by Hope Franke
He reached her and helped her back to her feet. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just couldn’t move fast enough to get out of their way.”
“Sebastian, Sebastian! Can I get your autograph?”
Sebastian helped Eva to the front of the stage. “I can make it from here,” she said, looking sheepish.
“Are you sure?” He felt terrible that she’d fell. She could’ve been trampled.
She smiled at him, and his heart melted. “I’m sure. Go make your fans happy.”
The hotel wasn’t fancy, just a boxy, four-story building off the autobahn on the Austrian/German border. Eva shivered in the cool early morning darkness and stifled a yawn. A meal had been set up in the greenroom for the band where polite conversation was made with the concert promoters. The act Sebastian and Karl had performed on stage—best friends rocking together—ended when the fans disappeared. Fatigue wrestled with the clamoring voice in Eva’s head that recited she was dead weight, a waste of space, and deserving of Yvonne’s constant sneering. Eva had offered to help with the CD table, a position Yvonne had claimed and ran with obvious experience and expertise. Yvonne had waved her away with a demeaning flip of the hand.
Eva stifled another yawn. Not only was she physically spent, but her ego still stung from her embarrassing fall. She wasn’t glamorous or Goth. She wasn’t graceful or hip. She was plain and backward, completely out of her element.
Eva felt small and invisible and when Sebastian asked her if she was ready to go, she nodded sharply.
The hotel lobby was empty at that time of night, and Sebastian walked directly to the night clerk at the counter. His arm rested on her shoulders and he drew her close.
“I have a room booked for me,” he said softly in her ear. “You are more than welcome to stay with me, but I can book you your own room if you prefer.”
Eva’s stomach flipped and flipped again. She had considered that leaving on tour with Sebastian would mean sharing a hotel room. Could she really expect him to pay for an extra room for her every night? Besides, she wanted this, right? She wanted to be with Sebastian. She whispered back, “I’ll stay with you.”
The corner of Sebastian’s lips pulled up in a way that made Eva’s knees melt. Sebastian accepted the keycard from the clerk and pulled both of their suitcases to the elevator. The bell rang as the doors opened to an empty space, and Sebastian waited for Eva as she entered first. They stood side by side facing the door, arms brushing. Eva could smell his heat and concert sweat. She swallowed hard as she watched the numbers climb to the fourth floor. She was really doing this.
Sebastian unlocked the door and held it open for her. She limped inside and exhaled. The room was nice. Burgundy carpets, dark wood furniture including a desk, a table with two chairs, a flat screen TV on the wall… and a lone, king-size bed. Her legs trembled as she sat in one of the chairs.
Sebastian dragged in the two suitcases. He put hers on the suitcase bench and opened his on the floor. He glanced at Eva as he plucked out clean clothes. “I’m going to have a shower.” His eyebrows jumped as he waved to the room and he grinned crookedly as he teased, “Make yourself at home.”
Eva smiled back, feeling her lips stretch unnaturally as she fought her nerves. She caught a glimpse of herself in the floor-length wall mirror. She was sitting straight-backed and stiff with her hands clasped on her lap like she was an old nanny applying for a job. No wonder Sebastian disappeared into the bathroom as fast as he could. She wasn’t exactly emitting the message, come get me.
Eva checked her phone and found the expected message from her sister. She’d changed her name and it took a moment for Eva to make the connection.
Gabriele Smith
Can you at least let me know that you’re okay?
Eva Baumann
I’m okay. Safe and sound in Salzburg.
Gabriele Smith
Are you sleeping with Sebastian?
She ignored that last text. It wasn’t any of her business. Eva never asked Gabriele personal questions like that about Lennon, though she was pretty sure her sister was a virgin on her wedding night. They were both raised to believe that sex was a sacred act reserved for the marriage bed. It was a value Eva had always espoused. It just made sense to her. If you love someone, make it official and plan to be together for a lifetime. Her parents were a good example of that. They were sure to let their daughters know that they had waited (the memory of “the talk” still made her squirm) and were glad that neither had a history with anyone else but each other. And they’ve been happily married for twenty-four years.
But wasn’t that an old fashioned belief? People just didn’t wait anymore and… it was already too late for Sebastian. Yvonne would always be a part of Sebastian’s memories. A shadow. There were two women on their bus and Sebastian had seen one of them naked many times. The wrong one.
Eva sighed. The past couldn’t be changed. She could only make her own memories with Sebastian now. The question was what would that look like? Eva decided it was time to throw caution to the wind. She needed to live her own life. She respected her parents’ values, but that didn’t mean she had to share them. She’d spent too many years being afraid. Tonight she needed to be strong. Fight back at fear.
The bathroom door opened and Eva’s breath hitched. Sebastian stood there in his pajama pants, no shirt, just his beautiful bare chest slightly damp. His hair was darker and shiny, clean but still messy. Eva didn’t think he owned a brush, and she was glad. She loved his unkempt look.
Sebastian tilted his head and smiled slyly. “I take it by the way you’re staring that you like what you see?”
Eva snapped her slack jaw closed. “I need to brush my teeth.”
Sebastian laughed and claimed the side of the bed opposite the window. He reached for the remote and turned on the TV. Eva collected her toothbrush and paste from her suitcase and made use of them in the bathroom. She wasn’t ready to change into her pajamas yet. Her nerves were jumping, and she didn’t want to look pretentious or overly eager. Another deep breath before exiting the bathroom.
Sebastian eyed her blouse and skirt. “Are you going to sleep in your clothes?”
“No, I’ll change. I’m just… not tired yet.” She climbed onto the bed beside Sebastian and let her cane fall to the floor.
Sebastian lowered the volume on the TV then flipped onto his side. He propped his head onto his hands and grinned at Eva. “You’re really cute when you’re nervous.”
Eva wiped her hands on her skirt. “I’m not nervous.”
Sebastian snorted. “Yes, you are. I’ve never seen you more nervous.”
“Shut up.”
He laughed and poked her in the ribs. “It’s true.”
“Well, maybe it is. We both know I’m venturing into new territory.”
Sebastian ran a finger along her arm sending shivers up her spine. “And I’m impressed, Eva. You have a way of surprising me anew every day. I admire your bravery.”
He admired her bravery? Eva almost laughed out loud.
She turned on her side to face him. The room was dark except for the bluish light flashing from the TV and a faint glow of white from the outside street lamp that lit up Sebastian’s face. She drew a finger over his brow and along his cheekbone. “You were fantastic tonight.”
“We haven’t done anything yet,” he joked.
She smacked him playfully.
“Oh, you meant the concert,” he said. “Thanks.”
Eva’s skirt had inched up when she’d twisted over to her side, and the tip of her scar peeked out. Sebastian touched it with his finger, and she froze.
He held onto her gaze. “Can I see it?”
She winced. “It’s ugly.”
“There’s nothing ugly about you, Eva. Not even this.” He slowly traced the line of her scar, and she stopped breathing. The tip of Sebastian’s finger was like a hot iron, scorching her skin, burning her, but in the best kind of way. He gently pushed
up her skirt, higher and higher, and internal fireworks exploded in her body. Her heart thudded in her chest as she watched his hand. Stop, go, stop.
Go.
Sebastian paused for a moment and smiled at her, his eyes locking on to hers with intensity and desire. Eva’s heart was about to burst. Heat birthed in her belly and flared up her neck. She felt the burn of flush on her face.
Was she really going to do this?
Sebastian leaned in, his breath hot on her cheek. “You’re so beautiful. Every part of you.” His lips traced a moist course down the curve of her neck. His hand remained on the bare skin of her hip and she shuddered. His lips found hers and she responded eagerly, taking him in, loving his scent and the taste of his mouth.
He flipped himself on top of her, his body tense and hard along the length of hers, bracing his weight on his forearms to keep from squishing her. Eva’s breaths came in short bursts. She could feel Sebastian’s pulse rapidly beating against her skin, his breath, hot and fast under his kisses.
Her heart beat so rapidly she felt dizzy, and sweat broke out on her forehead. The frightened little bird that lived inside her screamed, flapped its wings and pecked away at her ribcage.
“I’m not ready,” she whispered.
Sebastian stilled, and his kisses stopped. He eased off her and flipped onto his back. Eva heard him struggle for composure.
“I’m sorry, Sebastian.” Tears of frustration and humiliation burned her eyes. “It’s like I’m delayed,” she explained. “The accident put everything on hold and even my own ability to function normally in a relationship is handicapped.”
“Shh.” Sebastian turned onto his side and stroked her face. “It’s okay. You got me a little excited, I admit, but I’ve always said that you control the pace. We can go as slow or as fast as you want.”
“I love you,” Eva said. “I’ll catch up. I promise.”
“I love you, too. And it’s not a competition. We have our whole lives ahead of us.”
Eva couldn’t love him more than she did right now. His gentleness and understanding were everything she needed. She couldn’t believe she’d found someone so perfect.
She tugged on her skirt, once again covering her scar.
“Why don’t you tell me about it?”
“About what?”
“About the accident. I know you don’t like to talk about it, but maybe it will help.”
Eva twisted her finger around the hem of her skirt. “What do you want to know?”
“Who was driving the car?”
“I don’t know.”
“Was it your mama or papa? A friend?”
“No, it wasn’t anyone I knew.”
Sebastian’s brow furrowed. “You were with someone you didn’t know?”
“I wasn’t in the car, Sebastian. I was hit by a car.”
Sebastian’s voice hitched. “I thought you were in a car accident.”
“I was in an accident involving a car, but I never said it was a car accident. I was hit while riding my bike. It’s common knowledge in my circles. I just assumed you knew.”
The light from the street lamp shed a ghostly glow on Sebastian’s constricted face. He looked like he was choking.
His expression frightened her. “Are you all right?”
“When, exactly, did this happen?”
“Five years ago, on the ninth of May.”
“Were you wearing a red coat?”
Eva blinked. “Yes. Why?” And how did he know?
Sebastian leapt off the bed and raced to the bathroom. Eva grabbed at her heart and shivered with foreboding. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.
Please God, no.
It was her!
Five years ago. The timing. How had he not put two and two together before? O
Sebastian flipped the toilet lid up and vomited. He twisted the sink tap on to try to cover the sound of his heaving. He slunk to the floor and wiped his mouth with toilet paper and flushed the toilet.
He ran both of his hands through his hair and leaned his forehead on his knees. This was bad. He’d never been a praying man, but right at this moment, he made a silent plea. Dear God, what should he do?
His mind flashed back to the day after that rainstorm. A strip of red fabric in the grill of his car. He remembered plucking the piece of fabric, torn from something, and wondering what it was and how it had gotten attached there.
He had to tell her. She’d hate him, but he had to tell the truth. And he’d probably go to jail. So much for Hollow Fellows. The guys would really hate him now.
A light tapping on the door was followed by Eva’s voice. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he called. “I’ll be right out.”
He brushed his teeth and washed his face. He could just pretend it was food poisoning. Not tell her at all. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and all that.
But she was bound to find out one day. Some sleaze bag journalist would eventually decide to look for dirt on Sebastian and find the skeletons in his closet. It was just a matter of time. If she found out he knew and didn’t tell her, she’d never forgive him. Ever.
He opened the door with a shaky hand. Eva stood in the middle of the room—she had turned on one of the lamps—and leaned on her cane. Sebastian forced back a sob. He’d done that to her. He’d given her that scar, put her through the pain of rehab. He was the one who had stolen simple joys like hiking and bike riding.
“I’m sorry, Eva.”
“What’s wrong, Sebastian?” Eva’s eyes were wide and glassy. “You’re scaring me.”
Tears ran down Sebastian’s face, and he pushed at them with the back of his hand. “I thought it was a dog. I thought I hit a dog.”
Eva’s free hand went to her chest. Her face contorted like she knew what he meant but didn’t want to believe it. She took a small step back. “What are you talking about?”
“It was me. I was the driver who hit you and ran.”
No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. Black spots swirled around her peripheral vision and her legs gave out. She landed on the carpeted floor with a thud.
“Eva!” Sebastian raced to help her.
She held up a palm in warning. “Don’t touch me!”
He jumped back like he’d touched an electric fence.
“Eva.”
“Don’t you dare touch me.”
She wrestled to get herself off the floor and into the closest chair, wincing at the pain that seared up her leg, an echo of the shattering of her glass heart. With three hard breaths and eyes pinched closed, she relived the night she was hit. Dusk had fallen and she’d forgotten her bike lamp. She was riding home from a friend’s house, having left later than she intended. It was before her family had moved to the Neustadt and taken the flat above the soup kitchen. Back then they’d lived in the outskirts of the city. It grew dark and started to rain, pointy drops that poked her face as the wind picked up. The road wasn’t well lit and she’d kept as far right as she could to allow the occasional vehicle to pass. Water splashed up from their tires, soaking her left leg. She remembered being cold and wet, and pedaling hard, just wanting to get home.
She’d told everyone that she never felt a thing—that one moment she was riding her bike along the road and the next she was lying in a bed in the hospital.
But that wasn’t true.
The truth was she clearly remembered the moment of impact, and the fear that whipped her like a cat of nine tails when her back wheel skidded out from beneath her. Her breath stopped and her pulse pounded loud and heavy in her ears for those long, surreal seconds as she hurled through the air, and her mind registered, I’ve been hit. She cried out in agony as she landed on a jagged rock, her leg twisting beneath her. Her hand reached for the source of her pain and sprang to her chest when she realized she’d touched her own broken femur bone, jutting through her skin. She heard the unbearably loud thudding of her heartbeat in her temples as she passed in and out of co
nsciousness. The certainty that she was dying. Would die. The twisting, stabbing, choking fear of death.
Then blackness.
She woke up three weeks later in the hospital and remembered every terrifying detail, but they were too horrific to share. Her parents’ faces and Gabriele’s, they looked so fragile when they peered down at her. Eva couldn’t add to their pain. She wouldn’t soil the obvious relief and joy they were experiencing at her awakening.
“I thought it was a dog, I swear.”
Eva cut Sebastian with a glare. “And you left a family pet to die?”
“No, I wasn’t sure. It could’ve been a raccoon, or a rock. It was raining hard and it was dark. I couldn’t see.”
“But you didn’t think to check to make sure? If it weren’t for a farmer caught in the rain while walking his dog, I would’ve bled out.”
Sebastian collapsed onto the bed. “I’m so sorry. I’ve regretted not going back more than you can know.”
“When did you know it wasn’t a dog you’d hit, but a person?”
“The next day. I found a piece of red fabric stuck in my grill.”
“From my coat.”
“I checked the news and read about a hit and run. But they said the injuries were… survivable. I couldn’t see the point of turning myself in. I couldn’t change what happened. And I didn’t want to go to jail.”
“That is the most cowardly thing I’ve ever heard.”
Eva’s heart hardened to stone. A switch snapped from on to off, from hot to cold. Whatever love Eva thought she’d had for Sebastian Weiss seeped out with his confession. She no longer loved him. She hated him. Hated him. He’d left her to die in the dark and in the cold rain. She could forgive anything but that.
“I want to go home.”
“Eva…”
“Now!” Eva handled her cane with a shaky hand, eyes focused on anything but the stricken look on Sebastian’s face. Good. He hurt. It was nothing compared to the pain she’d endured these last five years. She pushed by him to the bathroom to collect her toothbrush. Thankfully, she hadn’t unpacked anything else. She stuffed it in her suitcase and zipped it shut.