Fearing Regret

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Fearing Regret Page 3

by Barbara Speak


  The sprite came back with our skates, dropped them on the floor and then turned and walked away. Laughter rang out of both of us uncontrollably. This was going to be fun and I knew it. Anything with Ryan was just that.

  I laced up my skates and confidently went to stand up. That's when I fell back, flat on my ass. Ryan laughed even harder. I gave him a look that said "I will kill you in your sleep" and he tried his best to control it. Poor guy, no one can stop laughing if they are supposed to. It just can't happen. He eventually stood and reached for my hand to help me up. Once I was back on my feet, I was good to go. Balance took some getting used to, but we made it out onto the circle rink and started to skate. The music came on and it was like being a kid again, just as Ryan had said. Neither of us cared how stupid we looked. It was impossible to take the shit eating grin off of our faces. We stayed out there for hours, even attempting old tricks like skating backwards. When we knew we had fallen enough for the bruises to last for more than a week, we called it a day.

  Both of us went over to the bench to take off the skates and grab our shoes. Once it was time to return the skates and pay for everything, the girl never came out of the back room.

  We waited and called for her, but after several minutes Ryan just laid forty dollars down on the counter and we left.

  When we got back in the car, he drove the wrong way if he was heading back to my office.

  "I did end up having a lot of fun but you don't have to babysit me all day. You can take me back to work so I can just go home."

  "Did you want to get your car sometime today?"

  "Oh crap, I forgot all about my car. How am I going to get two vehicles home?"

  "We will get your car first. Then I will follow you to drop it off so we can go back to get the other one. Why do you have two cars anyway?"

  "Asher, that's why."

  "That says enough right there."

  "It speaks volumes."

  Two seconds later, we were pulling into the parking lot of the bar we were at the night before. As we circled around to the back lot I was forced to park in, we both gasped for air. All the windows had been broken out.

  "Oh my God Ryan, who would this?"

  "I can take one guess and I would probably be right. Motherfucker!"

  CHAPTER 3

  We both got out of his car to get a better look at the damage. Sure enough, glass was sprayed all over the interior of my car. There was no way I could even sit in it, more or less drive it to the dealer and have it fixed.

  Ryan looked at me and said, "Go wait in the car. I will take care of all of this."

  "I'm not a child, Ryan. This happened to me, not you. I can call the dealer and have them tow it in."

  "I never said anything about you not being able to handle this. But I am telling you, you are not going home alone tonight. Call Kara while I contact the police."

  "The police? Why?"

  "Why? Kate, someone vandalized your property. Why wouldn't we?"

  I hadn't even thought that far ahead. I was still in shock. I had no enemies to think of. I knew Ryan assumed Jarrett had done this, but I just knew it wasn't him. He was an asshole, but not the kind that would do something this crazy.

  "Okay, I get it. Call the police. I’ll call Kara like you said and see if I can sleep there. But Jarrett didn't do this, Ryan. I don't know who did, but it wasn't him."

  He looked at me like he wanted to argue, but it was a look that was gone as fast as it had come on, replaced by sympathy. I wasn't sure if I liked either one.

  It took a while for the police to show up, but after we were done filing a report, we went ahead and left. Both of us were quiet initially, but there came a point where I had to break the silence. After I made the comment about it not being Jarrett, Ryan didn't have much to say. It was eating me alive.

  "Hey, you want to go grab some dinner somewhere?"

  It was the best I could come up with and I had been trying to think of something for a while now.

  "No thanks. Let’s just get to your other car and call it a day."

  "Ryan," I reached for his hand but he pulled away before I could take it in mine. "What is wrong?"

  "Nothing is wrong Kate. I'm just tired and still a little hung over from last night."

  Short and a bull faced lie. If he didn't want to talk about it, there wasn't much more I could do.

  We continued to drive until we reached my work. That was when I let out a scream. Ryan immediately looked to see what was wrong and then from me to my car, with all of its tires slashed.

  "God damn it! What the fuck is going on?"

  I started to cry, hard. As in whimpering like a baby. He threw his car into park, got out and slammed the door behind him. He walked around it, crouching down to examine each tire. When he was done, he got back in and started the car, only to back up and drive off.

  "Where are we going? Don't we need to call the police again?"

  He didn't respond to my questions, which I found unbelievably rude. So I chose to ignore him as well. Well, that is until I couldn't take it anymore. I had to speak again.

  "Where are you taking me Ryan?" Tears were still falling from my eyes and he was still stiff as a board. Why the hell was he mad at me?

  Finally he came out of his fit and said," You're staying with me. Call Kara and tell her never mind about tonight. First, we will go by your place and grab whatever you are going to need for the night or two. Then...."

  "Wait a minute. You don't have to do this Ryan. I don't need a babysitter. I will go stay at Ash's house if need be. I would hate to put you out any more than I already have. You obviously are aggravated with me, so let’s just call it a day like you said. Drop me off at home and you can go back to being hung over or deal with whatever the hell crawled up your ass."

  His jaw dropped damn near off his face. It wasn't often I got mad and definitely not at my friends. But he had to be kidding himself if he thought after both of my cars were vandalized, that I was going to worry about making him happy.

  I turned my head to look out the window until we pulled into my driveway. The car hadn't even made a clean stop before my door was open and I was out of it. I heard him turn it off and then his door close, but not once did I turn even an inch to look back. Ryan just added himself to the kiss my ass list. It seemed to be growing fast as of lately. I didn't get all the numbers into the key pad for it to open fast enough before Ryan was spinning me around, grabbing my face and kissing me. At first I fought him off, but the softness he used to take my lower lip in his mouth led me to quit the fight. My emotions were all over the place, but in that moment, his lips were making me forget about everything and anything. When he slowed down and dragged my bottom lip with his teeth softly as he pulled away, it caused me to whimper.

  I looked down at the ground, afraid to make eye contact. As soon as his mouth was no longer in contact with my own, reality came crashing down on me. Ryan?! What the hell was wrong with me? He didn't let me think too long on it though because he was lifting my chin, stepping back into my personal space and kissing me again.

  This time his hands went to my neck, slid back up into my hair and pulled me closer. God he felt good. So, so good. This was one of my best friends and I was making out with him in front of my house. Normal Kate would be appalled at the idea of doing something so tacky. After the day I had been having, I decided to do the exact opposite of what came natural to me. That meant grabbing Ryan around the waist and squeezing him just enough for him to know I wanted him to keep going. His grip on my hair tightened. I moaned again, this time in his mouth. He pulled away just long enough to whisper my name and then he was back to kissing me.

  "You stupid fucking slut!"

  That's what we heard that broke our kiss. That's what came out of Jarrett's mouth before Ryan was flying down the driveway, tackling Jarrett to the ground and beating the crap out of him. That is the comment that changed my way of thinking. The Jarrett I knew would never have talked to me like that. Maybe h
e was the one responsible for all the craziness that had happened. Maybe I had no fucking clue what was up or down anymore when it came to judging people.

  I waited until Ryan stopped punching him before I walked over to where they were. Neighbors came out on to their front lawns to get a good view of the drama. Almost immediately a siren was heard coming closer. It had felt like we just left the police and here we were again. All because my judgment once again led me wrong. Or did it? I was so confused and scared.

  Once Jarrett was knocked out, Ryan got up and came over to me. His knuckles were covered in blood. He grabbed me in his arms and held me. Only then did I know I was shaking uncontrollably.

  "Shhh, it will all be okay. I'm here Kate. You're not alone."

  Nothing he was saying at the time was registering. My thoughts had taken over. What if Jarrett didn't break my cars? Just being associated with me now caused him to be lying in my front yard unconscious.

  Two police cars pulled up along with an ambulance. The EMTs went to work on Jarrett, while several officers questioned my neighbors. Ryan and I stood back watching, until an officer approached us.

  "After taking reports from several eye witnesses, I'm going to have to ask you to please place your hands behind your back sir. You are under arrest for assault and battery."

  Up until this point I couldn't speak. But as soon as they put the handcuffs on Ryan I screamed, "NOOOOOO!"

  I lunged for him and grabbed onto him like a life line. My arms wrapped around his shoulders but it felt so wrong that he couldn’t hug me back.

  "Kate, listen to me. It’s not your fault..."

  "Yes it is! This is all my fault Ryan. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

  I then turned to the officer, "Please Sir, don’t do this."

  I was a sobbing pathetic mess. Nobody listened to me. Ryan continued to try to comfort me with words as he was led to the back of the police car.

  Once he was inside with the door closed, I remembered that Jarrett was being carried on a stretcher into the ambulance. What the fuck had I done?

  CHAPTER 4

  Life came crashing down on me. I thought at first to call my brother, but the last thing I needed was my family to find out about all of this. I called Kara next, but neither her nor Chad answered. Chris was my last option and I couldn't have been more grateful when he answered. Well, that is if I could speak clearly in to the phone for him to understand me in the first place.

  "Oh my God, Chris! Ryan got arrested, Jarrett is in an ambulance, you need to help him! What am I going to do?"

  "Kate, slow down. You need to control yourself and stop crying so I can understand you. All I heard was ambulance, Ryan, Jarrett and going to do. Where are you? I'm coming now."

  I couldn’t stop crying to tell him. It was like as soon as I heard his voice say hello, I lost any ability to make sense. I openly sobbed and couldn't stop as all of the emergency vehicles were pulling away.

  I sat down when my legs refused to support me anymore. I continued to hold the phone to my ear, but as Chris was talking, I began to rock back and forth saying nothing.

  Eventually, Chris pulled into my driveway. I knew he was coming here because he had told me he was on his way over the phone. I still was holding the phone to my ear when he picked me up in a cradle position and carried me to the front door. He set me down to get the keys from my purse and then picked me back up and carried me inside to the couch.

  "Kate, I can't help you or anyone else if you won't tell me what happened. You need to calm down and breathe."

  I was a ridiculous mess. I knew I needed to suck it up and help Ryan and Jarrett but it was so hard. Life had just gone up in flames right before my eyes. This was a cluster fuck and I witnessed it all first hand.

  Chris came back with a glass of water and some aspirin. I took it from him and put both aspirin in my mouth, swallowing them down with the whole glass he had brought me. Taking the time to do that brought me back to a place where I could collect my thoughts and help the best way I could.

  "Jarrett sent me a text last night, saying he would be by today to talk. I didn't want to see him, so I went to my brother's house this morning. I had left my car at the bar last night when Ryan and I took the cab home, so I drove the Navigator. When Ash and his girlfriend left, I had nowhere to go, so I went up to work. That is where Ryan met up with me. We went roller skating and..."

  "You two went roller skating? Hahahaha."

  "Chris, shut up. I'm trying really hard here to tell you what happened."

  "I'm sorry Kate. Go on just don't feel the need to do a play by play of the whole day. I just need to know what happened to Ryan."

  "I'm getting there so just be quiet and listen. After the roller skating Ryan took me to get my car. We left the Navigator at my work and had ridden together all day in his. He was going to follow me home, drop off my car and then take me to get the SUV.

  When we got to the bar, all of the windows had been busted out of it."

  "No shit?"

  "Listen! So Ryan called the cops, we filed a report and had the car towed to the dealer. We left there and went back up to my work, but when we got there, all of my tires had been slashed."

  "Both cars?"

  "Yes. That's what is so crazy. Then Ryan and I came back here. I was putting in the garage code when we heard Jarrett call me a stupid whore. Ryan didn't even pause. He just ran at him, tackled him to the ground and beat him senseless. The neighbors reported it all and before I could register what had happened, the sirens were going off, Jarrett was on a stretcher being loaded into the ambulance and Ryan was being arrested for assault."

  "The end?"

  "Did you need more?"

  "No. I was just making sure you didn't have another couple of hours about today you wanted to throw in there."

  "You're an asshole, Chris. This isn't funny. I don't know how hurt Jarrett is or if Ryan is going to be okay."

  Chris's phone started to ring so he grabbed it and answered.

  "About time you call me back. Ryan is in jail and...," his face lit up, "really? So what now? Okay, I will tell her. Yeah, we will have that taken care of too. See ya."

  "What in the heck was that about?"

  "That was Chad. He bailed Ryan out already and they were on their way to pick up Kara. Ryan told me to tell you that it wasn't your fault and Chad told me to tell you to order a pizza because they are all on their way over here. God, that was long."

  "How did he bail him out already? They just left."

  "No sweet pea, it was almost two hours ago. You were like a crazy person there for a while. You wouldn't respond at all when I was talking to you outside."

  "So he's okay?"

  "Sure he is. Ryan will be fine. Now we need to check on the asshole. If Ryan fucked him up like you say he did, then he will be facing much more serious charges."

  "So do I just call the hospital? Why would they tell me anything? It’s not like I am family."

  Chris started to Google the number and then had his phone pressed to his ear. "Hello, yes I am looking to check on a patient that was brought in a couple hours ago. Yes, his name is Jarrett Rauw. Yes, R- a- u- w. Really? Oh, okay thank you for your time. Thanks again, goodbye."

  "What? You’re killing me here!”

  "He's already been released. Apparently Ryan didn't put that much of a beating on him after all."

  "So what is going to happen now?"

  "I have no idea, but it’s about to get really interesting. You need to order that pizza though. I'm starving and I'm sure they will be too when they get here."

  Thirty minutes later, Kara came running through my door and into my arms.

  "I'm so sorry Kate. None of this would have happened if I had said yes to you this morning."

  Ryan came walking through the open door saying, "What the hell is wrong with you girls? Why do women always try to blame themselves?"

  "Hell, if you ask me? They're a lot stranger than just that." Chad had followed Ryan
in.

  "Leave us alone. Kate has a psycho after her and you guys want to joke around about it."

  Chad walked over to me and Kara, pulling us both in for a hug. "No one messes with my girls." He turned to look at me. "Are you hearing me Kate? You are going to be just fine."

  All of a sudden, arms were being wrapped around my waist and Ryan was pulling me into him. "She sure will." Then he nuzzled his nose into my hair and kissed my ear.

  Kara's mouth fell open, Chad and Chris looked equally confused, and I was about to make it all worse.

  "Ryan, can I talk to you for a minute in private please?"

  He let go of me instantly and took a step back. One look into those amazing eyes and I knew he understood where this was all going, before he even took that step. I attempted to reach for his hand but he pulled back and just said, "I get it Kate. There's no need to talk about any of this, okay? We will be fine."

  He looked to everyone else and said, "Who's hungry? I'm starving.” He walked straight to the kitchen, leaving me with the rest of the confused people in my house.

  Kara came over and said, "I will take that walk with you." She pulled me back into one of the spare bedrooms. Once I cleared the door threshold, she spun around and asked, "What the hell was that?"

  "Kara, listen. It’s not what you think."

  "Really? Because it looked clearly like Ryan just kissed up your neck. Like you two have history of some kind going on. Prior to riding home together in the cab last night, there was none. So, best friend of mine, what the hell happened?"

  "So much, too much. I don't know. The only thing I am certain of right now is I shouldn't be jumping into any other kind of situation with anyone."

  Kara grabbed my face and then pulled me into a hug. This was what I needed all damn day. Nothing was her fault though, I agree with the guys. It was mine to own and I refused to forget that, by dragging Ryan down with me.

  "He really likes you, Kate. He always has. Be careful with him."

 

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