"Shhhh, I don't want Thomas or Gia to hear you!" Sarah scolded her friend. "The last thing I need is for Owen to find out from someone other than me."
"Do you mean Tom?" Rachel corrected. Her son, who had gone by the name Thomas since birth, had suddenly decided it was "Tom" or "nothing.” “Don't worry about him overhearing anything. He comes home from school every day and immediately disappears into the little man cave he and Jack set up in the basement. I barely see him anymore except for dinner. He scarfs down about three helpings and then vanishes again until I go say goodnight to him."
"Our sons are getting older," Sarah remarked, wistfully remembering the pair toddling about a decade earlier. "They're almost young men."
Rachel sighed. "Don't remind me. Well, at least Amethyst is still my baby. And soon you'll have your own little ones! I'm so happy for you guys. James is going to be an amazing father. I hope you have a little boy and a little girl. That would be perfect!"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet," Sarah requested. "I still have a long way to go. I don't know why, but I am pretty accomplished at remembering each and every little thing that could go wrong."
Kathy Lynde's enthusiasm was tempered by the fact she was already convinced the procedure had worked. She had an uncanny ability to identify pregnant women before anyone else could, even a pregnancy test. She'd been able to tell Rachel was expecting just days before her wedding. "It's a smell pregnant women emit or something," Kathy would explain when questioned about her special powers.
"You two are going to have some beautiful, smart children," she smiled, giving her daughter and son-in-law a collective squeeze.
Sarah tried not to read too much into the fact that her mother used the plural, "children," instead of "child" or "baby."
***
Abby was having a hard time thinking of Star Tattoo as Mia; she'd already gotten the former moniker engrained in her gray matter. Whatever her name was, she didn't bother coming to class the following day. No wonder she needs help, Abby mused. She might actually learn something about writing if she ever showed up. Maddy had suggested that perhaps Mia was a drug user. Her doe-brown eyes got really big and round when she mentioned it. Abby just laughed it off.
Two days later it was time for class again, and the heavens decided to burst forth and rain down drops nearly the size of literal cats and dogs. Abby was certain someone experiencing exactly this type of torrential downpour had coined the expression. Naturally she had failed to bring an umbrella, so she made a break for the classroom building with her faded black hoodie pulled up over her messy bun. She realized immediately that her haste was in vain. The wickedly swirling wind whipped that hood off her head and made it flap against her back quicker than she could say "thunderstorm." She surveyed the thick strata of clouds blanketing the mountains. Sometimes it stormed so violently there, it seemed the mountains would crumble and the earth would tear apart at her seams.
By the time Abby found herself ensconced in one of the laminate desks with her bottom pressed into its hard plastic seat, she felt like if she wrung out her clothes she'd have a tidal pool forming around her
feet. Other students looked to have suffered similar fates, and she got a couple of empathetic smiles from her neighbors. She smiled back at incoming classmates, but impulsively put her thick three ring binder on the desk next to her, trying to save it for Mia if she managed to show up.
Sure enough, five minutes later, and about one minute after class was supposed to start, Mia ambled into class. She was dry as the desert, not a droplet of water on her short plaid skirt or curve-hugging sweater. She nodded at Abby, who gestured her toward the desk she was saving.
Mia slumped down into the desk with a sigh. "No professor today?" she questioned, looking at the empty podium at the front of the room.
Abby shrugged. "Maybe he got caught in the storm?"
"Maybe he got struck by lightning," Mia theorized and Abby was sure she saw devious sparks alight in her inky eyes. No one seemed to care much for their English Composition professor, Dr. Gilley.
"How's your paper coming?" Abby asked, trying to get down to brass tacks. It was a phrase that James liked to say.
"It's not," she retorted, rolling her eyes. "It's been a rough week."
"I see." Abby couldn't help someone who wasn't willing to help herself. "It's due Monday, right?"
The professor stumbled in just then, his wet umbrella scattering raindrops everywhere. "It's like a monsoon out there," he observed. "A perfect day for writing." He placed a stack of index cards on the table at the front of the room. "We're going to do a paired writing exercise today. It should help you with your point/counterpoint projects that are due next week. Every card has a topic. You’re going to pair up with someone near you and each take one side of the argument. You're going to write a three paragraph position for your side, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, then hand it over to your partner to critique. And go!"
Suddenly there was a cacophony of students scrambling to find partners and choose topics. Mia looked at Abby as though it was a foregone conclusion they would pair up. A moment later, they sat next to each other writing their positions on the topic of school uniforms. Abby was disappointed that Mia quickly snatched up the “anti” position, but Abby knew she could hold her own with the pro side. Owen's middle school had adopted uniforms, and she had overheard her mother debating the merits of the policy with James.
Abby finished before Mia and sat observing the way she curved her left hand to form letters with her pen. She had slender wrists for having somewhat of a zaftig figure. She sat with an ankle crossed so that it
rested on her knee. When she was truly concentrating, she tucked her long black and blue-streaked bangs behind her right ear, exposing the end of the trail of star tattoos that had prompted the endearing nickname Abby gave her on the first day of class.
The critique phase of the assignment didn't exactly go as the professor intended. Instead, the pair got side-tracked, talking about their own high schools and
experiences, starting with the dress code and then diverging into tiny little tangents all over the map of human interaction. Abby learned that Mia grew up in Alabama, the only child of a single mother. She
had never known her father, and her mother was a nurse and worked strange hours. She claimed to have practically raised herself with occasional influence from her maternal grandmother, a woman she simply called Norma.
Mia came to Colorado when she graduated from high school because she always wanted to see the mountains. She had originally wanted to study art or graphic design, but now that she had actually
started college after working for two years (she was twenty-one), she wasn't sure if she had the talent.
"So who do you live with?" Abby asked. She was almost afraid to know, worried it would be some strong alpha male type, a lumberjack perhaps?
"I have a roommate, this guy named Book," she answered. "Met him on Craigslist. We stay out of each other's way."
"Book?"
"Yeah, short for Booker, his last name. I don't know that much about him. He's probably a serial killer or something," Mia laughed.
Abby didn't find that in the least bit funny. Mental note: don't ever go to Mia's place, she resolved. She wanted so badly to ask Mia if she liked girls. How do you ask that? When is the right time? she wondered. With Bree, things just happened. One minute they were talking and the next their lips were locked together. There was no awkward tiptoeing around questions of orientation. Except now, it seemed Bree wasn't gay after
all. I guess I was just her crazy lesbian experiment, she thought sadly.
"So are we going to get together to work on your paper or what?" Abby asked, trying to move the conversation forward. If she couldn't come right out and ask if she liked girls, this seemed to be the next best
thing: staking out more face time.
"Yeah, probably a good idea since I'm sort of lost." She took Abby's notebook where
she'd written her three paragraphs on school uniforms and scrawled her number. It was local. "Maybe you can text me later
and we can meet up after dinner?"
"That sounds good," Abby responded, avoiding sounding too eager. After class she added Mia's number to her phone and then posted a Whisper:
Finally got her number. Who says rainy days are bad?
***
Sarah was surprised to get a phone call from her dear friend Pawel just as she and James were rushing out the door for the doctor's appointment. She was caught off guard when he asked where they were
going. "We have an ultrasound," she explained and then bit her lip with regret. James flashed her a look.
"Ultrasound? Is everything okay?" Pawel asked in his thick Polish accent.
Sarah laughed, "I hope so. I guess I will just tell you that James and I went through in vitro fertilization to have a baby."
"You're expecting?" She felt warmth and surprise layered onto his voice. She confirmed and he gushed, "Oh, Sarah, that is wonderful! I'm so happy for you both!"
"We should find out today if both embryos made it or just one," she said. "I'm a little nervous!"
"Oh, I can only imagine!"
"What is new with you and yours?" she asked. "I don't have a lot of time but I want to catch up with you. It's been way too long."
In the remaining five minutes of their drive, Pawel told Sarah that he and his lover of two years had parted ways as she decided to marry and be monogamous. And he told her that he was coming to visit around
Christmastime. He had some business to attend to in New York but was planning to come down to the Washington DC area as well so that he could see his beloved Sarah.
Sarah was glad to have had a few minutes of pleasant distraction while James drove to the doctor's office. This was the first time they'd gone to an appointment together since her initial consultation two months before. Having him there made her more anxious instead of less, because she knew she couldn't control the way he would find out if something was wrong. She wouldn’t be able to break it to him gently. If they sat there in the darkened room with no blips on the screen, it would be a cold, harsh reality that their efforts had been for naught.
Not for naught, that's what Dr. Kapoor would say. He had already declared the cycle a success based on the fact that so much went right. They learned a lot about Sarah's body and its responsiveness to the treatment, and they'd be able to tweak things in a future round
for even greater chance of success. But Sarah didn't want to go through another round. She hoped with all her heart this would be their one and only brush with IVF.
Sarah arranged herself on the examination table with the sheet draped over her thighs. She'd had so many ultrasounds during the process that it was beginning to feel like second nature to have a cold, wet probe shoved up her womanly parts. The ultrasound tech was used to seeing Rachel accompanying her patient, but was pleased to make the acquaintance of James. She even winked at Sarah as if to express her
approval. She made sure Sarah was comfortable and then inserted the probe, moving it around as Sarah's internal organs began to come into view in all their grainy, black-and-white glory.
Finally she settled on a dark space with a round white circle in the middle. The circle had a flickering center. Sarah's heart began to pound knowing what she was seeing. It was a baby with a heartbeat.
"There's one," Janet exclaimed. She began making measurements with her computer mouse, clicking on each end of the fetal poles. "Good heartbeat. It's about 120 beats per minute which is perfectly normal."
Sarah felt her eyes burning. Even though she had been going through this whole process, it seemed surreal. So many labs, tests, exams, appointments. Not the natural way to produce a baby. She glanced up at James who stared at the glowing screen in awe. He had no words, just a slight smile curling his lips.
Janet shifted the transducer and began to explore more of Sarah's insides but she almost immediately stopped. Sarah thought she had gone back to the black space with the white bean-shaped fetal pole but
instead a huge grin grew, revealing dimples on each side of her mouth. "And here's another!"
"Another baby?" Sarah gasped.
Janet nodded, excitedly starting to take measurements again. James asked in a hoarse voice of disbelief, "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely certain," she declared. "You're having twins." She finished a few more clicks of her mouse. "Heart rate for this one is 109, which is still fine at this stage. Both babies are measuring 5 weeks 6 days, and according to the transfer you are 5 weeks 5 days so they are almost exactly on target."
Sarah felt as if she might burst, she was such a conflicting mass of emotions, everything from euphoria to fear to sadness. The latter was because she loved the life she and James had built where they had so much together, alone time. It was the advantage of Abby and Owen being older and mostly independent. Their world was about to be turned totally upside down.
On the way home, both were quiet. Even though they knew two embryos had been transferred, it seemed they hadn't fully processed that it could result in twins: two real, live babies that would need to be gestated, delivered, and cared for. Cared for -- for eighteen plus years.
"So, can we start telling people now?" James asked.
"Can we wait a little while before we tell anyone?" Sarah asked, looking up at him with the wide eyes of one who is overwhelmed. "I like knowing it's just our secret right now."
"But Rachel and your mother will be expecting news. Heck, so will Pawel since you told him on the phone today what we were doing." The last part seemed like a dig and stung a little.
"I know. But I was thinking of not answering my phone today. You know, to give us 24 hours to process it, okay? Then we’ll tell my mom and Rachel, and we’ll wait a little longer to tell others."
"I want to tell my family," he stated. It wasn’t very often that he spoke to her with such a firmness in his voice.
"Oh." She was hoping to wait until she was in her second trimester to tell his family. She wanted to make sure they were past the "danger zone." She was hoping to devise one of those cutesy videos or Facebook posts that were all the rage in pregnancy announcements. Maybe they’d have a gender reveal party too. People just didn’t do that when I was pregnant with the other two, she thought. Social media has certainly changed the landscape of announcing life events.
He grew defensive at her one word, dismissive response. "Why do you get to tell your people and I don't? Maybe I want support and prayers and all that stuff too...did you ever consider that?"
Shit. No, I didn't. Sarah had felt somewhat alone in this journey. Like it was happening in her body, and she was the one doing all the work. What did James do? He contributed a couple sperm. He jerked off. I had
injections and he got to have an orgasm. But yes, they were his babies too. And yes, this was is first time doing this, his foray into fatherhood. Why should I get to control the flow of information?
She laid her hand on top of his as it rested on the gearshift in the middle of the car. "You're right," she admitted. "I have been insensitive and unfair to you. You can tell your family whenever you're ready. It's totally up to you."
She didn't mention the fact that if something went wrong, he'd have to tell them that too. Let's just hope we never have to cross that bridge, Sarah thought.
"Thank you," James said softly, turning is hand so that he could squeeze hers. "I love you."
"I love you too."
***
Mia and Abby did meet that night after Mia gave Abby her phone number. And they'd met nearly every night after as well. Mia would stay on campus late, eat dinner with Abby and Maddy in the cafeteria and then return to Abby's dorm room. And yes other things began happening too. Awkwardly at first, but they happened.
The best news was that Mia did, in fact, like girls. She had sworn off the opposite sex shortly after moving to Colorado. She confessed to slightly editing the story sh
e'd given Abby that day in class. She had originally come to Colorado with a boy who wanted to be a graphic artist, but he dumped her about three months after the move. She was too humiliated to return home to face the "I told you so’s" of her mother and grandmother, so she took a job as a waitress and never looked back. She had gone through three roommates in less than two years but was grateful to have finally found Book, who was weird, she fully admitted, but his never being around made it pretty tolerable to live
with him. Oh, and cheap rent didn't hurt.
"So you're not working now?" Abby asked, surprised that Mia would be able to afford rent and tuition and not have to work.
"I saved up for the first year and a half, then I started classes. I've got grants and a small loan so I get by. Just have to be careful with money. I pick up some weekend shifts at the restaurant a couple times a month."
"Don't you miss your family? You haven't seen them in three years, right?"
Mia shrugged, her eyes looking even darker and inkier, if that were possible. Sometimes Abby couldn't tell if her eyes were actually black or if her pupils were just so large they crowded out dark brown irises. "I was never that close with anyone in my family."
Abby couldn't imagine going three years without seeing her mother and grandmother. She couldn't imagine a circumstance that would create that wide of a chasm between them, and it certainly would never be
pride over being dumped by a boy they'd warned me about, she reflected. As if on cue, Abby's phone rang with her mother's ringtone. "Oh, speaking of mothers...that's mine!"
"Are you going to answer it?"
Abby nodded. "Yeah, if I don't after a certain time of the night, she pretty much freaks out. And I'd like to avoid a frantic phone call to campus police, you know?" She touched the answer button on her phone. "Hi, Mom."
"Hi, honey! How are you? I haven't spoken to you in a few days!" came her mother's chirpy voice.
"I'm good, nothing going on here. Just normal school stuff. Tests, papers, yada, yada," she replied.
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