Her breath caught. If only he knew how truthful his words were.
“I am quite a bit older than him,” she pointed out.
“He’s about the same age our own…”
Her pulse sped up at the possibility he could make the connection.
He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to go there. It’s just, I’ve been thinking about the past a lot lately.”
“Me, too,” she softly admitted.
“Look, I know you said why you’re inviting us along tomorrow, but…is there any chance you’ve changed your mind about…us? You know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”
“Mike…”
“I love you, Bernie. I always have. And I know you felt something, too, the night of Caleb and Lauren’s wedding. I’m also pretty sure you would’ve let me kiss you at the barbecue if Noah hadn’t interrupted us.”
“I’ll always have feelings for you,” she confessed, her heart speeding up with the admission. “But that’s not what this is about. I was just hoping you and Noah could have a good time together and get past the animosity. Maybe even become friends.”
“Sweetheart, please don’t take this the wrong way, but if you don’t want me in your life, why are you pushing so hard to have me in your brother’s?”
“I never said I didn’t want you in my life,” she said, her exasperation mounting. “Just not in that way. I mean, we can be friends, can’t we?”
“You used to be my best friend,” he reminded her. Frustration simmered in his voice. “I miss my best friend.”
“Mike, please.”
“I miss everything about you,” he continued, his voice thickening. “There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I haven’t thought about you. I’ll always consider you a friend, but sweetheart, I want so much more from you. So I need to know…do you still love me?”
“Mike, I… No. I’m sorry, but…no.” The lie was acid on her tongue. “I care about you, always will. But…I can’t imagine there ever being anything between us again.”
“Is this because of Marone? Are you two back together?”
She didn’t realize he knew she’d dated John. Though, duh, the two of them worked together. “This has nothing to do with John. He’s a nice guy, just not for me.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“But if I was interested, it would be none of your business. I hope you understand that.” Though how could he when she didn’t understand herself. She wanted Mike, always had. Dreamt about him, fantasized about him, craved his touch. There was nothing standing in their way…and everything. She could never tell him his son—their son—was alive and well. Could never tell him she’d kept the truth from him all these years, regardless of her reasons.
He blew out a hard breath, and she could imagine his level of disappointment. Would he be angry and decline her invitation? She wouldn’t blame him if he did, though, if she was honest with herself, she hoped he didn’t. By dumb, horrible luck, she had their son in her life full-time now. Mike deserved to have a relationship with him, too, even if as just a mentor.
“I do. But there’s something I need you to understand as well. I’m not giving up on us. I know you felt something when I held you in my arms, and I know you wanted me to kiss you during the Labor Day barbecue. But I’m willing to give you more time, if that’s what it takes.”
“Mike—”
“Is the invitation to your mom and step-dad’s place still on the table?”
She should rescind the offer, do them both a favor. But she knew she couldn’t. “Of course.”
“Then we’d be happy to come, thanks for thinking of us. I have to work tomorrow, so I’ll need to see if I can get off early. Did you want to drive together?”
“Well, Noah and I will be leaving right when he gets home from school, and they have a half-day. How about I give you directions, and you and Maddie can come whenever you’re ready? It’s really easy to find.”
“Sounds like a plan. I’m looking forward to it. Can I bring anything? Soda, snacks?”
“Nope. Trust me, my mom will have everything you could ever want, and then some.”
He chuckled. “Great. Then we’ll see you tomorrow afternoon sometime. Let me grab a pen so I can take down the address.”
As Bernie waited, she sent up a silent prayer that this great idea didn’t somehow backfire in her face.
Chapter 11
Though Friday dawned cloudy with a small chance of showers, by the time Noah’s bus pulled up in front of the house, not a single cloud was left in the sky. Bernie had already packed the car while he was in school, so as soon as he grabbed a snack and something to drink, they could be on their way.
He came through the front door and, as usual, slung his backpack onto the floor. She resisted the urge to reprimand him. They had a good hour and a half ride ahead of them, and she didn’t want to start it on a sour note. Especially considering she could see an almost smile on that handsome face as he opened the fridge to grab a bottle of iced tea. Definitely a good start to their weekend.
“Grab something to snack on in the car, too. I want to get on the road ASAP. And make sure you go to the bathroom so we don’t have to stop. Mom will have lunch waiting.” Okay, so when it came to her mother’s cooking, Bernie morphed into that pudgy little girl who couldn’t wait to hurry home and see what was for dinner.
He grabbed the Doritos off the counter and stuffed them in a plastic bag, then added a Snickers bar and two tangerines. She gave her head a disbelieving shake. All for just over an hour’s drive?
“I’m good. I peed at school right before the last bell rang. You already told me this morning you wanted to leave right away.”
She gave a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I’m just a little anxious to get up there.”
And not only because her mom made all her favorite foods when she visited.
Lord, she hoped Noah didn’t flip out when Mike and Maddie showed up. She’d seen him playing with the adorable, freckle-faced peanut in Matt’s pool, so she was fairly confident he’d keep his cool in front of her. But if things didn’t go well between him and Mike this weekend, she’d either hear about it all the way home Sunday, or get the silent treatment for a few days. Though the risk was worth it, she supposed. Mike was an officer of the law, and a good man. A great role model for their son.
Noah grabbed his bottle of tea and plastic food sack and hurried out the door. Bernie dug her keys from her purse, then slung it over her shoulder before following him through the breezeway, out into the garage. She gave the knob a twist to make sure it was locked, pressed the button on the wall to open the overhead door, and slid in behind the wheel of her car.
Noah dug a candy bar from his bag, then leaned back against the headrest and closed his eyes. “Can I pick the station?”
“I have a better idea.” She rummaged around in her purse until she found her iPod and headphones. “I’m sure I must have a few songs in my playlist you can tolerate.”
His face lit up. She knew his own iPod, an older model, had broken shortly before his parents’ accident, so they’d never had the chance to replace it for him. Something she planned to keep it in mind for his birthday.
“Thanks,” he said as she handed it over.
Once he had the earplugs in, Bernie started up the car, turned on her favorite classic rock station, and backed out of the garage.
She merged onto WI-57 North a few minutes later, and a smile tugged at her mouth as a feeling of hope washed over her. This weekend could turn out to be a complete success on all levels. Her mother would finally have a chance to get to know her grandson, Noah would hopefully feel a connection with her, as well as his half-sister.
And Mike would get a second chance to bond with his son.
The view was spectacular as they drove up along the coast of Lake Michigan. Purple and white wildflowers peppered the bank of an endless row of majestic white cedars. She rolled down her window and breathed deep as the b
risk scent of pine mingled with the odor of fish and damp air to create an oddly pleasant smell.
Anxious to arrive, excited for her mother to meet her grandson, she accelerated, easing into the left lane so she could pass the slow-moving RV in front of them. Though her mom had seen many pictures of Noah, she’d never met him, and had no doubt been on a nervous baking stint all morning. That was how her mother coped with anything and everything, she baked. Or cooked, stewed, fried, roasted, sautéed, stir-fried. Everything but grilled, which was Dale’s forte. They’d talked a time or two about opening a restaurant, some sort of upscale eatery, though not seriously, as far as Bernie knew. But both were going a little stir-crazy with retirement, so who knew?
When they were minutes away from the Bayview Bridge, which would put them within a few miles of the cabin, she gave Noah’s leg a pat. He’d been leaning back with his eyes closed for the last twenty minutes, and she wondered if he’d dozed off. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”
He cracked an eye open. “I’m not sleeping. I’m listening to one of your audiobooks.”
“Seriously?” Yikes. She hoped he’d chosen something appropriate.
The shit rolled his eyes, then closed them again.
She smacked his leg a little harder. “Come on, we’re almost there, and I’d like you to see the Bayview Bridge. We’re going to cross it soon.”
He sat up and yanked out the earbuds. “You do realize I’m fourteen, not four, right?”
She grinned. “Humor me. I love this city, and I was hoping you would, too. Besides, my mom and Dale will probably chew your ear off reciting everything there is to know about Sturgeon Bay, so you may as well get used to it.”
“Awesome.” He glanced around, his eyes glazed over with disinterest, but his gaze lit up as they approached the bridge. “I guess it’s pretty here. A lot better than Redemption.”
She cast him a sidelong glance. “I know you miss your home, and I really am sorry about that. But I’m not sorry to have brought you here to Wisconsin. It’s what Dad and your mom wanted, and it’s what I wanted as well.”
“You sure about that? I mean, it must have sucked, at least a little, to suddenly have to take care of me.” He continued to look around as they passed over the bridge onto her mom’s side of the city.
She could hear the question in his tone, the uncertainty, and wanted to shake him and hug him at the same time. “I’ll admit, I was…surprised when Mom told me I was to become your guardian. I adore you, squirt, you know that. But I’ve been living on my own for a long time and wasn’t sure, at first, if living with me would be in your best interests. But then I realized I needed you as much as you needed me, and my doubts vanished.”
He made eye contact, but only for a second. “Love you, too, sissy.”
A surge of contentment washed over her as she turned east onto Utah Street. Deciding to change the subject before she started to tear up, she asked, “Did I tell you Sturgeon Bay was recently given the honor of being designated a Coast Guard city? Pretty cool, huh?”
He grinned. “Fascinating.”
She ignored his teasing lack of interest as she made a right, and then a quick left. “Hopefully, we’ll have time to do a little sightseeing. This really is a beautiful city, from the waterfront downtown, to the lighthouses, museums and galleries. I’d like you to see the Maritime and Historical museums, and I wish we could hit a couple of restaurants—you would love a Silo burger at Wanda Jean’s—but my mom will kill me if we eat out, so we’ll have to wait until next time for that.”
He frowned. “Why would she care?”
“As soon as you walk into the cabin, you’ll see why.”
She turned left onto Memorial Drive and drove down until their cottage-shaped cedar mailbox came into view. After making a right into their gravel driveway, she drove until she could see her mother standing on the front porch.
She waved her arms excitedly, put her hand to her mouth to call out—probably to let Dale know they’d arrived—then rushed forward to greet them. Her gaze went straight to Noah, and Bernie’s heart did a little flip. She hoped her mother could somehow manage to keep the tears in check or Noah would start to ask questions.
As soon as she got out of the car, her mom ran over and threw her arms around her.
“Hi, baby!” She kissed her on the cheek. “You guys made great time. I just pulled the loaves of cherry bread out of the oven. Didn’t even have a chance to glaze them yet.”
“Ooh, I love it best still hot from the oven.” She slung her purse over her shoulder and walked her mom around to the passenger side, where Noah stood, staring at them, an uncertain smile curving his lips. “Mom, I’d like you to meet Noah. Noah, this is my mother, Rosemary.”
Rosemary stepped forward, the look of wonder on her face almost more than Bernie could take. She swallowed hard and watched in stunned silence as Noah gave his grandmother a hug. When her mom stepped back, she sported the most radiant smile Bernie had ever seen.
“Well, we’ve never met, but I’ve seen many pictures. You’ve grown into a handsome young man.” She gave his shoulder a playful pat.
And much to Bernie’s amazement, a slight blush stained his cheeks.
“He certainly has,” she chimed in with a mischievous wink.
Dale came out the door, his tall, thin frame hurrying down the steps as a wide smile of welcome split his face. His thinning, salt and pepper hair was in stark contrast to her mother’s vibrant auburn curls, which she knew had never seen a bottle of hair dye. Her grandmother had been in her late sixties before she’d sported a single gray hair. Thankfully, Bernie had been blessed by inheriting the reddish-brown hair.
“Hey, peanut, good to see you.” He crushed her in his arms, and whispered in her ear. “I’m so sorry about your father.”
“Thanks, Dale. Love you.”
“Love you, more.”
Bernie adored her step-father, who, to be honest, was more of a father to her than her own had been. He and her mother had started dating when Bernie was six, so she’d known him most of her life.
A couple years after her parents’ divorce, her father had decided to move to North Dakota for a job. He’d promised to visit often, and he had until he met Natalie. The visits to Redemption soon became fewer; usually three times a year—at Christmas, Easter, and during the summer so he and Natalie could spend a few days down in the Dells.
Once they adopted Noah, the trips had stopped, but at her request, due to fear that someone would see Noah and make the connection. Instead, she’d started flying, and sometimes driving, to North Dakota every chance she got. Being able to watch her son grow up had been a privilege and a blessing, something she never would have had if a stranger had adopted her child.
Her step-father slung an arm around her and turned to her son. “Nice to meet you, young man. Hope you enjoyed the ride up.”
“It was pretty cool, thanks. And nice to meet you, too.” Noah grabbed their bags from the back seat and shut the door.
Her mother gave her hands a clap. “Well, let’s get inside. I hope you’re both hungry. I’ve got plenty to eat.”
Bernie grinned at Noah as they followed her mom and Dale inside.
As soon as her son walked in, his eyes widened.
“Wow. This place is awesome.” He set the bags down and did a slow spin as he took everything in.
Her mom beamed with pride as she crossed the open concept-style, two-story foyer and pointed to the humongous picture window, which was surrounded by a row of smaller, beveled windows on either side. “My favorite view. When Dale and I first walked through this place, we both fell in love with that stunning view. Plus, the cathedral ceiling, wraparound porch, and loft-style bedrooms on the second floor. There are also three bedrooms on the main floor.” She turned to Bernie. “Should I put you two in the double twin room, or save it for—”
“We’ll take it. I’m sure the king room will be better for your other guests,” she said with a meaningful lift of her eyeb
rows.
Thankfully, her mother caught her drift. “Got it.” She turned to Noah. “Why don’t you follow me, and I’ll show you where to put your bags.”
As soon as they were out of earshot, Bernie leaned against the wall and cast Dale a sidelong glance. “Don’t suppose you have anything to drink?”
He chuckled. “As a matter of fact, I just opened a bottle of your favorite merlot. Come on.”
She followed him to the breakfast bar and climbed onto one of the beige, padded stools. “So, when are Missy and the kids getting here?” she asked as he poured them each a glass of the dark berry liquid. “I figured they’d be here by now.”
He slid a glass in front of her and leaned a hip against the counter. “The kids had school. They should be here around four.”
“Oh, that’s right. Noah had half a day, so I didn’t even think about it.” She took a sip of her wine, which tasted like heaven—a smoky, fruity blend with notes of cherry. “I’m hoping he and Jeff get along.”
“They’re about the same age, I’m sure they’ll be fine.” He frowned slightly. “Why wouldn’t they get along?”
Bernie sighed. She was about to tell him all that had transpired when Noah and her mom returned.
“Why don’t you give Noah a quick tour of the pier while I get lunch started?” She gave Bernie her ‘I made all your favorites’ brow wiggle.
“Sounds like a plan. C’mon, kid.” She slid to her feet and picked up her wine glass.
“Can I grab a soda or something?”
Dale opened the fridge with a flourish. “What would you like? We have root beer, orange, grape, or cream.”
“I’ll take cream, thanks. Haven’t had that in a long time.”
“It’s Rosemary’s favorite, too. I’m a root beer man myself.” Dale handed Noah a familiar gold can then grabbed the wine and lifted it in question. “Need a refill, peanut?”
She held out her glass, and he poured her a healthy splash. “Thanks. Okay, kiddo, let’s go exploring.”
Bernie led her son out onto the back porch, down a red brick, paved walkway, to the patio. Petunias in a multitude of colors filled baskets and pots on every ledge, and in every corner. She took a sip of her merlot and set the glass on the umbrella-covered, white patio table.
Say You Love Me (Welcome To Redemption #9) Page 9