***
It was the first legitimately warm spring day, the first day one could believe winter was being left behind for good without threatening to creep up again with a surprise snow flurry a week or so down the road. “Things are starting to look a little greener,” Maggie observed with hope in her voice. She spritzed the glass door leading to the deck with cleaner and then wiped it off, rubbing out the inevitable streaks.
James was folding laundry in the living room. “How many uniforms do you have?” he complained, tossing another pair of scrub pants into a pile on top of others he’d already folded. The stack was about to topple over.
“Sorry, I get carried away buying them sometimes,” Maggie apologized. “You want to go to the greenhouse today and look at plants?”
“It’s still too early,” James replied. “It’s a little warmer here than Ohio, but not much. We need to wait till the end of the month I think.”
“Even for pansies? I just wanted a little color in front of the house,” she explained. “Oh! I forgot to tell you that the engagement photos I ordered came in. The neighbor dropped them off yesterday when you were at work.”
James studied her form as she crouched low to reach the bottom of the glass door. She was wearing gray cut-off sweat pants and one of his old, stained white t-shirts. Not exactly the sexiest look, he thought. He focused his gaze beyond Maggie, out to the backyard at the mess of brush that had accumulated in the ravine. Gotta clean that up before it gets warm and overgrown out there, he thought. Maggie had moved on to the living room windows, her back still to him. I wonder if my wheelbarrow is still in the shed. Seems like I let the neighbor borrow it some time back.
“Did you hear what I said?” Maggie asked. She whipped around, the cloth rag in her left hand and the glass cleaner in her right hand. Her head was cocked to one side, revealing her exasperation.
“Pansies would be fine,” James replied coolly, not even looking up from the laundry basket where he was pairing socks, rolling them together in balls.
“About the photos?” she persisted. “I swear sometimes you don’t even hear me.”
Selective hearing, he thought. His mother always accused his father of that too. I’ve been home for...what? Three weeks now. And some days it feels like we’ve been married for 30 years already. “Right, the pictures. I’m sure they’re nice.”
“There’s a website,” she explained, her pitch raising with excitement, “where you can plan your wedding and post engagement photos and start your registries and all that. And your friends and family can see your progress and comment on the pictures. It’s kind of like Pinterest or Facebook but just for weddings. I want to start a profile for us. I thought it would be a good way for my mom and my friends back home to help with the planning!”
He straightened up, stretching his back as he went to pick up the empty basket. “Sounds fine,” he said. He walked past her on his way back to the laundry room and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. He heard her sigh as he made his way down the hall.
The first week we had sex every night, he thought. The second week she had her period. Last week it was once and the second time I asked she said she was too tired. He gathered the still warm load of clothes from the dryer into the empty basket. Is this what domestic bliss is all about? I’m trying to make up for nine months of doing without!
He headed back into the living room with the new load of laundry, planning to add the folded clothes to the stacks he’d already started. By the time he looked up, Maggie had already left the room and moved onto the next one.
***
“I’m so nervous!” Sarah breathed excitedly as she exited Garrett’s car and followed him into the tattoo parlor.
“More nervous than you were at auditions?” Garrett asked, grinning.
“I’ve just never done anything like this before,” Sarah admitted. “I was too squeamish to go with Rachel to get her many tattoos. I feel like I’m the only person my age who doesn’t have one.”
“Yet,” Garrett reminded her. He slipped his arm around her waist and guided her toward the door of the shop which was a deep purple color with a tinted glass window emblazoned in shades of gold and crimson graffiti-style with the name “Scarlet Dragon Ink.”
“This is the best shop in the Baltimore/DC area,” he assured her. “I did my homework. I don’t trust this body to just anyone you know!” He winked at her, his green eyes sparkling emphatically.
Sarah nodded hesitantly as he swung the door open and they proceeded inside. The walls were coated in the same purple paint, so deep it was nearly black, and the moulding around the doors and ceiling were a blood red. In the center of the reception area was a u-shaped glass counter with three levels of glass shelves containing hundreds, maybe thousands of pieces of body jewelry, mostly silver, the ones with gems catching the light streaming down from above the counter. The only other light in the room came from two silver floor lamps in the corner crowned with velvet crimson shades dangling with tiny black beads around the bottom edges.
The imposing figure behind the counter nodded matter-of-factly at her as she approached, clutching the small rendering of the design she wanted in her fist. He was every bit as tall as Garrett but with the heft to match. He wore a thick black belt around his waist which reminded Sarah of the trunk of a 200 year old tree. The belt had silver spikes jutting out all the way around and a huge silver buckle with a dragon engraved into it. He had piercings in his ears, nose, eyebrow and lip and both his arms were completely covered in ink. Sarah remembered everything she had ever taught her children and students about not judging a book by its cover, but she was finding it really challenging to not be intimidated by this man.
And then he smiled, broad and gleaming, revealing perfectly straight white teeth. “Hey, I’m Jason, what can I do for you?” His voice was as rich and warm as his smile. Then he glanced at Garrett, “Hey, Nav, what’s up, man?”
Sarah wanted to laugh, her own lesson being confirmed right before her very eyes. Garrett reached out to shake Jason’s hand which promptly morphed into some sort of back patting, chest bumping maneuver. “I’m Sarah,” she said when the display ended. “It’s my birthday and I want to get a tattoo.” I feel like I’m about eight years old right now asking for an ice cream cone, she thought, feeling silly and out of place.
“Whoo hoo, birthday tattoos are the best!” Jason grinned. “Of course, drunken orgy tattoos are pretty kick-ass too.” He winked, then seemed surprised that Sarah remained unfazed. “What did you have in mind?”
She showed him the design and then Garrett piped up, “We have an appointment with Van.”
Sarah’s eyes shot over to Garrett. “Really?” her eyebrows raised.
Garrett ran his fingers through her hair affectionately. “I brought over the design yesterday after you said you were happy with it and got everything arranged. He’s really excited to be working with you. He did that owl I got last summer.”
“Oh, that owl is magnificent,” Sarah cooed. “He’s very talented. That’s so sweet of you to work everything out, Garrett! Thanks, darling!” He took a little theatrical bow.
Jason wandered off into the back room to retrieve Van, and Sarah took a seat on one of the metal folding chairs lining the dark purple walls which were covered in pictures of tattoo designs and of clients showing off their new ink. Garrett sat down beside her and patted her knee. “So, you’re ready for this? You feel comfortable?”
“I trust you,” she smiled, then Van appeared to usher them back to his studio which was, Sarah noted thankfully, much better lit than the waiting room. He helped Sarah settle in and confirmed the design, colors and the placement. She was impressed by his patience, thoroughness and attention to detail. He looked to be half-Asian, with a slight frame, long fingers and a soft voice. Unlike Jason, she didn’t notice any visible tattoos on his limbs.
“So, why mountains?” he asked as he carefully traced the design on the outside of her left ankle. The tattoo had two
mountain peaks with clouds surrounding them, the one on the right slightly taller with a stream winding between. The colors would be a smoky lavender, silvery gray, dusty blue and an aqua color for the water.
“I grew up in the Rockies,” Sarah explained, “so the mountains are my home. Plus, they’re symbolic, representing all my dreams and aspirations and I’m constantly climbing, trying to reach those peaks.” She smiled thinking of her hike through Garden of the Gods just a few weeks before and the view through the red rock window of Pikes Peak soaring into the heavens. That’s when she’d gotten the idea for this tattoo. She’d added the stream as a symbol of life and movement and change. Even though the mountains were constant, life is dynamic, shifting one’s position sometimes closer...and sometimes farther away from one’s dreams.
“That’s cool,” Van deemed. He was a man of few words but offered extreme attentiveness and expert skill. Sarah braced herself, preparing to feel the burn into her flesh. When he first touched the implement to her skin she gritted her teeth, disguising a wince. Garrett’s eyes bore into her, watching her reaction for signs of discomfort, but she surprised him by smiling.
“I’ve birthed children,” she reminded her lover. “I got this.”
“I have no doubt whatsoever,” he said, his eyes creasing with his smile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone which was faintly ringing. “Hey,” he spoke into it.
Sarah closed her eyes and told herself that the tattooing didn’t hurt. Mind over matter. It was the same thing she’d told herself in the delivery room. She heard Garrett’s voice become animated and opened her eyes again. She watched him pace back and forth in the little space near the bench where she reclined as still as she could. Sitting still has never been my forte, she realized. Poor Van. Watching Garrett pace made her want to move too.
He touched his phone to end the call with a dramatic sweep of his hand and slid it back into his pants pocket. “Well, well, well,” he beamed, “do I have a birthday present for you!”
Her eyebrows raised with curiosity, “What is it?”
“That was Xavier,” he answered, opting not to hold her in suspense. “I’m Freddie. You’re Florence. We got the parts in Chess!”
Sarah’s heart leapt and she struggled not to flinch. The excitement surging through her temporarily dulled the pain Van was inflicting upon her ankle.
“I can’t believe it!” she exclaimed, her eyes welling up with happy tears. “It’s a huge part. It’s THE lead. I sure hope I’m ready for this!” She didn’t know whether she was more nervous or more excited.
“You are,” Garrett said confidently. “You are.”
***
Sarah’s ankle was decidedly sore by the time she returned home that evening. She’d chosen not to spend the night at Garrett’s, preferring her own bed where she wouldn’t have to worry about him accidentally kicking her while she healed. The kids had come in to say goodnight and offer last minute birthday kisses, and Sarah was surprisingly thrilled at the prospect of having a few moments to herself in which she could reflect over the start of her thirty-ninth trip around the sun. Her ankle was wrapped in plastic film and throbbing slightly so she propped it up on a pillow and relaxed with a book in the stillness of her house.
She heard her phone begin to ring and vibrate from under the covers. Apparently somebody didn’t get the memo that I’d like to enjoy some solo time on my birthday, she complained, trying to decide if she wanted to answer it. It’s eleven at night. Rachel probably forgot to tell me something, she figured.
Glancing at the phone, however, revealed that it was James calling. She sighed. Since he’d been home, she had avoided talking to him with the exception of the occasional text. He couldn’t have possibly remembered that it’s my birthday, she thought. “Hello?”
“Happy birthday, Sarah,” he whispered into the phone.
“Why are you whispering?” she asked, afraid of the answer he may give. I can’t believe he remembered!
“Maggie is asleep in the other room. I don’t want to disturb her,” he explained. “Hey, I’ll step out on the deck.” She heard the door creak open and shut, then his voice again, “I’m back.”
She envisioned him standing on the deck in the cool April night, the stars piercing the night sky with a thousand tiny points of light. She imagined the outline of the trees flanking his property silhouetted against the charcoal gray sky. In the east would be the glow of lights from the city casting a slight orange aura at the horizon. She remembered that view like the back of her hand.
“Thanks for thinking of me,” she finally said. And that about sums up what I can think of to say, she realized. How do I just flip the switch from love to friendship? How can I pretend my heart doesn’t still ache?
“Do you remember how we celebrated your birthday last year?” he asked her as if it was some sort of memory test.
She cycled in reverse through the prior twelve months, flipping back 365 days. Her lips slowly curled up into a smile as she accessed the memory. “Oh, yes, Rachel and Jack threw me a party!” she sang, her voice sounding like it had suddenly flooded with light.
“My first foursome,” he laughed. “That redhead was hot.”
“I’m glad you haven’t forgotten,” Sarah remarked, but her head was spinning with other thoughts: Doesn’t he wish we could still have that? Did he tell Maggie about the stuff we did? What would she think?
“I haven’t forgotten anything,” he said plainly, as if he needed to set the record straight.
Sarah was left speechless by that admission. So much meaning...so much implied by those four words, she thought. I don’t know what to do with that.
“So no big party this year?” he finally broke the silence. “I guess Rachel is busy with the baby right now, huh?”
“Yeah,” Sarah said, relieved of the shift in subject. “I got a tattoo.”
“Whoa!” He seemed shocked. “Really? You pulling my leg?”
“Not at all,” she replied. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
He cleared his throat, as he had a habit of doing when he was trying to appear serious but failing. “It’s not, I suppose. So what is it? Where is it? Do I get to see it?” The questions flew out at her.
“It’s mountains, on my ankle, and no,” she said, trying not to laugh at his attempt to trick her into agreeing to see him.
“Maggie knows we still talk,” he offered abruptly. “She says it’s okay for us to grab coffee or something.”
“Or something?” Sarah repeated.
“You know what I mean,” James said, starting to sound annoyed.
“I’m certainly intrigued by the ‘or something,’” Sarah laughed, trying to ease his frustration. She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts, letting the idea of “or something” tumble around in her mind. “I don’t know if I can see you without wanting you.”
There. I said it. I can’t be any more honest than that.
He hesitated for a moment, processing her confession, realizing it was the first time she’d put her rejection of his invitation into those terms. “I understand, Sarah. I worry about that too. But I know we can do it if we just try.”
She let out a relenting sigh. “Okay. You win. I’ll have coffee with you.”
“When?” came his hopeful one word response.
“I don’t know yet,” she replied. “Sooner or later. Just be patient with me, okay?” She imagined him smiling by the light of the moon which was surely high enough in the sky by now to bathe the deck in its iridescent glow.
“Okay,” he agreed. “It would make me really happy to see you.”
Yeah, I know, she said to herself. And I’m just trying to figure out why I still want so badly to make you happy.
***
Chapter Fifteen
Reunions
Dear Pawel,
Thank you so much for the birthday card and the flowers you sent! You are so good at remembering birthdays and other important dates. The flowers
are gorgeous! I'm attaching a photo that Owen took of me with them. Guess what I did to celebrate my birthday? I got a tattoo! I'm attaching a picture of that too!
So the big news around here is the new show I'm in. I landed a lead this time! I can hardly believe that I beat out about a dozen other very talented ladies. I haven't had a lead role since I was in high school and, as you know, that was eons ago. This musical is Chess, not sure if you have heard of it, but I would recommend checking out the music if you get a chance. I really wish you were going to be visiting this summer during the production so you can see me potentially make a fool out of myself! I'll try to get someone to take a video so you can get a taste of me in action! :-)
A couple of other interesting things and then I have a question. First, James is back home. I've spoken to him on the phone a couple of times and he practically begged me to have coffee with him (alright, not literally begging but he did know just what buttons to push to convince me.) I am not sure how I feel about seeing him, just that I'm pretty sure that the feelings I've worked so hard to put behind me are going to all flare up again. And, honestly, Pawel, I'm not so sure he doesn't still have feelings for me too based on some of the things he's said and of course on my intuition. So I’m pretty freaked out about all of that. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted!
The other thing going on is that Abby is going to meet her father for the first time next week. He's vacationing in DC with his other two daughters and thought it would be fun to get everyone together since we live so close. He has joint custody of the girls with his ex-wife and it sounds like he's really trying to be the best dad he can be. I talked to him on t he phone to work out the details and he was so gracious and seems like he has his life together. He was such a slacker in college! He was always blowing off class to get stoned. I guess I'm just relieved that there was this responsible adult in there after all, and even more relieved due to the fact that my kid has half his DNA! Haha! Just Abby and I are going to meet up with him. My mom is going to stay home with Owen. Like the situation I mentioned previously, I promise to keep you apprised of any new developments.
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