by Sarah Morgan
‘What happens now is that we’re going to get you down,’ Sally said firmly. ‘And then, if you want to talk a bit more about feeling as though you don’t belong, I’m your woman.’
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘HE’S still in surgery,’ Tom said, pacing the staffroom in the A and E department. ‘Are you sure it was a ruptured spleen?’
‘I’m an A and E consultant,’ Jack said mildly. ‘I think I can recognize the signs of a ruptured spleen. Presumably you can, too, which is why you cannulated the boy on the mountain and got him down here fast. I’m sure he’ll be fine.’
‘I hope he is,’ Sally said heavily, ‘or poor James is going to have even more to cope with than he does already. And he’s in a pretty sorry state.’
She’d stayed with him in A and E while Jack had checked him over and she’d stayed with him when his parents had arrived, full of relief and self-recrimination.
And there was no doubt in Sally’s mind that they loved James very much indeed.
‘Why couldn’t he have run away somewhere flat and boring?’ Jack said. ‘Why did he have to go halfway up a mountain in a howling gale?’
‘He was upset,’ Sally muttered, ‘and you can hardly blame the kid for that.’
She desperately hoped that Lester pulled through or that would be something else for James to deal with.
Wondering why life had to be so complicated, Sally left the A and E department and went back upstairs to the relatives’ room on the paediatric ward where she knew Lester’s parents were waiting, along with James and his parents.
They were sitting in a huddle, four untouched cups of coffee on the table in front of them.
The moment she entered they looked up anxiously, and Lester’s father rose to his feet.
‘Any news?’
‘Nothing yet,’ Sally said gently, ‘but they’ll tell you as soon as they can.’
‘It’s all my fault.’ James gave a sob and his mother made a distressed sound and pulled him into her arms.
‘No, it isn’t,’ she said firmly. ‘If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine for not telling you sooner, or not telling you in a different way. I did it all wrong.’
But she wasn’t doing it wrong now.
Sally felt a lump build in her throat as she watched the woman cuddle the sobbing boy.
She was protecting him through something unpleasant. Wasn’t that what mothers were supposed to do?
Suddenly she badly needed to be on her own.
The whole incident had forced her to confront feelings that she’d buried for years, and she felt something catch in her chest.
Satisfied that her presence wasn’t needed and finding it all too difficult, she left the room silently and promptly bumped into Tom in the corridor.
‘He’s fine,’ he said quietly, his eyes searching her pale face. ‘I’ve just spoken to the surgical team. They’ve glued the spleen and checked him over. He’ll be in hospital for a few days, but he’s doing well.’
‘That’s good news.’ Sally managed a smile, genuinely relieved that the episode had a happy ending. ‘Go in and tell them.’
She went to move away from him but he caught her arm. ‘Sal …’
He knew.
He knew how she was feeling, just as he always had.
‘Not now, Tom.’
She dragged her arm away from his and walked down the corridor as fast as she could, determined not to make a fool of herself in front of him.
If there was one thing she’d learned over her lifetime it was that she could survive on her own.
And she knew that because she’d had to.
* * *
Tom cursed silently, watching with a sense of frustration as she hurried away down the corridor.
He knew that the incident had disturbed her and he understood why.
To help save James, she’d delved deep inside herself and bared wounds that she usually kept deeply buried.
And now she’d exposed them.
And she was hurting.
He shifted slightly, feeling her pain as acutely as if it had been his own.
Torn between his desire to go after her and the knowledge that Lester’s family was waiting for news in an agony of trepidation, his duties as a doctor won and he forced himself to turn and walk towards the relatives’ room.
He’d talk to the family, take them to the intensive care unit to see their son and then he was going after Sally.
And he wasn’t going to let her shut him out.
* * *
She was emotionally and physically exhausted.
Her bed beckoned, but her mind was too fretful and active to even think about sleeping and she didn’t want to lie still and allow her thoughts to overwhelm her.
She needed to keep busy.
Deciding that the answer was to start packing up her things, ready to move into her new flat the following weekend, she reached for some boxes that she’d put aside ready for that task.
She was halfway through filling the second box when she heard the throaty roar of a motorbike, followed by the sound of footsteps outside the front door.
She froze and stopped breathing for a moment.
It was Tom.
It could only be Tom and he was the last person she wanted to see at the moment.
She didn’t want company.
She just wanted to be on her own.
Judging from the impatient thump on the door, he had no intention of respecting that.
She stood still, determined not to answer, assuring herself that he couldn’t force her to answer the door.
Finally she heard the roar of the motorbike again and allowed herself to relax, ruthlessly quashing the tiny kernel of disappointment that hovered inside her.
What would have been the point of letting him in?
She didn’t intend to lean on Tom.
Sally went back to her packing but in a relatively short time the bike was back again. Her heart thumping, she waited for more knocking but this time all she heard was the sound of a key turning in the door.
Before she had time to wonder how he’d managed to get a key, he’d let himself into the cottage and pushed open the living-room door, his wide shoulders dominating the room.
‘What’s the matter?’ She took one look at his tense features and the recriminations died on her lips. Instead, she scrambled to her feet, concern in her eyes. ‘Is something wrong?’
He stopped dead and let out a long breath. ‘Not now.’
She stared at him, heart pounding, palms damp. ‘What do you mean, not now? What are you doing here? And since when did you have a key?’
‘Since I bullied one out of my sister. You wouldn’t answer the door. I needed to see if you were OK.’ He raked long fingers through his dark hair and dropped his helmet onto the sofa. ‘Damn. You gave me a nasty moment.’
It would be so easy to convince herself that he cared. That he—
She pulled herself together, her expression cool and unwelcoming. ‘I didn’t answer the door because I wanted to be on my own. And I’m not your responsibility, Tom.’
His eyes burned into hers, fire melting the ice. ‘What if I said that I want you to be my responsibility.’
Her heart rate doubled. ‘I’d say you’d gone mad.’
He wasn’t playing fair.
He’d lost the right to say things like that to her a long time ago.
‘Maybe I have gone mad.’ His voice was rough and he unzipped his leather jacket in a violent movement. ‘Or maybe I was mad seven years ago when I let you go.’
The tension in the air was suddenly so charged that she couldn’t breathe.
‘I don’t want to do this, Tom. I can’t talk about it now.’ Her voice was little more than a whisper. ‘I haven’t had any sleep and I’m tired.’
‘And you’re upset over that boy last night.’ His eyes raked her tense features. ‘Did you think I didn’t know? Did you think that I could hear you talking about all those things and not know
how badly you were hurting? Or did you just think that I wouldn’t care?’
She looked away from him, and pressed a hand to her chest. ‘I mean it, Tom. I can’t do this—not now. It isn’t the right time.’
‘Now is precisely the right time.’ Tom stepped towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders. ‘Because you’re vulnerable, and when you’re vulnerable I see the real Sally.’
She could feel the strong bite of his fingers through the thin wool of her jumper. ‘You’re suggesting that I’m not real?’
He was so close that she could hardly breathe and she felt a shiver of sexual awareness spread through her body.
He gave a humourless laugh and this time his hands came up to cup her face. ‘Oh, you’re real, Sally.’ His voice was husky as he tilted her face so that she was forced to look at him.
His mouth hovered only inches from hers and suddenly she forgot why it was that she was supposed to stay away from him.
Why would any woman want to stay away from a man as irresistibly sexy as Tom?
As if she were drugged, she stared up at him, her mind and her senses clouded by the overwhelming attraction between them.
And then his mouth came down on hers, his kiss hard and demanding.
There was no question of resisting him.
Why would she resist something that she wanted so badly? Needed so badly?
Their mouths locked in a wild frenzy, a desperate mating that was almost savage in its intensity. Responding to the building fire in her body, Sally pushed the leather jacket away from his broad shoulders and tugged at his jumper.
Without lifting his mouth from hers, he helped her, shedding the jacket with a rough movement and shuddering as he felt the warmth of her hands slide up his back.
Dragging his mouth from hers with an effort, he ripped off his jumper and then brought his mouth down on hers again and backed her against the wall of the living room.
A lamp smashed to the floor but remained unnoticed.
She could feel him hard and heavy against her and she tried to tell him that he felt good, but her body was no longer under her control and the words wouldn’t come.
His mouth seduced hers relentlessly while his hands stripped her roughly, first of her cardigan and lacy bra and finally of her jeans.
‘Do you know how badly I’ve wanted this?’ He lifted his mouth from hers just enough to growl the words that needed to be said. Those clever hands slid inside the delicate silk of her panties and dispensed with them swiftly. ‘Wanted you?’
Her breath was coming in pants and her body throbbed with a sexual heat so intense that it threatened to overwhelm her. From somewhere she found her voice. ‘I want you, too. Now, Tom …’
She dragged his mouth back down to hers, desperate for his kiss, frantic at being denied what she needed so badly. He obliged instantly, his mouth plundering hers while both of them fumbled to remove the rest of his clothing.
There was the sound of tearing that both of them ignored and then finally he was naked and he felt good, so good. She sank her teeth into the slick muscle of his shoulder, pulled him closer and felt him, hard and male, pulsing against her. Her body was aching and throbbing and she gave a sob of desperation, pressing closer, raking her nails down his back until he swore softly and lifted her, his hands sliding over the curve of her buttocks as he supported her weight.
Their breath mingled in desperate pants and he adjusted her position and then sheathed himself inside her in an almost primitive act of masculine possession. She cried out in the most exquisite pleasure, her head tipped back and her eyes closed as he thrust again, the pressure of his body pushing her hard against the wall.
But she didn’t care.
She welcomed the roughness, the desperation because she felt it, too. That same raw urgency that seemed to devour him engulfed her and consumed her, driving her higher and higher, beyond the limits of human control.
Her whole body shimmered with ferocious sexual need and she wrapped her legs around him, encouraging him, her sobs and gasps intensifying as he drove into her again and again, his body slick and hard against hers.
It had been so long and their need for each other was so great that it couldn’t last.
She felt the build of pressure, the sudden increase in masculine thrust and surge of power and then their bodies exploded together in a wild, out-of-control climax that left them both breathless and wordless and shaking with reaction.
Feeling the race of his heart and the harsh sound of his breathing, Sally closed her eyes, overwhelmed by the sensations that still coursed through her trembling body, proof that such a powerful explosion couldn’t just vanish into nothing. She swallowed in disbelief as he lowered her gently to the floor, his arms still locked around her.
For endless seconds neither of them spoke, the only sound their fractured breathing and frantic attempts to regain some sort of control.
And then he slid a hand behind her neck and his tone was both rough and gentle at the same time. ‘So—if I said I’d missed you, would you believe me?’
There was no missing the humour and irony in his voice and she gave a small smile.
She wanted to say that she’d missed him, too. That she loved him.
The thought almost shattered her control.
No, no, no!
She couldn’t do this a second time.
She reminded herself that making a mistake once was forgivable, but making the same one twice was nothing short of foolish.
Last time he’d made the decision for both of them.
He was quite capable of doing the same thing again.
Suddenly she needed to minimize what had happened between them. Needed to reduce the shattering impact of his lovemaking.
‘I think we both had a stressful day.’
He was silent for a moment and his breathing gradually slowed. ‘I’ve had plenty of stressful days before,’ he murmured roughly, lowering his head and branding the soft hollow of her throat with the heat of his mouth, ‘but I can assure you that I don’t do this.’
She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, steeling herself to reject the affection. The intimacy.
She couldn’t afford to enjoy it. Couldn’t afford to accept it.
With a supreme effort of will, she slid away from him and stooped to retrieve her cardigan, glancing ruefully at the buttons.
‘We always were in too much of a hurry.’
‘And why was that?’
He should have looked ridiculous, standing there naked, but he didn’t. He looked magnificent. Staggeringly male and shockingly sexy. It was all she could do not to reach for him again and satisfy the craving of her body.
But she couldn’t afford to do that.
Tom had all the qualities of an addictive substance. Lethally attractive and dangerous in equal quantities.
And she was going to resist him.
No matter how her body throbbed or her heart ached, she was going to resist him.
‘We’re both passionate people, Tom. These things happen.’
‘Do they?’ His gaze burned into hers and he reached for his jeans, dragging them on in a lithe movement. ‘You often have mindless sex without even bothering to remove your clothes?’
Her gaze slid pointedly to the untidy pile of clothing remaining on the floor. ‘We removed our clothes.’
‘Don’t do this, Sally. Don’t reduce this to nothing.’ He yanked up his zip and in two strides he was in front of her, his hands on her arms. ‘Have you done that with anyone else?’
She tore her greedy gaze away from the perfect musculature of his chest, determined not to follow the tantalizing line of dark hair that trailed down his taut abdomen.
‘My sex life is none of your business, Tom.’
In truth she didn’t have a sex life, but there was no way she was sharing that information with him. It would reveal far too much about herself.
‘You’re saying this was just sex?’
No. It had been an
expression of everything she was. Everything she felt for him.
‘Let’s not analyse it, Tom.’ She pulled away from him before she did something she’d regret. Said something she’d regret. ‘I’ll make you a coffee before you go.’
‘That’s it?’ His tone was incredulous and his blue eyes raked her pale face with ill-disguised frustration. ‘We have white-hot sex against the wall and you offer to make me a coffee before I leave? What the hell is going on here, Sally?’
Self-protection. That was what was going on.
She looked at him, struggling to keep her expression neutral. ‘What do you want?’
‘I want you.’
His words pierced her heart more effectively than the sharpest weapon.
‘You just had me, Tom.’
His jaw tightened and he inhaled sharply. ‘That isn’t what I meant, and you know it.’
‘I’m not a commodity, Tom. You can’t put me down and then expect to pick me up again when it suits you. Last time you wanted me I gave myself to you. I gave every part of myself.’ Her voice shook with passion as she spoke the words that she’d been too shattered to speak seven years before. ‘I held nothing back. Do you know what it’s like to give like that? Because I didn’t until I met you. I’d never trusted anyone with what I gave you.’
He flinched, guilt flaring in his gaze. ‘Sally …’
She nodded, her green eyes flashing sparks and her chin lifting with dignity. ‘And you rejected it. I’m an adult woman, Tom, and I have a right to give or withhold as I choose. I enjoyed the sex. But that’s all it was. And now what I want more than anything is to be by myself.’
‘No.’ He shook his head, his hard jaw set in a determined line. ‘That isn’t what you want, and we both know it. You were hurt tonight. Do you think I didn’t know? When that boy was talking about not having a family, did you think I didn’t know what that did to you? I want you to share that with me. I want to be there for you. Talk to me, Sally.’
The addiction was pressing in on her, temptation taking the shape of comfort.
But she recognized it for what it was.
Short-term relief that would bring long-term pain.
She couldn’t afford to give any more of herself to this man. So she fought hard against the temptation, determined not to yield. Determined not to be that weak.