and be outdoors.
His eyes drifted down the sharp line of a ridge straight ahead and he wondered if that was one of the reasons why he’d never managed to make a commitment to another woman.
For a while Sally had been part of him. She’d understood who he was. Everything about him. And he hadn’t come close to sharing that bond with any other woman.
And he didn’t want to.
The realization hit him like a physical blow.
He still wanted Sally.
And ending their relationship seven years ago had been the biggest mistake of his life. He should have married her while he’d had the chance and given her so many babies that she couldn’t leave the house!
He ran a hand over his face and cursed softly.
Maybe she was right. Maybe he had been arrogant, making the decision for both of them. Maybe he should have trusted her feelings more.
Trusted her love for him.
But he hadn’t, and he’d thrown away the one thing that had mattered to him in life.
He sucked in a deep breath and stared across the mountains without seeing their beauty.
For seven years he’d had to live with the lingering doubt that he’d made the wrong decision and there hadn’t been anything he’d been able to do about it.
But she’d finally come back.
Sally Jenner was home.
Which meant that he’d been given a second chance.
* * *
By the time she returned to work on the following Monday, Sally was feeling more positive.
She’d found a lovely garden flat on the shores of the lake, which was available immediately, and she intended to move in as soon as possible.
She’d taken Bryony and Helen to see it and both of them had agreed that it was idyllic. And Sally was already forming a close friendship with Helen. She could see what Oliver loved about her. She was gentle and warm and extremely good company.
And as the three of them had stood staring at the view from Sally’s new flat, Helen had asked her if she’d be one of her bridesmaids. Bryony and her seven-year-old daughter, Lizzie, had already agreed.
‘I don’t have sisters,’ Helen said quietly, ‘and I’ve always wanted three bridesmaids. Don’t ask me why. Will you do it?’
Sally had hesitated but Helen had been so sweetly insistent that eventually she’d agreed.
‘Sally?’ Emma walked up to her, carrying a pile of notes, a harassed expression on her face. ‘A woman’s just turned up complaining of breathlessness and chest pains.
The husband says that they’ve given up on the GP because he just keeps giving them different antibiotics. He’s obviously really worried about her. Would you check her blood pressure and things while I just call Tom?’
‘Of course. Is she booked with us?’
‘No.’ Emma shook her head. ‘They’re staying with family but I think she is carrying her notes. The husband told me that she’s thirty-three weeks. First baby.’
Sally hurried to the examination room and introduced herself to the couple. ‘How long have you been this breathless, Mrs Singh?’
‘For about a month.’ The woman was overcome by a severe bout of coughing and Sally frowned.
‘And you’ve seen your doctor?’
The husband nodded. ‘He said that she has a chest infection and he’s given her two different types of antibiotics. She was feeling a little better yesterday so we came up to stay with my brother, but suddenly in the night she was much worse.’
‘And you’ve had pains in your chest?’ Sally checked the woman’s temperature, pulse and blood pressure and offered her a drink as she started to cough again. ‘Mrs Singh, can you describe the pain in your chest?’
The woman gave an agonized gasp. ‘It happens when I breathe in. Such a sharp pain. The GP said it was infection.’
Sally nodded and quickly scanned the notes. ‘And when you cough, are you bringing anything up?’
Her husband nodded. ‘All night she coughed up clear, frothy stuff.’
Sally tucked some pillows behind the woman and gave her a smile. ‘Try not to worry. I’m going to find the consultant now and ask him to come and take a look at you. Then we’ll get you sorted out.’
She hurried onto the labour ward in search of Tom and saw him emerge from Theatre, a mask dangling round his neck.
‘Are you looking for me?’
He looked tough, male and far too tempting for her peace of mind.
Her heart kicked against her chest but she ignored the reaction and concentrated on the problem in hand.
‘There’s a woman in the examination room complaining of chest pain and difficulty breathing,’ she told him quickly. ‘Her GP has treated her with two lots of antibiotics.’
Tom lifted an eyebrow. ‘But?’
‘I don’t think she has a chest infection,’ Sally said immediately. ‘I think her symptoms might be cardiac.’