by Aven Jayce
“So the plan is to hide out at the retreat forever?”
“Of course not, just until everything quiets down. I can handle another year there. And when did you decide to go back?”
“Yesterday.” He chews with his mouth open. “When my cousin wouldn’t take me in and I couldn’t find a good spot to sleep... this city’s turned to shit... so shitty that I ended up by the river with you. Seems like the cops are trying to clean up the places where we used to hang.” He takes another bite of cereal and elbows Dylan to hand him a beer, putting the bowl on the crate and feeling his swollen eye. “Roxanne still wants your dick.”
“She wants me back because her new kid fucked up. She can have my hands. I’ll do the massages and that’ll be enough to make her happy.”
“No it won’t.”
“It will. She sent you to find me just for that reason. And why do you think she’s gonna take you back?”
“Are you kidding? She loves my cock.”
“She loves everyone’s cock. You’re not special.”
“Why don’t you just bang her and get it over with? Make the slut happy and your life will be easy up there.”
“Wait.” Dylan raises his hand and laughs. “You guys get pussy from the guests and the owner? Ah man, I wanna go. It sounds like an all-out orgy. Free beer? Free pussy and beer? I’m there.”
I step in front of Quinn, needing to speak out about this—Trent’s enough to deal with without Dylan tagging along. “No way. You’re the only one who doesn’t need to leave. If Quinn and Trent are gone, you’ve got time to get your life together. Nothing and no one to distract you... except that.” I nod to the beer by his foot. “I can’t believe you’re drinking this early in the morning, and for no good reason. At least I do it so I can sleep. But you and Trent drink because you’re dopes.”
Dylan stands with his chin up and chest out. “For such a little bitch, you’ve got one hell of a big mouth.”
“I said, don’t call her that!” Quinn swings, grazing him across the jaw.
“Oooh.” Trent lays his arm on the back of the couch and turns for a better view. “Wade is gonna wake up if you two don’t separate. Come on, boys. Opposite corners.”
He rubs his face, staring at Quinn in disbelief. “So, this is how it’s gonna be?”
“I told you not to call her a bitch and I meant it.”
“Man, you’ve changed.”
“And you haven’t, that’s the problem.”
“What’s with the disrespect and the short fuse? Where’s that coming from? It can’t all be about me calling her a bitch.”
“It is... and it’s about my life. I’m tired. I want a steady job and a fucking roof over my head. I hate this vicious circle. I’m trapped. We’re all trapped!”
I touch his forearm, hearing his father roaming upstairs. “We should go,” I whisper.
“Why did you show up here again?”
“To make sure Trent—”
“Make sure I what?” He gets up and crosses his arms. “Next time my gun’s coming out, no more of these pussy fistfights. Don’t boss me around.”
“We need to go.” I tug on his arm, focused on the whirlwind of heavy footfalls coming from the ground floor.
“Dylan!” his dad shouts. “Fuckin’ hell. What’s with all the noise?”
Quinn lifts me to the window and I crawl out, hearing Dylan snicker.
“Hand me the tents,” Quinn whispers.
I push them through the window and he hides them behind a tower of boxes in the corner.
“Bro, I’m going to that retreat. I’m going just because I can tell your girl doesn’t want me there.”
“Fuck off,” he says, climbing out the window. “Don’t touch my stuff, I might need it if Roxanne doesn’t take us in.”
“Motherfucker. Answer me!” Wade shouts.
“Trent’s drunk and being a prick, Dad. You should come down and kick his ass.”
Trent gives Dylan the finger and calls out to Wade. “Your cocksucker youngest son is in the backyard. Why don’t you kick his ass instead?”
“Let’s get out of here.” Quinn grabs our bags and we race to the front of the house, hearing the back door swing open. We hide alongside the garage, listening for his dad, releasing two long breaths when the door slams shut and he’s back inside.
“That went better than I thought it would,” he says.
“I’m just glad Trent already decided to go there on his own. With his attitude, there’s no way we would’ve convinced him. Seems like everything has to be his way.”
“He’s stubborn and needs to dominate.”
“So do you.”
“So does my brother. We’re a mess when we get together, a pack of wild dogs. Worse now than ever before.”
“At least you’re not a pinhead like them.”
His hand runs along my hairline, taking a lone strand and tucking it behind my ear.
“My badass woman.”
“I’m not feeling very badass thinking about our next stop. This is gonna be hell.”
“Then let’s get it over with.”
He places his arm over my shoulder and we start to walk toward South Pine Avenue. One backpack, one duffle bag, one split lip—Quinn neglected, me aimless—both of us dirty, troubled, and feeling like a couple of strays.
• • •
“This is the most irrational... dang it, Addie, it’s downright, absolutely, totally absurd!”
Nadine’s massaging her temples as we sit on her back patio in the early morning sun. She made us toast and coffee before I told her our plans for leaving the city... only I lied about why.
Quinn keeps his head down in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his swollen lip, letting me do all the talking while Nadine fidgets in her metal patio chair. She picks up her coffee then puts it down... then picks it up and puts it down again, her hands shaky as she tightens her fluffy strawberry colored robe.
“I feel like I don’t even know you. Every day, every dang day you’re getting worse.”
“Worse in what way? Don’t you mean stronger?”
“I mean you’re not using your brain... you’re a mess. Did you get drunk last night? Are you still drunk? Is that what’s going on and this is all a joke?”
I blink back tears. She reminds me so much of my mom when her brows are snapped together and forehead’s creased in frustration.
“You’re too old to be making such foolish decisions.”
“And too young to have all the answers until I’ve experienced more on my own.”
She twists her wedding ring, flashing glossy nail polish and a shiny gold watch. “Tell me again why you’re doing this. Is it all about a boy?” She gives Quinn a nasty look. “Or is some of this about you?”
“He’s not a boy. He wants a better job in a safer environment and I want to work for the rest of the summer, until school starts—”
“You can work here, in Albany!”
“Let me talk, please.”
She leans back and crosses her legs, swinging her foot in a huff. I take a sip of coffee, swallowing hard before I continue.
“Think about this for a second. We can either stay here, down by the river, or be in a more protected place. I’ll be around people like you and Brian instead of...” I stop to rethink the words leaving my mouth, not wanting to offend Quinn. I could say ‘scumbags like Trent and Dylan,’ except she’d associate him with the two of them, and he’s not scum.
“There’s no real difference,” Quinn finally speaks. “On the streets, you’ve got junkies and whores, fistfights and stabbings... at Afterglow you’ve got drugs, prostitutes, and Roxanne’s abuse. Same stuff, different social classes.”
“You’re not helping,” I say.
“But,” he continues. “People don’t die at the retreat like they do on the streets. They don’t go hungry or sleep in the rain and the snow. They don’t wake up with bugs crawling on them.
And there’s a lot less risk of getting beaten or robbed when people are happy than when they’re stressed out about finding money, food, a bed, and warmth. Having all that is comforting... luxuries are pacifying... moods change when you’re not in need.”
“Is that what happened last night? Were you attacked?” she asks. “Don’t think you’re hiding that lip... and Addie, your eyes are swollen. Is that from the liquor or were you crying? And if you were crying, tell me why.” She taps her long, pink fingernail on the glass tabletop.
“Both. I drank and I was upset about my mom. You know I have bad nights.”
“Exactly why I want you to stay here.”
I lower my head, clasping my hands between my legs. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I need to do this.”
“I still don’t understand why.”
“It’s a job, Nadine, for both of us. We can be together.”
“So it is all about a boy. You’re following him down a road that will end in disaster.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you need to do things for yourself, be your own person, not follow other people around!”
“I am doing this for me!”
She takes her cell out of her robe pocket, placing a call and putting it on speaker.
“What’s up?”
“Brian, you won’t believe this.”
“Make it quick. I’m in the middle of a summer orientation.”
“Tell him,” she urges.
“Brian...”
“Hi, Adlyn. How’d it go last night?”
“It was fine, but I’m not going back.”
“Good. Let’s celebrate later. We’ll order Chinese and watch some TV... Nadine, I gotta go. Is this all the news?”
She points a finger at me to fess up.
“I’m going to Afterglow.”
Nadine waits for a response, Quinn stops eating his toast, and I shrink back. A moment later, I hear a door close and a chair make a soft crackling noise when he sits down.
“For how many days and how much will it cost me? I just spent fifteen grand for the three of us two weekends ago. And since when do you want to pay for sex?”
“I don’t... I won’t. I’m going there to work.”
“Hold on, hold on, what the hell’s going on? You’re not selling your body at that place. Nadine, is this a prank?”
“No. She said she plans on working in the kitchen or doing housekeeping. She’s not sleeping with anyone... and Brian, you should see her. She’s been gone for one night and she’s filthy. Her hair, clothing, the dirt under her fingernails, my word.”
“I think she’s beautiful,” Quinn whispers.
“Is that him?”
“Yes, they both showed up right after you left.”
“How convenient.”
“It wasn’t planned,” I say. “We walked from Swinton Street all the way—”
“From where?” He asks, totally aggravated. “I’m confused. I thought you were at the river? So you’re telling me you were on Swinton? And now this morning, for some strange reason, you’ve decided to go to the retreat? What in God’s name is going on?”
“Let me be straight.”
“You better be,” he fires back.
“Okay, okay... you two have been good to me, and I appreciate it, but I’m stepping out of the bubble for the rest of the summer.”
“What bubble? You mean your bubble? We don’t have a bubble. Nadine, what is she talking about?”
“Would you let me finish?”
“Make it good, because I’m about to drive home and put Baxter’s leash on you so you can’t leave.”
I roll my eyes. “He’s kidding,” I say to Quinn.
“There’s no reason for this. You have money in your account. We have money. Give me a better reason than you’re going to work. And if it’s not about money, and just for the experience, you can work here. I’ll get you a job at the university.”
“That’s what I told her, but she’s so in love that she won’t listen.”
“I never said...” I stop and study Quinn. He pretends like he didn’t hear the ‘love’ comment, taking a sip of coffee and buttering a second piece of toast. “Here’s the deal,” I start again. “Quinn and I are going to hang out, there’s no stopping us. You figured that out yesterday. But last night sucked. It was rainy and cold. People were fighting around us. It was more dangerous than I thought.”
“I told you so,” she says.
“Listen!” I raise my voice. “The retreat will be better. Roxanne wants Quinn back and for us to still see each other, I’m going to work there too. What’s the big deal? Seriously. I didn’t even need to come here. I could’ve just left. I thought it’d be polite to stop by because you’ve always been super supportive... and because I love you. So please, please, please try to understand.”
Nadine looks up at the clouds, resting her head on the chair while Brian stays silent.
Before coming here, I considered taking some of the money out of the bank, disappearing for a while. Then I realized that was a ridiculous thought. We’re not even suspects yet. Dipping into my bank account and leaving the area points to being in trouble—a huge red flag to my family. And if we do become suspects and the cops come looking for us, I don’t want to leave a paper trail. At that point, if that happens... fuck... I guess they’ll look for Trent or Quinn, not me. My aunt and uncle will be the only two who know we’re at the retreat, and the cops won’t question them. Why would they? My name’s not connected to either one outside of this small circle. It’s all fucked up, and all too perfect at the same time.
“Once a week, if you want to drive out and pick me up at the end of the retreat’s driveway, we’ll spend some time together.”
“You’re not allowed to—”
I interrupt Quinn, “What’s the difference between working at the retreat or at a summer camp? Huh? Tell me that. You should think of it that way. That’s where I’m going. I’m spending my summer at a camp and I’ll be back with a deep tan, a pile of macaroni art, and covered in poison ivy.”
“Dear Lord.” Brian chuckles.
“It’s not funny,” Nadine says.
“When she puts it like that it is.” He sighs, the cell filled with sounds of crinkling leather as he shifts in his chair. “No drugs, do you understand? Liquor is as far as you go.”
“No drugs,” I say.
“And don’t abuse your body. You’re better than your aunt and me.”
“No whoring. Got it.”
“We’re done discussing this?” Nadine asks. “Just like that?”
“She’s not asking, she’s telling us. There’s no discussion happening here.” He covers the cell, mumbling to someone that he’ll be right out. “Honey, I gotta run. I’ve got incoming freshmen and their parents waiting... Adlyn, stay safe. You can come home anytime. Love you both.”
“Brian, wait! What am I... oh, that turd. He hung up.”
She jiggles her foot in frustration and repeatedly places her hair behind her ear, gazing back and forth at Quinn and me.
“Can we... do you mind if we take a quick shower before we head out?”
“Yes. Yes, I do mind.” Her foot jiggles faster. “Not together. I want to talk to him. You go ahead.” She nods toward the house.
“No way.” My chair slides back, the resistance of metal against concrete sounding like nails scratching a chalkboard. I pick up my duffle bag and Quinn follows my lead, putting his pack over his shoulder. “Thanks for understanding, kinda, or trying to. I’ll call you when we get there.”
“Don’t go. I can sense something’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t want you to interrogate him when I’m not around. That’s not fair.”
I raise my arms, hoping for a hug before we walk away.
“Oh, Addie.” She stands and pulls me into her arms, her lip twitching as she fights back tears. “I w
ish you weren’t suffering so much. Don’t do this because you’re in pain... don’t try to run away from your mom’s death. I’ll take the drinking over you disappearing, any day.”
“I won’t disappear. I promise.”
Sad as it is, I’m glad that she thinks this has to do with my mom.
She leans back and squeezes my cheeks, shaking her head with a long face.
“You’re positive Trent’s car will make it up there?”
I give her a lying nod, noticing a muscle in Quinn’s neck twitch when Trent’s name is mentioned—a flat out whopper of a lie to say that he’s driving.
“I’ll call if we have any problems. See you soon,” I say, my hand slipping slowly from hers.
We take the stone pathway to the front of the house, my shoulders dropping with a release of tension when we reach the front.
He walks alongside me, taking my bag while caressing my lower back.
“Can I cry again?”
“You can do whatever you want.”
“Okay, because I think I’m about to lose my shit.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“That I should’ve gone to the cops last night. I waited too long. It wouldn’t have looked as bad if I had called right away. Now, I’m just guilty... it’s too late.”
“We’re gonna make it. My life can’t get any worse at this point. The only way is up.”
His warm hand travels under my shirt, tugging me closer. He kisses the top of my scraggly hair as I try to ignore my spoken lies. They’re going to eat away at me, same as the guilt over my mom’s death.
“If the only way is up,” I whisper. “Then let’s get our asses to Afterglow.”
Chapter Twelve
HOW IT STARTS
“IS IT POSSIBLE FOR YOUR feet to be numb and on fire at the same time?” I ask, limping up the driveway to Afterglow. “We must’ve walked for twelve hours until we caught a ride from that couple.”
“We would’ve been walking twice as long if they hadn’t pulled over and offered. They were nice.”
“I saw Mississippi plates on the back before we got inside.”
“Is that the first time you ever caught a ride from someone?”