“In his heart, she wasna. Not anymore.”
Cat smiled a little, though it hurt. “That means something, aye?—that he wasna intending for two of us to live beneath his roof.”
“Or one of you in Glen Lyon, and the other in Appin?” His tone was kind. “ ’Tisn’t his way, Cat. ’Twas never Alasdair’s way.”
It welled up suddenly, with no warning. “I wouldna want to be Jean,” she blurted. “Nor to be in Jean’s place, going away from the house of a man I loved.”
“What they had was never love.”
It astonished her. “But—”
“You are young, Cat.” His eyes—Dair’s eyes—were warm. “I dinna mean that as insult—you are a woman grown, aye?—but there are things between men and women you canna envision. Pray God it remains that way.”
She dared it. “You and Eiblin?”
“Eiblin and I kent we were meant for one another when we were wee sprats. There was never another for either of us.”
And again: “But—”
“But not everyone is so, Cat. And if there is pleasure, even without love, a man may bide a wee.”
“Six years,” she said; it mattered.
“But not strung like a necklace, aye?—one bead after the other. As much time apart as together. More time apart as together.”
“It matters,” she told him.
“I ken that,” he answered as steadily.
“And yet I think if he came home from Fort William and asked me to go, I would not. Could not. So how can she?”
“Because Jean is the kind of woman who doesna fight for a man. He fights for her. ’Tis how she wants it. ’Tis how she needs it.” John shrugged. “But Dair has never done so, and that, you ken, is why there were six years. Because Jean could not bear that he might turn away. Such things were her doing. Her decision.”
“That isna love,” Cat declared decisively. “That is war.”
Dair’s brother smiled. “And she has forfeited the high ground. You hold it, now.”
Cat turned, angrily blinking away unbidden, unwanted tears. “Not if he doesna come back.”
The Earl of Breadalbane made deep obeisance before the Queen of England and Scotland. It was not his preference to see her on matters of state—that was for the king, save William remained in Flanders—but circumstances, wholly unexpected, required it. And so he faced her now, in London, in Kensington Palace, trying desperately to muster diplomacy as well as authority.
She motioned him to rise. She was plump of body, round of chin and shoulders, with a proud, straight nose—not humped as was her husband’s—and an excessively small mouth nearly devoid of lips. Dark hair was piled up on her head in a myriad of waves and iron-wrought curls. She resembled her brother, the exiled king, and was not particularly attractive. But beauty was not her strength, nor equally her folly. Her strength, just now, was William’s absence; the folly a romantic streak coupled with Scots blood. And she had, only today, decided rather incongruously to recollect it.
“Your Majesty,” he began, “I have learned of your intent with regard to the Highlanders who stole the Lamb and her supplies near Fort William.” Sweat stung in the fleshy hollows beneath his arms, soiling his finery; he wore his best London-made suit to meet with the queen. “If you will forgive my impertinence, Your Majesty—I would wish you might reconsider.”
Mary sat very straight in the massive chair beneath a draped canopy, as if intimidated by her surroundings and desirous of not showing it. Near her feet was a tangle of silky, parti-color dogs, the spaniels called after her father, Charles I. The earl paid them no mind save to briefly mark their presence; they were not elegant deerhounds and thus did not matter. Not far from her chair, though a conspicuous distance away, gathered a clutch of silk-clad ladies as unremarkable as the dogs.
“Why might you wish it?” Mary asked in a thin, girlish voice.
“I believe it to be in the best interests of England if they were transported to the Tolbooth in Edinburgh, Your Majesty—”
“To wait upon the king’s pleasure?” she interrupted. “Well, our royal husband has more important matters to concern himself with than rebellious young Highlanders.”
“Yes, Your Majesty—but—”
“He is at war, my lord earl. The future of our country rests upon his beloved head. He need not trouble it with this, we think.” The hem of her skirts was abruptly tugged away from slippered feet as one of the young spaniels caught the fabric and pulled. The queen laughed in indulgent amusement and bent down to free her skirts, making soft and wholly inefficient reprimands, to which the dogs responded with a marked lack of respect.
Breadalbane chewed the interior of his cheek. He did not know why this woman frustrated him so—he was well versed in dealing with recalcitrance—save he could not use the weapons he was most accustomed to. She was female, innocent of wit and politics, but wielded enough power with William away that she could undo his plans.
Patiently, he began anew. “Your Majesty, these Highlanders are far more than rebellious young men, but warriors—”
“We have ordered them to be set free,” she told him firmly. “We have said so to the Council, and the orders have been drawn up. They shall be strictly warned, my lord earl—but one cannot truly blame Highlanders for being Highlanders.” She smiled, and her lips all but disappeared. “We who are Scottish—we who are also Scottish!—understand the Scottish temperament.”
The palms of his hands were damp. He pressed them against his coat. “They have not come forward to swear the Oath, Your Majesty. They are rebels, no more, and should be punished.”
“What month is it, my lord earl?”
The incongruity startled him. “August, Your Majesty.”
“We thought so.” Mary’s lips thinned; her eyes held a glint very nearly malicious. “Then these young men have four more months before they are required to sign the Oath.” She cast a secret, sly glance at her women. “Let the young men have their adventures.”
He could not conceive that she should be so blind. “But they might have killed the sailors, Your Majesty—”
“And yet they did not; we made certain of that.” Dark eyes hardened. “Be certain that had they killed a single Englishman, we would have acceded to your wishes. But they did not. And we should be in great inharmoniousness of mind if we believed the negotiations for peace among the clans were jeopardized by overharsh punishment. Such things call for delicacy.”
Breadalbane, who no longer believed in negotiations when he and Stair intended something far more harsh and indelicate, bit into his cheek again. This time he tasted blood.
“We shall forgive them this,” she said. “As will you, my lord earl.”
It was finality. Royal dismissal. Breadalbane bowed, cursing inwardly, and took his leave.
Robbie Stewart disdained stirrups. Freed of iron, he caught double handfuls of the garron’s mane and swung up into the saddle. “Quidder we’ll zie, ” he said: ‘Whither will ye,’ in Gaelic, the Stewart motto that was, in this particular instance, wholly appropriate.
Dair knew whither. But when required patience; they had unlocked Robbie first on the Parade Ground before the gate, along with the Appin men and the MacDonalds. Only he remained shackled.
He wondered for a moment if Governor Hill meant to keep him. But no. Major Forbes came with the key and unlocked him with economical efficiency, then stepped away.
Dair’s wrists and arms felt curiously weightless after three weeks of iron bracelets. He pressed his elbows against his side lest the Sassenachs see his discomfort.
In Gaelic still, so the soldiers would not know, Robbie said something rude about men wasting time better spent with lasses. Dair agreed mutely and moved to go to his garron, but John Hill stepped into his path.
“You have my words,” the governor said. “In the Lord’s name, I pray you carry them to MacIain. I would have a binding peace in the Highlands, not everlasting war.”
A slight, wasted man,
the years ungentle to him as well as the Highland climate. And yet the resolution in Hill’s steady eyes told Dair he was not a man who said what he did not mean.
“I will carry them,” Dair agreed, “but I canna say what he will do.”
John Hill’s unexpected smile was very faint. “Who else can predict MacIain save MacIain himself?”
Dair thought that was about as true and damning a statement as any man might make, Sassenach or no. He gifted Hill with an answering smile, then went with haste to his horse. Best we leave Fort William before the king’s wife changes her mind.
And home, home to Glencoe. Home to red-haired Cat.
He and Robbie, followed by the others, departed at a gallop. Gaelic curses as well as dust fouled Fort William’s air.
Cat sat inside Dair’s house. A small house, a good house, built stout against the weather, withstanding Highland blizzards as well as Highland rain. Drystone walls, slate roof; a sound house, withal, if not as fine as Chesthill, but better by far than that: this was full of Dair MacDonald.
She feared at first it would be Jean she saw, Jean she sensed, perhaps even Jean she smelled when she went at last into the bedroom, the small cubby near the door. But there was naught of Jean after all, save a handful of dead flowers shedding powdered petals and dried leaves upon the sill.
The bed was not so wide as her father’s nor so fine in its linens, but wide enough for two. Enough for a man and his woman.
Cat sat down on the very edge, hearing the faint creak of leather beneath the thin pallet. She had left the front door open so the wind might come in.
But she had not expected Lady Glencoe to come in as well.
Cat stood up hastily as Margaret MacDonald entered. In her hands was a folded bundle, which she set with quiet authority into Cat’s arms. “Fresh linens,” she said. “My own.”
First there was shock, then embarrassment. And then a rushing wonder, that his mother could be so kind. Again and again and again.
“As you’ll be staying here now, we’ll have the others off.” Lady Glencoe set to with swift efficiency, stripping the bed of coverlet and old linens. “I’ll leave it to you to make it.”
It took no time at all. And then the woman was gone, saying no more about it. Cat, who knew little of women, nonetheless understood the gift. Understood the blessing that would remain unspoken between them.
She pressed the new linens against her face, inhaling the subtle scents: wool and wood and tobacco, whisky and pressed herbs. With care she began to unfold them.
Cat was nearly finished when she heard the shouting out of doors, the distant hails by MacDonalds. She left the bed, the room, and went to the doorway, shielding her face with lifted hand against the setting sun.
Alasdair Og, they called him. Alasdair the Younger. But Cat, overcome by relief, mouthed another name—and with it a prayer of thanksgiving. Then she went out into the sun and waited for him to see her.
He did not at first. There were the others to greet, those who came running up to welcome him home, to remark over the gossip that had him nearly to Edinburgh, to wait on the king’s pleasure. She saw him smile, saw him speak, saw him clasp hands and look around. And then there was MacIain, so tall amongst the others, and his mother, and his brother, and then Dair was off his garron, clutching shoulders and clasping arms.
Cat felt oddly detached. The whole world was centered on a single man, drawn unerringly to his presence. She felt it, wanted to answer it, but did not. Could not. This was not her place, unless he made it so. He owed his people more.
She saw his mother turn and push him gently. He looked. He smiled. He left behind the others to stride barefoot and bedraggled across his sun-gilded dooryard to the woman in his door.
She marked the sooty stubble blooming slowly into beard. It made his teeth all the whiter.
—with white teeth a’gleaming—
Cat said it aloud: “—and silver in his hair . . .”
“Och, aye,” he said ruefully. “D’ye mind it so much, lass?”
She did not, not at all; nor the grime, nor the stubble, nor the stink of a Sassenach cell.
He was whole, and home.
And the bed was theirs to lie in, no longer Jean Stewart’s.
Snow scoured the Highlands, whitening the mountains and frosting the edges of pools. The land glittered with brittle ice-rime, crunching and shattering beneath feet now clad in brogues, cut hide wrapped skin out was pulled up around feet, then laced with thongs at ankles and calves. Voluminous plaids served as blankets and cloaks for the men, hoarding body heat, while blue bonnets powdered white kept heads from bitter cold. The women wore kerches, or plaids pulled over their heads, muffling wind-tender faces.
In Dair’s house the pungent peat-fire burned, yet the warmth he sought and found came not of dried turf cut out of the braes but of the woman beneath the blankets, bare breasts pressed against his chest. His feet were tangled with hers, ankles laced like brogue thongs if with less flexibility; and her hair, free of encumbrances, was trapped beneath their shoulders. He was slack against her, but only because he had spent what was left of himself in the moments before.
There was little room to breathe; the covers pulled high against the cold shut out the air. Moments before they had thought little of such impediments as covers; but they cooled now, and Cat had yanked the covers up.
She was no longer a maiden, as he should know, but neither was she profligate in experience. Her desire to learn was flatteringly adamant, but there was yet embarrassment in her as she learned the needs of her own body as well as his, the complex intricacies of matching male to female in taste as well as fit. Yet she was withal a passionate woman in words as well as her needs, and was unstinting in offering all of what she could; as unstinting in confessing she wanted more even though she knew less. And so he took gently, forcing nothing; but took fiercely too, and gave, teaching her also there was nothing of etiquette in bed, no requirements of manners. Only pleasure, respect, affection, and the means to share it equally.
She was tall, and did not fit as Jean had with the crown of her head set snuggly beneath his chin. To do so required some bending of the body, and for now they were sealed: hip to hip, ankle to ankle, brow to brow. For each of them, so entangled, so enamored of touch, only a single arm was free.
Cat’s was draped across his jutting shoulder, lax in satiation. Her long fingers caught briefly and gently in the tumble of hair at his neck, combing absently. His arm moved; fingers drifted against her rib cage, then glided across flesh toward the curve of hip and thigh.
Her breath was warm against his cheek. “Will it always be so?”
“What, this?” His fingers tightened purposefully against the silk of her hip.
She laughed softly; her knees hugged his. “All of it,” she said, as laughter stilled into seriousness. “The days, the darkness . . . or will we use it up and have naught left?”
He knew then what she meant. Not only the joys of his bed, their bed, but in the days, the weeks; even the years of their lives. They had lived as one for three months only. It felt, incongruously, as if they had been together all of their lives; as if they had known one another for only this moment, and it so paramount as to eclipse all others.
Dair smiled, stroking flesh. It pleased him to feel the tautening of her body, the immediate response. “I am content as I have never been,” he said. “I lived in the house of my mother and father, and knew security; and in this house, alone, and knew pride in adulthood, in being a man”—he put his hand in her hair, cupping the cap of her skull—“but never have I felt as content as I do with you in my house. With you in my heart.”
Cat was silent a long moment. When she spoke, her voice was husky. “My father has a liking for spirits, you ken . . . and he was most pleased when a new keg came in from France, of the drink he calls brandywine. I have seen the need in his eyes, the need of his body. . . but he empties it, aye?—the keg of brandywine . . . and when it is empty, when he has
drunk himself of it into a stupor, there is naught left for him but discontentment that there is no more. There is no more pleasure in what he has drunk, but in what he canna have again.”
Dair did not smile. “Are you comparing yourself to brandy, Cat?”
Tartly she said, “Spirits do better with age, aye? Women dinna.”
Now he did smile. “Then let me ask this of you: d’ye mean to leave me when I am white-headed, like MacIain?”
She expelled her breath as a brief, amused gust. “If so, I had best be saying my farewells in a fortnight, aye?”
He grinned. “A blow to the heart, that.”
Cat affected injured innocence. “Would you have me lie?”
“Well,” he observed judiciously, “you might be gentler about the truth.”
She grunted. “I dinna see that white hair has sucked the marrow from MacIain’s bones.”
“Or blunted the dirk that is his tongue?” His hand stroked again from ribs to hip, to thigh. “He has regard for you.”
She thought about it. “There is peace between us.”
“But I have been there too, aye?—I have heard the war of words between you.”
She shrugged the only shoulder she could. “I canna play chess, and I am poor at backgammon.”
“So you give him words, instead.”
Cat was silent a moment. Her body now was quiescent as she offered another truth. “I have never kent a man such as he is, Dair . . . there was a man in my mother’s bed, as I am in yours, but he did no more than that to breed sons and a daughter. I canna say what my mother was—she died when I was but a wee sprat—but he was never a father. MacIain . . .” She sighed, tucking her head into his shoulder. “ MacIain could be the father of us all, aye? Every man, woman, and child here in Glencoe.”
Dair thought then of what John Hill had said upon his release: ‘. . . share this truth with MacIain, who is not only your father but the father of a clan. It is in his hands, now, the survival of Glencoe.’
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