“Somehow none of that makes me feel any better,” she said at last after circling around his shallow admittance and still feeling hollow. Here is this man before me whom I want to love, she thought. I really do want to. I thought before that he was so mature and wise; this whole lie came out of left field. Now it’s so evident that he’s 10 years younger than me. All the right ingredients are there, but he seems half-baked. Like I need to pop him back in the oven for another five years and then give him another taste.
He remained uncharacteristically silent so she launched into the speech she’d rehearsed for the occasion. “You know, Garrett, the hallmarks of polyamory are openness and honesty. It doesn’t mean you masquerade as being unattached when you’ve made a promise to someone. It’s built on the predication that you have the capacity to have an intimate emotional connection with more than one person and an admittance that not one person can or should meet all of your emotional needs. The idea is that you are transparent about what those needs are and how they are being met.”
“I know all that,” he replied arrogantly, his green eyes piercing her. His jaw was set, lips pressed together firmly, possibly concealing clenched teeth. His heavy black boots dug into the tiled floor.
“Then what?” Sarah shot back, her temper now starting to flare, the equilibrium she’d fought hard to maintain disturbed. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to apologize,” Garrett clarified, “but I didn’t want to hear a lecture. Which I suppose is why I’ve avoided seeking you out for the last week or two. I figured that’s what I’d get.”
That. That was enough to obliterate any ounce of patience or mercy I might have had, Sarah thought. She stood, feeling her legs quiver as the anger rose to the surface of her skin. “Get out of my office, Garrett,” she seethed, in the deepest, darkest tone she’d heard emitted from her vocal chords in some time, maybe ever. There wasn’t the hurt or sadness that she’d had the day she left James upon discovering his relationship with Maggie. This was sheer anger.
Garrett appeared perfectly shocked. I guess he’s not used to women, or maybe anyone, standing up to him, she considered. He’s The Navigator, after all, always the one calling the shots except when he willingly gives up control. Which is almost never. And certainly not now. Resolute, she stood to usher him out but he failed to budge. He remained in the chair as if glued to the upholstery. How had I not seen this before? That he’s a bully. He refuses to give in. Even when he’s wrong.
“Seriously, it’s time for you to go. Unless you want me to call campus security,” she threatened. Her jaw was set. This has gotten out of hand.
“Wow, really?” He stood and took one long step toward the door then turned to meet her glare again. “I thought we had something special, Sarah. Something worth working through our differences.” He looked disappointed, maybe with a side of feigned hurt, she observed. The way he was trying to manipulate her emotions only added fuel to her fire.
“These are not ‘differences,’ for fuck’s sake. Garrett, wake the hell up! You broke a promise to me and then you come in here like a petulant child expecting to get a slap on the wrist and then everything will magically go back to normal.
“Sweetheart, you’re an immature, selfish, spoiled brat thinking you can do whatever the fuck you want, whatever feels good to YOU, completely disregarding anyone else’s feelings. Then, when you’re caught, you think you can simply win anyone you hurt back with your infinite charm. That might work for twenty-year olds but I’m almost forty fucking years old and I’ve been around the block a couple of times. I see right through you.
“Now if you really think we had something worth fixing, then you need to fucking take responsibility for your actions, explain to me why you did what you did, and tell me how you’re going to avoid making the same stupid mistake in the future.”
By the time she finished, Sarah noted there were tears clinging to the corners of his eyes, as if at least some of what I just spewed at him managed to seep through that thick skull of his. She noticed he was trembling, seemingly paralyzed. The anger that had just orchestrated her speech began to dissipate and she felt compassion welling up inside of her to replace it. She stepped toward him, putting her arms around his waist and he bent, practically knocking her over with his weight, burying his head in the crook of her neck. She absorbed the sobs as they fell like staccato beats against her shoulder.
“Oh, god, Garrett, please don’t cry,” she begged him. She began to back away from his embrace, motioning for him to sit back down again. She took her place in her desk chair again. “Did something I say resonate with you?”
“Everything you said was exactly spot on,” he admitted, his voice still quivering as the leftover tears drained down his throat.
“And no one has ever told you any of that before?” Sarah asked, trying to decide if his sudden humility was genuine or pure showmanship. This is Garrett Stone, the renowned actor I’m dealing with, after all, she realized.
“I know that I’m gifted at manipulating people,” he admitted. “You were right about that. But I don’t want to do that with you. And I’m sorry I tried. Honestly, I think I was just afraid that you couldn’t really share me after all. So far, no one has been able to.”
“So you’re seeing a younger girl in Columbia,” Sarah cut to the chase. “And you’re her Dom. Fine. It’s really not a big deal, Garrett, I promise. All you had to do was tell me.”
He nodded. “I met her in early December, that party I went to the day you hosted Rachel’s baby shower. But the other night, that was our first time together.”
“Ah, I see,” Sarah replied, vaguely remembering that he’d gone to a party and that afterwards he was evasive when she inquired about it. “Does she know about me?”
He looked down at his feet briefly and then back to her face. “No,” he answered. “Not yet, but I’ll tell her.”
“Fair enough,” Sarah replied. “Look, Garrett, just because you haven’t been able to trust women in the past doesn’t mean that I’m untrustworthy.”
“I know,” he whispered. He pulled her out of the chair and into his lap with very little effort. “I don’t know what to say. I feel completely unworthy of your love and forgiveness.” He wrapped his arms around her.
Am I letting him off too easy? she wondered. On one hand she couldn’t imagine having to recover from this breakup when she was still recovering from James. On the other, she hated having anyone take advantage of her kindness. She sighed. I’ll give him one more chance.
“Let’s just start again, okay?” She bent down and cupped his chin in her hands, feeling his scratchy stubble against her fingerprints. “You’ll tell me everything from here on out, right?” She watched his eyes for signs of dishonesty, but they were locked with hers as he mouthed the word “yes” against her soft lips.
***
James was not particularly happy with the outcome of his meeting. It’s fucking bullshit if I have to stay here another three months, he murmured under his breath. He’d explained that he was anxious to get home because he was engaged and that his mother was recently diagnosed with cancer, but they were looking for someone with his credentials to take over a project. “Being asked is an honor,” he was reminded, and he’d been highly recommended. I guess I’m supposed to be flattered? His head was throbbing as he headed back to his office and contemplating how he would tell his family and Maggie he would be delayed if that was indeed the decision.
He logged onto his email hoping to see a message from one of his parents about the latest doctor appointment. His mother was consulting with a surgeon and they were to debate lumpectomy over mastectomy. James felt nauseated thinking about his mother going under the knife for either choice. I’ve got to get home, his pulse repeatedly beat against every nerve in his brain.
He’d just been able to confirm that he hadn’t received an email from anyone in his family when his Skype lit up with a message from Abby. “Can you talk?” it simply queried.
/> He realized suddenly that he hadn’t yet told Sarah about his mother’s affliction. I should do that, he thought, I’m sure she’ll have something encouraging and positive to say. “Hi Abby,” he typed back. “Webcam?”
“Let’s just IM,” Abby typed, “if that’s ok.”
“Sure, of course, what’s up?”
“My mom knows about the email I got from my dad now,” she wrote. “I just wanted to thank you for helping me do the right thing. She was mad at first but I think things will be ok.”
James felt a smile spread across his face. For the first time in a long while, he felt like something had gone right. “Oh, that’s great!” he typed. “So are you still writing to him?”
“I wrote him back and answered his questions and now I’m waiting to see if he responds again. Anyway, I have to go, I just wanted to thank you.” She included a “hug” emoticon with the message.
“I’m really glad I could help, Abby,” he typed and then added a smiley face emoticon, which felt very much out of his comfort zone.
“See ya!” she wrote and this time there was a heart and a little figure waving.
***
The first day of the spring semester came more quickly than Sarah wanted it to. Owen was back home and adjusting from the physical and emotional stressors of his trip. Even happy times can be stressful sometimes, Sarah remembered. The holidays coupled with travel and spending time with a family that you barely know, it’s all a lot for a little guy like Owen. She was relieved to find that he seemed to be the same good-natured, sensitive, inquisitive boy she’d sent off to Colorado just before Christmas. He’d brought back framed pictures of his new family: one of his father and stepmother, one of him and his little brother Sam, and one of all four of them together. Wow, Daniel wasted no time getting those made, Sarah thought, trying to squelch the suspicion that he’d done it just to irritate her.
Abby seemed to be crawling the walls and was more than happy to go back to school the day after New Years. She was restlessly waiting to hear back from her father, although Sarah tried to explain that with the holidays it may be awhile before she heard anything. Still, Sarah sensed that Abby had inherited a serious lack of patience directly from her, so I guess I can’t blame her for being frustrated, she conceded.
Sarah had also noticed that Abby had been more withdrawn than usual after the New Year’s Eve party she’d attended at Bree and Brooke’s house. She hadn’t mentioned either of the girls and didn’t seem to be texting with them or talking to them on the phone as much as before the party, which coupled with the vague description of the evening’s festivities made Sarah wondered if there had been a falling out. I should probably remember to ask her about that once she settles in to the new semester, she made a mental note.
Sarah locked up her office and headed to the classroom to teach the first session of her new Human Sexuality class. She had been dying to teach the course but had to wait until a senior colleague retired the previous year. It was only offered in the spring so now she finally had her chance. The three hundred level class was mostly filled with juniors and seniors. Her only regret was that her book hadn’t been published yet as she had wanted to make it required reading and gather feedback from her students. Oh, well, the syllabus is certainly full of plenty of other engaging reads and activities, she thought.
Once her sixty students had seated themselves in the lecture hall, Sarah broke them into twelve groups of five. She then had the groups elect a secretary and a leader. Their task was to see how many different ways they could express the idea of intercourse, from the mundane “having sex” to the much more colorful “knocking the boots.” Those were the two examples she gave and allowed the teams to start their lists off with those.
Sarah was delighted by her students’ response. They were wide-eyed and giggly, their chatter crescendoing and filling the room. After fifteen minutes the group leaders were asked to total the number of items on their list and then to work with the rest of the group to choose the five most original terms. The leaders were instructed to post their teams’ top five expressions on the online discussion board after class and all the students would vote for the best list.
Sarah fed off the energy her students produced. She handed out the syllabus and promised the class that by the end of the semester they were going to be able to talk about anything and everything sexual “with nary a blush!” Several students laughed at the way she’d phrased the promise. This is going to be a fun class, Sarah thought as she dismissed her students early, but not without giving them both a reading and writing assignment for the next session. She walked out of the classroom feeling like she was on top of the world. This is what I was born to do, she thought. I can’t imagine doing anything else.
***
The moonlight was spilling through Garrett’s nine rectangular window panes and across the floor, bathing the bottom quarter of the bed in a translucent glow. The pattern across the carpet echoed the waving trees outside and Sarah could hear the wind whipping through them, their bare branches clattering in the cold winter night. She pulled the sheet and comforter up around her neck. “Brrrrr, are you coming to bed or what?” her teeth chattered as her body shook from the chill.
Garrett’s silhouette appeared in the doorway, framed by the light glowing from the end of the hallway. He was carrying a stack of books and a glass of wine. “Sorry, I was just gathering up these library books that belong to McKeldin. Do you think you could return them for me tomorrow?”
“That’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Sarah deadpanned. Although it seemed virtually impossible, she would have bet money that Garrett had as many books crammed into his tiny one bedroom apartment as James did dispersed throughout his entire house. Except most of Garrett’s were borrowed from every library in the greater DC metropolitan area, including the renowned library on her own campus. “I sure hope they’re not overdue,” she added in her sultriest voice.
“Or what?” Garrett retorted. “Will you spank me?” He sounded much too hopeful.
“No,” Sarah decided. “You’d enjoy that too much.”
“But I have been a very naughty boy, overdue books aside,” he protested sheepishly.
“Yes, yes, you have, but I have other plans for you,” she said, hoping the ambiguity of her words would pique his curiosity. He climbed onto the bed beside her, his legs stretched out on top of the comforter so that a thick swath of moonlight striped his calf. This inspired Sarah’s imagination and she coaxed him into moving so that he was lying sideways across the bottom of the bed so that the band of moonlight crossed in a wide belt across his upper thighs and genitals.
“Oh, look at that,” Sarah mused, “my favorite parts are highlighted!” She giggled with delight and perched between his spread legs, tickling up his inner thighs with her fingertips and feeling him squirm beneath her touch. “Hold still,” she commanded.
“I’m trying, but that tickles like all fuck,” he winced as her hand moved up over his hipbone toward his armpit. “Are you really going to declare a tickle war on me?” he asked, incredulous.
In seconds her fingertips were replaced by her tongue, tasting all the way up his thighs, his hips and abdomen, this time straight up his sternum to his collarbone. The wet sensation left Garrett speechless as she moved up his body and was soon straddling him, his half-erect cock trapped under her soft belly. She laid a finger on his lips, “Don’t speak,” as if he was even able to at that juncture.
She then slid back down the length of him trailing tiny, sweet kisses down his torso as she went. By the time she reached his cock she noticed it had begun to swell. It’s so big it takes a while for all the blood to get there, she thought to herself as she flicked her tongue against his frenum and proceeded to wrap her lips around his glans. He sighed softly as she began to engulf about half of his shaft into her throat. As she moved her mouth up and down on him she felt him begin to harden, curling her lips into a triumphant smile. He’s ready for me no
w...
She gracefully slithered back up his body again and steered his now rock hard cock into her opening. She flashed back briefly to their first time together in the dressing room when she’d tried to sit on his cock on that shabby, throw-covered loveseat and it was not happening. He’d gotten impatient, inspiring him to throw her down and slowly ease himself in. Now that she was used to his size she could take him so much more easily, and in seconds she was perched atop him and grinding against him for all she was worth.
“Oh, god, Sarah, slow down,” he moaned, not wanting to peak too early but she was relentless, slamming her pelvis down against his again and again until her pussy exploded around him, spasming so strongly that he could not control himself and was forced to climax with her.
“Damn,” she said as they both came down from their highs, pulses slowly returning to normal. She rested her check against his chest and felt it gradually resume a normal breathing pattern.
“Damn is right,” Garrett concurred. “What was that about?”
“Make up sex,” Sarah said. “It should be fiery and intense, you know, to get any residual anger out of your system.”
“You teach me something new every day,” Garrett remarked. He was still inside of her, half erect and dribbling the last drops of semen into her. He pulled her body down on top of his and her hair fell like curtains on either side of their faces. He gathered it up into his hands so that he had unrestricted access to her mouth. He used her hair as a handle to reposition her face so that their lips just barely brushed together. “Two things, Sarah,” he whispered against her.
“What’s that, darling?” she whispered back.
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