She struggled a bit with the closing. Nothing feels quite appropriate. How could I possibly convey all the love I still have for him without him shutting down and being unable to handle it? She thought about Garrett and how he understood it completely, that the heart had the capacity to engage across a whole spectrum of love. She remembered a quote she’d read somewhere: Love is an expanding force, not a limiting one.
She wondered if James would ever be so enlightened. She had felt he was so close the previous spring when they hiked together in at Garden of the Gods and walked down the beach on Assateague. If I’d only had a few more months with him, Sarah thought wistfully, I think he would have seen the light.
***
James smiled as he closed out his email. It’s really kind of Sarah to want to send me a Christmas present, he considered. Hell, I wasn’t sure if she would ever talk to me again after I left last summer. He began to roll back from the desk in the ancient metal chair but saw his Skype flashing out of the corner of his eye. Oh, I’m so popular today, he mused, thinking it was probably Maggie who had just gotten home from work and caught him online. I really hope she hasn’t seen that asshole doctor again, he thought, peering back at the screen expecting to see her face.
The contact on Skype was an unfamiliar user name: LittleRose96. He recognized that it was Abby from the profile photo. “Hey, James, you around?” the chat message inquired.
He rolled the chair back to the desk and typed back, “Hey, Abby, what’s up?” He didn’t turn on his webcam. It had been a few weeks since they’d corresponded and he was still a little unsure of whether or not it was appropriate, but he liked that they seemed to have such a natural rapport. This is good practice for someday when I have a teenage daughter, he rationalized.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” she replied. “My mom told me what happened at your base. I bet that was scary.”
“I’m not going to lie,” James admitted, “there were some tense moments. But everything has been quiet since then. How are things there? Sad that the show is over?”
“Yeah, it’s been a bit of a letdown not getting to see my friends every night,” Abby typed. “The 2 girls I became close with are sisters and they go to a different high school than I do.”
“I see,” James said. “Don’t you have your license now?”
“Not yet,” Abby lamented. “I’m hoping to get it over the summer. Because of the show, I wasn’t able to take driver’s ed this fall so I have to do it in the spring.”
“Well, I’m sure once you have your license, you’ll feel like you have a lot more freedom,” James consoled her.
“I suppose you’re right.” There was a pause and then: “Hey, by the way, I wanted to tell you that I tracked down my dad.”
James instantly bristled. I hope her mother knows, he thought. Not sure how to respond to this news, especially knowing Sarah wasn’t keen on the idea. He settled on: “And?”
“My grandma gave me his name and I found him pretty easily on Facebook,” Abby explained. “Just hoping he will write me back now.”
“Oh, you sent him an email?” James asked.
“Yeah, I figured why not? He looks like a nice guy. He has two daughters. That means I have half-sisters!” She added an emoticon for a big grin.
“Well, congratulations!” God, I hope the man has the decency to write her back, he thought, suddenly feeling protective and not wanting Abby to be hurt. “So what is his last name?”
“Schumaker,” Abby replied. “I guess I’m half German! Who would have guessed?”
James laughed and typed, “So let’s see, half German, half English, right?”
“I think so,” Abby said.
“Well, it’s a lovely combination,” James assured her. “What did your mom say when you told her?”
A pause. And then: “Well, she doesn’t know yet. I figured I’d wait until he writes me back to tell her.”
“I see.” Sarah is not going to like that. And she’s especially not going to like the fact that her mother went against her wishes and gave Abby her dad’s full name. Yeah, that’s not going to go over well at all. “Well, let me just suggest telling her sooner rather than later,” James advised.
“Alright, alright,” Abby conceded. “We’ll see. Grandma might have already told her anyway.”
James shook his head, relieved he wasn’t visible over webcam. I’m sure Sarah would not have wasted any time confronting Abby about it if she knew. “Good luck, Abby, I hope you get what you’re looking for out of this.”
“I’m not looking for anything in particular,” Abby fired back. “I’m just happy to know what he looks like really. And what my sisters look like. They look little. Maybe 6 and 8 years old?”
I don’t believe she’ll be satisfied with just that for a moment, James thought but decided that arguing with a 16-year-old about expectations was an exercise in futility. “Okay, keep me posted. I have to run for now, literally. Gotta go get a run in.”
“LOL OK,” Abby typed. “TTYL.” She included a hug emoticon and then her account went inactive.
I hope I’m doing the right thing by keeping her secret, James thought as he headed out of the office and began to hit the gravel with long strides. He sensed his breathing pattern adjust to his pace and felt his heart pumping against his ribcage. It felt good to be in motion, to feel the wind whipping past him as he headed toward the fences and his familiar route around the 4 mile perimeter of the base. Sarah won’t be happy if she finds out I knew all along. On the other hand, it’s good for Abby to have another adult she can confide in, especially a man. I guess this is the sort of thing you get used to as a parent. There’s no instruction manual. You could kill yourself second-guessing everything all the time. You just have to go with what feels right. He rounded the corner after the first half mile, some gravel kicking up under his feet, the dust rising into the air. Being a sounding board for Abby is what feels right to me.
***
Sarah shut down the instructor station and breathed a sigh of relief. Last lecture of the week, she congratulated herself as she scanned the rows of seats to see if any of her students were approaching the instructor podium. There were a few clumps of students gathered in the aisle, likely discussing their weekend plans: frat parties, a football game perhaps. Hopefully they are thinking about topics for their research papers that are due at the end of the semester, she sighed, knowing full well it was unlikely.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket and seeing that her students were all filing out, she reached in and pulled it out. It was an email notification from her literary agent. She scanned the contents, her heart beginning to race the more she read. Her book had been officially accepted with its final revisions and would be published in the spring. “Oh my god!” she shrieked out loud, and at least three students turned back to see what was the matter.
The closest one was a slight Asian girl with her hair piled up on top of her head and a striped scarf wrapped around her neck. “Dr. Lynde?” she asked tentatively, “You okay?”
Sarah laughed. “Yes, of course! I just got an email saying my book is going to be published next year!”
A few of the other students heading toward the double doors at the back of the classroom turned around at the sound of her announcement. “That’s awesome!” a tall young man in a red hooded Maryland sweatshirt exclaimed.
“Congratulations!” another male student shouted. Then suddenly the ten or fifteen remaining students burst into applause while Sarah stood at the podium, humbly flushing at this impromptu outpouring of support.
The Asian girl near her wore a beaming smile and remarked, “You’ll have to sign copies for us when it comes out!”
Sarah could not remember ever receiving applause from students in the entire course of her career. She felt something so gratifying standing there knowing that her students admired her, knowing that her research and insights were soon to be read internationally. She thought back to her days as a struggling single mo
m, trying to juggle her waitressing job with raising a little girl. She remembered the days of ramen noodles and endless cans of tuna fish they endured after Daniel left, surviving on her meager teaching assistant stipend as she finished her PhD.
She reflected on the late, late nights that she stayed up to read coursework or write papers knowing that she’d have to be up at the crack of dawn to get her children ready for school. All the sacrifices she’d made to nurture both her career and her family had paid off. I’ve made it, she thought, tears of pride stinging her eyes, It was all worth it. I’ve really made it.
***
When Maggie wanted to talk she always sent an email that said “Call me.” Sometimes it was good news, sometimes bad; James could never quite tell as she wasn’t expressive like Sarah. She was sometimes painfully straightforward and businesslike, especially when she was focused on accomplishing a task. For the most part, James appreciated not having to deal with someone who was flighty or overly emotional. But every once in a while he wished she was a little better at owning up to her feelings and admitting it was okay to be affected by them. He received one of the vague emails that morning after his workout in the gym. Shower first or call her back first? he debated. He toweled off the beads of sweat dripping down his neck. Shower first, he decided.
Fresh from the shower, he settled down at the metal desk and fired up his computer to see if she was on Skype. It was very late at night there and he couldn’t remember her work schedule for the week. He was pleased to see that she was available and when her webcam flipped on he saw that she was sitting in his bed wearing black athletic shorts and one of his plain white t-shirts. No bra, he observed, feeling a little aroused thinking about her small, firm breasts and their perky, golden-tan nipples lurking under the cotton fabric.
“Hi, honey,” she cooed into the microphone on her laptop.
“Hey, baby, what’s up? I didn’t know if you’d be awake.”
“Yeah, we need to talk,” she said, suddenly looking more serious than he had ever remembered seeing her.
“Oh?” His heart began to beat a little faster. Those are never good words. Never. He studied her heart-shaped face, her cheekbones and the way her delicate chin ended in a point. He surveyed her wide hazel eyes, the way her blonde curls twisted over her ears, searching for some sort of clue as to what she was about to reveal.
“James,” she began, her voice nearly cracking as she fought back tears. “You were right.” That’s all she could manage before the tears overwhelmed her, causing her throat to constrict and deny her tongue’s functionality.
His heart was pounding now, and his head was about to follow suit. “Right about what, Maggie?” he implored, his mind desperately searching the archives of their last several conversations to determine what he could have been right about. I’m much more used to women telling me I’m wrong than right, he realized in the midst of the confusion.
“About Dr. Parker,” she managed through sharply punctuated sobs.
“What happened?” he struggled to remain calm. He watched her bury her face in her palms as her body shook with violent convulsions. “Maggie, tell me what’s going on.” His voice wavered, having lost the battle to keep its cool.
“He came on to me tonight,” she confessed, still whimpering as she reached for the box of tissues beside her.
James felt his entire body flush with anger. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his physical response in check so he wouldn’t exacerbate her hysteria. “Okay, breathe, Maggie.” He watched her chest move in and out under the white t-shirt. “Start at the beginning. Tell me exactly what happened.”
“I was leaving the hospital. My shift was over and he followed me out to my car,” she started, getting those words out before the sobbing began again.
James was fighting with every ounce of his strength to keep his body in the metal chair, to not destroy everything in his line of sight. “Then what?” he managed.
“He had his hands on me,” Maggie said. “He leaned down and whispered in my ear that he wanted to examine me.”
What. The. Fuck!!! James was suddenly nauseated thinking about this smarmy doctor’s hands touching his fiancée. “What did you do?” He choked down the bile that was burning his esophagus.
“I told him to get the fuck away from me,” Maggie said clearly, the sobs vanishing as she relived the memory with a surge of adrenaline spiking through her blood.
Good girl, James thought. He knew Maggie was strong, stronger than she even knew herself. She could take care of herself; she was just a little naive. “What did he do then?”
“He tried to kiss me but I pushed him away,” Maggie replied.
“Did you call the police?” James asked.
She shook her head. “No, James, that’s it, he walked away after that. And I came home.”
“Has anything else happened? Has he said anything else?”
“All week he kept asking when he could come over to look at the deck,” Maggie said, “And I kept putting him off, saying it was okay, I didn’t need his help, but he kept insisting. And he kept asking me to lunch again, that he didn’t like the idea of me living alone and not having any friends in the area, no one to look after me.”
“Okay, listen to me, Maggie, promise me that you’re going to do this, okay?” He had regained his composure and was thinking rationally again. If I were there, I would have beat the fucking shit out of him, he thought, imagining what his fist would feel like making contact with the doctor’s chin. Then he reconsidered: if I’d been there, this never would have happened.
“Whatever you say, honey, I’ll do it,” she said meekly, her eyes wide but still wet with tears.
“Go to your boss tomorrow and tell her everything, ask to be transferred to a different shift so you don’t have to work with Dr. Parker. And I’m guessing they’re going to get HR involved, higher level administrators. Get that fucker fired,” James instructed.
Maggie stiffened. “I’m new there,” she balked, “I really don’t want to cause a lot of problems.”
“That’s exactly why he’s targeted you,” James replied. “Well, that and you’re gorgeous and your fiancé is thousands of miles away.”
Maggie nodded, her chin still quivering with the last stray tears. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“That’s my girl. Be strong, Maggie, you can do this. Don’t let that asshole get away with this. If you don’t stop it now, who knows what might happen next?”
She was silent except for a few residual sobs jerking through her. Her shoulders were slumped, her elbows on her knees as she peered into the webcam. She clearly didn’t want to think about what might happen next.
“Five more months,” James broke the silence. “I am so sorry I am not there, baby. I would never have let this happen.”
“I know, honey, it’s alright. I’ll be okay.” Her posture straightened and she attempted a smile.
“I know you will,” James assured her. “I’m glad you told me. I know you were worried about upsetting me. And I know you were so sure that Dr. Parker’s attentions were strictly professional.”
“Yeah,” Maggie smirked, “Guess I was totally wrong about that, huh?”
“Um, yeah, that’s a big ‘I told you so,’” he said. “You work tomorrow?”
She nodded.
“Okay, first thing tomorrow go to your boss and tell her everything,” he said.
“Okay.” She looked both determined and relieved.
He placed his hand on his heart and then on the screen, like he was giving it to her. “I love you, Maggie. I’m proud of you. You’re strong. You can do this.”
She smiled. “I love you too, and I can’t wait to be your bride.”
“Not much longer now,” he replied. “Not much longer now.”
***
Chapter Nine
Christmas
Sarah reflected back to the previous Christmas when she parked in the cell phone lot waiting for her brother Adam’s plane to
touch down. Here she was again in the exact same position. This time, she had the opportunity to meet Brandon, her brother’s partner. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve seen him, she lamented. That’s entirely too long.
She was almost too excited to sit still and was starting to wish she’d paid to park at the terminal and met them inside. It seemed more proactive than sitting in the car. Despite all the offers for accompaniment from her mother, children and even Garrett, Sarah insisted on going alone. Having a tiny bit of private time with her brother was a coveted treat. Even though they kept in touch via text, phone and social media, there was nothing better than one of his tight bear hugs. Finally the phone rang announcing his arrival and she anxiously made her way to the terminal.
By the time she wrestled with the traffic and made it to the correct door, Adam and Brandon were waiting by the curb. Adam wore a faded forest green hoodie over a flannel shirt, looking every bit the part of the Pacific Northwesterner. Brandon donned skinny jeans and a retro looking black leather jacket with bright silver hardware. He had a much slighter build and more delicate features than her brother along with spiky brownish-blonde hair and glowing blue-green eyes. But the real first impression-maker was his beaming smile full of impossibly perfect white teeth. Sarah went to shake his hand but he immediately pulled her into a hug. “Adam didn’t tell me his sister was positively gorgeous!” he exclaimed with his toothpaste commercial quality grin.
Sarah had never seen Adam so happy. He was beaming almost as radiantly as his boyfriend, flashing pearly whites that contrasted against his bushy reddish brown beard. After Brandon finally let go, Adam swept his sister into his arms and off her feet, twirling her around until a passing security guard gave them all a dirty look, nonverbally warning them to move it along.
On the drive back to the Lynde homestead, Adam and Brandon chirped and dished like a pair of teenage girls. Sarah smiled, noting that she hadn’t witnessed such positive energy since being on the set of South Pacific. Aww, look, they’re holding hands, she observed, glancing in her rear view mirror at the pair in the backseat.
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