Garrett had only visited Sarah's house a handful of times. Although their connection was instantaneous, they were learning each other's signals and idiosyncrasies, discovering the nuances of one another as new lovers must. Sarah smiled but inside her heart was racing. She hadn't realized how transparent she was to him.
"Will you just make love to me?" Her voice was small and unadorned, like a single snowflake floating to the ground from a gray sky.
He said nothing more but slowly slid himself into her wetness, their pelvises fitting together like puzzle pieces. He wrapped his arms around her back, lifting her to him so she melded against him while his lips found hers. He filled her completely and moved deliberately but gently inside her, barely lifting his hips. There were no words needed. She buried her face in his chest as she felt her orgasm building inside her. Silently, her body surrendered and she fell off the edge, shuddering against him while he still held her, her body still spasming long after he ceased thrusting.
He pulled out, still erect and laid beside her on his side. She could see the bones of his pelvis on the side of his body facing the ceiling, the taut muscles of his stomach moving with his breath. She watched his erection begin to slowly subside against the white sheets. “Why did you stop?”
“I wanted you to release some of that pent up frustration,” he explained, “and then tell me what’s going on in that lovely mind of yours.” He stretched long and lean before her, eyes filled with a sense of determination. He’s going to get to the bottom of this, Sarah interpreted. He looks like he’s in problem-solving mode.
“Well, thank you,” Sarah offered pragmatically, sitting up in the bed, cross-legged, still nude. She wrapped an arm around her torso, under her breasts and covering her stomach. She looked down at the turquoise veins crisscrossing over the creamy flesh and then pulled her hair around so that it fell over one shoulder. Avoiding....delaying, she thought. I don’t know what to tell him.
“Sarah,” he said, his voice so smooth it was a song, “I’m not going to judge you. Whatever it is, it’s not going to change how I feel about you.”
She laughed. It sounded like something she might have said. “And how do you feel about me, Mr. Stone?”
“I’m beginning to get attached to you,” Garrett admitted. “I feel a connection to you. Do I want to call that love?” He watched her eyebrows raise, as if she was surprised to hear the word flow out so easily, so comfortably. “I have a very liberal interpretation of the L Word.”
“Me too,” Sarah replied. “And I’d say we’re on the same page.”
“Good,” Garrett affirmed. He squeezed her hand. “So what is it? I’ve been studying you for nearly two months now, long before we actually spoke, and there is a sadness there, deep within. A melancholy. I can sense it.”
She suddenly wondered when he first noticed her, was it auditions? Was it the first rehearsal? What did he think of me? But those thoughts were quickly swallowed by her disappointment that she couldn’t disguise her grief. I thought I was a happy person, she lamented. At least I thought that’s what I projected. It’s hard to hear you aren’t conveying the image you thought you were. Part of her wanted to deflect, conceal: everything is fine, Garrett, I’m just fine. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to crack yet. Isn’t this when I usually turn the tables? she searched her archives for a script.
But there was sincerity in his voice, a willingness to hear, to absorb her baggage. She remembered how badly she’d wanted James to open up to her, how she’d slowly and painstakingly peeled away his layers. I’m not that, she resolved. I’m not one of those people who is afraid to show their true selves to the people who can handle it. “First off,” she assured him, “I really am okay. I do have some lingering sadness, but really, truly, I’m fine.”
“But?” It was more of an expectation of elaboration than a question.
“I fell in love with this man,” she said bluntly, “and he left me. Nothing too crazy. Timeless story of unrequited love. I’m still a little raw, I guess.”
“Sounds like there’s more to it than that,” Garrett observed. His hand on her knee was so warm, the heat radiated through every pore in her skin. “Just tell me what happened. It’s okay,” he implored.
Sarah sighed. “Fine. You asked for it,” she laughed. I can do this, she bolstered herself. I can do it without getting emotional. “I met him about a year ago and we started off as friends with benefits. He was pretty inexperienced with such things, but, as with you and me, there was a strong connection. He was younger than me, at a different place in his life. While he was seeing me he reconnected with his high school sweetheart and found himself torn between us.”
“Wow,” Garrett commented, “that certainly sounds like a compelling story.” He stroked his finger down her cheek, and she saw the compassion emanating from his emerald eyes. “See, I knew there was more to it than you were letting on.”
“I tried to explain to him that it was okay for him to care about us both, that we met different needs for him. At the same time he was exploring a lot of things with me...we had a threesome; he went to a party with me. I didn’t think he was ready to make a serious decision especially since...” Her voice trailed off.
“Since what?”
“He was deploying to Afghanistan. He told me that he’d figure things out when he got back. He felt guilty for wanting us both, though, and I’m guessing she put some pressure on him.”
“She knew about you?”
Sarah nodded. “I don’t know what she knew, if she knew he had feelings for me. Because he did, Garrett. I could feel it so strongly, radiating from him every time we were together. There was something so deep and intangible...something drawing us together, something I had never felt before.” She swallowed down the tears that were threatening to erupt.
“I felt so out of control, unable to make him see that he should wait to decide, to choose between us, or that there could be a future for the two of us. Somehow...someway...”
“And in the end,” Garrett guessed, “he chose her?”
Sarah lost the battle to a tear streaking down her cheek. She buried her face in her hands, her hair falling around her like a dark, impenetrable curtain. “Right before he deployed, he proposed to her.”
“Wow,” Garrett sat up facing Sarah and drew her into his arms. “That had to sting.” Sarah sobbed into his tattooed torso, her tears clinging to his chest hair. “Are you still in contact with him?”
Sarah nodded. “I’m trying. We talk on Skype. He gets back in March. And then...I guess they’ll get married.”
“Do you believe in that old adage, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before?’” he asked.
She pulled back from his embrace. He was sitting cross-legged too. They looked like kids sitting there, shins touching. His back was straight, his shoulders broad. She had almost memorized all of his tattoos now: one on his chest, one on each shoulder, a large one across his back, and one on his right calf. The one on his back was an owl clutching a scroll. Owls are symbols of wisdom, she had thought when she’d first seen it. Perfect for a man wise beyond his years.
She still hadn’t answered his question. “I do,” he admitted. He took her hands into his, poised to share his story. “I had my own heartbreak...so I can relate to your story. I was engaged to a wonderful woman I met during my undergrad. We had planned to get married after we both finished grad school but then she got swept off her feet by some guy she met during a summer internship.”
“Oh,” Sarah responded, “I’m sorry to hear that.” How long ago had that been now? Two years? He said he was in his second year of the PhD program. Maybe in two years James will just seem like another piece of the puzzle of my past, and not this gaping wound.
He seemed completely comfortable talking about it. Healed. “Only, she didn’t tell me what was going on. Nope, she cheated on me. I found out what was going happening on Facebook of all places,” he smirked. “Ridiculously lame.”
He snickered as if he had just recently been able to find the humor in the situation. “My friends never liked her. I should have known.”
“The whole time I was falling for James I knew it was wrong,” Sarah confessed. “I knew he’d break my heart, but I couldn’t stop myself.”
“The heart wants what it wants,” Garrett offered.
“Yeah, that’s something my mother is fond of saying,” Sarah smiled. “So true. Sometimes our minds are powerless...love is an amazing force. Much stronger than logic and reason.”
“Agreed.” He took her into his arms again and Sarah felt her lips spread into a smile against his skin. It’s amazing how people can expose their naked bodies to each other so readily, but exposing the insides is so much harder. She laughed softly into his chest as she felt him squeeze her tightly to him. So much harder but often so much more rewarding.
***
Chapter Seven
Distorted Message
I’m bracing myself against the rocky face of the mountain. I can feel sharp crags jutting into my back as I heave to fill my air with lungs. The assailant is to my right, all in black, only the whites of his eyes revealing his humanity. He’s wielding a knife, not a gun. Unusual. Maybe another weapon is concealed within the black fabric? In any case, this is going to get physical. I summon all my energy into a focal point in my core. This is going to be a battle but it’s one I’ve been preparing for my entire life.
***
His head still ached from the dream that had just played out behind his eyes before he jerked awake. Right when I was getting ready to take that dude down, he thought. Why the hell do I keep getting these headaches? Not cool. He sat up in the bed and stretched. Check email, coffee, then a run before meetings, he reviewed his agenda for the morning.
He made his way to the office and slid into the cold metal and vinyl chair which barely retained its rolling capabilities. Only the best for the U.S. Military, he smirked. He fired up the computer and a Skype message for him from Sarah popped into view. What time is it there? he attempted to calculate in his still foggy morning state. He figured out that it was evening, not too late.
“Not at rehearsal tonight?” he typed back into the box, turning on his webcam.
“Hey, James, it’s Abby again,” came the reply which was confirmed by the grainy image of the teenage girl, this time clad in a black and neon-printed sweatshirt with her hair in two neat braids lying on either side of her neck.
“Oh, hi there, what’s new?” He was glad he had put his shirt on.
“Did my mom ever tell you anything about my real father?” she questioned, not wasting any time getting to the point.
He nearly choked. What the fuck? Why would she ask me that? “Uh, no, not really,” he managed, trying to keep his face from displaying any surprise. “Why are you asking?”
“Don’t say anything to her, please,” she begged. “I want to find him. I was nosing around on her computer looking for information, but she has this thing locked down pretty tight. Just thought I’d check with you and see if you could help me. Do you know his last name? Anything at all about him?”
James was stunned at how forthcoming she was. I don’t really want to be involved in this, he thought. But he saw her wide eyes and could almost make out the smattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose that spilled onto each cheek. “Your mom doesn’t want to help you?”
Abby looked thoughtful for a moment, trying to decide how to frame her answer. “Well, she wants me to wait till I’m older but...I don’t want to. I’m ready now.” She leaned back and crossed her legs underneath her. “It’s not fair,” she whined, the pitch of her voice rising, harnessing all her power in an attempt to tug at his heartstrings. “Owen is going to Colorado to spend Christmas with his dad.”
“Oh, I see. You’re not going too?” James asked, remembering that Daniel was the only father that Abby had ever known, and that when he’d first contacted Sarah to ask about meeting in Colorado, he’d explicitly said he wanted to see Abby too. He clearly thought of Abby as his daughter.
“I was invited,” she admitted, her brows beginning to furrow. “I can’t stand that man. I don’t want to spend a week with him; I don’t care how bad I want to go to Colorado.”
“Alright,” James replied. From what Sarah had told him, Abby’s strong feelings about her former stepfather were completely warranted. After all, he’d cheated on her mother and then abandoned them all. “I’m sure your mother has a really good reason for not wanting you to contact your real father.”
“Oh yeah?” Abby retorted. “Like what?”
“Well....” James scanned his brain, searching for the sagest advice he could offer. “Life is full of many closed doors. Sometimes they are better off left closed.”
Abby rolled her eyes at his philosophical attempt. “Well, thank you Mr. Confucius!” She giggled so hard at her joke that she nearly fell out of her chair.
Wow, James thought, tough crowd. I can’t believe she is brazen enough to talk to me like that! He was completely unseasoned at dealing with teenagers unless they were 18-year-old new recruits, and for the most part, they were compliant and eager to impress their commanding officers. The only other children he had experience with were his nieces and nephews, but they were a lot younger than Abby. He thought about chastising her but instead chose to laugh along with her. He could make an 18 year old Private run till he puked. Not so with Abby. “Hey, I’m trying to be the adult here,” he admitted. “Cut me some slack!”
She smiled, appreciating that he was playing along. “You’re not going to tell my mom that I’m looking for him, are you?” her voice suddenly softened.
Amazing how she can go from sarcastic to meek in a millisecond, James observed. “Alright, I won’t tell her,” he vowed.
“Thanks! You’re the best!” Now the face peering back at him was grinning. “Guess I better get to bed. Maybe we’ll talk again sometime?”
“I’d like that,” James smiled. He opened up his work email and turned off his webcam. That was...unexpected, he thought. And makes me miss Sarah. I’ll have to see if I can get in touch with her soon, tell her to break a leg in the show. And of course, avoid telling her that her daughter is trying to seek out her birth father. Yeah, no problem. I can do that. He shook his head while wondering, how do I get myself into this shit?
***
Dear Pawel,
Please forgive the delay on my end in getting this to you. As you can imagine, the beginning of the semester is fraught with chaos! Things are starting to settle down and we’re falling into a rhythm, but added to the mix is the fact that Abby and I are involved in a local production of the musical South Pacific! The show opens this weekend so rehearsals have been intense as of late. Speaking of intense, I’m also dating one of the leads from the show! It’s going really well so far and he’s like-minded so you can imagine it’s quite a different experience than my last relationship.
I know I told you about seeing Owen’s father over the summer when I was in Colorado for Rachel’s wedding (by the way, she’s having a girl, and everything looks great so far!) He has been in contact with Owen pretty regularly and wants him to spend Christmas in Colorado. I delayed as long as I could in making the decision, wanting to make sure to do the right thing, and also worrying about Owen traveling alone. But fortunately we came up with a suitable solution. My brother is going to fly here to accompany Owen to Colorado. He and Daniel always got on pretty well so I think it will give Owen some stability in unfamiliar territories plus he will get to spend time with his uncle and father. So looks like I’ll be missing one of my kiddos this holiday season. :-(
Speaking of fathers, Abby recently revealed that she would like to find her father. I’m extremely reticent to be an accomplice on that front. I’ve pretty much told her she’ll have to wait till she’s 18 to pursue it. Do you think that’s wrong? I just don’t trust that man and I don’t want her to feel rejected and heartbroken like he made me feel back in th
e day.
There’s really not much else going on in my neck of the woods. What’s new in Poland? How is the family? Are you seeing anyone? Any attractive visiting professors at your university this year? ;-)
Hope to hear from you soon, darling!
Love,
Sarah
***
Sarah’s heart felt a little fluttery on opening night. It’s been awhile since I’ve done this, she thought, trying to hearken back to her drama club days in high school as well as some of the summer community productions she’d done. Funny how much more aware you are as an adult how people judge you. She’d confided in Abby that she felt a bit nervous and her daughter had laughed in response, much like Sarah had responded to Abby’s apprehension prior to auditions. “Mom, you teach in front of college students every day! I can’t believe you of all people have stage fright!” Abby pointed out.
Sarah visited Garrett in his dressing room just prior to curtain. She paused at the door to listen to him humming “Younger than Springtime” to keep his vocal chords limber. They’d already done their vocal warmups with the musical director, but he liked to keep the momentum going, not let them rest too long. His voice never failed to make the hairs on her arms and back of her neck stand on end. Sometimes when they were in bed and he was groaning with low, guttural sounds, she couldn’t help but smile and be amused by the range of sounds he was capable of making. “You’ve got the voice of an angel on stage and a devil in bed,” she’d once teased him. He’d taken it as a compliment.
She slipped inside the room and threw the door shut behind her, not knowing how long they’d have privacy. In mere seconds she was perched on his lap with her hands laced around his neck and lips locked to his. “That’s my way of saying ‘break a leg!’” she winked after they finally broke their embrace.
The Mountains Trilogy (Boxed Set) Page 44