Rafael parked the car near the beach and they climbed out and walked along the seafront. The sun was low in the sky and a group of women crouched in a dark circle on the white sand, their black shawls hiding their gay skirts as they awaited the return of the boats round the headland of the bay. The whole scene had peace and dignity and a strange remoteness from the outer world.
Lorna Jumped down on to the sand. 'Gome along, Rosalia, let's have a look at the boats.'
'Not me; thanks. I can't bear sand in my shoes. Inez and I will Walk up here.'
Throwing his. sister a grateful glance, Rafael leapt lightly on to the beach and caught Lorna's hand. 'We'll take a little walk,' he said softly. 'Don't argue with me, please. I am not in the mood.'
Holding her hand in a vice-like grip, he propelled her along the beach, keeping up a fast pace until they had left the crowds behind and were alone in a world of sun and sand and water.
He slowed down and surveyed her. 'Now we can talk. I suppose your anger is because you're imagining completely erroneous things about last night?'
'I couldn't care less about last night. What you do is no concern of mine.'
'How can you say that?' he flared out. 'We are engaged. Everything that I do is your concern in the same way that everything you do is my concern,' T)on't shout at me!'
"I'd like to do more than just shout at you! Never have I met a woman who can be so maddening. Do you purposely want to misunderstand in order to hurt me?'
'Hurt you!' She was incensed. 'What about you hurting me?'
'I've never wittingly hurt you in my life.'
'Then we don't agree on what constitutes a hurt.'
'It appears we don't agree on a lot of things,' he said coldly. 'For my part f think I am the one who should be annoyed.'
'What in heaven's name have you got to be annoyed at?'
'Everything. You misjudged me once before, but I never thought you'd do so again. Why do you always jump to the wrong conclusion? Have you no faith in me?'
"What am I supposed to think when I see you sitting in the Casino with Inez? Was that your business dinner?'
'It was.' He struck his hands in his pockets. 'The men were passing through Lisbon on their way to Brazil and I intended taking them to a restaurant in town. However, they wanted to gamble, so we dined first in the Casino restaurant.'
'With Inez, I suppose?'
'She happened to be there with her cousin and joined our table.?
'And your business discussion? — or was that unimportant compared with the pleasure of being with the lovely Miss Castro?'
'Damn it, Lorna, this inquisition is intolerable! You don't deserve an answer!'
'Don't give one, then - it wouldn't worry me!'
'On the contrary, I think it would worry you a great deal.' His humour returned and with it his equanimity. 'If you were not blinded by jealousy you wouldn't see things out of proportion.'
'You flatter yourself.'
'A good thing. You certainly don't do it for me!' He caught her none too gently by the shoulder. 'I thought you would be sure of me by now, querida, yet you're still as uncertain as when we first met. Don't you know that you don't always dine with business colleagues to discuss business? More contracts are made over a good meal and a bottle of wine than any office desk. When I saw how the evening was going I almost telephoned to ask you down, only I knew you wouldn't want to leave Amalia.'
That's as good an excuse as any.'
'It's not an excuse,' he said angrily. 'You've said yourself that you've not spent enough time with her. How was I to know you'd want to come ?'
'I didn't I wouldn't be seen dead in public with any of Manoel's friends! You may not have any scruples, Rafael, but I have.'
Her thrust went home and his face darkened. 'I deserve that But I had no choice in the matter. Manoel was already there and I couldn't ignore him; it would have caused too much gossip.'
Don't you think people are already talking about him? It's common knowledge the way he's been carrying on — everyone knows it - including Amalia! You should think about me for a change instead of your family! How do you think I felt when I discovered you at the Casino!'
'How was I to know you'd be coming?'
Did you intend keeping it a secret?'
'Comos Diabos! Are you purposely trying to misunderstand? What's the matter with you, Lorna, do you want to start a quarrel?' His hand crushed hers and suddenly he lifted it up. 'Where's your ring?'
Without a word she took it from her pocket and held it out. 'It's yours, Rafael, you'd better have it'
'I don't understand.'
'It's quite simple - I'm breaking off our engagement'
Don't be absurd. I refuse to let you go. You're not dealing with a child, Lorna. I'm a man, and it's time you grew up and behaved more like a woman!'
'It's because I'm a woman that I don't want your ring.'
The lines on either side of his mouth deepened and he looked down speculatively at the pearl.
"O homenfogo, a mulher est pa, Vem o dibao e assop ra."
'I don't understand you.' Her voice was cold.
' "Man is fire and woman tow — the devil comes and starts to blow!" It's an ancient proverb and very apt.' His tone changed. 'But I'm stupid to treat you seriously. I ought to put you across my knee and spank all this nonsense out of you, it's the only way to make you see sense!'
'You wouldn't get a second opportunity!'
'I wouldn't need one!'
For a moment she was speechless, then her lips quivered and she threw herself against him. 'Oh, Rafael,' he said brokenly, 'I can't bear it when we quarrel!'
He held her close. 'Neither can I, querida. Why must you keep torturing me with your distrust?' He slipped the ring on her finger and held her hand against his lips. 'I won't put this on a third time, Lorna. I love you too much to keep fighting you.'
'Oh, Rafael, I didn't mean to hurt you.'
'I know, but you do so nonetheless.' He rubbed his cheek against hers. 'It will be better when we're married,' he said softly. 'Once you're mine you won't be afraid of anyone coming between us. We'll put up the banns as soon as I come back from Africa.'
'You're going away?'
'I'm afraid so, dearest. It's something I must attend to myself. I'd hoped we would have been married by now, in which case you could have come with me. As it is…' He put his arm over her shoulder. 'I hate leaving you, cara; every day we're apart will be an eternity.'
She rested her head on his chest and felt his heart pounding against her ear. The warmth of his body enveloped her and she put her arms round his neck.
'I wish you didn't have to go, Rafael. I'm afraid.'
'There's nothing to be afraid of, darling.'
'Not when you're with me. It's when I'm alone that I feel so alien.'
'You can't feel alien in my home.'
'I do. I feel they don't want me.' 'Nonsense! You're imagining things. Everything has happened too quickly, that's all. Once we've settled down together things will right themselves.'
'If only I could be sure of that! Oh, Rafael, I've tried so hard to make you understand what I feel — but you won't listen.'
'Are you afraid you don't love me enough - is that what is is?'
She shook her head. That I love you too much to accept only half of you.'
He smiled. 'And who do you think will get the other half?'
'I'm serious, Rafael.' She moved away from the oblivion of his arms. 'I know I'm putting it badly, but I've got to be sure that marriage means the same to you as it does to me.'
'And what does it mean to you?'
'Everything. Sharing ideas, companionship understanding.'
'And love?' he said quietly. 'Surely that should come first.'
'Love isn't enough by itself.'
'If it's big enough it is. Oh, Lorna, why won't you accept today for what it is and stop probing into the future?'
'Because our marriage is part of the future! It isn't built on today
, on one moment. It's built up of years of understanding and pulling together, and I've got to be sure we're not pulling different ways.'
'I thought you were sure.'
'I'm not. Not any more.'
'I see.' He moved over to the edge of the ocean and stared out at the far horizon. There was no sound except the plop, plop of the waves on the sand and the sibilant rush of the receding water.
'Do you remember the story of Ruth?' he said without turning round.' ' "Whither thou goest I will go, thy people shall be my people!" That's how I feel about you, and I
thought you felt the same way about me.'
'But you're not giving up your home and country for me!'
He turned, his eyes grave. 'Would you believe me if I said I would?'
'I don't know.'
'Ah,' the sound was like a sigh. 'I'm glad you told me the truth. At least we can be honest with one another.' He took out a cigarette and tapped it thoughtfully on the back of his hand. 'In my opinion you're more afraid of marriage than of losing your nationality. You see Manoel and Amalia as a typical Portuguese couple and you keep thinking of all the sordid intrigues that go on behind the scenes. But men have mistresses in New York and London too, don't forget that. I don't throw up all the English marriages that end in divorce, or worry because your countrywomen are considered cold and sexless. I love you and I'm willing to take a chance, and you've got to feel the same way about me. You must take me as I am.'
'But who are you?' She flung out her hands helplessly. 'Do you want to share your life with me or keep me in the background as someone to come home to?' Tears poured down her cheeks and she dashed them away. 'I want to believe you, Rafael; I want to go wherever you go, but I can't if I don't know where the road is leading!'
'Does it matter as long as we're together?' In two strides he bridged the gap between them and took her in his arms. Tenderly he wiped away her tears and stroked back the hair from her temples. 'You must trust me, Lorna. You must believe that I'll do anything in the world to protect you and that your happiness comes before mine.'
'I do trust you, Rafael.'
'Then there's nothing more to be said.'
He bent his head and laid his mouth on hers. There was no passion in his touch, only a deep sympathy, signifying protection instead of mastery, a desire to give rather than to take.
It was dusk when they returned to the car, to be met by a twinkling-eyed Rosalia and sullen Inez. But Lorna was impervious to anyone except Rafael and during the drive home sat close by his side, her body touching his, the muscle of his leg hard against hers. For the first time since their engagement she was at peace and resolutely refused to wonder how long it would last.
That night there was a small dinner party for the young widower from Oporto. Throughout the meal Rosalia was shy and withdrawn, and her great dark eyes, would rest on the man, only to slide away the minute he looked in her direction.
Oliveira Deveer was a slim, suave man in his early forties with an ascetic yet genial face. Lorna could imagine him in a monk's cowl riding with Chaucer's pilgrims to Canterbury, and during dinner he revealed himself as good a raconteur as the Prioress or the Man of Law.
In the drawing-room again Senhor Deveer approached Lorna. 'May I congratulate you on your engagement, senhorita? I think Rafael is very fortunate.'
His eyes were friendly and Lorna smiled her thanks.
'And what do you say to our country?' he continued.
'You like it?'
'Very much. It's so colourful and gay - quite different from the grey streets of London.'
'And much warmer too! I am always glad to get back to the Portuguese sunshine whenever I go to England.' He sat down on the seat next to her. 'Have you been to Oporto yet? Oh, then that's a treat in store for you. You must persuade Rafael to bring you along; it is well worth a visit.'
'You live in the city, senhor?'
'A few miles outside - children need plenty of room to expand!' He drew out his wallet and proudly handed her a snapshot of two dark-haired youngsters. 'This is
Pedro - he's the wicked one of the family - and that is
Juan, the dreamer, he is always as solemn as an owl.'
They look very sweet. How old are they?'
'Eight and five. My wife died when Juan was born.'
Lorna murmured sympathetically, and he sighed. 'Yes, the ways of God are strange. She was very much like Senhora' - he smiled apologetically, 'I am afraid I don't know her married name — Senhorita Rodriguez; she had the same movements and gentle expression.'
'It must be heartbreaking for you to see her, then.'
'Oh no, it brings back happy memories. I met the Senhorita when she was engaged to Juan Diniz, but of course she doesn't remember me.' Something in his voice made Lorna look at him more fully. He was not as suave as she had imagined : there was a sadness lurking behind his eyes that touched her.
'Do you think she has changed much?' Lorna asked curiously.
'No. She's as lovely as ever - lovelier, in fact: sadness has given her a grace and dignity she never possessed before. Do you think she's happy?'
'Why do you ask me?'
'Because you are "sympathique". You sense things without being told.' He leaned forward in his chair. 'You of all people should know whether she is contented here, whether she has recovered from the loss of her husband.'
Lorna shook her head. 'If there's anything you want to know about Rosalia you must ask Rosalia herself, or else Rafael. He's better qualified to tell you than I am.'
He smiled. 'I admire your tact, but a brother sees so much and no more! When I heard Rosalia had come back to Portugal I decided to try my luck with her. I came down to see Rafael and told him of my desire to marry his sister.'
Still unused to the Latin habit of frankness about their emotions, Lorna tried not to show her surprise. 'Why didn't you do so earlier, senhor — before she was engaged to Juan, I mean?'
'There was no point. Why should a young girl want a widower with two children? But things are different now. At least I hope so.' He stood up. 'Shall we go over and talk to her? I see her glancing in our direction.'
'You don't need me. I'm sure you'll do better alone!'
'But I am shy!'
Lorna burst out laughing and out of the corner of her eye saw Rosalia watching them curiously. 'Go on over,' she whispered, 'and good luck!'
With a little bow he moved purposefully across the room to Rosalia's side.
Soon they were close in conversation, his voice low and intimate and Rosalia's eyelids fluttering, the dimple in her cheeks coming and going.
Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief, and Lorna intercepted a look between mother and son that told of great satisfaction. Rafael sauntered over and sat down on the settee at her side.
'What do you think of my match-making?'
'Sheer genius! I'm not surprised you're smug when everyone falls in with your plans so readily. Think any- thing will come of it?'
'Of course. I give them two months at the most, and Rosalia will be queening it over the ladies of Oporto! Oliveira is a good fellow too, he will know how to handle her.'
'Handle her?'
'Naturally. A well-bred woman is like a racehorse, high- spirited and lively but responsive to the touch! Like you, my darling.' He leaned against her. 'Diabos! I wish I weren't going tomorrow. If only I could have postponed the trip we could have got married and gone together.'
'But you'll be back soon.'
'As soon as I can get away.' His fingers interlocked with hers. 'Let's go into the garden, Lorna, I'm aching to hold you in my arms.'
It was with a deep sense of loneliness that Lorna stood on the steps the following morning and waved Rafael good-bye. With Amalia in hospital she would feel more isolated than ever - a fact the Senhora would be quick to notice and act on. She sighed and turned back into the hall, surprised to find Inez watching her,, exquisite in a turquoise suit, her dark hair twisted in a coronet on her head.
'You're looking pale, Lorna. Has Rafael gone?'
'Yes.'
'How annoying! I wanted to see him before he went.'
Disinclined for verbal battle, Lorna curbed her curiosity and began to walk past, but Inez held out her hand to display an exquisite pair of jade earrings.
'He promised to bring me back a bracelet to match and I wanted him to get the colour exactly right. Do you think I could catch him at the airport?'
'I doubt it,' Lorna said coldly. 'Besides, he'll be too busy to think about buying anything.'
'He wasn't too busy to bring me the earrings.' Inez's voice was deceptively sweet. 'As a matter of fact he suggested getting the bracelet himself. But I suppose in the rush he forgot to ask me for the earrings.' She smiled deprecatingly. 'Oh well, it can't be helped. Another time perhaps.'
'Not if I have anything to do with it!' Lorna lost her temper. 'You should find a man of your own to buy you. presents.'
'I had one until you came along and stole him!'
'I couldn't steal something you never possessed!'
There was an ugly silence and Inez arched her back like a cat. 'Believe what you want, Lorna. One day you'll wake up to the truth.'
'And so will you. Rafael's engaged to me, yet you're stupid enough to think you can come between us with your veiled hints and lies.'
'Indeed!' A faint flush tinged Inez's skin. 'I can't believe you're as innocent as you pretend. Surely you don't think you can make Rafael happy for long? I'll admit that at the moment you're a novelty to him, but wait until you try entertaining his friends with your stumbling Portuguese; wait until he starts taking you for granted and expectes you to sit at home while he goes out. Diabos, you don't know what you're letting yourself in for! You weren't brought up to live my sort of life and you'll get so bored you'll want to run away.'
'You'd like to think so, wouldn't you? Well, you can't make me run away so easily.'
Rachel Lindsay - Alien Corn Page 14